morethanfriends Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hi all, I've been working with this girl for 5 months. I've been crushing on her since I started working with her. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend (not sure who broke up with who) and I'm definitely interested. She doesn't seem to be sad about it, but it wouldn't surprise me if she's just got a strong face. I want to transition to be something more. So, basically: I want to become more than friends, but I'm not sure how to transition without coming on too hard. Thanks in advance. Link to post Share on other sites
Torii Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Honestly, give her some space to grieve the breakup. Don't rush into this right away. She's probably hurting, and needs some time to figure herself out again. Losing somebody you care about is never easy to handle, no matter how long relationship was. Be the good person, and respect her feelings right now - she probably isn't looking to jump right into another relationship, especially after current breakup. If you really want to make an impact on her, I say ask her out for a coffee. Something that says you're genuine and interested in her feelings; be there for her at this difficulty time and don't be so selfish about it. Let her know that you're here for her, through the heartache and that you understand what she's dealing with right now (as I'm sure you've grieved before). Don't be so afraid to show your emotions, like your concern, to this woman. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 This EXACT scenario happened to me, and it ended horribly. She was hot, and I had no idea what a rebound was. Do not go through with this. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Hi all, I've been working with this girl for 5 months. I've been crushing on her since I started working with her. She just recently broke up with her boyfriend (not sure who broke up with who) and I'm definitely interested. She doesn't seem to be sad about it, but it wouldn't surprise me if she's just got a strong face. I want to transition to be something more. So, basically: I want to become more than friends, but I'm not sure how to transition without coming on too hard. Thanks in advance. Listen - seriously and intently - to Keenly. When people break up, they may SEEM at times to be largely unaffected but don't be misled by the front she's putting on. She's at work for goodness' sake - no place to get emotional, reveal your feelings and expose personal vulnerability. Shes' being professional. Inside, she may be broken up. So anything you do now will be processed by her distorted emotions and fractured perception. And she will lean on you as someone who's being nice, and on whom she can count for support. But it may not be genuine or long-lasting, because she will use you as an emotional crutch. You will commit to it for the long-haul only to find, as she recovers and heals, that you, for her, were a stop-gap; a hiatus, a soft place to fall, until a point where she feels comfortable in dating someone to her personal liking; not someone who has stepped into the breach to provide the necessary affection and solace. Don't be that guy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 This site is littered with threads from guys/gals who got involved with someone fresh out of another relationship. They found themselves to be either the classic rebound or a fill in until the person went back to their ex. As nicely stated already, give her time to heal and clear her head before putting any moves on her. Most of the time, someone freshly out of a relationship over 6 months needs to casually date a few people before jumping right back into another serious relationship. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 fwiw, I don't really agree w/rebound-aversion. Take your shots in life rather than waiting for the perfect scenario to fall in your lap (because it won't). People fresh out of relationships are still people. Sure it can be and usually is stressful, but it's not an automatic 'can't have a successful relationship' brand. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author morethanfriends Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 So I'm pretty sure I'm euchre'd. I gave her a card with a note in it about how I appreciate her. I meant to give it to her LAST Monday, but she wasn't at work (we get Tuesdays and Wednesdays off), so I gave it to her this Monday. The same Monday that I found out that she doesn't have a boyfriend. So it was pure coincidence, but it seems snakey. She hasn't been to work since (which isn't THAT unusual, but with my anxieties, it gets blown up in my mind). So I may have just messed any chance I had up with her. Link to post Share on other sites
Keenly Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 So you're going to ignore all of the advice we all just gave you. Cool. Enjoy your broken heart and extremely uncomfortable work environment in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author morethanfriends Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 (edited) *** EDIT *** I think I explained this wrong. I don't want to jump into a relationship with her. I want to stay as an option, not get friend-zoned. I've waited 5 months, I can wait longer. Edited June 12, 2015 by morethanfriends Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 So I'm pretty sure I'm euchre'd. I gave her a card with a note in it about how I appreciate her. I meant to give it to her LAST Monday, but she wasn't at work (we get Tuesdays and Wednesdays off), so I gave it to her this Monday. The same Monday that I found out that she doesn't have a boyfriend. So it was pure coincidence, but it seems snakey. She hasn't been to work since (which isn't THAT unusual, but with my anxieties, it gets blown up in my mind). So I may have just messed any chance I had up with her. Hm ....a card was maybe not the strongest move, but whatevs - just wait and see what happens next. Tell yourself not to sress. Take deep breaths and all that. Link to post Share on other sites
Thejerrybest Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I think as long as you go into with an open mind and knowing you could be used as an emotional crutch, you'll be fine. Do you hang out with her at all outside of work? Do you talk or text her after work at all? If not, that is really what you should be doing this. You don't want this stuff really to be happening in the workplace. Trust me, it can backfire and make work shifts awkward. I always felt when single I should date a lot and try to take every opportunity I could with a female I was attracted to or liked. Some girls are ready to move on right away and others aren't but disguise this by appearing fine. I have never myself started dating a girl that was fresh off a breakup, but some friends have done so with mixed results. In one case, the friend is still dating this girl after 2 years. In another case, a friend got really hurt after it fell apart after a month and she went back to her ex. It may not work BUT would you rather find out or wonder years from now what would have happened? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts