Well... broke NC and don't feel good about it

[hellogoodbye2424]

My ex is still on my lease which is ending very soon and thus the deposit would get split and sent to her is as well... not only that but she could technically still access the apartment... anyways... the lease office said she had to come in in person and sign the release addendum.

 

What's funny is i thought she would want to do this immediately but her response was that her birthday is over the weekend and that she doesn't have any time until next week. Whatever, i mean the sooner the better but i just said ok thanks. i guess i'm an idiot for saying this but i said it's been really hard to focus, i'd be lying if i said i haven't been thinking about you. her reponse: its too late.

 

We continued talking for another 45 minutes after that about the relationship... i said it's good to know that this is what she wanted, and she said that she had wanted to be in a relationship with me and i asked her why she didn't contact me or try anything... she said because she's a girl and that i didn't either. I told her that i'm glad she was able to get over me quickly, and that hopefully i'll get there soon... her reponse to that was who says i'm over you? i followed up with i just don't believe that you wanted to be with me, you would've contacted me or done something. and she said ditto and signed off.

 

What a great conversation... Well i'm going to have to see her at some point to get the lease thing squared away... Not wise to talk to her anymore about it, this felt awful at first but it kind of feels ok now. Just back to square one.

[SDA]

Unfortunately, yes back to square one. Fortunately you can learn from it. Do what is best for you. If you need to see her then you keep busy until that day comes and then worry about that day when it comes and get through it.

 

I keep making the same mistakes as well. Even though I've been through this before.

 

Time will heal it.

[Mr Scorpio]

Mistake made. We all make them. Don't beat yourself up over it.

 

Is it really necessary that you see her about the lease? Why won't e-mail suffice?

[hellogoodbye2424]

Per my front office the lease release has to be signed by both of us at the same time. I asked if they could email her and they told me typically their residents handle the coordination of signing the lease release but they will have it prepared and ready. I mean realistically speaking it will suck to see her but it's only for a signature and I have nothing to say to her further. Even if she had something to say to me, I'm not ready to hear it so I don't think the situation is a huge deal. Also, she needs to be off the lease because she isn't entitled to the deposit I made when I moved in here 3 years ago (2 years before we started dating), and on top of that I don't feel comfortable with her having access to my place.

 

On another note I ended up going out to dinner with someone last night and it really took my mind off of things and I felt way better about it. In a way it kind of feels good to know that my ex is thinking "its too late". It makes it easier for me to adopt that mindset and move on as well, because she is not willing to admit her mistakes and will continue to think that our relationship ending was my fault and that's really not who I want to be with. It was foolish of me to think she might've changed her mind or had a change of heart.

 

Edit: Analyzing our conversation again, it appears to me that not only is she detached but she has accepted that the relationship won't work. I mean all I said to her was that I had been thinking about her and she responded with "it's too late." It's because of that and how she still thinks I'm at fault for everything that I have no hope left to hold onto. Which I think makes it easier.

Edited June 12, 2015 by hellogoodbye2424