brokengirl85 Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I don't know what's wrong with me that I cannot go out and date? I loose interest while chatting with guys very quick ( I compare them to my ex: they're not as hot, not as witty, not as easy going, not as...) What's wrong with me? 11 weeks no contact and still thinking of him but very clear that there's no point unblocking him. He'll never change and he cannot give me what I want. Still, what's wrong with me that I cannot even go to one date!! Link to post Share on other sites
StrangerThanFiction Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 That's pretty normal, I think. 11 weeks really isn't that long of a time post BU so it's still relatively fresh. There's no rush to get back into the dating scene after a break up. Sometimes it can even make you feel worse because, like you said, you keep comparing them to your ex. That's just a sign that you're not quite ready to get back on the proverbial horse. You'll get there, just give yourself some more time. Link to post Share on other sites
DJOkawari Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 I just completed my 11th week of NC and I'm in the same place. I was complaining in a different thread that I'm fed up with being this way too. The responses I got were basically that everything appears to be progressing normally. I found those responses hard to believe...so maybe you do too...but seeing you post this makes me really think: maybe this is exactly where we should be? I'm certainly still learning a lot about myself. If I was otherwise distracted I don't think I would be making so much emotional/mental progress. Do you feel that way too? Maybe we're in the correct place for us right now. Finally, It's good that you know he can't give you what you want, I'm still struggling to realize that about my situation. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 11, 2015 Share Posted June 11, 2015 That's pretty normal, I think. 11 weeks really isn't that long of a time post BU so it's still relatively fresh. There's no rush to get back into the dating scene after a break up. Sometimes it can even make you feel worse because, like you said, you keep comparing them to your ex. That's just a sign that you're not quite ready to get back on the proverbial horse. You'll get there, just give yourself some more time. I agree with this. It's still somewhat fresh. However, you should still go out on some casual dates. You need to get out and enjoy some fun and opposite sex companionship. Don't spend so much time analyzing the guys either. Right now, you're going to compare George Clooney to your ex and he would probably come up short! lol The point of dating is to get out of the house, have some laughs and enjoy yourself. You not going to get over the ex completely until you find your next love.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
TrevorDia Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I don't know what's wrong with me that I cannot go out and date? I loose interest while chatting with guys very quick ( I compare them to my ex: they're not as hot, not as witty, not as easy going, not as...) What's wrong with me? 11 weeks no contact and still thinking of him but very clear that there's no point unblocking him. He'll never change and he cannot give me what I want. Still, what's wrong with me that I cannot even go to one date!! Yeah, I have a habit of doing this too... Whenever I talk to a girl and I get close to asking her out, my mind starts weighing up the pros and cons of getting back into dating (7 weeks NC, mind you). What my mind just can't get around is "She's great but... she's just not my ex". My ex was a terrible person on the whole. But it doesn't stop me loving her. Just makes me feel dumb for not being able to stop thinking about her that way. So I don't think there's anything wrong with you for feeling this way. Think of how things were 11 weeks ago, think of how much you've progressed since then. Take it easy on yourself, dating will get easier. Link to post Share on other sites
SammySammy Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 The point of NC is to give yourself time and space to heal. Apparently, eleven weeks is not enough time for you. It's no rush. Relax. Don't feel like something is wrong with you because you're not ready to date again. That will come in due time. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 I get you all but deep inside I think it's not normal to still be in this place. Yesterday I cried while driving, I still miss him, I still wake up every morning very sad. I know he's no good for me but I invested a lot of time and energy and now I'm very sad and angry things didn't turn out as I wanted to. I know all this, and still here I am, struggling. I was talking to a guy today, turns out I asked him some pictures, when I saw them I instantly thought "he (my ex) was so much better looking". Then I just couldn't reply to this poor guy. And I felt horrible. I know I'm not ready because my heart is still missing my ex but still... Link to post Share on other sites
darkbloom Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I'm still not really ready to date and it's been 6 months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author brokengirl85 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 I'm talking to this guy who sent me some pictures. I'm not attracted to what I saw but he seems nice and easy going. He wants to meet me this Sunday. What should I do? Link to post Share on other sites
Yummm Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Go and have some fun girl! It's a little ego boost, even though you compare to your ex like Aloneinaz said just go and have a laugh.. Just talking to girls takes my mind off her a little bit, surely a date does that too. Goodluck! Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I'm talking to this guy who sent me some pictures. I'm not attracted to what I saw but he seems nice and easy going. He wants to meet me this Sunday. What should I do? Go meet him. You're not going to marry him (well, I guess that's possible). The point of dating is to get out, enjoy time with the opposite sex, have some laughs and get your mind of you last ex. I started dating 6-8 weeks after my last break up. It helped tremendously. Did I compare everyone to the ex, sure. It's normal to do that. Was it fun, good for the ole damaged self esteem, HELL YA. I slept with a girl like 2 months post break up. It was hot, she has skilz and it helped solidify that there's millions of people out there looking for their next great relationship. I absolutely loved the sex. As I drove home I did think of the ex and compared the sex between the two. Guess what? The new girl had much better talent in the sack.. I dated for a couple of months, slept around a bit and then met my now 22 month GF that lives with me. I would of never gotten "over the hump" in putting that failed relationship behind me had I sat at home for months and months mooning over someone who didn't want me anymore. At 4 weeks post break up, I couldn't of dated. At 6 weeks, I felt like I might be able to. At 2 months I was dating again. People know when they're ready to date. They just have to accept that they are still going to be thinking about the ex until several months of NC pass and the meet someone who really rocks their world. Link to post Share on other sites
RedButton Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I waited about... 5 months maybe before I started dating again. The first girl was nice, but we didn't really click, but then I met a wonderful girl that I had a short term relationship with (until she had to move away). She was so much fun and gorgeous, and funny and we just had so much fun together. On the second date I was comparing her to my ex a lot, and then by the third date I wasn't thinking of my ex at all, and realised how lucky I was to meet this woman. I don't think there's a hard and fast 'rule' to when you can date again, but when you meet someone you really like, you'll be able to tell. Link to post Share on other sites
goldway90 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 “Make peace with your past so it won’t destroy your present.” Paulo Coelho You have to let go, dwelling on the past is unhealthy it's time to go out and have fun with your life, meet new people and guys. You don't have to get in serious relationship but you can't sit at home and wait for the pain to go away. It's called moving on, notice there's a verb called To move "nothing can be mysterious if you know that things won't change". I wish you luck 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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