When men act inappropriately on a date is it on purpose or they don't know better?

[Gaeta]

Prospect 1: We met over coffee Thursday after work, lasted 1 hour. It was an ok meeting for me, he was very motivated and wanted to see me again, I said sure. Yesterday he sends me by text: When you inviting me home? about you come and pick me up tomorrow and we spend the day together?

 

I ended it there. I am not in the business of raising all over again a 47 years old. I told him he knows perfectly how to be a gentleman with a woman he just didn't pick to be one with me.

 

He's been blowing my phone ever since asking for me to be more flexible and if him inviting himself over was not something I wanted I should have offered something else.

 

Well NO! I don't think I should teach a man how to be a gentleman. Thoughts?

 

Prospect 2: We met in a park last weekend. Meeting was nice with lots of attraction I thought I got a good one here till last night I got home from work late, and he starts texting me how he expected to be invited over for dinner tonight!!!

 

I stayed cool and didn't blow him off. At that point I am starting to think it's not them but me that is not in-sink with today's dating. So I replied Saturday I was free we could do something, he replied Saturday was impossible and did not offer Sunday and said I'll let you know when I am free promise. At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now.

[Art_Critic]

Prospect 1, it sounds like a miscommunication deal..

 

If you like him forget the whole conversation and go from there.

 

Prospect 2, thinks he has game and is playing with you.. block and deleted that guy.. he must have read too many how to get women books.

[kendahke]

Prospect 1: We met over coffee Thursday after work, lasted 1 hour. It was an ok meeting for me, he was very motivated and wanted to see me again, I said sure. Yesterday he sends me by text: When you inviting me home? about you come and pick me up tomorrow and we spend the day together?

 

I ended it there. I am not in the business of raising all over again a 47 years old. I told him he knows perfectly how to be a gentleman with a woman he just didn't pick to be one with me.

 

He's been blowing my phone ever since asking for me to be more flexible and if him inviting himself over was not something I wanted I should have offered something else.

 

Well NO! I don't think I should teach a man how to be a gentleman. Thoughts?

 

The first one seems to have wanted to flip into feminine energy and become the woman being courted. To then put the onus on you that you "should have" done anything is really offensive. At this stage in the game, what "you should have" done enters into nothing. He wanted to eff you on your second date. Christ! Is he that dang thirsty? That would have turned me off.

 

Prospect 2: We met in a park last weekend. Meeting was nice with lots of attraction I thought I got a good one here till last night I got home from work late, and he starts texting me how he expected to be invited over for dinner tonight!!!

 

I stayed cool and didn't blow him off. At that point I am starting to think it's not them but me that is not in-sink with today's dating. So I replied Saturday I was free we could do something, he replied Saturday was impossible and did not offer Sunday and said I'll let you know when I am free promise. At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now.

 

Same with this second guy---what's with this "expectation" isht? You've only seen him one time and already, he's expecting things? Dang--thirsty much?

 

I don't think it's really an issue of you not being in-sync with them. I think it's more that at this point in your life, the universe is sending you the same character in different bodies to see if you can learn some life lesson you need to learn in order to attract the kind of man you truly need in your life. It's like "you have to kiss a lot of toads to get to the prince" kind of thing. You are drawing the line with them and their behavior instead of allowing them to continue to debase both you and the relationship by their antics. You're at the point where you know when to pull up stakes and move on.

 

I think you are doing well--you know when to punt these knuckleheads, so you should begin to start attracting fewer and fewer of them and more guys who aren't quite so overbearing in their "expectations" so early on in the involvement.

[Gaeta]

Unexpected turn of event

 

Prospect 2 just invited me out to lunch for today. He said we can meet in public setting as often as I wish and he is sorry he appeared like a sleaze yesterday, he's not.

 

Prospect 1 keeps on trying to convince me his heart is in the right place but doesn't offer any public date or anything to make up for his faux pas.

[SammySammy]

Depends on the guy.

 

Some guys are ill-mannered. Some guys have learned that forcing the issue works with some women.

[katiegrl]

Prospect 1: Since your initial impression of him was simply "ok," it should have been "next" right then and there. Don't feel like you need to give him (or any guy) another chance, just because HE was excited about you.

 

You are very attractive Gaeta, most guys are gonna be excited about you! Go with how YOU feel. You weren't feeling it...you should have just wished him well and that's it.

 

Prospect 2: You had some chemistry with him, fabulous! However, the second he told you he *expected* to be invited home for dinner THAT night...red flag!!! And you NEXT him immediately!

 

Then this shyt won't keep happening to you.

[elaine567]

Some guys have learned that forcing the issue works with some women.

 

^^^this^^^

[katiegrl]

Prospect 1: Since your initial impression of him was simply "ok," it should have been "next" right then and there. Don't feel like you need to give him (or any guy) another chance, just because HE was excited about you.

 

You are very attractive Gaeta, most guys are gonna be excited about you! Go with how YOU feel. You weren't feeling it...you should have just wished him well and that's it.

 

Prospect 2: You had some chemistry with him, fabulous! However, the second he told you he *expected* to be invited home for dinner THAT night...red flag!!! And you NEXT him immediately!

 

Then this shyt won't keep happening to you.

 

To add...first impressions are so important. Do not ignore. How a man behaves initially..is usually, if not always, who he truly is.

 

After you reject him, he may attempt to come back and redeem himself but don't let him fool you! He's a gamer.

 

Be smart and choose wisely...from the get go!!!!

[toscaroscura]

Prospect 1: We met over coffee Thursday after work, lasted 1 hour. It was an ok meeting for me, he was very motivated and wanted to see me again, I said sure. Yesterday he sends me by text: When you inviting me home? about you come and pick me up tomorrow and we spend the day together?

 

I ended it there. I am not in the business of raising all over again a 47 years old. I told him he knows perfectly how to be a gentleman with a woman he just didn't pick to be one with me.

 

He's been blowing my phone ever since asking for me to be more flexible and if him inviting himself over was not something I wanted I should have offered something else.

 

Well NO! I don't think I should teach a man how to be a gentleman. Thoughts?

 

To me the red flag is the fact that he's blowing up your phone. He barely knows you, yet he thinks he has the right to (let's be honest here) practically harass you over this? Why does he need this so badly?

 

If you go with him, I predict a startling lack of boundaries and inability to take no for an answer. Plus, the fact that he's not offering a new time/date, means it's really only about his bruised ego that you called him out, not that he actually wants to make anything right. Next!

 

 

Prospect 2: We met in a park last weekend. Meeting was nice with lots of attraction I thought I got a good one here till last night I got home from work late, and he starts texting me how he expected to be invited over for dinner tonight!!!

 

I stayed cool and didn't blow him off. At that point I am starting to think it's not them but me that is not in-sink with today's dating. So I replied Saturday I was free we could do something, he replied Saturday was impossible and did not offer Sunday and said I'll let you know when I am free promise. At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now.

 

Nopenopenope. Midnight is a "booty-call" time. And he "expects"? Utter lack of respect. Either that or he is trying to be "cocky and dominant" and failing. The love songs are merely a tactic to try to swoon you.

[katiegrl]

To me the red flag is the fact that he's blowing up your phone. He barely knows you, yet he thinks he has the right to (let's be honest here) practically harass you over this? Why does he need this so badly?

 

If you go with him, I predict a startling lack of boundaries and inability to take no for an answer. Plus, the fact that he's not offering a new time/date, means it's really only about his bruised ego that you called him out, not that he actually wants to make anything right. Next!

 

 

 

 

Nopenopenope. Midnight is a "booty-call" time. And he "expects"? Utter lack of respect. Either that or he is trying to be "cocky and dominant" and failing. The love songs are merely a tactic to try to swoon you.

 

^^This too!

 

Don't get caught up in the flattery of them "seeming" to be into you. There are red flags flying all over the place. Pay attention.

 

CHOOSE WISELY from the get go...and this shyt won't keep happening!

[elaine567]

I do think some men are clueless and I do think some are reading PUA tactics and "how to get a woman" stuff and are pretty clumsy about going about it, too.

Some are genuinely like a fish out of water, having been in LTRs an marriages and some are just chancers, and some are both.

Clueless chancers.

 

Sorting out the wheat from the chaff, seems almost impossible.

 

Who sends random love songs to someone they just met?

[jen1447]

^ Yes about the clumsy tactics lol. Usually those can be spotted a mile away. I'd generally have a good laugh when attempted.

[Haydn]

I do think some men are clueless and I do think some are reading PUA tactics and "how to get a woman" stuff and are pretty clumsy about going about it, too.

Some are genuinely like a fish out of water, having been in LTRs an marriages and some are just chancers, and some are both.

Clueless chancers.

 

Sorting out the wheat from the chaff, seems almost impossible.

 

Who sends random love songs to someone they just met?

 

I did but was it `indie`

 

We`re going on 2 years now.....

 

(It`s our song)

 

Please no one vomit on me.

[Gaeta]

Prospect 1 is out of the game. I did not reply or pick up any of his texts or calls. It completely turned me off.

 

I accepted lunch date with prospect 2 ggrr! will see how that unfold.

 

I also have a prospect 3 that I am meeting this afternoon and a 4 that I am probably meeting tomorrow.

 

It's SO hard to judge. It's like regular joe blow come across as creeps and when a gentleman comes around he's not really a gentleman he's just got a better game.

[jen1447]

Damn Gaeta you're busy! I'm impressed.

[clia]

Blech. Of course men in their 40s know better. They put in minimal effort for the first meet (coffee and a park date) and then expect you to make them dinner and have sex with them on the second date. They obviously have success with this approach with some women or they wouldn't continue to do it.

 

Prospect 1: We met over coffee Thursday after work, lasted 1 hour. It was an ok meeting for me, he was very motivated and wanted to see me again, I said sure. Yesterday he sends me by text: When you inviting me home? about you come and pick me up tomorrow and we spend the day together?

 

I ended it there. I am not in the business of raising all over again a 47 years old. I told him he knows perfectly how to be a gentleman with a woman he just didn't pick to be one with me.

 

He's been blowing my phone ever since asking for me to be more flexible and if him inviting himself over was not something I wanted I should have offered something else.

 

Well NO! I don't think I should teach a man how to be a gentleman. Thoughts?

 

I love the back pedaling and attempt to blame you. You are absolutely right. Even a child knows that inviting yourself over is rude and inappropriate. Not to mention that he's a complete stranger who you only met for an hour...

 

Prospect 2: We met in a park last weekend. Meeting was nice with lots of attraction I thought I got a good one here till last night I got home from work late, and he starts texting me how he expected to be invited over for dinner tonight!!!

 

I stayed cool and didn't blow him off. At that point I am starting to think it's not them but me that is not in-sink with today's dating. So I replied Saturday I was free we could do something, he replied Saturday was impossible and did not offer Sunday and said I'll let you know when I am free promise. At midnight he sent me a bunch of love songs. I don't get this guy's deal. I feel so Meh! about him now.

 

It's not you. I noticed men become more and more forward about this type of thing when I was doing OLD. They want to make as little as effort as possible.

 

Prospect 2 just invited me out to lunch for today. He said we can meet in public setting as often as I wish and he is sorry he appeared like a sleaze yesterday, he's not.

 

Yes he is. He's not a gentlemen. Gentlemen don't text women they just met late in the evening expecting to be invited over for dinner.

 

Prospect 1 keeps on trying to convince me his heart is in the right place but doesn't offer any public date or anything to make up for his faux pas.

 

His heart was in the right place? By not even offering to take you out on a proper date? Loser.

 

I wouldn't see either one of them again. They both know full well what they did was sleazy as hell and hope they can apologize enough for you to give them a second chance, drop your guard, and invite them over where they can seal the deal.

[Gaeta]

Damn Gaeta you're busy! I'm impressed.

 

I have no merit, look who I end up on dates with lol

[carhill]

Unexpected turn of event

 

Prospect 2 just invited me out to lunch for today. He said we can meet in public setting as often as I wish and he is sorry he appeared like a sleaze yesterday, he's not.

 

Prospect 1 keeps on trying to convince me his heart is in the right place but doesn't offer any public date or anything to make up for his faux pas.

Salespeople. Always back-peddling.

 

When someone is a dick, believe them regardless of whatever schmooze comes after. People are who they are. Signed, fed up with dicks in California.

[jen1447]

I have no merit, look who I end up on dates with lol

 

Yeah but you've got all these guys at your feet. Respect, girl.

[Popsicle]

To the question of do they know better or not, the answer is no. The ones who know better don't do things like that.

[Gaeta]

I got to add this about prospect 2.

 

Wednesday I accidentally sprayed a toxi liquid in my left eye, ended up in emergency and then I spent the next 48 hours receiving treatment and having all kinds of test done and saw 6 different doctors and eye specialists. Thank god my eye is ok now.

 

But when prospect 2 contacted me and I told him I had this accident, and was by myself because there was not way I was going to worry my daughter, he right away asked me what hospital I was at and he was on his way to be with me.

 

I don't know if it's a PUA tactic but that shyt works on me.

 

Of course I told him it was not necessary but I was very touched by his concern.

[Gary S]

Yup, I've seen it all before.... like I always say, it's hard to find a gentleman these days.... too many guys move too fast.

[Popsicle]

I got to add this about prospect 2.

 

Wednesday I accidentally sprayed a toxi liquid in my left eye, ended up in emergency and then I spent the next 48 hours receiving treatment and having all kinds of test done and saw 6 different doctors and eye specialists. Thank god my eye is ok now.

 

But when prospect 2 contacted me and I told him I had this accident, and was by myself because there was not way I was going to worry my daughter, he right away asked me what hospital I was at and he was on his way to be with me.

 

I don't know if it's a PUA tactic but that shyt works on me.

 

Of course I told him it was not necessary but I was very touched by his concern.

 

That was NOT PUA.

[kendahke]

That was NOT PUA.

 

 

what is PUA?

[Gary S]

They do it because they don't know what they are doing.