broken20 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I don't know if I'm being paranoid or is he lying to me. After living together for 6 years, my bf stared acting distant and annoyed by me. I gave him space but inquired what's going on. Despite having good relationship, at least I thought so, he back off from me sexually lately. We talked and he said famous words "I love you but I'm not in love with you". So we discussed are we going to breakup and he wanted to give us a try saying we'll do things together more, we'll go on a trip and things like that. Instead, non of it happened. He talked about our private stuff to his friend, and thinks it's the best he move away from our place for some time. He swore it's not a breakup. We keep in touch and I hear he goes out with his friends and I'm clearly not invited. I see all the signs he's dumped me or wish I was his FWB but he swears there's no other girl. His friends are all married with kids and I guess he feels pressured to do so, although we haven't planned that but it feels it is in the future for us. But this change of events doesn't sound good. I'm trying to be understanding and trust him but I don't want to waste my life if he's giving be false hope. What if he's gone but is afraid to tell me the truth. Your help would mean a lot. I've been reading this forum for quiet some time. Link to post Share on other sites
TaraMaiden2 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 He's s spineless coward. Of course he's broken up with you... He just hasn't uttered the words, and he's left you in limbo. If you own your own place and he has keys, ask for them back and tell him to make a specific time to come and pick up all his stuff.... Deal with this situation as if you have been totally dumped. Which you have. He's keeping you in 'back-up mode' probably to use if he ever wants to get laid again.... Don't be that girl. Read the No Contact Guide and kick HIM to the kerb.... This is definitely in the wrong forum. Because he is not your life-partner, and he is definitely out of your life. Whether he has verbalised it or not. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 ^ Yep. What a f*cking turd - he wants to keep you available and waiting around for him bc he can't muster the balls to say the words. Totally at his convenience and at your expense. Nuke that a$shole asap. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 A couple points to mention here. - -People cohabitate to avoid marriage or at least delay it indefinitely. Cohabitation benefits those that want to have the benefits of full time access to their partner and to share living expenses but want to avoid the legal and moral commitments of marriage. Cohabitation benefits those that want to be able to walk away without legal or moral repercussion when they are finished with the relationship or want to move on to other things. Cohabitation is deleterious to those who wish a permanent, committed and legally protected relationship. - Men very rarely formally break up cleanly with women. They just stop calling and stop coming around as much. Men will disengage over time and simply fade away like a fart in the wind. Men will also fade away but will show up periodically at night with a case of beer and a hard on looking for a booty call. This was the FWB component that you mentioned. That is exactly what many men will try to do. They will fade away in terms of a committed relationship, but will try to keep you on as an FWB/FB. So add all these things up and yes, you have essentially been dumped for all practical purposes. He has exited the relationship and does not intend to pursue the relationship any further but he has not performed any formal break up ritual or break up dance yet. Women are the ones that do formal, explicit break ups. Men do not. The time time that he will expressly spell out that you are broken up is when you are trying to see him but he has another girlfriend that doesn't want you coming around him. Until that time, he will probably be OK with booty calls when he's horny. I am sorry, but you have been dumped. Best move to make at this point is to move on yourself and go on about your own business and leave him behind. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I must agree with Oldshirt on the cohabiting. Women do it as the next step to marriage , guys just get comfy with the arrangement . You need to officially end it and don't let him keep you dangling. When he meets the woman he wants to marry , he will. He's dumped you. - Start focusing on yourself. - Don't sit around - Go out with friends - Do things for you - Go to the spa - Go to the gym - Treat yourself to a new hairdo /makeover - Plan a peaceful weekend getaway if you can DON'T PINE FOR HIM He's not going to marry you Don't waste your time and move on from this relationship Not one of the guys I dated before getting married broke up with me , but the actions of some were effectively just that. - No phone calls - Doing their own thing That is breaking up. I was the one who said I'm done with them , but if they didn't act that way I wouldn't have broken up . 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 We talked and he said famous words "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Ahhh....the relationship kiss of death. More than likely, he's involved/interested in someone else and fully intends to pursue it further. To kind of suddenly back off sexually and give you that crap line about not being IN love with you is so freakin cliché it isn't even funny. Down the road, you'll eventually find out why he really left. Good luck to you. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
darkmoon Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 i thiink he wants to be single, embrace his batchelor persona, gio along with it, and get out more to stop brooding, you want a boyf that does not take you for granted i hiope you are not discussing your worry with him any more, this lacks dignity the most you can go - is ask him where you are going wrong and listen to what he says, but get out nore, plan an evening without him, balance the equation, balance your life, you Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 . We talked and he said famous words "I love you but I'm not in love with you ^^^^^^You don't need to know any more than this OP. Don't waste another day over the 6 years. He's not the man for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Yes there are other girls involved. Dump him, from what he sounds like he can't have that much manhood in him anyway. Link to post Share on other sites
Winterina Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Break it off and don't let him come back even though his interest will be sparked again after you break up. That is just temporary interest and will diminish sooner than you can say "coward". Be the one to break it off and be the one to stick to it. That will empower you in a way in long term. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 We talked and he said famous words "I love you but I'm not in love with you". Sadly, this is the beginning of the end. He is cheating on you. You deserve a man who will love you and ONLY you. Please, break up with him. As much as it hurts you now, in the long run you'll be better off. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Morro72 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 ^ Yep. What a f*cking turd - he wants to keep you available and waiting around for him bc he can't muster the balls to say the words. Totally at his convenience and at your expense. Nuke that a$shole asap. Oh, come on, stop pulling your punches, tell us what you really think. Link to post Share on other sites
adna89 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Most probably yeah,he has an other girl.What you can do is go totally no contact and surprise him...it might make him come back but i hope you do not do it Link to post Share on other sites
OldRover Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 ...... "I love you but I'm not in love with you"....... That is a CLEAR message that it's over. In a committed relationship you want to be IN LOVE, period. There are some that don't, but not the majority and he should tell you the whole story... he needs more that just space. Unless there's some really unusual circumstances, it sure looks like this is over... sorry 1 Link to post Share on other sites
twoneighty Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 A couple points to mention here. - -People cohabitate to avoid marriage or at least delay it indefinitely. Cohabitation benefits those that want to have the benefits of full time access to their partner and to share living expenses but want to avoid the legal and moral commitments of marriage. Cohabitation benefits those that want to be able to walk away without legal or moral repercussion when they are finished with the relationship or want to move on to other things. Cohabitation is deleterious to those who wish a permanent, committed and legally protected relationship. There is nothing wrong with cohabitation. It's a smart decision to determine if you're ACTUALLY compatible. If you don't live with someone how do you truly know? Also what kind of insecurities require you to have a "legally protected" relationship? That's just depressing. Link to post Share on other sites
oldshirt Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 There is nothing wrong with cohabitation. It's a smart decision to determine if you're ACTUALLY compatible. If you don't live with someone how do you truly know? Also what kind of insecurities require you to have a "legally protected" relationship? That's just depressing. But everyone is going to have some form of incompatibility or another. If people go into cohabitation as a form of audition or a form of probation, they are always going to find an incompatibility or something that will give them cause to delay marriage longer or even forgo it altogether. People either want commitment or they want noncommitment. People who want to remain noncommittal and be able to walk away when something they don't like pops up are clearly benefited by cohabitation. People who want commitment and legal rights and benefits are clearly benefited by marriage. If both people are the same page and have the same outlook and same end-goal, then all is well with either. The people that get screwed over are the ones that want marriage and get talked into cohabitation as a stepping stone and incremental step towards marriage. Cohabitation is at minimum a delay in marriage if not an actual deal-buster. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts