I'm not enough

[Savannah2]

He's with her. I'm not enough for him. I'll never be enough for him.

[Josmatjes]

Do not think that way! You are enought! He is not enough for you! You cannot let this get you down...he chose someone he cheated on because it's the easiest choice. He will never be happy, but you have a choice...you do! To let him beat you down and win or....you can hold your head up high and know you are the better person! It's your choice!

[autumnnight]

Savannah, when my ex chose the woman he cheated WITH and not me (although to be fair she didn't know about me either so he cheated on us both) I felt the same way. I'm not _____ enough. I'm good enough to play with but not good enough to stick with...yada yada yada.

 

Here's the truth. The reason my ex couldn't be faithful and couldn't choose wisely was because HE is not enough.

 

Here's a song that sums it up for me:

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Zn__0qvY1WY

[Grapesofwrath]

No no no no. Don't go there. Who is he to make you feel inadequate? Who is he to make you question your worth? That is just untrue and unfair to you.

 

He has decided how to spend his time, for whatever reason or set of reasons. He's done you a favor. He has set you free. Free from this false prison that he created that controls your self-esteem. You are free now to heal, learn, and live a life of integrity. You are free to find the love that is right for you. Maybe a good place to start would be with loving yourself. Love yourself the way you love others.

[Savannah2]

He is taking her out tonight on a date and it's killing me. I'm sure I'll see her posting selfies of them all over FB. I wonder what it must be like for him having 2 women proposing their love to him.

[autumnnight]

He is taking her out tonight on a date and it's killing me. I'm sure I'll see her posting selfies of them all over FB. I wonder what it must be like for him having 2 women proposing their love to him.

 

My advice? Remove one of those women (you) now. Don't look online, don't respond to him. Go cold and dark. Cry, eat ice cream, run, see friends, buy a voodoo doll and some really long pins.

 

Lance the wound. Give yourself a scheduled time to cry every day and then start reducing it by a minute or two until you're all cried out. Color your hair. Write a really bad novel.

 

Do THINGS that have nothing to do with him.

 

Life will suck awhile. Then it won't suck as much. Then you'll laugh at something funny on TV.

[TaraMaiden2]

He's with her. I'm not enough for him. I'll never be enough for him.

 

If there is something I would never do, it's to disgrace myself, and sell myself short by being someone a man can use like a kleenex.

 

I would honestly advise you, with all the kindness and compassion in the world, to re-locate your self-respect, dust it off, polish it until it shines and dazzles, and wear it with pride for all to see.

Then tell him to go f*** himself.

[minimariah]

He is taking her out tonight on a date and it's killing me. I'm sure I'll see her posting selfies of them all over FB. I wonder what it must be like for him having 2 women proposing their love to him.

 

don't torture yourself with this -- remove her from FB & don't look and then remove him from your life. and sweetheart... you ARE enough.

 

you only need to be enough for you & love YOU. when that is achieved - you can only be treasure and more than enough for everyone else.

 

and he is the one not enough for you!

you deserve and want more, a man who will put all of his attention and affection only on you! so he is the one who isn't enough. you're a great woman, a fantastic woman and it's his loss that he can't appreciate that.

[whichwayisup]

He is taking her out tonight on a date and it's killing me. I'm sure I'll see her posting selfies of them all over FB. I wonder what it must be like for him having 2 women proposing their love to him.

 

Feeds his big fat selfish ego.

 

Don't let this guy ruin your self esteem! Surround yourself with loving and kind friends and family, you need that now.

[Hope Shimmers]

No you're not enough for this LOSER because his ego is dictating that he needs more than one woman groveling at his feet. Feel sorry for his wife (or girlfriend, or whatever she is) - would you want to be her, knowing how he treats her?

 

Do you really think her selfies on Facebook make them a happy couple? They call it 'Fakebook'' for a reason. Do NOT look!

 

You are WAY better than that. I am not just saying it - I know it because I feel the pain and love in your post. You deserve better. Tell him to **** off because he doesn't deserve you.

[Trishern]

He's with her. I'm not enough for him. I'll never be enough for him.

 

Imagine how his wife would feel, if she knew.....

 

 

I've just read some of your old threads and it's obvious too the reader that this guy is using you .

 

 

A few points though:

• he hasn't future faked you
  
• he hasn't said he loves you as many do, just so you hear what you want
  
• he pushes and pulls away from you
  
• he dashes off and disappears after intimacy
  
• he says he can't imagine life without his wife , as he loves her
  

 

Whilst he's not a pleasant chap, he hasn't been dishonest in his feelings towards you or tried to make you think it's more than it is, but I may have missed something - apologies if I have.

 

 

 

 

Are you thinking he'll leave his wife? it doesn't seem like that will be the case at all.

 

 

The chap is getting some variety with you, but if you take the power back, you can stop it.

 

 

• Try and get a job somewhere else
  
• Go NC and devote time to yourself.
  
• Such men can knock your self esteem and make you feel worthless.
  
• Just don't allow it to happen.
  

 

It's best to block his wife on FB. You don't need to see their happiness, because you know he's deceiving her, even though she's oblivious.

 

 

It's happiness for his wife, with hidden betrayal and I'm sure you wouldn't

want to be her, married to a cheater

 

 

You may already be, but if not try some therapy to help you get put of this, because it's damaging you.

 

 

Find someone who can take you on dates openly, where you'll be free to post your pictures on FB if you choose to.

 

 

Savannah - unless you believe that you deserve more than some of his spare time, things won't improve. You'll feel liberated with a 'normal' relationship if you can find the strength to break free from all this.

 

 

 

 

Mrs. Trishern

[Grapesofwrath]

Savannah: Are you still unhappily married? Were you maybe hoping that the MM would provide an exit opportunity from that? I went back and read your first post, asking then if you'd be enough for him. Sounds like that is an issue that has always plagued you, so maybe some IC would help you to look at that?

 

I agree with Hope re: Fakebook. No one posts photos there when they are fighting with their spouse or lying to their spouse to create an opportunity to see the OM/OW. Don't believe what you see there. People curate their pages very carefully to create a certain impression.

[Savannah2]

I am separated from my husband. I do feel insecure in this affair. I think because he's never told me he loves me. He says he loves her but enjoys his time with me. He's always done the push pull with me. At first I thought he pulled away when things were good with her. Then I realized it's just the opposite. When he thinks she is happy with him, I hear from him a lot more. When she is giving him a hard time, he feels he has to do damage control and pulls away from me. It's like I'm his little side reward.

[Tullyseptember]

It doesn't help your self esteem to feel this way about an attached man. In the past when I would feel sorry for myself and be all tragic damsel my Mom would kick my butt in gear to stop that type of thinking. I think it could help you to take time to realize your own self worth, it's not hinged on another's feelings for you. Stepping back and taking control of you is being enough for YOU!

[81West]

You're right.

 

You're not enough.

 

You're not enough for him to make the changes in his life that would be necessary to invite you into it in a real way. I've recently learned I'm not enough either. It can crush you if you let it. If I can't make it with my soulmate, can't be enough, what is it all even for? If I can't be enough for him, that partiular man, what even is the purpose of love?

 

I'm not enough. And so what. So what. Maybe I'm not enough because he saw some true deficit in me. Maybe I'm not enough because he is not capable of the courage or the strength or the vision to seek out true fulfilment in life. Maybe I'm not enough because he's weak, selfish or short sited. Maybe I'm not enough because I'm too fat or too blonde or too tall or too short. Maybe he's right where he's supposed to be in life and has made the exact right decision. Maybe he doesn't value love like I do. Maybe he prefers his aquisitions and his anodyne security in which the costs are so well hidden, probably even from himself.

 

I don't know. I just know that the message is that I'm not enough. And when that's the message, you walk away. You walk away and take the opportunity to look hard in the mirror and make the changes that make you enough - to you. Make yourself enough in your own eyes. That's the only gaze that matters now.

[lookingforclosure]

You're right.

 

You're not enough.

 

You're not enough for him to make the changes in his life that would be necessary to invite you into it in a real way. I've recently learned I'm not enough either. It can crush you if you let it. If I can't make it with my soulmate, can't be enough, what is it all even for? If I can't be enough for him, that partiular man, what even is the purpose of love?

 

I'm not enough. And so what. So what. Maybe I'm not enough because he saw some true deficit in me. Maybe I'm not enough because he is not capable of the courage or the strength or the vision to seek out true fulfilment in life. Maybe I'm not enough because he's weak, selfish or short sited. Maybe I'm not enough because I'm too fat or too blonde or too tall or too short. Maybe he's right where he's supposed to be in life and has made the exact right decision. Maybe he doesn't value love like I do. Maybe he prefers his aquisitions and his anodyne security in which the costs are so well hidden, probably even from himself.

 

I don't know. I just know that the message is that I'm not enough. And when that's the message, you walk away. You walk away and take the opportunity to look hard in the mirror and make the changes that make you enough - to you. Make yourself enough in your own eyes. That's the only gaze that matters now.

 

 

 

 

Thanks 81West....I needed to read this tonight

[Josmatjes]

Savannah: Are you still unhappily married? Were you maybe hoping that the MM would provide an exit opportunity from that? I went back and read your first post, asking then if you'd be enough for him. Sounds like that is an issue that has always plagued you, so maybe some IC would help you to look at that?

 

I agree with Hope re: Fakebook. No one posts photos there when they are fighting with their spouse or lying to their spouse to create an opportunity to see the OM/OW. Don't believe what you see there. People curate their pages very carefully to create a certain impression.

 

That Facebook does more harm than good! It makes people feel bad about themselves . They see people on vacations and birthdays and kissing and all lovey dovey.... It's truly pathetic. My mms wife posted a picture of him and her and people were commenting..oh look at you two.....blah blah blah....meanwhile he's been cheating and she is a nightmare and they hate hate hate each other! It's. Crazy! Why do we even care so much what others think? I think maybe people would like others more if they were just real!!

[sandylee1]

He's with her. I'm not enough for him. I'll never be enough for him.

 

Neither is his wife enough.

 

No one person will ever be enough for him , because he's a selfish man who uses and deceives. I don't think that's going to stop any time soon. If you are courageous enough to end it, he'll find another willing participants to hop aboard.

 

When will it be enough for you though?

What will it take for you to realise he's never leaving his wife?

How much more of his hot and cold are you willing to take?

[Savannah2]

Sandy lee, you are right. I don't think one ean will ever be enough. Even though he tells me he would never go down affair road again, I have my doubts. He is a very good looking guy that is a charmer. People are just attracted to him and I think he has a hard time controlling that. His wife doesn't trust him. She's constantly checking his phone. Because she caught him in an emotional affair at his lady job 5 years ago. I'm sure he told her it would never happen again after that one. I'm proof that was a lie.

[georgia girl]

Savannah2,

 

You are more than enough - but for the right guy. Fundamentally, affairs have this fatal flaw in the relationship which sets up this dynamic which is why I am typically anti-affair for the sake of the woman involved (but there a few examples here where they were successful).

 

But regardless of the affair relationship, if ANY man - or person for that matter - ever makes you feel like you are not enough, then walk away. Not being enough is their problem, not yours. Plus, we get such a short ride on this thing called life that if someone cannot affirm us, then we simply shouldn't waste precious time chasing that affirmation.

 

Hugs to you and good luck!

[Savannah2]

Why am I so worried when they are together that he is having a good time with her? Why do I let it bother me so much? I feel so insecure that he will decide not end things with me because he's having more fun with her. I know ther still have sex too. And that kills me. I wonder how it is, if she is better than me, constantly comparing and worrying.

[elaine567]

He is a very good looking guy that is a charmer.

 

He has options and he knows it.

You are besotted, his wife is probably also besotted, he flits between the two at will, and if he is good looking and a charmer, he will have others waiting in the wings too.

 

YOU love a man who doesn't love you and that is a tragedy, but whilst most women in that situation get some perks - ie kids, house, status, money, etc.

YOU get nothing apart from heart ache and a few crumbs when he decides he needs to throw them at you. He uses you and you let him.

 

Even if he left his wife tomorrow, could you honestly ever trust him?

He is a serial cheater, he cannot ever be trusted.

 

Why are you selling yourself short?

[elaine567]

Why am I so worried when they are together that he is having a good time with her? Why do I let it bother me so much? I feel so insecure that he will decide not end things with me because he's having more fun with her. I know ther still have sex too. And that kills me. I wonder how it is, if she is better than me, constantly comparing and worrying.

 

I guess he does have more fun with her, as she is his wife and he is choosing to stick by her.

He has never told you he loves you, so why do you assume you are that important to him?

She is his wife, I guess, you are merely a woman who allows him to have sex with her.

 

I know I am being a tad harsh, but time to wise up here.

Else you are just wasting your life and it is difficult to stand by and watch you do so.

AND over what?

Some guy who cannot keep in his pants.

[Southern Sun]

Savannah, I hate to say it, but he sounds like a typical cake-eater, and you are far more invested in him emotionally than he is in you.

 

He has it made - a wife he is happy to keep for his home facade and his woman on the side. It's a win-win situation for him. If things are tough at home, he pulls away to smooth things over. When she settles, he comes to get some side action from you. It's all good for him, but both you and the wife suffer.

 

Gather what dignity you can muster and turn the tables on this DOUCHE. I'm sorry, but that's what he is. The charm is nothing but superficial BS. Look past it to his character. If you can find it in you to end it, to be the one to pull the plug, you will look back on it one day as the best freaking decision you ever made. And you can't do it with ulterior motives, in an effort to make him see what he is losing. You have to do it because it's right and because you need to get YOU back and leave him far behind.

[Savannah2]

I've hardly heard from him this weekend because their kids are away so it's just been the two of them so he says he hasn't had much time to contact me because she is around him a lot. So he texted and said just had a minute to check in until she comes back.

 

I said thanks for throwing me a crumb.