Jonp219 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 A buddy of mine just called me so we could hang out downtown, knowing him he just wants to go to a bars, walk around, and get some girls numbers. My head just isn't there at the moment, I still can't even have a proper conversation with the opposite sex knowing i'm attracted to them. I told him, "no thanks, I think i'm just going to sit this one out". Then he goes on this whole thing about I need to get my head out of my ass and stop taking like so seriously blah blah blah lol. I just can't bring myself to do any of those things, I feel like i'm competing with so much here. Even in my class, I've been in that class for 2 weeks now, there's like 3 cute girls in there and I can't talk to any of them. I have this horrible mental block and I just can't shake it off. I'm a terrible guy, I was a terrible bf, and i'm a terrible friend. I haven't been keeping in touch with any of them the last month or so, that's another thing that's been worrying him. I know i'm complaining again, but sue me *shrugs*. Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 Yep Jon, you totally suck balls. Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 I feel your pain. It feels extremely awkward most of the time talking to he opposite sex again. You were probably in relationship mode so long that it will take some time to ease back into the dating scene. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 Yep Jon, you totally suck balls. I know, I know. I can't help it though lol Link to post Share on other sites
na49 Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 It's okay if you don't feel like you're ready yet. I think taking a summer class (is that what it is?) would be an easy way to meet people. You can go up to someone and say something like "man.. summer classes suck, right?" or "did you understand X from the homework/reading?" "when is X assignment due again?". You have built in conversation starters because you already have something in common. You don't need to try to date every girl you talk to. I am guilty of this, but am working on it. Whenever I talk to a girl, I immediately projected my feelings onto them, and feel like I can't blow things because this girl could be "the one". Your next girlfriend might not be in your classes, but I think that talking to people will help you. Did your ex ever actually tell you that you were a "terrible bf", and has anyone told you that you are a "terrible person" or do you believe that you were because she didn't want to be with you anymore? I feel you on having bad days though. I had a dream about my ex last night, and it was perfect. Waking up was the emptiest feeling ever. Stay strong dude! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 It's okay if you don't feel like you're ready yet. I think taking a summer class (is that what it is?) would be an easy way to meet people. You can go up to someone and say something like "man.. summer classes suck, right?" or "did you understand X from the homework/reading?" "when is X assignment due again?". You have built in conversation starters because you already have something in common. You don't need to try to date every girl you talk to. I am guilty of this, but am working on it. Whenever I talk to a girl, I immediately projected my feelings onto them, and feel like I can't blow things because this girl could be "the one". Your next girlfriend might not be in your classes, but I think that talking to people will help you. Did your ex ever actually tell you that you were a "terrible bf", and has anyone told you that you are a "terrible person" or do you believe that you were because she didn't want to be with you anymore? I feel you on having bad days though. I had a dream about my ex last night, and it was perfect. Waking up was the emptiest feeling ever. Stay strong dude! Essentially she did say I was a terrible bf and that she could do better than me, but she was just angry so it's whatever. Besides she's right she can definitely do better than me. I brought nothing but tension and anger towards her at the time. Sometimes I don't feel it's OK not to be ready. I feel as if I need to get **** together and get out there already, but my mind is telling me otherwise. I'm trying to change my ways as quickly as possible. The patience I had (or didn't have) for myself is starting wear thin. It's the most frustrating feeling in the world when yo know what you should be doing, but you can't. Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 12, 2015 Share Posted June 12, 2015 You are absolutely fine. I know how you feel sometimes i feel the same way. I wants to date but I am tired of online people, or meeting people total incompatible.. What I do is to keep myself busy. I am not a bar woman. I don't belong to any club and I don't know the end of this. Maybe one day you will decide to go out just talk to people without necessarily planing on dating them. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 12, 2015 Author Share Posted June 12, 2015 You are absolutely fine. I know how you feel sometimes i feel the same way. I wants to date but I am tired of online people, or meeting people total incompatible.. What I do is to keep myself busy. I am not a bar woman. I don't belong to any club and I don't know the end of this. Maybe one day you will decide to go out just talk to people without necessarily planing on dating them. Good luck. I don't bother with online dating, no one ever sends me messages it's annoying and disheartening. I like going to bars from time to time, but I wouldn't want to meet someone there. I can't just talk to women and not think of dating them, unless I find them unattractive. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 I just went out to take a long walk around the neighborhood and saw a few girls I could of approached and I just walked away. I don't know, most girls just don't look approachable and telling them to take off their headphones seems a little awkward to me. If only I was a better boyfriend I wouldn't have to deal with all this stress... Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 The fact that your posting on this site, shows that you need interaction with other people, even if online. People are very social animals and need the interaction and connection w/others. Sitting home alone day after day isn't going to get you back on your feet. You should of went out and had some laughs. PRACTICE talking to some girls again. Who cares if you don't feel at your best. Link to post Share on other sites
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 The fact that your posting on this site, shows that you need interaction with other people, even if online. People are very social animals and need the interaction and connection w/others. Sitting home alone day after day isn't going to get you back on your feet. You should of went out and had some laughs. PRACTICE talking to some girls again. Who cares if you don't feel at your best. This... Also, don't even make going out all about meeting women. Just have fun! Let it all happen naturally. Being with friends really lifts your spirits. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 The fact that your posting on this site, shows that you need interaction with other people, even if online. People are very social animals and need the interaction and connection w/others. Sitting home alone day after day isn't going to get you back on your feet. You should of went out and had some laughs. PRACTICE talking to some girls again. Who cares if you don't feel at your best. Wow, yeah that's exactly how I feel. I post on this site because I don't have anyone to talk to. I have 4 friends max that I can depend on, and I don't want to burden them with my issues anymore, i'm sure they don't want to hear about it anymore either. I haven't reached out to half of them in a while because I just haven't felt like hanging out. Now one of them is moving to Indiana at the end of the summer, so i'm probably gonna be left with only 1 friend by the end of the summer lol. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Jon, You seem to spend a lot of time on here and living in self pity from what I read, lack of self confidence etc. Your friend might've come across as harsh in your view but he's only trying to help, sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. How long have you been broken up now? it's about time you got back out there and just talked to people, you'll be surprised how much a good time with interesting people can take your mind off things. There comes a certain point when the whole "I'm a terrible boyfriend, I'm a terrible guy and friend" thing needs to go. What is most important is how you view yourself, these things you think are mostly your own thoughts created by you; its self sabotage. You should get up, tell yourself you're a great guy, iron your best shirt and hit the town with your friend. I'm not saying go out and try pull girls or anything, just interact with people, regardless of the sex. Also, if I remember correctly, you live in NYC? One of the greatest cities in the world...it's your oyster man...better things are out there. Go find them, you won't get them sitting at home posting on Loveshack 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 (edited) Jon, You seem to spend a lot of time on here and living in self pity from what I read, lack of self confidence etc. Your friend might've come across as harsh in your view but he's only trying to help, sometimes we have to be cruel to be kind. How long have you been broken up now? it's about time you got back out there and just talked to people, you'll be surprised how much a good time with interesting people can take your mind off things. There comes a certain point when the whole "I'm a terrible boyfriend, I'm a terrible guy and friend" thing needs to go. What is most important is how you view yourself, these things you think are mostly your own thoughts created by you; its self sabotage. You should get up, tell yourself you're a great guy, iron your best shirt and hit the town with your friend. I'm not saying go out and try pull girls or anything, just interact with people, regardless of the sex. Also, if I remember correctly, you live in NYC? One of the greatest cities in the world...it's your oyster man...better things are out there. Go find them, you won't get them sitting at home posting on Loveshack I know he means well, and I didn't take an offense to what he said. I just can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. I feel like I have nothing to offer. My break up was 4 months ago (2 months 2 weeks of NC). Last week I went to a Meetup at some lounge downtown. I met this guy there, nice guy, and while I was there he went over to talk to two girls and called me over say hello. I tried to uphold the convo the best I could, but I just felt uncomfortable. Besides it seemed like they were way more interested in him than me, so just walked away. I did meet some interesting people that night but the fact that I couldn't talk to one girl in a place full of em kept me down for the rest of the night. It is self sabotage, but I just can't find anyway around it. These thoughts are just ingrained in my mind. Although it's created by me, in a way it represents who I am. It always has, even before I met my ex I couldn't approach girls. Every single girl I've ever met was introduced to me by a friend. Yeah, I do live in NYC. This place is just jammed packed with fake, vapid, self-absorbed, immoral, workaholics. It's not that great, people are zombies over here. It's difficult meeting a girl who has the same values as me here. It's quite sad. Edited June 13, 2015 by Jonp219 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I know he means well, and I didn't take an offense to what he said. I just can't seem to pull myself out of this slump. I feel like I have nothing to offer. My break up was 4 months ago (2 months 2 weeks of NC). Last week I went to a Meetup at some lounge downtown. I met this guy there, nice guy, and while I was there he went over to talk to two girls and called me over say hello. I tried to uphold the convo the best I could, but I just felt uncomfortable. Besides it seemed like they were way more interested in him than me, so just walked away. I did meet some interesting people that night but the fact that I couldn't talk to one girl in a place full of em kept me down for the rest of the night. It is self sabotage, but I just can't find anyway around it. These thoughts are just ingrained in my mind. Although it's created by me, in a way it represents who I am. It always has, even before I met my ex I couldn't approach girls. Every single girl I've ever met was introduced to me by a friend. Yeah, I do live in NYC. This place is just jammed packed with fake, vapid, self-absorbed, immoral, workaholics. It's not that great, people are zombies over here. It's difficult meeting a girl who has the same values as me here. It's quite sad. The fact that you went out to that meet up group is a good sign. It should help your confidence and help you keep the momentum going. Don't put pressure on yourself w/gals. You just need to go out, have fun and if you talk to some gals, just relax and HAVE A CONVERSATION with them like there a guy pal. You'll relax and get more comfortable with it. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
ASV Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Know what? I've reversed that. I miss her SO that now talking to the opposite sex is a walk in the park. I couldn't care less for rejection. I've already been dumped by "the one", so who cares. Take this kind of "positive" mental pattern if you want. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Jonp, i live in nyc too, but if i dont date much, it is not very bad , since there is always something that could distract you. The problem with you is that each time you are out you expect to connect with a girl . You are lucky to join a group of people , just relax and have a good time. You can meet with people for a drnk , talk and have a good time. If you find a girl , it is fine. And if you dont it is ok, it is not time yet. Be positive one day it will happen. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Jonp, i live in nyc too, but if i dont date much, it is not very bad , since there is always something that could distract you. The problem with you is that each time you are out you expect to connect with a girl . You are lucky to join a group of people , just relax and have a good time. You can meet with people for a drnk , talk and have a good time. If you find a girl , it is fine. And if you dont it is ok, it is not time yet. Be positive one day it will happen. Exactly! Just go out and have fun without the mindset of talking to chicks. If you do,cool.. If you don't, cool. Just enjoy yourself out on the town. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 Exactly! Just go out and have fun without the mindset of talking to chicks. If you do,cool.. If you don't, cool. Just enjoy yourself out on the town. I'm trying to do that. It's just my mind continues to tell me, "you're going to end up alone" over and over again. I need to block those voices out, but it's so annoying when most of my friends are moving in with their girlfriends/spouses and I'm still living at home with no one to share my life with. I know some guys who are happily living a quiet bachelor life, but their workaholics I don't envy them. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I'm trying to do that. It's just my mind continues to tell me, "you're going to end up alone" over and over again. Here's a great quote that I used often. "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, your right"... Link to post Share on other sites
HowMightI-live Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Totally feel yah on this one. I'm at the stage where im contemplating the thought of getting back out there while still feeling like im not quite ready yet. Like you, there's opportunities (im in school too) there's pretty people everywhere but i find myself rejecting the thought of taking any practical actions toward engaging with anyone. I guess a big part of me is afraid of getting hurt again so i avoid everyone and everything. Im at a point where im not constantly thinking and moping about my ex anymore and accepted that its.over but i still kinda feel at a stand still. Weekends are the worst because i feel like i.should be out.there mingling and having fun. Blah, lol. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Jonp219 Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 (edited) Totally feel yah on this one. I'm at the stage where im contemplating the thought of getting back out there while still feeling like im not quite ready yet. Like you, there's opportunities (im in school too) there's pretty people everywhere but i find myself rejecting the thought of taking any practical actions toward engaging with anyone. I guess a big part of me is afraid of getting hurt again so i avoid everyone and everything. Im at a point where im not constantly thinking and moping about my ex anymore and accepted that its.over but i still kinda feel at a stand still. Weekends are the worst because i feel like i.should be out.there mingling and having fun. Blah, lol. Me and you are on the same level right now lol It's just hard for me to 'enjoy my youth'. I was in a relationship for 4 years and the only reason I would want to get back out there is to find my next great love and nothing more. Plus the easiest places to meet women are places i wouldn't want to meet women. It's usually bars and clubs, and in other areas I feel women are more closed to cold approaches. I don't think about her much either, but there are moments I break down and fall into that mode of self-blame again. Today I've been feeling fuxking horrible. God has been ****ing with me. Two pretty girls sat next to me on the train, and then I saw another one on the platform. And of course, my pussy ass couldn't approach them because I feel like I'm half a man. I'm so close to falling into my suicidal mindset again... Edited June 14, 2015 by Jonp219 Link to post Share on other sites
Loveless86 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Here's a great quote that I used often. "Whether you think you can or you think you can't, your right"... Great quote I feel like im in this boat now my gf left me 2 months ago i feel like a new relationship would completely get her out of my thoughts Ive been doing well with NC, she broke it last week and it set me back. I suck at meeting women so was thinking about going on pof,but even if i happen to meet someone and we hit it off, im scared that i cant cope with break ups, not sure im ready Link to post Share on other sites
fireflywy Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Me and you are on the same level right now lol It's just hard for me to 'enjoy my youth'. I was in a relationship for 4 years and the only reason I would want to get back out there is to find my next great love and nothing more. Plus the easiest places to meet women are places i wouldn't want to meet women. It's usually bars and clubs, and in other areas I feel women are more closed to cold approaches. I don't think about her much either, but there are moments I break down and fall into that mode of self-blame again. Today I've been feeling fuxking horrible. God has been ****ing with me. Two pretty girls sat next to me on the train, and then I saw another one on the platform. And of course, my pussy ass couldn't approach them because I feel like I'm half a man. I'm so close to falling into my suicidal mindset again... Describe this youth please? If you think your youth is going out and fing every hot woman you see or living your life like youre in Mountain Dew or Red Bull commercial, you need to change your perspective and quit adopting the youth that society projects. Live your life man. Oh, and MOST guys would not have an easy time approaching women on a platform either. Stop beating yourself up. Link to post Share on other sites
Jimmyjackson Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Describe this youth please? If you think your youth is going out and fing every hot woman you see or living your life like youre in Mountain Dew or Red Bull commercial, you need to change your perspective and quit adopting the youth that society projects. Live your life man. Oh, and MOST guys would not have an easy time approaching women on a platform either. Stop beating yourself up. I agree, you seem a little too 'Ted Mosby' OP, Just go out with friends and enjoy yourself, you can't plan to meet your 'great love' ... it just happens when you're living life. Link to post Share on other sites
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