LD and AGR

[rici71]

Hi. I'm new to this site and have just spent hours reading through the different threads. I'm in a long distance relationship (he is in UK, I am in Australia) that is also an AGR. He is 19. I am 43.

 

We met in an online chat room. We have yet to meet in person but hoping to soon. We have been together for a year.

 

I have seen some people on this site say that you cant know you love someone for at least a year. I have to say I disagree with that. My bf and I knew within about 4-5 weeks that we were in love. We were both scared to admit it at first because of the age difference and the distance but we couldnt deny our feelings for each other. I wont lie and say it has been easy. It hasnt. We even broke up for a while. But found our way back to each other. We know we have hurdles. But we also know that what we feel is real. And we were miserable when we werent together.

 

Our motto is "F*ck the rest of the world". The only people whose opinions count are our immediate families and our friends. My children are happy for us. His mum, even though she is only a year older than me is happy for us. We have friends on both sides. Some happy.... some not so. But in time they will either learn to accept us or they will have to just grin and bear it. We are in this for the long haul.

 

I've read a lot of posts from people in LDR's. But havent heard much about AGR. I'd love to hear from other couples in this situation.

[d0nnivain]

I'm not much of a cougar, DH is only 5 years younger than me. You could have given birth to your BF. It will certainly raise eyebrows. I'd be very cautious if I were you. While it's cool & popular now, I could never believe that one so young was into me in the long haul. How can you be sure he's not just looking for a "teacher" fantasy? I would also be very concerned about the whole generation between you two? What are you going to talk about? How are you going to overcome his parents' opposition? Don't kid yourself his mom, who is your age, isn't going to be your biggest fan. Are you prepared to lose friends of yours who think this is disgraceful? I'm not saying it is; I am saying you are going to ruffle more feathers than you think.

 

 

When you do meet, what's the plan besides falling into bed? Do you know anything about the immigration issues for your two countries? Are you prepared to be his sugar mamma? Are you planning on putting him through uni?

 

 

You have a lot to think about to make this OL fantasy a reality.

[ExpatInItaly]

What do you mean when you say you've been together for a year? I don't understand the nature of the relationship if you've never met.

 

Also, keep in mind that teenage boys and young men are fickle not generally ready for anything serious. You are in two totally different stages of your life and he still has a lot of living to do which will likely include dating around. I don't see how this is a very sustainable arrangement, not only due to age but distance. When do you plan to meet? Have you spoken with his parents yourself?

 

What do you want from this relationship?

[Lois_Griffin]

Where do you even go on a dinner date with a 19 year old boy? Chuck E. Cheese?

 

I know you're looking for other couples in this same type of situation but there probably aren't too many.

[justwhoiam]

Honestly, I wouldn't care about what other people think either. I'm one of a kind.

 

And I understand both your families are happy, so everything looks kind of bright from your point of view.

 

But... you being 24 years older, that is a huge gap that is not easy to overcome, despite the best of intentions from you both. He has a long journey ahead of him (and I'm not talking about flying back and forth), you are a middle-aged woman, which means half of your life has gone already. He needs to live his youth.

I'm not concerned about what you should talk about or chemistry. Those are no real concerns to me, as you've been having daily conversations already and the thrill might be there with no effort. The exoticism itself brings excitement.

 

Straight to the point. One day, he might want children, and you might be too old for that. You already have children. You come from two really different situations.

And well, my man is 51, he can't even think of being with a 75 year-old woman. His own mother is like 76, with Alzheimer.

I guess you get the picture.

 

You can turn a blind eye to reality, to all of this, but it might hit you in the face before long.

 

Here's one story for you. There was this guy who was 34, she was 46. He really tried to pursue her anyway he could. And he succeded at last, despite her initial resistance due to the age gap AND the fact that he was single and she was divorced with kids. She was unsure about the future, him being younger and being kind of a target for other women. Plus, he was just starting out his career, while hers was well-established. She definitely was at a different stage of her life. But he made his vows for eternal love and blah blah...

However, everything turned over time. He was in his best years, with girls and women chasing after him, and he also started feeling the need to become a father...

They didn't make it to the 10th anniversary.

[justwhoiam]

And here's another one for you, this dates back to a few years ago. It's about relatives. She was 41 and found this foreign boy who was 21. He didn't have a job and was living at her place. It was a nice life after all. At the next family gathering, two years later, he was not there. So I asked. It was over.

 

The only difference is that I guess she knew from the start it was not going to last, she was probably just enjoying it for as long as it was going to last.

[emi]

First of all, what is ARG?

And honestly, if you said your motto is " **** the rest of the world" , why bother posting? Dont you feel this relationship is abit doom from the start as well?

[justwhoiam]

AGR: Age Gap Relationship

[Ijustdon'tgetit]

Hi. I'm new to this site and have just spent hours reading through the different threads. I'm in a long distance relationship (he is in UK, I am in Australia) that is also an AGR. He is 19. I am 43.

 

We met in an online chat room. We have yet to meet in person but hoping to soon. We have been together for a year.

 

I have seen some people on this site say that you cant know you love someone for at least a year. I have to say I disagree with that. My bf and I knew within about 4-5 weeks that we were in love. We were both scared to admit it at first because of the age difference and the distance but we couldnt deny our feelings for each other. I wont lie and say it has been easy. It hasnt. We even broke up for a while. But found our way back to each other. We know we have hurdles. But we also know that what we feel is real. And we were miserable when we werent together.

 

Our motto is "F*ck the rest of the world". The only people whose opinions count are our immediate families and our friends. My children are happy for us. His mum, even though she is only a year older than me is happy for us. We have friends on both sides. Some happy.... some not so. But in time they will either learn to accept us or they will have to just grin and bear it. We are in this for the long haul.

 

I've read a lot of posts from people in LDR's. But havent heard much about AGR. I'd love to hear from other couples in this situation.

 

This is only one online forum. There are agr's in the world, just not many posting on this forum...

 

I'm 21 and I was dating a man who is 44. We started dating when I was 19.. We were long distance (4000 miles) and he dumped me because he was skeptical of the distance, in addition to the age difference. The age gap is already a huge factor in the relationship, add to the distance, it was kind of doomed.

 

I'll say again there definitely are agr's that work in real life. It can work, but there are a lot of obstacles and it all depends on the people. I think if you're not realistic and blinded by love or the fantasy of love (which most ldr's seem to be), you're just going to end in pain. I agree with what everyone has said about his age and needing to explore, etc.. The only reason I'm not like people my age is because I went through a traumatic accident when I was younger and I lost 3 of my immediate family members, so I had no choice but to grow up. If I were you, I'd wake up and be realistic about these odds.

[acrosstheuniverse]

I don't think it's the age gap that's the issue here (plenty of people fall in love in age gap relationships) lol, the issue is that you haven't even met the guy yet. He could be anyone. He could have the world's worst breath. He could have a girlfriend already. Even if none of that is true, you have no idea if you actually GEL or not until you meet him in person!

 

What's the point in this?

[jefermelesyeux]

Most of the people commenting here seem to either be skeptical or not currently in AGRs. Both perspectives are fine, but hopefully I can offer a different one. I'm currently in an AGR; I'm 24, and he'll be 46 later this month.

 

Now don't get me wrong, I wasn't without my doubts/concerns in the beginning. But I've realized that if something feels right, you just have to go with it. It is so easy to fall into the trap of feeding into what others say, especially people you're close to. But at the end of the day, it's your life, not theirs. It's your relationship, not theirs. Are you happy? You seem it. And that's all that matters.

 

I have to admit I do share the concern that he's only 18. When I was 18, I didn't know what the hell I wanted. In fact, what I did want then wasn't nearly the same thing as I want in life now. And it may only be 6 years later, but from 18-24 makes a huge difference, and I'm certainly not who I was in my late teens.

 

Enough with the skepticism, though. The redeeming thing I see here is that you've been together for a year. That's beginning to show longevity. People are saying how 'impossible' it is for you to be together since you haven't met, but that's not true. They may not agree with it, but what's right for you may not necessarily be right for them and it doesn't have to be. I know several people who were in LDRs strictly online in the very beginning, until the stars aligned and they could meet their SO. I'd begun falling for my boyfriend before I'd officially met him. Was I nervous on the way to our first meeting that I wouldn't feel the same? Absolutely. But the minute I saw him my feelings became stronger. The fact of the matter is, when you know, you know.

 

My advice to you is to try not to heed the negative words of others. Is your relationship going to maybe ruffle some feathers? Sure. Is that a problem? Do YOU think it's a problem? Again, it's nobody's business but your own. You two may very well end up married in the future. In the meantime, ride the wave as best you can, and enjoy it. Don't think too much about it, if you do, because that could cause you to unwittingly sabotage your relationship. If you have any real concerns regarding your relationship, first and foremost bring it to your boyfriend's attention. Communication is key in a LDR, and it's important to work through the problems and jump the hurdles together.

 

:-) I hope this helped!