Dreamer87 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 The other week I slept with a close male friend (of about 5 years). In the past we’ve kissed a couple of times but that’s been the extent of it. We live at opposite ends of the country and usually only see each other at larger gatherings attended by other mutual friends. Over the last year or so we’ve become closer, messaging each other often- sometimes for hours. So when we got together the other week, it had kind of been building to it for a while- if it had been a random drunken hook up I’m sure we could have just laughed it off! The next morning I felt pretty groggy (read, hungover) so despite his best efforts, there was no round 2. Even when it had become clear to him I just wanted to chill this time he was really sweet, we were hugging/kissing and generally very tactile and close. The following evening when he got back to his he messaged me first with an in-joke and we both agreed that we’d really enjoyed the night before. We were messaging again later that week, but since then (3 weeks)……nothing! As we’ve been good friends for years, to go this length of time with no contact is unusual. Also, (and at the risk of sounding reeeeaaaally pathetic) he hasn’t ‘liked’ any of my posts on facebook or Instagram since which is again, out of character and makes me feel as though I’ve done something wrong. I don’t know if he thinks I’d suddenly become all clingy if we had any contact, which has been my reason for not reaching out to him. If he does think this, I have done nothing to create this impression (aside from momentarily losing my sh** to post on here, ahem) I’ve gone out of my way to just ‘be cool’, even though beneath the surface it really hurts that I’ve heard nothing from him recently. So I guess what I'm asking is this....do you think I should just leave it and give him some space, or send him a text to check that we’re still cool? As we live so far away meeting up face to face isn't a viable option. I do value his friendship but have no idea what’s going through his head at the moment! Link to post Share on other sites
minime13 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 (edited) Honestly - what is there to say? You guys have been friends for a while, there has been sexual tension building up, and it was finally released. That's likely the end of it, unless he looks at you as an in-town hook-up when he visits. Did you guys even talk about what happened and what it could mean? I'd start there. It sounds like he wants to put some distance between that and your friendship, but honestly if it's bothering you, you should be able to talk about it with your friend of 5 years. I'd suggest that, because you both need to know the future dynamics of your relationship (friends or not). Edited June 11, 2015 by minime13 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AGoodFriend Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I would think that after 5 years of close friendship he wouldn't just discard you as if you were a two-time fling. And he shouldn't fear the "sudden clinginess" because there is plenty of distance between you guys. Plenty of distance to let the events of that night die down. He is probably in a relationship (or chasing someone) with someone wherever he lives and hasn't had much time to contact you. I would assume the friendship is intact and that he will contact you eventually. The real question for is: If you feel you don't have this resolved (what it is between you two) before he comes back to town, how are you going to treat him when you see him? Will you go into "unfinished business" mode (more sex) or will you keep him only as a friend, to save your own feelings? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Dreamer87 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 He definitely doesn't have a girlfriend but i know he does use dating apps to chat to random girls, so maybe he has been distracted persuing someone on there... Perhaps I am over analysing the situation (as friends we have gone this length of time without chatting before), but then obviously sex changes the dynamics. Half of me thinks I should refrain from contacting, that if he wanted to be in touch he would have. But then the other half thinks maybe I should lighten up and just drop him a friendly text, same as I would have before to show that I'm not chasing him for anything and just want things to go back to how they were. Anyway.....thanks for listening to my nonsensical babbling! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
AGoodFriend Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Anytime, Dreamer87! Just remember, no nonsensical babbling on this forum! I have used the posters' advice here, taken it to heart, and it has helped me immensely. The different perspectives are priceless. Best of luck. Link to post Share on other sites
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