ILoveForums Posted March 16, 2001 Share Posted March 16, 2001 Your input please- esp. men! I've been dating this guy 2 months. The night we met we kissed, in his car, to the sound of smooth jazz. I've seen him 3 times since, he makes sure everything is perfect, the food the wine the music the lovemaking. During that time he's been away 4 weeks. Between trips he was in town for less than a day, still wanted to see me. We slept together- no wait! after we made love he told me "you should better go home now, I'll get you a taxi" at midnight! One more thing, while talking about work he said I get bored easily and looked at me with significance. What do you think? All he wants is casual sex? Is that his way of telling me it won't last and won't mean a thing? Otherwise he looks such a nice guy, he bonds with everyone real easy.... Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 So he bonds with everyone real easy...so doesn't that make you feel special. He sounds like your normal, run of the mill, busy guy who only has so much time. You could probably have a pretty nice relationship with him as long as you don't need a lot of maintenance and you're willing to put up with the extended trips he takes for his business. Almost all men like sex, casual or not. If he's attracted to you and fond of you, having sex with you has no particular significance one way or the other (considering how soon after the two of you met there was sex.) As long as you enjoyed it, that's all that matters. I don't think at this time he probably knows just what direction it will take. Your problem is that under the circumstances you will never be around him enough to know what makes him tick, just how his feelings run, etc. The reason he may bond with people quickly is because he has to. He's never around long enough to take his time. I think this could get serious in five or ten years when you've had enough total time with him, in between trips, unless he bonds more closely with one of the other ladies he bonds real easy with before that time. Now, there are many women who would just love a situation like this. They would love to have a man to enjoy now and then and have him be out of town the rest of the time. That would be their ideal. What you have to figure out is if that is YOUR ideal. Link to post Share on other sites
ILoveForums Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 Ouch! Some of the things you're saying sounds right, dead-on, and hope the rest are true, too, because I'm smitten with the guy! He's out of work, he was laid over three times in a year and a half. He's been traveling a lot recently for pleasure, adventure and I guess, 'cause "he gets bored easily". 2 yrs ago he took a 6-month trip, he wrote his friends "how to date the local girls by lying to them you're gonna stay longer, then hit the road when they invite you home to meet mom and dad, but honestly, I'm a really nice guy!" Is that still "your normal guy" sort of thing? He applied to a business school across the country but doubts he'll get in, he's lived in two cities since he finished college. He seems to get attached, 'moved' easily by people but his lifestyle (too busy/ on the move) and actions kind of contradict that(?) Is he just too young (26) or does he sound like a commitment -phobic to you? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
clia Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 "after we made love he told me "you should better go home now, I'll get you a taxi" at midnight!" Please tell me you live somewhere like NYC where most people don't have cars. If not, to answer your question, yes, he is a jerk. If he cared about you at all, he would've driven you home, not shoved you in a cab at midnight. Based on everything you've said, sounds to me like this guy isn't looking for anything long term, simply a quick fling. Have fun while it lasts, but don't give him your heart along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
ILoveForums Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 Actually we do live somewhere like NYC. he does have a car but not that particular day. But still, it does worry me he's just looking for a "quick fling". I can't help but wonder about the difference between a man's (Tony's) and a woman's (your) opinion, but that's why this Forum is such an eye-opener... Please tell me you live somewhere like NYC where most people don't have cars. If not, to answer your question, yes, he is a jerk. If he cared about you at all, he would've driven you home, not shoved you in a cab at midnight. Based on everything you've said, sounds to me like this guy isn't looking for anything long term, simply a quick fling. Have fun while it lasts, but don't give him your heart along the way. Link to post Share on other sites
Tony T Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 No, this is not a guy whose elevator goes all the way to the top floor. Traveling like he does while being without work is not normal. Going away for weeks at a time to enjoy a life of leisure when he should be looking for gainful employment is not normal. If he or his family is extremely wealthy, he should still be looking for more meaning in his life than running around the countryside bonding with women. After reading your second post, I am absolutely convinced he is having sex with many other women. I hope there is a way for you to get unsmitten with this guy because I really feel he will be a dead end for you. (You've seen him three times in two months...most women see the guy who picks up their garbage more than that!!!) There isn't much about him that is normal and I don't think he's a commitmentphobic. He's really too young for that. I just don't think he's ready to settle down with one babe. This dude's having way too much fun. I thought more about that cab thing after your sexual episode with him. That kind of sux, I think. If he were really the romantic type, he would have wanted to spend more time with you. After further analysis, I peg him as a young, immature player out to get all the women he can without regard for their feelings. Sure, he'll say whatever nice things he needs to to get in your pants. Young guys don't think that's a bad thing and will still consider themselves nice guys when doing that. I think he considers himself a nice guy because he calls a cab for his conquests after sex. Maybe that does make him a pretty darned nice dude. Link to post Share on other sites
ILoveForums Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 your frankness, Tony. It's valuable- I already feel my eyes opening... No, this is not a guy whose elevator goes all the way to the top floor. Traveling like he does while being without work is not normal. Going away for weeks at a time to enjoy a life of leisure when he should be looking for gainful employment is not normal. If he or his family is extremely wealthy, he should still be looking for more meaning in his life than running around the countryside bonding with women. After reading your second post, I am absolutely convinced he is having sex with many other women. I hope there is a way for you to get unsmitten with this guy because I really feel he will be a dead end for you. (You've seen him three times in two months...most women see the guy who picks up their garbage more than that!!!) There isn't much about him that is normal and I don't think he's a commitmentphobic. He's really too young for that. I just don't think he's ready to settle down with one babe. This dude's having way too much fun. I thought more about that cab thing after your sexual episode with him. That kind of sux, I think. If he were really the romantic type, he would have wanted to spend more time with you. After further analysis, I peg him as a young, immature player out to get all the women he can without regard for their feelings. Sure, he'll say whatever nice things he needs to to get in your pants. Young guys don't think that's a bad thing and will still consider themselves nice guys when doing that. I think he considers himself a nice guy because he calls a cab for his conquests after sex. Maybe that does make him a pretty darned nice dude. Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 17, 2001 Share Posted March 17, 2001 I have never heard of anything so tacky, insensitive and disrespectful in my life so far........having sex with a woman you've been dating, then after it's over, TELLING her that she should "GO HOME" and that he'll call a cab for her. What kind of mental midget is this? Sounds to me like he was pretty intent on getting you out of his place, pretty quickly. Did you have to get home? Could you have spent the night? Was there a reason that he was so sure that you needed to get going? Sounds to me like he has little respect for women, as evidenced by the incident above, and this crappy line he hands women when he's travelling (lying about when he's leaving). That's the epitome of heartless, insensitive and rude. He doesn't sound all that ambitious, either. All this travelling but doesn't even have a job. I'd say dump this dude. I know you're smitten with him, but this guy is a definite recipe for a broken heart. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
ILoveForums Posted March 18, 2001 Share Posted March 18, 2001 Thanks for your reply, Laurynn. I think he is actually ambitious, he said he used to work til late night in his old jobs "work hard, play hard" as he put it. No, I didn't have a reason to leave his place. It did sound to me like he wanted me out of there quickly. Just after me made love, he got up for a minute, when he came back I was putting my contacts away and at that point told me I should get going. Did he freak out that I took it for granted I could stay? is that plausible? Or was he just too focused on himself and his trip to think of me? He got defensive, then he listened and understood and apologized. Yes, it was very insensitive and humiliating, that's why I was asking in my original posting, was he TELLING me "this is just meant to be very casual"? Even so, even if he wanted it very casual, was that the way he would show it? we're talking basic human comfort here... Thanks! I have never heard of anything so tacky, insensitive and disrespectful in my life so far........having sex with a woman you've been dating, then after it's over, TELLING her that she should "GO HOME" and that he'll call a cab for her. What kind of mental midget is this? Sounds to me like he was pretty intent on getting you out of his place, pretty quickly. Did you have to get home? Could you have spent the night? Was there a reason that he was so sure that you needed to get going? Sounds to me like he has little respect for women, as evidenced by the incident above, and this crappy line he hands women when he's travelling (lying about when he's leaving). That's the epitome of heartless, insensitive and rude. He doesn't sound all that ambitious, either. All this travelling but doesn't even have a job. I'd say dump this dude. I know you're smitten with him, but this guy is a definite recipe for a broken heart. Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
Laurynn Posted March 18, 2001 Share Posted March 18, 2001 Not meaning to put you down or question your trust in him, but just because he *told* you that he used to work late at his past jobs, that really means diddly squat, if he's now unemployed and spends his days travelling and living a life of leisure. Wonder how he affords this? I don't know of too many people who can travel for pleasure while unemployed (and paying rent, etc etc). There is definitely something up with him. Are you positive that he doesn't have a girlfriend?? There has to be a reason he was practically pushing you out the door that night. What an a**h***, the more I think about it the more it makes me angry and it didn't happen to me! Talk about making a woman feel like nothing more than a piece of meat. So where do things stand now? What are you going to do? Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
ILoveForums Posted March 18, 2001 Share Posted March 18, 2001 Laurynn, It's possible he's dating someone else (he denied it...) I was wondering if it was her 'turn' and he wanted me out, but it was past midnight, also when he saw me distraught he eventually said "it's up to you, if you don't mind my finishing up packing first" (why would I mind?), but of course I wouldn't stay and be unwelcome! I don't know what I'm gonna do! If I had a chance of getting any real intimacy out of him I would go for it, very cautiously, but the advice I got from this site and my gut feeling that something is not right... Thanks again for your support, Laurynn! Not meaning to put you down or question your trust in him, but just because he *told* you that he used to work late at his past jobs, that really means diddly squat, if he's now unemployed and spends his days travelling and living a life of leisure. Wonder how he affords this? I don't know of too many people who can travel for pleasure while unemployed (and paying rent, etc etc). There is definitely something up with him. Are you positive that he doesn't have a girlfriend?? There has to be a reason he was practically pushing you out the door that night. What an a**h***, the more I think about it the more it makes me angry and it didn't happen to me! Talk about making a woman feel like nothing more than a piece of meat. So where do things stand now? What are you going to do? Laurynn Link to post Share on other sites
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