Divorce is done and ex-hub will still not tell the truth and come clean? Why not?

[painted bleu]

Now that my ex-husband and I are officially divorced I want him to come clean about his lies and deception during our marriage. I ask this for closure on my part, espically since he initiated the divorce, and he did 80% of the damage to the relationship. He feels entirely vindicated in saying that he simply doesn't owe me any answers. Am I the only one who feels an (god I hate this word but Im going to use it regardless) entitlement to have my questions answered truthfully since now the divorce is done? Id like to strap him to a lie detector machine and just start spewing out questions like an auctioneer at him! I would even like the sodium penthol route on him! I just want some answers~It is so frustrating, I think of the scene in "A Few Good Men" (with Tom Cruise and Jack) I WANT THE TRUTH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Any suggestions that might work, Im running out of legal options here. I would really like some feed back, even from the men too.

I pose this question to all the men out there~

why would a man not come clean after the relationship is over, why continue to lie or just be bullheaded and refuse my questions?!

I want some theories, psychology, real life experiences, anything!

Thank you all in advance.

[sunlight]

That would be admitting that they were wrong. Pride.

[Devildog]

I wouldn't expect any honest answers bleu. I too have recently finalized my divorce, and still the XW doesn't want to own up or fess up to any part she played in the disintegration of our marriage.

 

I doubt you will ever get the satisfaction of hearing him admit his wrong doings or come clean about all the lies. The best you can do is to see his reaction as evidence of a fundementally flawed person. A person you are better off without.

[dgiirl]

I think they have enough guilt already because they were the one's who initiated the divorce. They wouldnt want to actually admit they were the one's who were at fault and could have done something to prevent it.

[onlyhuman]

Why would he?He lied to you and decieved you, unless sputnik hit him in the head and gave him a change of heart he is the same lying cheat you were married too.

You can't expect a change of personality.Some people actually start to beleive their own lies, easier for them then facing the truth.

Whats fair and equitable unfortuneatly never seems to apply in a divorce.

You would think when its all done and over he could tell you, the fact he won't just confirms you made the right decision leaving him.

I hope you feel better and in time will not even think about this bad chapter of your life.

[debs]

Sorry your hurt and wanting your exH to give you closure.

 

You maybe waiting a life time for him to admit he was a lying conniving jerk!

 

I too had thought I wanted closure and for my exH to explain his actions but what more explaination do I need, HE married her!

End of story!

[Cis]

yea - and then there are those of us who DO come clean - tell all - ask for forgivness and get kicked to the curb.

 

Cis

[debs]

bleu....

 

Closure is something alot of us would love to have but are smart enough to know we never will.

 

I learned long ago there his their side of the story, our side of the story and the truth as a higher power if you believe in one knows!

 

I think acceptance of the situation as it is at present time is something most of us come to the conclusion of!

 

As hard as it is sometimes you have to accept defeat and go on!

 

Hold your head up high, walk proud and make sure those shoulders are back!

[dgiirl]

Originally posted by debs

HE married her!

End of story!

 

Ugh, I'm shuddering the thought of that. I've told myself i want absolutely NC as long as they are together. I really do not want to know if they get married. If they dont work out, maybe we could be "friends" many years from now. But if they actually got married, hmmm, i dont want anything to do with them.

[debs]

lol dgirl?

 

No did I want the info regarding the exH but when his young wifey pastes it all over the local net you have to deal with it up front and personal!

 

Did I expect it? um hmmmmm it came as no surprise to me! I wish him well and pray to god he NEVER beckons my door EVER again!

[dgiirl]

well, i guess the only consolation is they deserve each other and hopefully they'll do the same to each other what they did to us.

 

Wishing him well? hmmm... I've been thinking about what I should say to my ExH. Once this is all settled, I'll be moving to a new city. I'm curious on what I should say to him. I'll probably be saying something to him because he'll need to pick up the keys to the house and stuff. "Bonne chance" doesnt really sound too good lol

[painted bleu]

Well it seems uninamaous that I will not get the XH to admit his lies, deception and huge fault and holding my breath waiting will render useless. I appreciate all the feed back, and I think I already knew the answer but was hoping for a different response~but thank you for the honesty and not paying me lip-service for disillusionment. And I'm pretty sure the use of unauthorized injection of sodium penathol in my state is still illegal so thats out of the question. I can rest assure that he has a higher power to answer later on, only wish I could be a fly on the wall for that one. He has lied so many times before to me, I should not expect him to tell the truth now, and like someone in this thread said, I feel he actually believes his lies. Hence would make sense why he is so desperate to convince others who know both of us, that he is so much in the right and that I am the villain. And yes I am better off without him and his lies.

Anyone out there who has been betrayed in the worst way and was able to trust and find love again?

I'm curious about life after love!

And yes I want to hear from both sexes on this matter.

Thank you in advance.

Bleu

[painted bleu]

Cis I applaud you for coming clean, even if the response from the other person was negative. I think it shows true remorse in an honorable way to admit wrong doings, even if the initial act on your behalf was other than honorable.