Last chance at love?

[ange88]

My husband and I have been married for 8 years and have 2 beautiful children. We have a good home and good jobs and up until 3 years ago a fairytale marriage.

 

 

Three years ago I met up with an ex and had an affair. The ex and I had a lot of unresolved issues and it was just a whole emotionally complicated situation.

 

 

I felt guilty, I had taken what I thought was this beautiful thing and thrown it away. I had betrayed the man that stood by me in my worst and for what? An ex that I knew I would and could never have a future with?!

 

 

I told my husband. I asked for a divorce. I didn't deserve him.

 

 

When I told him he was very taken aback and hurt. He responded by telling me about 2 affairs he had had. He told me that he regretted them and that when it happened it made him feel so guilty that he held on tighter to me and our love and that it made him realize what he could loose.

 

 

Needless to say, I was in shock.

 

 

Here I was, Ashamed and humiliated. Feeling so guilty for what I had done and unable to live with it only to find out he had been hiding this from me for however long!

 

 

To cut a long story short, we decided to try make it work. After all, we are all human and sometimes mistakes happen.

 

 

In the interim we have welcomed a new baby who just turned one.

 

 

The problem I am facing is that I'm no longer happy.

 

 

I find no joy with my husband, I feel we are too different and that we have nothing in common.

 

 

He is still a good man and provides for the family and is a great father so why do I feel like I want to be on my own?

 

 

I have spoken to him and told him that I feel like leaving and the fact that I'm feeling that way should surely be a sign that something is not right?!

 

 

He tells me that as far as he is concerned we are great. He says he has never loved me more and that he is pretty sure I'm just depressed.

 

 

I've been on antidepressants for over 6 months!!!

 

 

I am scared of leaving. I am scared that this will be the one that got away if I walk out. I love him, I always will but I'm not in love with him anymore.

 

 

Anyone been here that can give a heavy heart some advice?

[LoveMyCat]

It is not a great idea to make major life decions when you are depressed. Have you two gone to counseling together? Generally, love does not just evaporate...there is usually a reason. Do you have feelings for someone else? Do you imagine a better life with a new man, maybe somone who does not even exist?

 

It really depends upon how certain you are that your love for him is gone, and not just distorted by buried anger, resentment, etc...you both failed each other in a serious way.

 

Try counseling if you are not already. You have three young kids...that makes it a lot more serious of a decision.

[KBarletta]

^^ I agree w/ this. You have already expressed your fear that you will regret this, so make sure you leave nothing on the table and have no regrets. Explore your reasons for wanting to leave, try counseling, try reconnecting with your spouse, explore what common interests you do have. Losing a connection after a lengthy partnership is nothing out of the ordinary, but would you rather spend time now trying to make it work and making sure you gave it all you had, or look back 10, 20 years down the road and regret that you didn't do so? You regret more the things you *don't* do. Once you can look at yourself and say honestly that you did everything you could and it still didn't work, then would be the time to walk away. I wish you luck.