Best friend, blocked by her dumper, begs me to contact him

[blackcat777]

So my two friends that I set up with each other, which I REALLY thought seemed to be a good idea at the moment (oh, how they both fooled me) had an insane toxic relationship that finally suffered its last mushroom cloud explosion and he blocked her.

 

She keeps BEGGING me and BEGGING me and BEGGING me to contact him.

 

I don't want to. She needs NC. I've tried my best to explain to her why.

 

She broke into her grandmother's Facebook and saw a post that he was moving across the country, and now she's begging me again to just get all the details and tell her.

 

If I ask him about anything, he'll know it's for her. He'll probably even tell me some terrible knifing lies just to spite her.

 

I don't know how else to tell my girlfriend that I'm not going to do anything that would cause him to lose respect for her (AND I told her that point blank). There is also the issue of her self-esteem, which she has no regard for... Do you let someone you care about go to a job interview with a big piece of something green between their teeth?

 

We've also been BFF since before kindergarten and I do sincerely want to provide her emotional support in an authentic, positive way. I don't want to enable her running off a cliff of self-destructive insanity... I can't just ignore her.

 

I thought about telling her that I asked him whatever she wanted me to and he ignored me. I feel like she'd know if I'm lying, though.

 

I haven't talked much to my guy friend since they broke up. He's a bit of a fair weather friend and probably found some new, transient social situations to entertain himself with. It would be super weird if I started grilling him out of nowhere.

 

tl;dr NEVER set your friends up!!

 

To add fuel to the fire, my boyfriend, while intoxicated, gave my girlfriend some additional contact info for her dumper.

 

My girlfriend is doing this all AFTER she got back together with another ex.

 

I totally understand I can't make decisions for other people. I want to be there for my friend, emotionally, but I refuse to get involved with her games of wanting attention from the dumper. I don't know the best way to break it to her. I will listen but not enable.

 

I don't want to enable because it feels wrong to me. Maybe I should tell her that?

[preraph]

Look I didn't read it all (sorry - on a timer right now) but you are doing the right thing by refusing. You'd just be enabling her. She's got no right to ask you to do that. Tell her you'd feel it was an inappropriate breach of privacy besides just helping her to remain obsessed.

[mrs rubble]

Tell her again you don't want to. Also tell her to stop harrassing you about it to. You don't have to be mean about it, just firm.

[whichwayisup]

She needs to let it go and stop obsessing and wanting to know details of their life. Sadly she needs to kindly and gently be told what she is doing is damaging to her. She has to grieve the loss.

[mystikmind2005]

Good advice here already....

 

but the most innocuous thing you could do is to simply tell the guy she wants you to talk to him, then leave it up to him to decide if he is interested to hear it or not.

 

But when i say 'most innocuous' it really means 'least dangerous' .... less dangerous that other things but still dangerous none the less.