kahlia Posted April 28, 2005 Share Posted April 28, 2005 Hi I'm Spanish and me and my boyfriend have been dating for three months. We are very much in love with each other and he is half English and lives in London. All his friends are getting married so there are a lot of stag weekends happening. Most of them happen abroad in places like Spain, Praha or Amsterdam. But he will go to one in Estonia in August. In Spain, we do not know this tradition. In fact, the wedding would probably be called off from a start if your future husband would go to Russia for a few days with his buddies. I know that there is this secret pact among men to never tell women what really happens on these stags. But come on. Let us poor women know why you have to travel all the way to another country to celebrate your last days of "freedom". Do I have a right to tell my boyfriend not to go? What do you think? So stupid!! Link to post Share on other sites
Pocky Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Telling him he couldn't go would be making the assumption that he would do something. Has he shared any plans with you as to what he will do while he's with his friends? If the only thing that you have as a reason for him not to go is simply because it's called a stag party then you might be perceived as the controlling insecure girlfriend (future wife). Maybe you should ask him what he plans to do? Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted April 29, 2005 Share Posted April 29, 2005 Prague, amsterdam et al! Sex with hookers, no question!!!! I am not saying your bf will be doing this but usually t us what the groom to be has in mind without question!!!! Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 I don't believe that every English groom out there will be having sex on a stag night!!!!!! I'm with an English guy and hopefully getting married soon and I don't want to believe that that is the case!! Link to post Share on other sites
simon_uk Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 you may be right, you believe what you want to believe, I dont for one minute think 'every' groom does that. that is why I said 'usually' You know your guy better than anybody else, but me personally, find nothing appealing about either Amsterdam or Prague and If i were to go away for a weekend stag party i would choose somewhere warm and exciting like Barcelona. What is there in Amsterdam apart from Hookers and Dope??? Oh yeah thats right it is a city of culture, just what a bunch of guys want to do on a stag weekend, a bit of sight seeing! Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 Simon thanks for your honest answer! I mean that! You also have to understand that I come from a different culture and I still have to get used to the English lifestyle etc. There is a lot of things I don't agree with or I don't understand. So I am glad that I can ask someone from England and receiving an honest answer. Having my boyfriend flying to all sorts of places for stag weekends just isn't a comfortable thought. Especially as we do not know this tradition in my country. I guess you're right; it depends on the individual guy. And yet, I do know the powers of drugs, naked ladies and a bunch of completely drunk guys! So I guess I'll just have to somehow live with the fact that that's what you guys do before you get married :-( :-( I'm catholic and don't agree AT ALL! But will have to if I want to stay with this guy! Tough one! Link to post Share on other sites
heart2heart Posted April 30, 2005 Share Posted April 30, 2005 It's an English tradition, soon to be grooms have 'stag nights and soon to be brides have 'hen nights'...........one and the same thing! Doesn't mean they are gonna go off and have sex with some other guy/girl, it's more having a last taste of freedom with his/her mates before they tie the knot I guess. The lads tend to get the soon to be groom, drunk out of his head and grooms have been known to be tied to lamp posts in their drunken stupors and miss the wedding, LOL. The groom likely won't miss the wedding in your situation tho, because if he's going abroad for his 'stag' night, then your wedding must not be planned for the day after his 'stag' night :-p Oh yeah and there's often a female/male stripper too. May as well be honest about what goes on at these 'stag'/'hen' nights........tis all done in fun and as a joke tho, I wouldn't worry about it. If it's you he's marrying, you he loves, then he won't stray, no matter what his friends have planned for him/crops up during his 'stag' night. Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted May 1, 2005 Share Posted May 1, 2005 Thanks for your insight heart2heart! I trust my boyfriend and I guess we will get married quite soon. But I am worried about his best man organising some stupid stag weekend with strippers and crap like that. So, your answer brought a bit of light into the topic! Link to post Share on other sites
sylviaguardian Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by melina I guess you're right; it depends on the individual guy. And yet, I do know the powers of drugs, naked ladies and a bunch of completely drunk guys! So I guess I'll just have to somehow live with the fact that that's what you guys do before you get married :-( :-( I'm catholic and don't agree AT ALL! But will have to if I want to stay with this guy! Tough one! You're wrong Melina - you don't have to put up with it. In fact no-one should put up with that crap! In my experience, most guys just go away to do 'crazy' things like take drugs or go to strip joint. It really does depend on your boyfriend himself how much he indulges in things like that. What are his friends like? Do they seem like nice trustworthy men? Or are they likely to encourage others to do stupid things? Peer pressure can be a big factor. If his friends are a nice bunch of guys you probably have nothing to worry about. However, you shouldn't be expressing your fears here. You shoud be talking to your boyfriend and making clear that there is NO WAY that you would tolerate such behaviour. It has nothing to do with culture. it is to do with respecting the person you are with. Sylvia Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 Originally posted by sylviaguardian It has nothing to do with culture. it is to do with respecting the person you are with. Exactly. I'm part-English myself and grew up there. While stag nights are a definite tradition, what you're describing is not - the usual pattern is heavy drinking and male bonding. You don't have to accept drugs and strippers. Going away for the weekend definitely sounds like they want to do something out of sight Have a word with your fiancé. And with the best man. And his girlfriend, if necessary Link to post Share on other sites
amy1975 Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 what happens is real simple. They get together, talk about how much they hate women and how they are just good for ****ing, watch porn together, jerk off together, and secretly wish they were ****ing each other instead of their wives and girlfriends...better known as 'male bonding'. Hookers and strippers may be there. Tell him if he goes, then you won't **** him until after you get the results of the STD test. Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted May 3, 2005 Share Posted May 3, 2005 thanks for your answers. I am not feeling any better now :-( :-( There will be drugs involved, I know that much. My boyfriend is a really really great guy and in three years I haven't had one occasion where I couldn't trust him or felt suspicious. Not ONE! We want to get married and things are great. These are his oldest friends, some of them are really nice, some are a bit "wild". I do trust him but still feel very very uncomfortable about him going away for a few days with these guys. I cannot forbid it. So feeling really devastated that my fears aren't being taken seriously :-( It's just pure agony for three days not really knowing what your boyfriend is up to. I don't understand how these other girlfriends, fiancés, wives can tolerate this????!!!! Don't get me wrong: they're all stunning, independent women and still tolerate this CRAP What am I going to do? Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 This is a fairly normal thing in the UK, it doesn't mean they plan for him to sleep with some other woman. When one of my friends got married, we got drunk and went to a strip joint, but nothing happened at all. Certainly if you try to tell him he can't do it, you would be seen as a real nagging hen-pecking wife, trying to treat your husband like a child. At least that is how most English guys would see it. If your fiance and his friends are straight up guys, I don't think you have anything to worry about. If they are crazy coke-snorting womanizers, then maybe you do - but in that case then why are you marrying the guy? It all depends on how much you trust your fiance - I would say that by your reaction, you don't really trust him much at all. In which case, why are you marrying him? If you are that worried, hire a private detective to follow them and take some pictures. Or maybe insist on a compromise, like get his father to go along too, just to make sure he doesn't go and do anything unwise. You say it's agony not knowing what he is going to do for 3 days. But if you get married, there will be *many* times where you have no idea what he is up to. You can't follow someone round all their life. You either trust them or you don't. If he is going to cheat on you, he will do it eventually anyway. If he isn't, then a stag night won't make him do it. Personally I think you have to work on your trust issues. Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted May 4, 2005 Share Posted May 4, 2005 Thanks for your responses. Mental_Traveller: you're right, I am insecure when it comes to trusting a guy. Not because my current boyfriend is bad or anything but because my last boyfriend was a real jerk and cheating a few times. I think I'm really lucky with my boyfriend and he's a good guy who doesn't like strip clubs and never gave me reason not to trust me. But your boyfriend being on a stag weekend is still more uncomfortable than him visiting his mother or being on a business trip. Mainly because I do not know the tradition and if you read the majority of the response posts people say that the groom is pushed to have sex on his stag or that them going away for two/three days incline they want to be out of sight.... etc. But you're right; it's about whether you trust your man or not.... Link to post Share on other sites
mental_traveller Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 Well - I'd just say, don't jump to conclusions. Having sex on a stag night is definitely *not* the norm for a guy about to be married! It's not happened on the two stag nights I've been to. So if your bf is a decent guy, I think you can be confident he won't do it. At the least, you have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Have you talked to him about your fears at all? If you talk it over, and he knows you are suspicious beforehand, then IMO that makes it much less likely that he would be tempted, because he knows you are "watching" out for that possibility. So that would be my advice - talk over your fears with him, explain it's not because of him, but because of your last relationship where the guy treated you bad and you couldn't trust him etc, and say you aren't familiar with stag nights so you're worried his friends might pressure him to have sex or fool around that weekend. If he's a decent guy he'll reassure you, and make sure he doesn't do something he'll regret. Link to post Share on other sites
bluechocolate Posted May 8, 2005 Share Posted May 8, 2005 But come on. Let us poor women know why you have to travel all the way to another country to celebrate your last days of "freedom". Strippers & copious amounts of cheap beer. Link to post Share on other sites
melina Posted May 9, 2005 Share Posted May 9, 2005 Thank you all for your answers!! I am grateful that there were a few English blokes answering my question :-). Some answers were reassuring, others weren't but that's what I wanted :-) I trust my guy (mainly as I haven't had reason to doubt him since we have started going out together). Still, I HATE (!!!!) the stag tradition!! Anyone on the shack who is willing to come on a filthy female stag weekend to Jamaica with me!!?? ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
ReluctantRomeo Posted May 10, 2005 Share Posted May 10, 2005 Originally posted by melina Anyone on the shack who is willing to come on a filthy female stag weekend to Jamaica with me!!?? ;-) That would be a "hen weekend" - yes, girls do this too. Link to post Share on other sites
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