Should I get divorced or should I pretend like nothing happened?

[marten]

I know this will sound crazy,unbelievable and most of you will think it's made up but I'm a middle aged man and I'm too old to make up ridiculous stories.What I'm about to narrate is 100% true and I'm heartbroken.I need more opinions which is the reason why I'm turning to you guys.

 

Let's cut to the chase.Me(43 years old) and my wife(42) have been married for 17 years.We have a daughter(12).In the beginning our marriage was going great.Eventually,though,me and her became distant.I really don't know why.Maybe it's because I'm always working,I'm not a workaholic but since she's a stay at home mom/housewife I have to work in order to support our family.She only makes sure the house is clean,does the dishes and helps our daughter with her homework.We stopped having sex that often.We were in a rut.However,I still managed to make time for her and she never complained.Recently,she's been acting suspicious.I've been suspecting her of having a secret lover.

 

It was eating me up so I decided to talk to her about it.She laughed and said:Honey,don't be silly.I only have eyes for you and kissed me.I believed her.I am a businessman,I work for this company and I go out of town in business trips quite frequently.2 days ago,I decided to put her theory to the test so I lied I'd be going on a business trip for the weekend.I got home early and caught her on her knees blowing some young guy very pationately as he was leaning against the dining table.He was fully naked and she was wearing one of my shirts,unbuttoned with an untied tie around her neck.I was so shocked.

 

She was making comments about how big and yummy his penis was and how she could suck it all day and he was asking her questions such as:"Bigger than your husband's?" and "Do you suck your husband with that much enthusiasm?" To which she replied:"I never do this for my husband,baby!" as she blew him for another 20 mins and then he came in her mouth and a little bit on her hair,it was a lot,some dripped on her boobs and on my shirt(which was expensive),there was also some on the floor.Then he said:"Oh man you're the best baby!"She laughed and said I quote:Shall I clean your cock like the obedient housewife that I am?" To which he didn't say anything so she looked into his eyes with a smirk on her face and put his dick back in her mouth for mere seconds,then put it back out,slide it across her lips and said I quote:"I'll give my husband a nice kiss when he gets home."and started giggling,then she added:"When he ****s me on Monday,I'll be thinking about you."and kept blowing him.I couldn't believe this was real life.

 

It's a good thing our daughter was still at school.I couldn't bear to watch any more of that so I went to a pub nearby.I didn't drink,I just stayed there for hours.Later on,she had the nerve to call and ask me how I was doing and of course,she acted as though nothing happened.What should I do?File for divorce?And what about our daughter?She was the perfect wife.She was so conservative.I never thought in my wildest dreams she was capable of this.And it's true what she said.She's never given me head and we have never done anything kinky.It was as though I was on the set of a porno.I can't get over what I saw.I'm on the verge of a mental breakdown.Any advice?

Edited June 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
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[Redhead14]

Seriously! You stood there and were close enough to observe everything you've described and heard everything for about 1/2 an hour? And, they didn't know you were there? C'mon. Either this is some kind of porn troll or you have bigger issues than just your wife cheating on you or both. Why would you just stand there and watch? I don't care how shocked you were, most people would have interrupted and confronted unless they were getting some enjoyment from it . . .

 

I'm sorry but you need a kick in the rear end. Get a grip, tell her what you saw and file for divorce.

 

And, a perfect wife and mother doesn't do this. A perfect wife and mother would have a conversation with her husband and do what's needed to either get the relationship back on track or tell him she wants a divorce.

Edited June 11, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
Redact full quote

[marten]

Seriously! You stood there and were close enough to observe everything you've described and heard everything for about 1/2 an hour? And, they didn't know you were there? C'mon. Either this is some kind of porn troll or you have bigger issues than just your wife cheating on you or both. Why would you just stand there and watch? I don't care how shocked you were, most people would have interrupted and confronted unless they were getting some enjoyment from it . . .

 

I'm sorry but you need a kick in the rear end. Get a grip, tell her what you saw and file for divorce.

 

And, a perfect wife and mother doesn't do this. A perfect wife and mother would have a conversation with her husband and do what's needed to either get the relationship back on track or tell him she wants a divorce.

 

I was close enough yes.I stood there for about an hour.I wasn't getting an satisfaction from it in fact I wanted to interrupt them but I was hoping she'd see me.I don't blame you for not believing.If I were you I wouldn't believe it myself.Thanks though!

[toscaroscura]

Porn troll. Wow. Indeed.

 

"She was the perfect wife. She was so conservative."

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

[Redhead14]

I was close enough yes.I stood there for about an hour.I wasn't getting an satisfaction from it in fact I wanted to interrupt them but I was hoping she'd see me.I don't blame you for not believing.If I were you I wouldn't believe it myself.Thanks though!

 

What I really can't understand is that since she didn't see you, why you didn't interrupt? It's odd to me.

 

Divorce her.

[marten]

What I really can't understand is that since she didn't see you, why you didn't interrupt? It's odd to me.

 

Divorce her.

 

I don't know why I didn't interrupt her.I cannot answer this.I guess I felt an influx of a range of emotions.Part of me wanted to see how far they'd go.

[marten]

Porn troll. Wow. Indeed.

 

"She was the perfect wife. She was so conservative."

 

:rolleyes::rolleyes:

 

Yes she was.That was a side of her I never thought existed.I wish it was a joke.Thank you for at least commenting!I appreciate it!

[Toodaloo]

I think you need to tell her what you saw.

 

No one here can advise you to get divorced or carry on... those decisions are yours. But you need to speak to your wife about this calmly and rationally.

 

I would also recommend that you get yourself checked for STD's etc...

[Redhead14]

Yes she was.That was a side of her I never thought existed.I wish it was a joke.Thank you for at least commenting!I appreciate it!

 

You will never be able to pretend it didn't happen and you will live with anxiety for the rest of your marriage if you stay with her.

 

What you need to do is get in touch with your anger. Right now you're probably in denial. This woman had sex in YOUR home, where your daughter lives and probably in your bed.

 

You two have been going through the motions of a marriage for a long time apparently and you are numb to everything which is why you've been staying in the relationship anyway.

[PogoStick]

What does it say about your for not being a man, right there, flipping out, throwing the man out of your house and defending/fighting for your woman?

 

Logically after the fact you may not want a woman like this, but in that split second masculine instincts should kick in.

 

Are you naturally a cuckold?

[marten]

I think you need to tell her what you saw.

 

No one here can advise you to get divorced or carry on... those decisions are yours. But you need to speak to your wife about this calmly and rationally.

 

I would also recommend that you get yourself checked for STD's etc...

 

The thing is I know that getting a divorce would be the right thing to do for me and our daughter as that's not the environment I want her growing up in and that's not the parent/legal guardian that I want raising her.Nevertheless,I love her.Despite what she did i love her she's the love of my life and I can't really imagine my life without her.I really don't know what to do.Thank you for commenting.I appreciate it!

[marten]

What does it say about your for not being a man, right there, flipping out, throwing the man out of your house and defending/fighting for your woman?

 

Logically after the fact you may not want a woman like this, but in that split second masculine instincts should kick in.

 

Are you naturally a cuckold?

 

I really don't know any more

[marten]

You will never be able to pretend it didn't happen and you will live with anxiety for the rest of your marriage if you stay with her.

 

What you need to do is get in touch with your anger. Right now you're probably in denial. This woman had sex in YOUR home, where your daughter lives and probably in your bed.

 

You two have been going through the motions of a marriage for a long time apparently and you are numb to everything which is why you've been staying in the relationship anyway.

 

I just don't understand why she did it.I don't know what to think....thank you though!You make a good point.

[Redhead14]

The thing is I know that getting a divorce would be the right thing to do for me and our daughter as that's not the environment I want her growing up in and that's not the parent/legal guardian that I want raising her.Nevertheless,I love her.Despite what she did i love her she's the love of my life and I can't really imagine my life without her.I really don't know what to do.Thank you for commenting.I appreciate it!

 

Your daughter is your primary concern. I'm doubting that this was a one time thing. She's been using you and your daughter's home as a house of ill-repute.

 

Consult a lawyer, find out what your rights are in your state and at least get informed and advice from a professional about how to proceed in the best way that will ensure that you have custody of your daughter.

 

Don't sit around posting here, time's a wastin. The longer you stew and let this pass, the more difficult it will become to deal with. It won't get easier! How will it look if you don't act now and then years later want to or have to go to court? The judge will be thinking, well it happened so many years ago, it couldn't have been a big deal to him. In other words, this will become a moot point to a judge when making a custody decision if too much time passes.

[Toodaloo]

What does it say about your for not being a man, right there, flipping out, throwing the man out of your house and defending/fighting for your woman?

 

Logically after the fact you may not want a woman like this, but in that split second masculine instincts should kick in.

 

Are you naturally a cuckold?

 

Pogo you have clearly never suffered from shock...

[sandylee1]

I can't understand why you'd have to ask the question , but if you want a marriage where both are faithful, you need to confront her .

 

I really don't know how you could forgive her though after what you saw.

 

If you don't want a divorce , how about an open marriage. Your wife has no respect for you at all.

 

On a seperate note, why doesn't she work? Your daughter is at school and she can get a part time job at least, otherwise she'll be a big liability if you get divorced.

[d0nnivain]

You can't un-ring a bell and you will never get that sight out of your head. In your mind, what is the upside to staying? She's not even remorseful.

 

If you stay what message about you giving your daughter about the institution of marriage or the reality that actions have consequences?

[O'Malley]

Up next, "I came home unexpectedly and caught my wife gangbanging three guys on the new carpet we just had installed. Should I still take her out to her favorite restaurant for our anniversary?"

[oldshirt]

How was she acting suspicious? What did she do that made you question her fidelity?

 

 

Did you come across some emails or txts? Has she had periods of time that were unaccounted for?

 

 

How did you happen to see them? Where were you in relation to them as you watched them?

 

 

How were you able to hear what they were saying?

 

 

Where were his clothes?

 

 

Who is this guy?

 

 

How did she meet him?

 

 

What did they do after the BJ?

 

 

How were you close enough to see the spew splatters in her hair and on the floor but they couldn't see you?

 

 

What color was the shirt that she was wearing?

[toscaroscura]

How was she acting suspicious? What did she do that made you question her fidelity?

 

 

Did you come across some emails or txts? Has she had periods of time that were unaccounted for?

 

 

How did you happen to see them? Where were you in relation to them as you watched them?

 

 

How were you able to hear what they were saying?

 

 

Where were his clothes?

 

 

Who is this guy?

 

 

How did she meet him?

 

 

What did they do after the BJ?

 

 

How were you close enough to see the spew splatters in her hair and on the floor but they couldn't see you?

 

 

What color was the shirt that she was wearing?

 

That was the beautiful icing on the cake, that "she was wearing MY shirt (and it was expensive)!" Like, the humiliation had to be utterly complete.

 

This can't be real. Too many salacious details and not enough real details (as oldshirt demonstrates).

[sandylee1]

I really hope you didn't kiss her.

[central]

In your situation, I would act as though nothing happened. The real question is, do you just want out, or do you want rational revenge? I would want revenge (assuming I have the moral high ground and no infidelity of my own), and would plan how best to obtain my revenge coldly and dispassionately. I would consider where I lived and determine the laws regarding alimony, custody, and child support, and find out where the laws would be most in my favor. I'd move there, finding a new job if necessary. Then, I would file for divorce after a suitable time. Texas supposedly has favorable alimony laws, and many judges frown on infidelity, so may treat you well and her not so much.

 

I would also find out if the place I move to has at fault divorce, or takes infidelity into consideration. Let her incriminate herself, and document it in any legal fashion you can. Hire an investigator if necessary, so you can use the evidence in court if allowed.

 

Of course, your child is innocent in all this, so supporting her (and obtaining custody if possible) is what you must do. However, you may want a DNA test to be sure she is yours. It should not change how you feel as her father, but it may give even more ammunition to use against your wife.

[beach]

I'm certain I wouldn't be capable of staying married to that for one more minute.

 

Since you are more patient than most - and are still there with her...have her get full time employment! It will help in case you decide to divorce her. You may be able to pay her less each month if she's working.

[Satu]

I don't believe the OP.

 

Sorry.

[jen1447]

"She was the perfect wife. She was so conservative."

 

"We went to all the right churches, belonged to all the right PACs, knew all the right people. At least I thought we did. But that was before I found out about Chad ...."

Edited June 11, 2015 by jen1447