Wouldn't intercourse cheating be worse than receiving oral sex?

[Leortop]

I know even though cheating is still cheating, there are varying degrees of cheating and some forms are more intimate and hurtful than others. For instance a ONS wouldn't be exactly the same as an entire affair involving deep emotions nor is oral sex (if you only received it) the same as screwing someone else.

 

For around 4 months or so, I've been dealing with my own guilt. Things got carried away during a party but it was the girl that went down on me, not me. At some point, I did felt disgusted and left a bit early. I decided to keep my guilt for as long as it took. I was struggling during that time and still was till recently.

 

Then the killer came when I find out just this week that she actually slept with someone else while drunk and slept over till the following day. Pretty much the same thing but a lot worse than what I did; I considered sex so much worse than receiving oral sex. I mean she just let someone penetrate her while I didn't get inside the other girl.

 

Anyways, this ruined it all. So much for having this guilty for the longest and now she does worse. I'm breaking up very soon. Sucks that even if I wouldn't have over gone to the party and did that, she would have still have screwed someone else. She's now tainted and someone I can't even look at. At least I didn't have sex with the other girl nor even put my mouth in her part (in comparing to her, my cheating involved sitting on the side of the bed with her, kissing and caressing her breast while she went down on me).

Edited June 13, 2015 by Leortop

[greaterdevil]

wow. one thing worse than a lying cheat--a lying cheat who is also a hypocrite. it seems like you honestly believe that your cheating wasn't "as bad" as her's. enjoy your own medicine.

[Leortop]

wow. one thing worse than a lying cheat--a lying cheat who is also a hypocrite. it seems like you honestly believe that your cheating wasn't "as bad" as her's. enjoy your own medicine.

Well I assumed that most people would find having sex more intimate than getting sucked. The cheating topic came out with a friend long ago and I recalled him telling me that he would dump a gf that cheated but considered sex worse than oral sex.

[Gloria25]

When you are doing things that you should be doing with your SO, you are cheating...

 

So, if you got a BJ, handy, anal, normal intercourse...you cheated.

 

If you spend time w/another person like an emotional affair - instead of spending it with your SO...you are cheating.

 

Now...there are kinds of cheating that vary:

 

1- The one time mistake...where you were drunk, stupid, bad situation. But, it will never happen again, you repented and it literally was a "mistake".

 

2- The dog/playas....they will never be satisfied with ANY woman. They may even enjoy the thrill of the chase and bedding and/or playing women.

 

3- The "starved" guys. Wifey cuts off intimacy, respect, sex. He rather cheat than break up the family.

 

Now, yes, I've gotten involved with involved guys (the 3's) and I saw it as "borrowing" them. Why? Cuz I am disrupting their family life. And IMO, cheating is when you cut corners to get an unfair advantage over another and/or get more while they suffer. If your SO is starving you, IMO, you are getting fed and that's what they get (you cheating) for them neglecting you and trapping you into a hopeless situation where you can lose your kids and/or finances while they didn't hold up their end of the marriage.

 

If this is a one-time thing and you learned your lesson...good. But from what you posted, seems like you and this girl put yourselves in situations that lead into bad decisions.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Yes, getting oral isn't as bad as full on sex, but it's still cheating & breaking boundaries. What's really bad is not owning up to your misdeed & letting your SO decide if they want to stay in the relationship. Ask yourself this: do you want to be a moral person who has integrity or not? If yes, don't do crap like that & try to diminish or justify it after the fact. If no, take the easy road & do what feels good, whenever you want. You can always think up of some reason to make it OK in your mind. That's a well traveled road these days. Being a hypocrite is part of traveling on the low road.

[Gloria25]

Well I assumed that most people would find having sex more intimate than getting sucked. The cheating topic came out with a friend long ago and I recalled him telling me that he would dump a gf that cheated but considered sex worse than oral sex.

 

Maybe that's a male point of view....

 

If I care for a guy, him doing stuff with another woman (kissing, bj sex, hanging out) is all the same to me...

[La.Primavera]

There is no moral high ground here just because you were on the receiving end of oral sex. Some people would argue it was even more of an intimate act than having intercourse. You knew it was wrong but you want label her betrayal as worse to ease your own guilt so you can feel morally superior and hate her.

 

she just let someone penetrate her while I didn't get inside the other girl

 

Actually, you did. You were inside her mouth.

 

Don't be a hypocrite. If you think she is tainted, then so are you.

[SammySammy]

The betrayal occurs in the mind or the heart. What body part is used in the act is irrelevant.

 

Both of you betrayed the other. Both of you are equally guilty.

[Leortop]

Yes, getting oral isn't as bad as full on sex, but it's still cheating & breaking boundaries. What's really bad is not owning up to your misdeed & letting your SO decide if they want to stay in the relationship. Ask yourself this: do you want to be a moral person who has integrity or not? If yes, don't do crap like that & try to diminish or justify it after the fact. If no, take the easy road & do what feels good, whenever you want. You can always think up of some reason to make it OK in your mind. That's a well traveled road these days. Being a hypocrite is part of traveling on the low road.

The reason I still haven't told her is because I'm going to dump her tomorrow. I was going to do it today but had an important call from a family member so I didn't get a chance too.

 

I did confronted her about it and she denied it till she couldn't anymore, went saying how it was a mistake and kept begging me to take her back. I haven't been in contact with her these days and she's been calling. I know it's wrong I'm withholding what I did, but if I'm going to break up and have no interest in working out the relationship anymore, already made my mind (and keeping the promise of never cheating again on another girl) is it even worth confessing?

 

And yes I do want to be a better bf to my next future gf.

Edited June 13, 2015 by Leortop

[Davey L]

The reason I still haven't told her is because I'm going to dump her tomorrow. I was going to do it today but had an important call from a family member so I didn't get a chance too.

 

I did confronted her about it and she denied it till she couldn't anymore, went saying how it was a mistake and kept begging me to take her back. I haven't been in contact with her these days and she's been calling. I know it's wrong I'm withholding what I did, but if I'm going to break up and have no interest in working out the relationship anymore, already made my mind (and keeping the promise of never cheating again on another girl) is it even worth confessing?

 

And yes I do want to be a better bf to my next future gf.

 

If you want to be fair to her tell her it's time to split up because you have both been cheating.

[Keenly]

Would getting punched in the throat be worse than getting kicked in the nuts? Betrayal is betrayal.

[lolablue17]

Yes. full sex is worse than oral sex.

 

In you case there is another difference. You stopped it in the middle. You made a mistake and were trying to fix it and stopped the oral sex. On her side, she went all the way, stayed the night and didn't care about you all day.

 

There is another thing. After you found out, when you confronted her, She was denying until you showed her the proof. I would break up for this only. I say - If you made a mistake and got busted, you should show remorse.

 

The only way you can show remorse is to tell the truth and come clean after being caught. But she continue lying to you until you showed her a proof, which means - No remorse at all.

[jen1447]

I never really understood the sexual equivocation thing. Presumably putting your finger in a woman's vagina isn't as bad as putting your tongue in there, which in turn isn't as bad as putting your penis in there? Or having sex with someone for 15 minutes isn't as bad as having sex with them for a half hour? Or having sex with an AP 20 times is bad, but not as bad as having sex with them 40 times?

 

It's all a slippery slope and just silly bargaining anyway. If you're a person in a presumably exclusive relationship and you have some sexual-genital contact with a different person from your committed partner, you've crossed that bridge and it doesn't really matter how far down the path you go at that point or how many times you cross the bridge again.

 

I think the only people who really view cheating that way are those who are trying to bargain on behalf of their relationships and talk themselves into thinking a betrayal wasn't so bad so they can stay, because they simply don't want their relationship to end.

[No Limit]

The betrayal is done. To what degree matters little, it's happened.

Doesn't feel too good being cheated on, hm? Maybe be single for a while until you actually find a partner you don't want to cheat on.

[carhill]

OP, each couple decides what sexual contact, both between themselves and with others, means to them. As an example, Bill Clinton didn't think a blow job was sex, even if it occurred in the Oval Office. I have no idea what his wife Hillary thought. They're still married. Another couple might see things completely differently, or the same.

 

So, if your partner feels a blow job is 'worse' and you feel intercourse is 'worse', those are valid opinions for yourselves. If minds don't meet and reconcile the differences, then the relationship ends.

 

Life experience will provide guidance in such matters and I hope you gained some valuable experience from this interaction.

[Methodical]

For around 4 months or so, I've been dealing with my own guilt. Things got carried away during a party but it was the girl that went down on me, not me. At some point, I did felt disgusted and left a bit early. I decided to keep my guilt for as long as it took. I was struggling during that time and still was till recently.

 

Then the killer came when I find out just this week that she actually slept with someone else while drunk and slept over till the following day. Pretty much the same thing but a lot worse than what I did; I considered sex so much worse than receiving oral sex. I mean she just let someone penetrate her while I didn't get inside the other girl.

 

Anyways, this ruined it all. So much for having this guilty for the longest and now she does worse. I'm breaking up very soon. Sucks that even if I wouldn't have over gone to the party and did that, she would have still have screwed someone else. She's now tainted and someone I can't even look at. At least I didn't have sex with the other girl nor even put my mouth in her part (in comparing to her, my cheating involved sitting on the side of the bed with her, kissing and caressing her breast while she went down on me).

 

You are such a saint! You allowed someone to suck your cock... you are such an innocent bystander... REALLY?? That being the case, why did you feel guilty? Because YOU ARE.

 

The best part of all this is your last paragraph. "Even if you didn't have sex with the other girl, blah, blah, blah, she would have still screwed someone else. Ha, that is laughable. Talk about justifying your actions. First you downplay what you did, then you call her tainted after having CHEATED four months prior. But you're not tainted, right? You were an innocent bystander who kissed and fondled another girl and let her suck your cock. What a perfect saint you are! Nah, you're not a hypocrite (heavy sarcasm).

[elaine567]

YOU "penetrated" the other girl by sticking your penis in her mouth and your gf got penetrated by another guy.

Both of you cheated, both of you betrayed the other.

 

There is no "get out of jail free" card here.

[Lois_Griffin]

Well I assumed that most people would find having sex more intimate than getting sucked. The cheating topic came out with a friend long ago and I recalled him telling me that he would dump a gf that cheated but considered sex worse than oral sex.

You sound liked a damned fool. Let me guess - you're under 25. If I'm wrong, then that just makes you an even bigger fool.

 

Either you drop your drawers and cheat, or you DON'T drop your drawers and cheat. Don't show your ignorance with your 'degrees of cheating' nonsense.

 

I find it hysterical that some posters actually think like Slick Willie the lying scumbag did - that oral sex isn't as big an indiscretion as intercourse.

 

LOL. Until it happens to THEM, that is. Then we'll see what they think.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

OP, each couple decides what sexual contact, both between themselves and with others, means to them. As an example, Bill Clinton didn't think a blow job was sex, even if it occurred in the Oval Office. I have no idea what his wife Hillary thought. They're still married.

 

 

Shillary could care less that Slick Willy was boinking chubby interns & who ever else. Their marriage was/is a mockery. All she cared & cares about is power. I feel bad for Chelsea back then.

[elaine567]

Shillary could care less that Slick Willy was boinking chubby interns & who ever else. Their marriage was/is a mockery. All she cared & cares about is power. I feel bad for Chelsea back then.

 

Yes, I agree.

This was not your everyday, common or garden marriage, hit by infidelity.

She was going to stick in there, whatever.

As long as Bill remained of use to her, she was going to be by his side.

[Leortop]

I just broke it off an hour ago. Will be going single for the meantime. Perhaps if I would have wanted to work things out after what she did then I might have confess as it would be fair but since it was over for me, not sure what would be the point of that.

 

 

Now I'm not trying to be a hypocrite but maybe some people do get more impacted by intercourse than any other type of cheating. I think if she would have stop things before going all the way and not deny when confronting her, it have motivated me into confessing and working it out. Since to me it was worse what she did and the denial part, that already killed it all.

[Leortop]

I find it hysterical that some posters actually think like Slick Willie the lying scumbag did - that oral sex isn't as big an indiscretion as intercourse.

 

LOL. Until it happens to THEM, that is. Then we'll see what they think.

If you see my update, I would have probably worked it out if she didn't go that far with the other guy staying till the following day nor deny when confronting her; if there is something I agree is that if you're already caught and are being confronted, lying your way out has got to be stupid. By that point, then it would be fair for me to confess.

[CarrieT]

Perhaps if I would have wanted to work things out after what she did then I might have confess as it would be fair but since it was over for me, not sure what would be the point of that.

You know what would be a really nice thing for you to do? Tell her what you did.

 

Right now, she is probably hurting and thinking that *her* indiscretion is 100% the reason for the break-up when it is not.

 

Since to me it was worse what she did and the denial part, that already killed it all.

This is my point. To YOU what she did is worse than what she did. But as you have seen by responses on this board, to many people (not just women), cheating IS cheating, regardless of what happens to which privates parts and by whom.

 

You are writing the double-standard and living by it. I can guarantee that it will come back to bite you again in the future.

[Chi townD]

I can see where you think getting a BJ isn't as bad as full on sex. I guess it could be. I mean, she could have ended up pregnant from this other guy. Hell, it just happened. She might already be!

 

 

However, you got a BJ and she had intercourse. This pretty much tells me that you two weren't THAT committed to each other and I think you did the right thing ending the relationship.

[Darren Steez]

Shame she didn't just go down on him and bounce straight after.. you might still be together.