Radu Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 My fiancé sometimes treats me like a child. When something is not done to her satisfaction she lectures me like "this is why we do this" "we have to learn to do this" etc. I am a pretty detailed oriented guy, of course I sometimes make mistakes but seldom leave anything undone. I have given her no reason to treat me like a child. Her ex husband was a spineless wonder and very weak willed. I am a normal man and I think I am pretty well balanced. I've been there, several times. First of all, you need to know that ppl don't get better with age ... they get worse. Yes, there may be exceptions, but don't bet on 1%. Her way of acting is basically control, she wants it ... The problem is that with the control she gets, she loses respect for her SO, and i'll bet that she is the one who ended her last relationship. So you got on your hands someone who desperately wants control, but who despises getting it. A sort of catch-22. I told her the other day that I would appreciate if she didn't talk to me that way. I feel it is disrespectful. She doesn't agree and exclaimed "That is who I am, That's the way I roll" and told me she did not understand why I felt that way and I shouldn't try to change who she is. She is even thinking of leaving me! All of this after a simple and very politely offered request to show me a little respect. I love her. She is a wonderful woman other than that. Any suggestions???? She gave you an ultimatum. It basically translates to 'take it or leave' and 'if you don't take it, we're through'. Someone who uses the nuclear option of 'we're through unless you do/accept x' is someone who essentially holds the relationship hostage. Suggestion ? Leave ... now. You are bound to end up in hell with this woman. PS: I was in several relationships with women like her. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Radu Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) It will be really sad if we can't work it out. I've have known her most of my life. We dated in high school and college. We are both in our forties and divorced when we hooked up again. It has really been awesome until now. I am in shock really. I believe I am standing on sane and firm ground. This sounds a little trite.. but if it falls apart it will be her fault. I will be heart broken but I will not feel sorry for myself. I will feel sorry for her. I really will. Don't spend your best yrs with this woman. In her 40's and she acts this way ? Oh yeah, she won't change. I was with women like her when they were in their early 20's and i couldn't change anything. Thanks writer gal. My last marriage (totally un-related reasons and truly beyond my control) threw me into a major depression for the first time in my life. I am full recovered and strong now. I can not allow anyone to trample on me when I know I did nothing to deserve it. I am willing to work on things/counseling etc. I will not give up my manhood for anybody. I am meek in character but strong in spirit. I believe that that is the healthy way to live. If it truly becomes "my way or the highway" I will jump in my hot rod and go to the next gal. I am a hopeless/helpless romantic and I know I have a lot to give. She has to be out there somewhere??? It has already become my way or the highway, and what's worse is that she is holding the relationship hostage to get her way. Picture her holding a gun to the head of your relationship ... that's what she is doing right now. And yes, they are out there. I'm also a sucker for strong women, i used to have a thing for what i like to call 'ice princesses'. With time though, i realized that inner strength does not mean someone with the attitude; there are women out there who are feminine but also have amazing inner strength. Edited June 19, 2015 by Radu 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lolablue17 Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 (edited) Why don't you accept her as she is? You know that's the way she rolls, to talk to you like a child. Just let her do so and don't answer, don't cooperate, just let it slip. let her do her solo show, because you know her, you shouldn't take it too seriously. She, of course may be getting frustrated because you won't take her words seriously. But hey... that's who you are, that's the way you roll, right? Edited June 19, 2015 by lolablue17 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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