Sleeping with Parent?

[hotgurl]

To be upfront I am a big supporter of attachment parenting which often includes sharing a bed with the kids.

 

But IMO I like to allow the kids to lead that choice. So if you son is 5 and wanted the extra security sleeping with the parent in their bed I would be find with it. I doubt any kid is going to be doing that into their teenage years. At some point kids want their own bed and room so it works itself naturally. I let dd sleep in the bed because she was afraid of the dark and nightmares. Now she likes her own bed. But she did it when she felt ready.

 

Now I don't believe it should be something the parent pushes for. I also don't believe it should with people outside the immediate family (such as GFs, second wives, etc.). So if it is HE pushing it regularly I would have an issue with it if your son WANTS his own bed.

 

On the other hand if it was a temporary thing such as they went on a vacation (and shared a hotel bed), are moving and didn't set up the rooms yet, etc. then that would be fine to me.

 

How old is to old? My coworker sleeps with her son nightly and he is twelve.

[anika99]

How old is to old? My coworker sleeps with her son nightly and he is twelve.

 

That is definitely not healthy. My mom let my youngest brother sleep with her at that age too, actually he was still sleeping with her when he was 13 and 14. He had a lot of behavioural problems that I don't think were ever properly diagnosed. They said he had ADD but I think he had bigger issues than that. My mother didn't cause his issues but she certainly exacerbated them with her inability to set proper parent/child boundaries with her kids. My teenage brother would sleep with my mother every night like he was a little child and then abuse my mother horribly throughout the day whenever any little thing didn't go his way. He would scream at her, call her vile names, spit on her, break her stuff, and my mother would do nothing but wail to other people that she didn't know what to do. It was a very sick and unhealthy relationship.

 

Not saying that any of this applies to your coworker but I would consider a mother sleeping with a 12 yr old boy every night a sign of a unhealthy parent/child relationship.

[LifeNomad]

Ill chime in as a dad, when my kids stay over I always tell them to go to their beds to sleep but the 2 little ones (4 and 5) insist on sleeping on the bed with me. I feel like sure why not, I love that they want to be close to me, and I feel like soon they will find their old man boring and its just a matter of time before they are more interested in other things than being with me.

[truthtripper]

If your son is content sleeping on his own, it should be left that way.

 

The fact that he has brought up the topic with you, means something out of the ordinary has happened.

 

Your son needs to be tactfully questioned further. I would also be concerned if I was you.

[MissCongeniality]

Initiated by the kids -- mom/dad I'm scared / had a nightmare can I sleep with you seems OK.

 

 

Initiated by the adult seems off to me.

I absolutely agree. Call the police because something is up.

[phreckles]

At the most, you could state your concerns once as food for thought and then leave him alone after that point. Unless you truly feel your child is in harm's way, then I would suggest just considering it a parenting choice on the part of the father, over which you should have no control.

 

In the course of your co-parenting relationship, you will have to pick from many battles. You will find the need to draw the line at some point, as he will too. Taking your underage child into a bar with him and proceeding to get drunk? That's a battle you'd probably want to to take on. Inviting your son to share a sleeping space? Maybe not. Ask yourself if you would like him to dictate where your child sleeps in your own home.

 

On the surface, it appears a choice of your ex's to co-sleep or to not. Allow him to make that choice in his house, as you have in yours.