Ex is starting to act different since i bumped into her. Un-normal things follow

[lostNconfusedx10]

So we broke up almost a year ago now and we havent gone more than maybe 1.5 weeks without talking to each other. She makes the contact 90% of the time. The breakup was not bad at all and it was based mostly on the fact that she as confused about her life and where it was heading. We went out for 2 years and never fought once. We were genuinly best friends. I havent seen in in a year until maybe 2 weeks ago i bumped into her when she cam shopping where i work. Since then the contact has increased and she has started to emit some different behavior.

 

For a year i have been trying to meet up with her "for coffee" every couple of weeks or so to which she accepts...but then flakes out at the last minute. She basically would avoid visual contact but calls me and text's me. We've "almost" hung out maybe 10 times. The other day i got a weird text message saying "I'm just sitting here at work eating a weight watchers meal, sad, thinking about how much i miss your mom's mac-n-cheese."

Kinda weird?!? Well as contact moved to a few times a day i told her that i was craving a food from our favorite restaurant and asked her if she wanted to meet me for lunch the next day. I was expecting a "I have plans tomorow" or "blah blah im sorry i cant" to which i got this reply "Lets go tonight! im on my way home from work and ill meet you there in 45 mins" Shocked and disappointed i couldnt cause i was working late. She couldnt go the next day but really wanted to go that night.

 

Our conversations are always the same and evassive like "How's your family, how's work, hows boring things blah blah". Lately its been "i miss your family, i miss your nephew. i wish i could see him, i wish i could eat your mom's food". And the conversations have gone from evasive small talk to us laughing hysterically like we did when we first started seeing each other.

 

Does this seem like she is starting to wonder? Ive read many places that instead of them saying they miss you they say they miss the things around you so that they dont have to have that akward moment. We never had "the talk" after we broke up and i never pushed her away...i just figured i'd let things run their course and if she decided how much she loves me she'd come back. What should i do from here? Should i instigate "the talk" or just try and set up a few fun "non-dates" and let thinigs roll the way they choose to?

[XNemesisX]

Why would you actually want to take her back after she let you suffer for a whole year?

She flaked out on you all the time for this past year, whether or not she contacted you during this period is irrelevant.

 

If you go back to her, she's going to end up dumping you again. If you can't help yourself, then go ahead and try to get back together with her but I bet you will come right back here in a few months and tell us about how you got broken up with again. Actually, I would bet big money on it.

 

Reconciliations hardly ever work. My ex and I got back together after a breakup only to have him do the same exact crap to me 6 months later. It seems like that is the general consensus on reconciliations. You reconcile temporarily...

 

I would give her a taste of her own medicine and flake out on her now. Don't be too easy for her and just let her have all the control.

 

This just makes me suspicious. Was she dumped recently? Maybe rejected so she wants to come back to you where she knows you will bend over backward to make her happy?

 

Maybe I am just being skeptical here, but I think you are making this too easy for her and she will lose respect for you for this.

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by XNemesisX

Reconciliations hardly ever work. My ex and I got back together after a breakup only to have him do the same exact crap to me 6 months later. It seems like that is the general consensus on reconciliations. You reconcile temporarily...

 

Maybe I am just being skeptical here...

 

 

You're being too sceptical. Sometimes reconciliations work, sometimes not. I've known a few that worked really well. Depends if you sort out the issues which caused the first break up or not.

[LucreziaBorgia]

set up a few fun "non-dates" and let thinigs roll the way they choose to?

 

Yes. Forget the 'talk' for now. The relationship you had with her is dead and gone. No need to dig up the rotting corpse and poke at it some more. Start new. Take her on fun dates. Let things evolve naturally. The talking will come eventually and gradually as you come closer to cementing a new relationship, but there's no need to let the "talk" potentially kill this fragile new thing you have going on this early on in your new relationship.

 

I would be willing to bet its the big heavy drama "talking" that she hopes to avoid. When a person breaks up, the last thing they want to come back to is facing the drudgery that they ran from to begin with.

[lostNconfusedx10]

Originally posted by ReluctantRomeo

Depends if you sort out the issues which caused the first break up or not.

 

The issues were that i was her only real boyfriend and that she got scared cause things were getting too good. We started talking about the future and where we would buy a house, marriage....etc. She said i was the person she always wanted and was just like her dad. (seems like all women want someone who's like their dad and guys want girls like their mom....i forget what that complex is called) She was scared that she wouldnt know how good i was because she had never been a in a relationship like that before. I didnt have any issues at all. To me she was the perfect girlfriend. So basically she had the issues to work out.

 

Nemesis says that i'd be a fool to take her back and that she'd do it again to which i can understand, but i know she's not that kind of girl. She wouldnt get back together with me unless it was truely what she wanted. She would never do anything to hurt me but at the same time its obvious she doesn't want to lose me completly. I should be careful if things start to get back together just to make sure.

 

Would it be a mistake to take her back if her issues were sorted out completly though? People can always change their minds but wouldnt it be worth it just to give it a try? Maybe she will do the same thing.....maybe she wont?

[ReluctantRomeo]

Originally posted by lostNconfusedx10

Nemesis says that i'd be a fool to take her back and that she'd do it again to which i can understand, but i know she's not that kind of girl.

 

Would it be a mistake to take her back if her issues were sorted out completly though? People can always change their minds but wouldnt it be worth it just to give it a try? Maybe she will do the same thing.....maybe she wont?

 

Well, Nemesis has a good point. Remember, it's difficult for you to be objective. Maybe you should bounce the idea off 1 or 2 trusted friends? Check with them that they think progress has been made on the underlying issues.

 

But I have 2 close friends (ie 2 couples) who have done precisely this - got back together a few years later when a bit more maturity had kicked in. And they are so happy.