Justanaverageguy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I always say, we are who we are, we can change to be a positive person but with that change one shouldn't resort to rose tinted glasses to remove the true reality. BULL****! Put on the thickest set of rose tinted glasses you can find. The true reality is: If you see something as better - it actually is better! You can see a glass as half empty or half full. Both perspectives are completely true - neither is false. But YOU GET TO CHOOSE the way you want to see it. You decide which one is true for you. If you see the glass as half full for long enough eventually you will start to see it is actually completely full. True reality is what ever you chose to accept and create for yourself. Stop crying over spilt milk. Stop saying poor me. Start saying I am going to make the best of what I have and enjoy every minute of my life. Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 BULL****! Put on the thickest set of rose tinted glasses you can find. The true reality is: If you see something as better - it actually is better! You can see a glass as half empty or half full. Both perspectives are completely true - neither is false. But YOU GET TO CHOOSE the way you want to see it. You decide which one is true for you. If you see the glass as half full for long enough eventually you will start to see it is actually completely full. True reality is what ever you chose to accept and create for yourself. Stop crying over spilt milk. Stop saying poor me. Start saying I am going to make the best of what I have and enjoy every minute of my life. Difficult to enjoy a relationship reality which is everyone I like isn't interested in me and everyone who is interested in me doesn't match any of my likes at all! However, I would agree partially with you, the human mind can be used too delude oneself. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Difficult to enjoy a relationship reality which is everyone I like isn't interested in me and everyone who is interested in me doesn't match any of my likes at all! However, I would agree partially with you, the human mind can be used too delude oneself. Exactly man. The human mind is completely disillusion. The beautiful part about it is once you delude yourself you can then start deluding everyone else as well. You need to unlearn the word apathy from your dictionary. The reason everyone isn't interested in you is simply because you think everyone isn't interested in you. That is the one and the ONLY reason. It is not your looks, it is not your interests, it is not your job or your intellect. It is your thoughts. What you believe about yourself. That is the one and only reason. Look at this guy. https://inspiremagazineuk.wordpress.com/2010/11/26/love-me-love-my-face-an-inspiring-documentary/ Seriously. Look at what he has been through. Look at his physical appearance and the trials he had to over come. Then look at his wife. She is GORGEOUS! Look at his life. It is amazing! I guarantee his looks are worse then yours. I guarantee the life he leads was harder then yours. But what is the difference between you and him ? What makes his reality different to your own ? What he thinks. What he believes about himself. That is all. So you can stay realistic and unhappy if you want or jump on the happy delusional train with the rest of us. Stop crying in your beer and get of the couch and do something about it 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Exactly man. The human mind is completely disillusion. The beautiful part about it is once you delude yourself you can then start deluding everyone else as well. You need to unlearn the word apathy from your dictionary. The reason everyone isn't interested in you is simply because you think everyone isn't interested in you. That is the one and the ONLY reason. It is not your looks, it is not your interests, it is not your job or your intellect. It is your thoughts. What you believe about yourself. That is the one and only reason. Look at this guy. https://inspiremagazineuk.wordpress.com/2010/11/26/love-me-love-my-face-an-inspiring-documentary/ Seriously. Look at what he has been through. Look at his physical appearance and the trials he had to over come. Then look at his wife. She is GORGEOUS! Look at his life. It is amazing! I guarantee his looks are worse then yours. I guarantee the life he leads was harder then yours. But what is the difference between you and him ? What makes his reality different to your own ? What he thinks. What he believes about himself. That is all. So you can stay realistic and unhappy if you want or jump on the happy delusional train with the rest of us. Stop crying in your beer and get of the couch and do something about it I'll stick to being realistic, the disappointments are far easier to bear. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I'll stick to being realistic, the disappointments are far easier to bear. True - and you can never be disappointed if you always just expect the worst. Instead you'll get something much worse then disappointment. Constant unhappiness. Is that easier to bear ? The title of this thread was that you wish you weren't you. The truth is you don't have to be the you that you are today. You can change. No a wizard isn't going to wave a magic wand and make you someone else. God won't magically switch your brain into someone else. Because that wouldn't change anything. You would actually still be the same "you". You would turn that new person into exactly who you are today. You want to change without doing the hard work and that my friend is not the way life works. You have to work to become the "you" that you want to be. Want to be a engineer - Go back to university. Want to be a race care driver - Go to driving school. Want to be an actor - Go to acting school. Want to be better with women - LEARN. Read online. Get a dating coach. Practice, practice, practice. When you fail get up and practice some more. You control who you are. You are who ever you want to be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iaLQZ73ujQ Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 True - and you can never be disappointed if you always just expect the worst. Instead you'll get something much worse then disappointment. Constant unhappiness. Is that easier to bear ? The title of this thread was that you wish you weren't you. The truth is you don't have to be the you that you are today. You can change. No a wizard isn't going to wave a magic wand and make you someone else. God won't magically switch your brain into someone else. Because that wouldn't change anything. You would actually still be the same "you". You would turn that new person into exactly who you are today. You want to change without doing the hard work and that my friend is not the way life works. You have to work to become the "you" that you want to be. Want to be a engineer - Go back to university. Want to be a race care driver - Go to driving school. Want to be an actor - Go to acting school. Want to be better with women - LEARN. Read online. Get a dating coach. Practice, practice, practice. When you fail get up and practice some more. You control who you are. You are who ever you want to be. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7iaLQZ73ujQ There are some mighty large assumptions in the above so let me clarify some of them. I have indeed put in the work, I have met people I wouldn't ordinarily find attractive, I have tried a multitude of dating sites, I asked a friend to help me. Each and every time I approached the positive experiences with a positive mind and you now what, each and every time I got disappointed. Its all good and well to tell me to practice but every time I practiced the result were the same. Which brings me back to the title of this thread, you cannot honestly tell me dating is about marketing, truth is some of us are more marketable than others, that's an unfortunate reality. The outgoing social guys with the six pack is more marketable than the quiet skinny introvert. The fundamentals of our personality CANNOT be changed, we are who we are the introvert is never going to the social guy, he can try but ultimately he will revert back. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 If I am honest with myself and pretended I wanted to date myself the problems are really quite obvious .... mostly its the wall I construct where I seldom open up to people, it does happen with people, usually always if I can relate to them. The fundamentals of our personality CANNOT be changed, we are who we are the introvert is never going to the social guy, he can try but ultimately he will revert back. I respectfully disagree completely. Are you the same as you were 5 years ago ? 10 years ago ? How much you change and grow is dependent on the effort and attention you are willing to put in. Also I will state firstly that being introverted and being shy are not the same thing. You are shy and socially awkward. I can tell from everything you have written here. You may also be an introvert but that is not the same thing at all. Shyness is a fear and uncomfort with social situations. That's you. Introversion is not. Introverts are often very social and outgoing. They just require/prefer and get energy from alone time. I'm an introvert - but I am also very social and very outgoing. But that wasn't always the case. When I was much younger I was actually overtly shy. I would go as far as to say I had a social anxiety disorder. I was bad at meeting new people and actively avoided it and had issues with opening up to people. I used to have issues with even some basic every day social situation like going to a hair dresser But now I am one of the most outgoing and social people that I know. I'm now the guy who joins 2 different groups together at parties. I talk to random strangers at bars. People actually comment on it. I get asked by friends how and why I learnt to be so outgoing. Some of my friends ask me because they struggle with approaching girls and for me this is pretty easy. You know what I tell them. I learnt how to be extremely outgoing because I was intensely shy and antisocial when I was younger. That's the truth. Because shyness and being anxious in social situations is just a fear. Most people are willing to accept a certain level of shyness because they can get through their every day lives with it. But for me it impacted my life and happiness. So I attacked it. I learnt strategies to overcome it. I eradicated it from my life. The feeling of shyness I had that previously prevented me from being social .... ended up driving to become very social. Fear can be your friend if you let it. So don't tell me you "can't" change and you "can't" be social. You "won't" change and you make excuses for it because you are shy and afraid and you aren't willing to face that fear head on. The good part is you know your problem. You know what you need to work on. As for the six pack. Seriously ? Get to the gym you lazy slacker and put some meat on those bones Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I respectfully disagree completely. Are you the same as you were 5 years ago ? 10 years ago ? How much you change and grow is dependent on the effort and attention you are willing to put in. Also I will state firstly that being introverted and being shy are not the same thing. You are shy and socially awkward. I can tell from everything you have written here. You may also be an introvert but that is not the same thing at all. Shyness is a fear and uncomfort with social situations. That's you. Introversion is not. Introverts are often very social and outgoing. They just require/prefer and get energy from alone time. I'm an introvert - but I am also very social and very outgoing. But that wasn't always the case. When I was much younger I was actually overtly shy. I would go as far as to say I had a social anxiety disorder. I was bad at meeting new people and actively avoided it and had issues with opening up to people. I used to have issues with even some basic every day social situation like going to a hair dresser But now I am one of the most outgoing and social people that I know. I'm now the guy who joins 2 different groups together at parties. I talk to random strangers at bars. People actually comment on it. I get asked by friends how and why I learnt to be so outgoing. Some of my friends ask me because they struggle with approaching girls and for me this is pretty easy. You know what I tell them. I learnt how to be extremely outgoing because I was intensely shy and antisocial when I was younger. That's the truth. Because shyness and being anxious in social situations is just a fear. Most people are willing to accept a certain level of shyness because they can get through their every day lives with it. But for me it impacted my life and happiness. So I attacked it. I learnt strategies to overcome it. I eradicated it from my life. The feeling of shyness I had that previously prevented me from being social .... ended up driving to become very social. Fear can be your friend if you let it. So don't tell me you "can't" change and you "can't" be social. You "won't" change and you make excuses for it because you are shy and afraid and you aren't willing to face that fear head on. The good part is you know your problem. You know what you need to work on. As for the six pack. Seriously ? Get to the gym you lazy slacker and put some meat on those bones I agree to disagree, ones personality is ones personality, that is really hard to change. My issue is one of personality seemingly. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I went you to dinner with a few friends last night and there was one person in the group I didn't know, admittedly she was totally out of my league but I decided to try and take your and other advice, the inherent problem was I just basically got side lined out of the conversation which reflecting on it this morning was actually not very nice at all. This time I attempted to pass comments I thought people could actually understand but again the result was the same. Of course the usual tease about me being totally and always single came up, I laughed it off which perhaps was best. Despite this person being quite intellectually smart it just didn't work even from that angle, basically I went there with the idea of conversation and nothing else but even that didn't work. I am actually pretty cross with myself because I ended up looking very much like a one trick pony as far as conversation goes but it was difficult when the conversation often moved to talking about people I do not know. Oh and Johndoe, I ad my turn as sitting at a loner at a bar, as I waited for the rest to arrive, not the nicest of feelings and must say despite having done this before, you must have nerves of steel to be able to do this on a regular basis. Well done for trying. Don't give up. Keep practicing. If people tease you again tell them that you are more than happy to be their social experiment if they would care to introduce you to any single ladies they know! Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I agree to disagree, ones personality is ones personality, that is really hard to change. My issue is one of personality seemingly. If that is what you believe then it will be true ..... for you. If you leave the window to possibility open and dare to believe things can be different then they can be. Being social is a skill that can be learned. As one other poster here put - just like riding a bike. Sure it may come easier to some then others but that doesn't change the fact if you are willing to put the effort in you can still master it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Well done for trying. Don't give up. Keep practicing. If people tease you again tell them that you are more than happy to be their social experiment if they would care to introduce you to any single ladies they know! I actually did say something along those lines. Thing is I have nothing at all in common with their friends lol, the last one I met by chance and while extremely nice I wasn't her cup of tea either. Link to post Share on other sites
Toodaloo Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I actually did say something along those lines. Thing is I have nothing at all in common with their friends lol, the last one I met by chance and while extremely nice I wasn't her cup of tea either. Murphys law honey! Keep your chin up. Keep going. Its all any of us can do. Link to post Share on other sites
Justanaverageguy Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's possible! Link to post Share on other sites
ZA Dater Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Murphys law honey! Keep your chin up. Keep going. Its all any of us can do. I have pretty much just accepted a lot of things. Tough bruising process full of regrets but it is what it is. Link to post Share on other sites
BronzeAgeJaeger217 Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 That's why I went traveling recently, I'm currently in Greece, just to get away from things, life, temporarily, get my my mind off of stuff Link to post Share on other sites
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