EMMYHG Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 So, I'll try and make this brief. I'm trying to clear my head so I can get back to my damn homework and this is the only way I can think to do it. My boyfriend is studying abroad in Germany, March-June. He'll be back in about 3 weeks. Last night he told me that he cheated on me. With three hookers. In a sex club. Last week. He went to said sex club with some "Chinese Executive" he met while in Munich. Cover charge was $50, each woman was $50 for a condom and three positions (cowgirl, doggie, missionary). He finished with the first two but didn't with the third. I know too many details I have been with this partner for a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs but I feel as though I have grown a lot as a person and our relationship has matured quite a bit overall. I am so in love with him. This was such a gut wrenching thing to hear. I was so scared when he left! But he kept reassuring me that nothing was happening (there was one small instance where he danced with a girl and he was upfront about it). I give him credit for being upfront about this. I could tell when he was confessing it to me that he was really upset with himself. He was choking up and crying. He never does that. I will explain one more detail. He was robbed a week and a half ago when on a night train from Italy. His passport and railpass were straight up stolen while he slept. He was extremely stressed out. Not that this stress excuses his behavior, but I will say that his natural reaction to stress is to either masturbate or have sex. I think this was such a major blow that he more or less reacted without thinking until after the fact. I basically decided to give him this one and only strike. If it ever happens again, I am going to end the relationship. As it is, I told him I am expecting him to make changes, and he has promised this will never happen again and that he will treat me like a queen. He has said that through this whole traveling experience, he has learned how much he truly, deeply cares for me. He wants a future with me. Thanks for reading, comment away. Link to post Share on other sites
RemainUnchanged Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 you should definitely leave him.. I know you're probably afraid of being alone.. but trust me, once you graduate high school and head off to university, it's like a whole new world. you'll meet tons of new people, and you'll forget about this guy within a couple weeks. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppyolive Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Oh dear. Big ups to you for seeing past your cheating partner. If it were me and my boyf cheated on me with 3 hookers, previously thought out and paid for, it would be completely over. No two ways about it. Why didn't he call you when he was stressed? withdrawning money for hookers? He's taken you for a mug. Please don't you think for one second this is the port of call for one who is stressed. If I get stressed, I listen to music, sleep well, have a,drink...I don't slhag 3 blokes. Deep down you know this...why are you holding on to him? What are you afraid of? This boy doesn't care or respect you. He's full of ****e and you're buying it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 He promised nothing would happen. Then he screwed three prostitutes in a single night (I assume), and then he promised nothing would happen, again. Is this the one time, get out of jail free card, or was the dancing with the other woman previously? Think about this, and if you do decide to continue with this relationship, you better make him get tested before sleeping with him again. Condoms or not, things happen. I don't see how you're going to get over this, though. Three prostitutes, after promising you that he wouldn't do anything in the first place. How do his words and promises even mean anything anymore? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Europe ! Honey sorry i know you want to focus on you hw but i need to say something . Stop making excuses for him. We allhave stress but we do not go to prostitues. Each time he is stressed at work or school he will find any woman for sex therapy ? Europe ! Prostitutes ! Listen watch out for SDT ! I hope you will have him to be tested before you intimate. I know you said condoms but how do you know if he used them ? But there is something i like about him: he confessed! But he is not serious! 2 Link to post Share on other sites
KatZee Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 This wasn't one strike. This was three strikes. Three hookers. One. Two. Three. Done. That's disgusting and no matter how much you love him, you ALWAYS love yourself more. You NEVER stay with someone who cheats on you so recklessly. Stay if you want. He will cheat again. Guaranteed. His passport was stolen and he goes and screws three prostitutes? I'm sorry but grow up. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
lollipopspot Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 You're most concerned about the cheating - how it affects YOU. I'd be more concerned about his ethics. You know that these $50 for 3 position prostitutes are either pimped/trafficked (most likely), or if not then in deep distress from life events. Why would you want a guy who uses people so callously? Put yourself in their position, and now imagine the guy who comes in, throws $50 at you, and uses you like that. I'm actually someone who can forgive cheating. I can't forgive someone who uses and abuses others like that. That would be a deal breaker. You really want to stay with a guy like that? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 So, I'll try and make this brief. I'm trying to clear my head so I can get back to my damn homework and this is the only way I can think to do it. My boyfriend is studying abroad in Germany, March-June. He'll be back in about 3 weeks. Last night he told me that he cheated on me. With three hookers. In a sex club. Last week. He went to said sex club with some "Chinese Executive" he met while in Munich. Cover charge was $50, each woman was $50 for a condom and three positions (cowgirl, doggie, missionary). He finished with the first two but didn't with the third. I know too many details I have been with this partner for a year and a half. We have had our ups and downs but I feel as though I have grown a lot as a person and our relationship has matured quite a bit overall. I am so in love with him. This was such a gut wrenching thing to hear. I was so scared when he left! But he kept reassuring me that nothing was happening (there was one small instance where he danced with a girl and he was upfront about it). I give him credit for being upfront about this. I could tell when he was confessing it to me that he was really upset with himself. He was choking up and crying. He never does that. I will explain one more detail. He was robbed a week and a half ago when on a night train from Italy. His passport and railpass were straight up stolen while he slept. He was extremely stressed out. Not that this stress excuses his behavior, but I will say that his natural reaction to stress is to either masturbate or have sex. I think this was such a major blow that he more or less reacted without thinking until after the fact. I basically decided to give him this one and only strike. If it ever happens again, I am going to end the relationship. As it is, I told him I am expecting him to make changes, and he has promised this will never happen again and that he will treat me like a queen. He has said that through this whole traveling experience, he has learned how much he truly, deeply cares for me. He wants a future with me. Thanks for reading, comment away. Oh, malarkey. He is trying to excuse terrible behaviour and you actually bought it. Honey, he is full of crap. A natural reaction to stress is not to cheat on your girlfriend with hookers. Sorry, but he's a jerk and coming up with flimsy excuses. This would be a total dealbreaker in my book. I'm sad for you that you aren't confident and secure enough in yourself to walk away from this. He certainly didn't care about the stress this would cause dou. Whatever you do, Do not sleep with him when he returns. He need a full STI/HIV test. Don't let him tell you he used protection - insist on it anyway. He is a sketchy guy. I wouldn't be totally surprised if this wasn't his first experience like this. Also, if I may ask - what country is a he a citizen of? And how did he travel from italy to Germany? I ask because I am also an expat abroad (I live in Italy obviously, given my user name) and when I travel by air between countries within the EU I am required to present my passport. However, I'm not an EU citizen. If he isn't either, he would've been asked for his passport as well, and not been able to fly to another country without it. Did he travel by train to Germany? I am focusing on this point because there may be a couple holes in this story as well. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Spectre Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Why stay with a guy who doesn't respect or love you? Look, I don't care what you see cheaters on this forum saying: if you cheat on someone you don't love or respect them, period. No, not even if you guys have had a recent fight or been having a rough patch..you STILL do not cheat on them, for any reason, if you have any respect or love for them. I get he was robbed, but if you love your partner nothing could ever make you cheat, you'd rather saw your own arm off. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I agree with you Expa, there is something bigger than what the boyfriend reported. Emmy there are other things that take place in those types of clubs. Those 3 prostitutes are part of a huge ring of rip-offers. Prostitutes are employees. The manager, the cashier, bartender, so many are involved in this ring. He is talking about $50 each, did he pay cash? did he use his visa, credit card? If he did, you have to know this ,they give a receipt of what you are paying for. But once you left, they use your credit card info to withdraw more money (Thousands!!) when you figure it out it is too late! You are not even there anymore, they know that there is a good chance that you will not want to go to the court, because you are going to return to your country, or because you are ashamed that what you did in dark will come out. So those people are well trained to target students, people in army, tourists, politicians. I thought about it because he is talking about being robbed! So, Emmy there is more into the story he told you. Sorry our responses are going to affect you but we are trying to help. Good luck 3 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 Quit giving him chances, he's had 3 strikes already with 3 hookers. Dump him and keep your dignity; the reason he told you all this was to see if you were weak enough to accept it, and now that he knows he'll do it over and over again. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 dump him. no reason you should stay with a dude that cheats on you because he couldn't handle the stress of losing a wallet. that's just ridiculous. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 I will explain one more detail. He was robbed a week and a half ago when on a night train from Italy. His passport and railpass were straight up stolen while he slept. He was extremely stressed out. Not that this stress excuses his behavior, but I will say that his natural reaction to stress is to either masturbate or have sex. I think this was such a major blow that he more or less reacted without thinking until after the fact. So every time he gets stressed, you will have to worry about this happening again. Hooray for you. I basically decided to give him this one and only strike. If it ever happens again, I am going to end the relationship. Now he knows he has to keep it a secret. As it is, I told him I am expecting him to make changes, and he has promised this will never happen again and that he will treat me like a queen. He has said that through this whole traveling experience, he has learned how much he truly, deeply cares for me. He wants a future with me. Words are easy to say. If it had been the usual story of "I drank too much and I ended up back at her house and something happened and I'm sorry", I would say maybe he deserves another chance. But this was PREMEDITATED cheating. With three women. He PAID to have sex with them. At any point, he could have said "this is wrong. I have to stop." and even if he was driven by his need for release due to stress, after he finished with the first woman, he could have said "What am I doing?!? What about my gf?" But he didn't. He just kept on going through #2 and #3. I would move on. You can love someone, and they can even love you, but that doesn't magically make them capable of being a good person. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
pteromom Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 You're most concerned about the cheating - how it affects YOU. I'd be more concerned about his ethics. You know that these $50 for 3 position prostitutes are either pimped/trafficked (most likely), or if not then in deep distress from life events. Why would you want a guy who uses people so callously? Put yourself in their position, and now imagine the guy who comes in, throws $50 at you, and uses you like that. I'm actually someone who can forgive cheating. I can't forgive someone who uses and abuses others like that. That would be a deal breaker. You really want to stay with a guy like that? Very good point!!! Didn't even think about this. Gross. And before the pro-prostitution group chimes in, there is a huge difference between an escort who chooses her own lifestyle and THIS. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
elaine567 Posted June 10, 2015 Share Posted June 10, 2015 He may have been crying to you, but I bet my bottom dollar he thought it was great and he will live off that event for many years to come, or he will want to repeat it in the future. Cheating with hookers is particularly difficult to deal with, as hookers are everywhere and as he has crossed the cheating line and the paying for it line, you will find it impossible to live with going forward. For your peace of mind, get rid, no good can come of this. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 People get robbed everyday.....doesn't mean they all go out and try to do 3 hookers in a row to burn off the stress.....what a joke. He did it because it was an opportunity of a lifetime so he took it. At that moment it meant more for him to do it, than you, your love and your relationship were. You are a fool to forgive him. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
the tank Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Also, if I may ask - what country is a he a citizen of? And how did he travel from italy to Germany? I ask because I am also an expat abroad (I live in Italy obviously, given my user name) and when I travel by air between countries within the EU I am required to present my passport. However, I'm not an EU citizen. If he isn't either, he would've been asked for his passport as well, and not been able to fly to another country without it. Did he travel by train to Germany? I am focusing on this point because there may be a couple holes in this story as well. Even by train or bus you get asked the passeport at the border. They need to stamp the visa. I travelled three countries last month in europe. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ascendotum Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 You're most concerned about the cheating - how it affects YOU. I'd be more concerned about his ethics. You know that these $50 for 3 position prostitutes are either pimped/trafficked (most likely), or if not then in deep distress from life events. Why would you want a guy who uses people so callously? Put yourself in their position, and now imagine the guy who comes in, throws $50 at you, and uses you like that. I'm actually someone who can forgive cheating. I can't forgive someone who uses and abuses others like that. That would be a deal breaker. You really want to stay with a guy like that? 50 bucks what a bargain, and in Germany too. L, those women are there at the establishment looking for customers whether he shows up there on not. If its not him, then another guy will be happy to enjoy the service they are offering and hand over money, money that they want and are using the desperate/lonely/horny guys to achieve their financial goals. Maybe they have a manager, maybe not. He is not corrupting them. The women are there looking for customers/money. He used them like you used your accountant at tax time. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Even by train or bus you get asked the passeport at the border. They need to stamp the visa. I travelled three countries last month in europe. Depends on your citizenship and where you cross. When I travel across the border by train within the EU or Schengen zone, my passport isn't stamped as I don't need a visa to visit most member countries. But, it's a good point that many control points do indeed ask for a passport or ID. Link to post Share on other sites
barcode88 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 OP are you more concerned about the physical aspect of the sex? Or that he is emotionally cheating on you? Visiting hookers is usually a pretty emotionless affair... Also keep in mind these sex shops in Europe are heavily regulated and the girls are usually very safe/clean and get tested frequently. Link to post Share on other sites
Clarence_Boddicker Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Nothing ever justifies cheating. He made his choice. Now you have to make your's. Dump him or stay. Doing nothing (staying) is the same as giving him approval for cheating. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I'm sorry but... in what city is your BF studying? Berlin Neukölln? I live in Germany and honestly, unless he's been going through ghetto quarters at night there's 0% of him being robbed, there's security everywhere - especially in the areas around public transports. Then again, judging by what the hookers costed, he must have really been at a very cheap place so yeah... I doubt he's been cheating with hookers only if he's been partying around the bad areas. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Not that this stress excuses his behavior, but I will say that his natural reaction to stress is to either masturbate or have sex. I think this was such a major blow that he more or less reacted without thinking until after the fact. Eww. Was he raised by a pack of freakin' wolves in the wild or something? Damn, I'm stressed about a family dinner I'm hosting this weekend - better go in my room and go to town on myself. I guess believing Cro-Magnon man went and screwed a bunch of strippers because he was 'so stressed out' about his passport being stolen helps get you through the night. I can't WAIT to see what he does for an encore when he's 'stressed out' in a few years before his wedding day. Maybe he'll throw a 3-day orgy. Doesn't look like the OP is coming back anyway so it doesn't really matter at this point. Smh. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Sunlight72 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Even by train or bus you get asked the passeport at the border. They need to stamp the visa. I travelled three countries last month in europe. Not for me - last month I went by trains France to Italy, back to France next day. No checks anywhere. But, that is really not an important detail in light of a guy going into a sex club and paying to have sex with three women. Is this just a troll thread? What more could a guy do to show his partner she is ...... Look OP (if this is a real scenario anyway). There are two people inside each person. The one represented by their words, and the one evidenced by their actions. Words can be adapted to "make a situation work" for someone willing to use them. Actions are real and can be viewed objectively. You're not married to this guy, he's out of the country. There will never be a cleaner time to dump him and get back to building your life. Don't wait, don't think, and certainly don't ask him for any further details/thoughts/intentions. Just completely cut him off and find some real friends. Edited June 13, 2015 by Sunlight72 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I'm not familiar with Germany's sex-clubs, if they are fetish based and the charge was to cover general expenses of the clubs or if these were genuine prostitutes. If they were genuine prostitutes, then it was insanely cheap. That's streetwalker price in eastern-europe and Germany is definitely NOT cheap. The reason i'm discussing this is because i have no idea if he simply had sex with 3 fetishists, or with 3 prostitutes. That is still sex with 3 women, he cheated on you extensively and your attitude is simply laying the groundwork for a future cheat by him. Link to post Share on other sites
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