kenmore Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Not really, but I need to! I just woke up angry today and it hasn't left. Let me take a deep breath and step back. Actually I woke up feeling in despair today. No real reason for it, I just was wondering why I'm still living. I had zero motivation and was fully depressed. This slowly evolved into anger and now I'm seething in it. Again, no real reason for it other than being angry about where I am in life. What caused the transformation among other things is that things that keep triggering memories and resentment keep coming into my head. Why am I here right now!? I can't blame anyone but myself. But I keep thinking of the trail. It was almost designed to lead me here and I resent it. I made my choices and can only be angry at myself but my anger knows no bounds anyway. It just oozes into everything around me and I'm keeping it bottled up which pisses me off no end! It's not rational. I'm not looking for answers, I needed to vent. I think my wife was a total piece of crap for dropping me like a hot potato because I was simply interfering with her life as she dreamt it, but mine is in tatters now. I am here to some degree because I was trying to fit into "us" and now that there is no "us", I'm left picking up the pieces. I'm just so friggin' angry at everyone and everything right now, I'm about to bust! I hope I can come to grips with this soon because it's affecting my mental health and I'm sure my entire life. Grrrr! Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 In time those feelings will pass. At some point you will discover a whole new path for your life and will find happiness again. Take care of yourself and don't give up. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted June 11, 2015 Author Share Posted June 11, 2015 Thanks! I was expecting someone to just say "take a chill pill" or something. I appreciate your words and you're right. That was a very kind thing to say. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 You're welcome. I hope things start looking brighter soon. Link to post Share on other sites
chew123 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Ken, i definitely have days like you are having. Wake up with a little despair then start thinking and get angry. They are pretty spread out these days though. They will get less frequent for you though. Unfortunately I am not sure they will ever go away totally. Keep venting, we are here for you and I think it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
Majormisstep Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Hey Ken, It will pass. A while ago I went on a date with a divorced fellow who was extremely bitter and angry that he was in this position...how dare his xW do this to him etc. though he openly admitted to cheating with very young females throughout a good portion of their M. And I'm thinking WTH? Dude, you really don't have much of a platform to stand on here. But fast forward to now, and I completely understand why he felt that way. The end of these relationships do go through their processes and it's different for everyone. I've had my (countless) days of anger and self-pity but am finally starting to feel a bit better. And the best part of that is, people aren't avoiding me anymore like I'm carrying the Ebola virus! We project a lot of vibes out there, more than you know. Chalk it up as a bad day Ken. Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMachine67 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Hey Ken, I too experience what you are going through from time to time. Working out and some of my hobbies help me relieve my stress and anger. I also avoid having negative people around me, including family, if I can help it. I've come a long way in managing anger, and definitely do not let it build up inside me, like I used to. In your case, with a pending D, and the history that comes with it, makes it very understandable for what you are going through. I know that with your personality and sense of humor, this phase will probably not last very long for you! Hang in there my friend! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Not really, but I need to! I just woke up angry today and it hasn't left. Let me take a deep breath and step back. Actually I woke up feeling in despair today. No real reason for it, I just was wondering why I'm still living. I had zero motivation and was fully depressed. This slowly evolved into anger and now I'm seething in it. Again, no real reason for it other than being angry about where I am in life. What caused the transformation among other things is that things that keep triggering memories and resentment keep coming into my head. Why am I here right now!? I can't blame anyone but myself. But I keep thinking of the trail. It was almost designed to lead me here and I resent it. I made my choices and can only be angry at myself but my anger knows no bounds anyway. It just oozes into everything around me and I'm keeping it bottled up which pisses me off no end! It's not rational. I'm not looking for answers, I needed to vent. I think my wife was a total piece of crap for dropping me like a hot potato because I was simply interfering with her life as she dreamt it, but mine is in tatters now. I am here to some degree because I was trying to fit into "us" and now that there is no "us", I'm left picking up the pieces. I'm just so friggin' angry at everyone and everything right now, I'm about to bust! I hope I can come to grips with this soon because it's affecting my mental health and I'm sure my entire life. Grrrr! I'm so sorry you're feeling this way, ken. I hope it gets better soon. It will. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LoveMyCat Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 When you do form another committed relationship...try to be sure not to make the other person your entire life. Maybe you did not do this before, but if you did, it becomes much more difficult to go through the process when/if troubles arise. I know to some extent we are meant to do just that when we marry, but I think it does more harm than good. If you have a well-balanced life of friends, work, romance, hobbies, etc...some separate from your partner's...you will also have a built-in support system and ways to keep your mind and body occupied. Anyway...just my opinion. I used to get "too involved" when I was younger and had to rebuild a new life when a relationship ended. My marriage was not so much like that, if anytning we were too far apart. I guess it is all about balance. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JMAThoughts Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 Angry, in despair, desperation, depressed, just have never felt this way. I think I wouldn't feel bad if I had committeed adultery or slept with anyone else. Though here I am without my kids, car, a job. Working a temp gig and struggling to find something permanent. Meanwhile my "friend" wants to hang out as a family together at least once a month. She no longer sees me as her husband but as a very good friend. Though at times calls me that she would like her feet warmed, back rubbed, etc. Link to post Share on other sites
Author kenmore Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 Wow JMAthoughts, welcome here and thanks. I think "hanging out with the family" would be so tough! I'm sorry for your position and yeah, kinda the same. New career, my entire "family" gone, house gone. It's hard to see the positive. Thanks to all of you! Yes, it looks more gloomy than it is and I know that. That doesn't make it any easier to shake the anger, and like I said, it isn't directed at anyone. It's directed at everyone and everything. It has its root in frustration I'm sure. I do appreciate a place to vent though, and knowing there are people who respond kindly. I'm feeling a lot better...until the next time! Ken 1 Link to post Share on other sites
hawkeye_pierce Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You describe the days that I go to the gym and workout. Well, workout wouldn't be a good way to describe it. I beat whatever machine I'm working out on into submission. Seriously. My therapist asked me how I was dealing with everything and that's what I told him. He laughed but said that exercise is a great release. It's hard to get the motivation to go on days like this but once you get started, you get into a zone and just done think about anything else. Good music helps while you're working out too. I hope today was a better day for you. Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 It's directed at everyone and everything. It has its root in frustration I'm sure. That anger is a natural response when you find yourself in this kind of unexpected and unfortunate position in life. But the Catch 22 is this - the anger keeps you from moving ahead so you're stuck in the same unfortunate position. And that position makes you angry, lather, rinse, repeat. You have to find some way to break the cycle. For me it was biking and tennis, did both until I could barely walk from the garage into the house. There are other physical and mental options - TM works for some people, travel for others. Get out of your comfort zone, at this point change is your friend... Mr. Lucky Link to post Share on other sites
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