XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hey I don't know if you all might remember me talking about the puppy I just got (I had her in my avatar for a while). Well, I had to take her to my parents house because of the neighbors complaining and also because I was too busy at the time to give her as much time as she needed. Well, now my mom is saying that she will not return my puppy to me. She says that now she is attached to my dog and doesn't want me to have her back. And no, she is not just kidding around. She also lays a guilt trip on me when I tell her this is not right. She will say, "the dog will be happier with me, there is a bigger yard and more fun things for her to do than be in an apartment with you." Please help! I want my dog back! Link to post Share on other sites
Amalphia Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Just take the dog. Or you can always call the cops on your mom!!!! Do not let your mother control you. Or try and guilt trip you. I hate it when people do that. Just go over there say thank you for watching my dog mom but you knew it was only temporary now give me back my dog or im just going to take him. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I know you want your dog back, but in all honesty you shouldn't have gotten a dog. Your lifestyle doesn't appear to be conducive to caring for a dog and your mom may have a valid point. You need to take some time and really consider if you can give this puppy everything it needs and whether or not it wouldn't be happier with your mother. At this point it's not about you and it's not about your mother - it's about the puppy. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 As of right now, it's not been the best time for a dog. But I graduate on May 8th..and after this Friday I will have tons of time to spend with my dog. I'm looking for a teaching job right now so I will be on the same schedule as my mom (she's a teacher). Now, the puppy will get to be around my sister and my dad and my parents do live in a great place for a dog. I see her point but at the same time, I feel like she is being really selfish. I drove 3 hours to get this dog, I paid for her (nearly $400) then drove back 3 hours to my place.. I hate to also make this about money, but I told my mom that if she loves this dog this much then to give me the money for her. (I was half kidding, half not). Mom just laughed and said "too bad you owe me that money anyway I'm sure." Also, I'm moving to a pet friendly apartment that has a fenced in backyard. This dog is not like a Rottweiler or some kind of dog that really needs to be outside in lots of open space. I got a cockapoo and they are supposed to be indoor dogs anyway. My mom already has a dog and 4 cats anyway! And this isn't the first time she did this to me. She stole 2 of my cats before and refused to return them. I guess I should never let her "babysit" animals for me! Ugh..do you really think I should just give her my dog Pocky? I love that dog too.... Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 It's your puppy, you paid for it, your mom broke her agreement with you, she wants to steal your puppy and manipulate you into thinking it's the right thing to do. Go get your puppy and if she causes any problems call the police on her. She'd respect you more if you stood up for yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 work out a time-share schedule. Sounds crazy, but every gets access to the dog that way, and each party has a build in caretaker when an emergency arises. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 sobbing loudly and carrying on (using real tears) also works well. Mom's guilt switch gets flipped on and you get the pup back. However, don't expect your mom to ever care for the dog again without HER ticking off YOUR poor parenting skills. Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedInOC Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I was going to suggest that. Start crying. Mom's can't resist tears Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 LOL my mom can. If I cry in front of her she will go "oh boo-hoo cry me a river!" Yeah, I love how my mom can turn situations on me..she's great at manipulating me. Like instead of HER being the bad one for not returning my puppy, she will turn it in to me being the bad guy for trying to get my puppy back from her. However, don't expect your mom to ever care for the dog again without HER ticking off YOUR poor parenting skills. Very true. I'm betting she will hold a grudge against me for a LONG time if I go and get the dog back and her not wanting to give her back. Craig~ Go get your puppy and if she causes any problems call the police on her. She'd respect you more if you stood up for yourself. I really don't think I could ever call the cops for something like this. The cops would probably laugh at me and tell me they have more important things to do then try to get a dog back from my mother or deal with a family feud over a dog Yeah, I don't know if she would respect me more or not. My mom is the type to make sure I pay if I piss her off. Knowing her, if I went and got the dog and took off she would refuse to talk to me for a long time or like she always likes to say to me, "don't bite the hand that feeds you!" Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX I really don't think I could ever call the cops for something like this. The cops would probably laugh at me and tell me they have more important things to do then try to get a dog back from my mother or deal with a family feud over a dog If someone you didn't know agreed to board your dog and then refused to give it back what would you do? What do you think the cops would say then? Originally posted by XNemesisX Yeah, I don't know if she would respect me more or not. My mom is the type to make sure I pay if I piss her off. Knowing her, if I went and got the dog and took off she would refuse to talk to me for a long time or like she always likes to say to me, "don't bite the hand that feeds you!" She has trained you well hasn't she? One day you are going to stand up to her. It can be now or in your 40's or 50's, the choice is yours but the longer you wait the harder it gets and the less respect you have for yourself. Whether your mom is "the hand that feeds you" or not she has responsibility to live up to her agreements and not use threats, force or manipulation to change those agreements at her sole and arbitrary discretion. What your mom is doing is wrong, 100% wrong and your enabling her to get away with these kinds of behaviors just encourages her. She wouldn't be this way if the people around her didn't support her anti-social behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
quankanne Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 I feel for you, nem ... my dad has got the guilt trip thing down good. Sometimes it actually works to his benefit, too! seriously, though, maybe sharing the dog could be a solution, that way everyone's happy (for the most part). Link to post Share on other sites
Nicholas Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 At this point it's not about you and it's not about your mother - it's about the puppy. Take back the dog. It's yours. Link to post Share on other sites
tokyo Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Ugh, your mom is awful..... What a selfish immature manipulative person she is. She's lucky you're still talking to her. I assume you have thought about it enough if you were able to take care of a dog or not before you bought it, so if I were you, I'd try to get my dog back. She's probably using this dog to enforce her power over you, to see how far she can get with her actions. It's about control. She also seem to be a very envious person who can't stand the idea that you might be happy with something. She wants what you have to be as happy as you and she doesn' care if that makes you unhappy. I don't have any solutions for dealing with her, if she was just some person that you know, I'd tell you to walk away and not bother about her anymore, but she's your mother and I guess that's not what you want. Nevertheless, I'd try to get my dog back. It's not only a dog, it's about standing up to your mom and letting her understand that what she's doing is wrong and that you won't accept it. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by XNemesisX Ugh..do you really think I should just give her my dog Pocky? I love that dog too.... Well I think you have to approach the situation in a logical way, and personally the whole "call the cop on Mom" thing is a little absurd, but that's just a side note after reading the previous responses. Didn't you say the puppy was having anxiety issues and would keep crying when you left her alone in the house? If I'm remembering correctly, is the dog have these same issues with at your mom's house? From my understanding, having other animals with a pet that has anxiety issues tends to alleviate their fear and they don't exhibit the same problems as if they were left alone. It's possible that your puppy is not a dog that can live in an apartment as the only pet. So, is she having any issues at your mother's house? If not, and she has issues at your house then which environment would be better suited for her? Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Originally posted by Nicholas Take back the dog. It's yours. When you're talking about the happiness and health of a living creature, ownership is the last valid reason for keeping something. If Nem thinks she can give this dog the home it needs then by all means she should be given that opportunity, but that still needs to be established. And if she finds that the environment for the dog is better suited at her mother's house then maybe the dog should stay there. Link to post Share on other sites
Craig Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 The argument that your dog should stay with your mom because your mom says the your dog would be happier with her is missing the point. If it were a perfect stranger that refused to give your dog back you'd know what to do. If it were your ex that refused to give your dog back you'd know what to do. The point is that your mom agreed to temporarily look after your dog and then to give your dog back to you. Only after your mom got attached to your dog did she argue that your dog would be better off with her--and besides you shouldn't bit the hand that feeds you. If we were talking about an ex-bf not giving your dog back and this hypothetical ex-bf was the type to make sure you pay if you piss him off I wonder if people would have different thoughts on what you could do? If you are not able to look after your dog then it is you that should decide where your dog goes and not your mom after she has become attached to your dog. Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 *edit* was posted twice Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Pocky~ Didn't you say the puppy was having anxiety issues and would keep crying when you left her alone in the house? If I'm remembering correctly, is the dog have these same issues with at your mom's house? From my understanding, having other animals with a pet that has anxiety issues tends to alleviate their fear and they don't exhibit the same problems as if they were left alone. It's possible that your puppy is not a dog that can live in an apartment as the only pet. I have 2 other pets. They are both cats, though. My parents have lots of pets, but the dog they have is strictly outdoor dog and that dog is really too old and has no interest in playing with my puppy. Now, there ARE more people at my parents house. When one person is gone, there is always another person there to be with my dog... at least most of the time. When my mom and sister are at school, my dad is there but he has to leave for hours at a time for work. They say the dog still cries even there when left alone. So, I don't really see what the difference is between the dog being there and being here besides that there are more people around her. Now, right now I can't let the dog run free in my apartment with my 2 cats because she's still too young (just a little over 8 wks old) and I'm afraid she would hurt herself or be destructive. And I'm still training her right now... If we were talking about an ex-bf not giving your dog back and this hypothetical ex-bf was the type to make sure you pay if you piss him off I wonder if people would have different thoughts on what you could do? If you are not able to look after your dog then it is you that should decide where your dog goes and not your mom after she has become attached to your dog. GOOD POINT!!!! My mom was really pissed off when I first brought the dog to her house. But now that the dog has been sleeping in the bed with my parents and she's generally really attached to her...now it's her way or no way. I suppose I could try out the taking turns thing and let her keep her every once in a while if she will go for that. I'm not sure if she will or not. Like I said, it's usually her way or the highway. She has always been that way. I talked to my friend about this last night and told her about how my mom said she won't give me my dog back because she is "happier there." (great way to guilt trip me by saying that, huh?) my friend was like, "Brooke, your dog was happy with you too! I saw her!" My puppy is just really sweet natured and does love everybody. But my mom actually said last night on the phone, "your puppy loves me more anyway." Do you all think that is kind of a mean thing to say? Kooky~ Nevertheless, I'd try to get my dog back. It's not only a dog, it's about standing up to your mom and letting her understand that what she's doing is wrong and that you won't accept it. I really hate the idea of starting a big fight with her over a dog, but it looks like its going to come down to this. I think I will go back home today and just go in and get the dog and get her things together. My mom has done this to me before. I found a stray cat and took her in and the cat was pregnant. The cat had the kittens and I claimed 2 of them. They lived with me for a while but then I had to take the cats to my mom because I was living in a no-pets allowed apartment and maintenance had to come in to fix the A/C. She refused to give the cats back to me. I really think my mom loves animals better than people. She treats her pets better than she has ever treated me. I mean, i know Chanel woudl be happy with my parents but I believe she would be happy with me too and you all know how bad I wanted a puppy. It's just not fair if my mom will do this to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 If you think you can provide a happy and healthy home for the puppy then by all means return to your mother's house and pick her up. However, as a word of caution, maybe you should stop considering your mother as a temporary solution when you have animals that you can't care for. You've already experienced this with her when you took the cats there, so in all reality this shouldn't come as big surprise. Possibly, your mother is tired of you dropping off pets when you're unable to care for them at your own place? I can just hear my mother if I tried this and I'm sure she'd make some comment referring to the fact that she's not a kennel and the next animal I drop off she's keeping. Maybe your mother is making a point? Link to post Share on other sites
Lil Honey Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Don't leave your boyfriend with your mom . . . unless you don't want him back . . . Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 Possibly, your mother is tired of you dropping off pets when you're unable to care for them at your own place? I can just hear my mother if I tried this and I'm sure she'd make some comment referring to the fact that she's not a kennel and the next animal I drop off she's keeping. Maybe your mother is making a point? Hmm..I never thought of it like that. Link to post Share on other sites
CurlyIam Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Make sure you're not leaving your kids with her either . The point here is not where the dog is better. Dogs were better when they were hunting in the wild, too bad men broke them into house pets. This is about you standing up to your mom and taking what's yours. The dog! Don't let her walk all over you, Nemesis. Go there, take him and leave. Bye bye! Link to post Share on other sites
Author XNemesisX Posted April 28, 2005 Author Share Posted April 28, 2005 I just got off the phone with my mom. I said (in a matter of fact way) "Hi mom, I'm coming to get my puppy tomorrow just so you know." She goes, "you mean MY puppy?" I say "Mom, that is my puppy and you know it. If I thought you were going to keep my puppy for good then I would have never took her there for you to watch her for me. " Mom: Too bad. Me: Mom, I'm getting my puppy tomorrow! I will be there at around 5 pm OKAY? Mom: No you're not. Me: Um, yes I am! Mom: Um, no you are NOT! This went on for a looong time. She said that I would have to pretty much snatch her right out of her arms if I go there tomorrow to get her. I guess I will! Make sure you're not leaving your kids with her either . I don't have any, but if I ever do I don't think she would want to steal them. My mom doesn't really like kids, but animals are another story! Don't let her walk all over you, Nemesis. Go there, take him and leave. Bye bye YEP! That is exactly what I am going to do. I just hope we don't have to have a knock down drag out fight over a dog! Link to post Share on other sites
Fester Lungblood Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hey gorgeous. You really DO need a a knock down fight with your Mom. This whole puppy thing ain't about a dog at all...you're into pschology right?...well think about it for a while...in this case the cigar is not just a cigar. Conflict with your Mom will be good thing if you win and you better win, and she sees she can no longer punsih you the way she has been. Your Mom sounds to me like the school bully who takes your bicycle away and won't give it back while you trail around after her whining gimme...gimmme...gimmme. Too harsh on you? Life is rough sometimes and so can I be but you're as pretty as a picture, so smile. Link to post Share on other sites
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