When men act inappropriately on a date is it on purpose or they don't know better?

[Gaeta]

Don't you have any friends/married friends that know a few eligible bachelors? Meeting strangers isn't doing it for you.

 

Not an option unfortunately.

 

The problem is my hsv. I don't want any of these men to go back to my brothers or SIL and say you could have told me your sister has hsv.

[smackie9]

^^Is this a universal way of thinking/attitude.... or are you speaking from the perspective of the typical conservative American male?

 

Gaeta stated in her culture, sex is viewed quite differently from how Americans view, she lives in a more liberal culture wherein women are not harshly judged for having sex sans relationship, or for having many partners, and even high five each other for having lots of sex, same way men do here in America.

 

So I think it is important to remember that when posting things like this because this *may* not be the attitude of the men raised and living in her country/culture.

 

I dunno maybe it is....just saying it is important to remember she is from a different culture and the attitudes and "rules" adhered to in her culture may be different from the attitudes and rules adhered to in our (American) culture.

 

This might be the attitude of Quebec (which in their own mind are their own country), but by no means, be confused with the rest of Canada. The rest of us don't support this attitude.

[smackie9]

Not an option unfortunately.

 

The problem is my hsv. I don't want any of these men to go back to my brothers or SIL and say you could have told me your sister has hsv.

 

Are there not dating sites specifically for people with herpes?

[Gaeta]

This might be the attitude of Quebec (which in their own mind are their own country), but by no means, be confused with the rest of Canada. The rest of us don't support this attitude.

 

That's why I say it's from my culture, not my country. It's really related to the French Canadian culture.

[Gaeta]

Are there not dating sites specifically for people with herpes?

 

I tried it at first when I got the news and I hated it. I said it a few times, it's an underground sex market. I only got messages from Americans wanting to fly me there for sex. I think there are only 6 men from my city on there.

 

hsv is the least of my problems. I've had plenty of dates and lovers with it.

[smackie9]

Well since you thought a guy with a face of scars was adorable, another weird looking and was a mix of 4 difference races got your attention, and the married guy......I've come to the conclusion your picker is off.

[katiegrl]

Don't you have any friends/married friends that know a few eligible bachelors? Meeting strangers isn't doing it for you.

 

I agree meeting strangers isn't working for you.

 

I am also wondering why, for a woman apparently so beautiful and desirable, why are you not getting approached in real life?

 

I mean I get approached sometimes when just walking down the street! And I don't even consider myself all that beautiful. I mean I am pretty, but I never had guys breaking out in a sweat upon meeting me or literally going "gaga" as you have.

 

Then again I live in a big city, I thought you did too.

 

Do you ever go out and do things by yourself? It is easier for a man to approach when a woman is alone. That's been my my experience anyway.

 

Anyhoo, something isn't really jiving here...there is more going on here than your hsv. Because let's face it, even when a guy knows your hsv status and goes out with you (or has sex with you), after a few dates, he still doesn't wish to stick around.

 

Not saying this to be mean....it's just the truth. I mean, what happened to jewelry guy? And even prospect 2 from yesterday? Why isn't he wanting to see you again? He sent you kisses today, but what happened after that? Has he asked you out again? I mean he apparently had a fab time yesterday! What's up with that???

 

And then there was the guy from a few months ago....whom you did not have sex with, you wanted to wait, and he disappeared after your third date. So strange.........

 

I dunno, you appear to have so much going for ya, including extreme beauty according to what you have shared with us....I just don't get it.

 

In any event, it is obvious OLD just isn't working for ya. Do you have dating services in your city? Like where real people (dating recruiters) meet you in person and arrange dates for you with appropriate candidates...based on the qualities you are looking for?

 

Worth a shot....

Edited June 15, 2015 by katiegrl

[fitnessfan365]

Number 1) This guy sounds like a real prince. Not only does he insinuate you invite him over to your place, but he also wants you to come pick him up?

 

Number 2) Same thing with this guy. Pretty bold for him to flat out say you should invite him to your place and cook him dinner.

 

Gaeta, it's not you that is out of touch with how today's dating is supposed to work. It's that you keep meeting lame ass guys just looking to hook up. Now I'll be the first to admit that I flirt, act playful, and drop innuendos. It's just who I am. I want a woman with a great sexual sense of humor and playful nature. Plus, I am assertive with affection and have been known to greet certain women with a kiss at the start of a date. But I also show that I am a gentleman with my actions by planning public dates and not pushing for sex right away. The right guy will be able to cause massive attraction and sexual tension, while still showing he wants you for more than just sex. You just keep picking lame ducks.

[Toodaloo]

I did but was it `indie`

 

We`re going on 2 years now.....

 

(It`s our song)

 

Please no one vomit on me.

 

Oh Haydn... move quickly please!!!

 

Joke! Its quite sweet if the man is a music bod...

 

Gaeta I really don't know what it is. I think you just have to check with these guys what their intentions are... I don't get this whole dating lark. It was so much easier last time I was out there.

[bene]

 

In the middle of our date he started telling me about this lady he met this past week and he had to break her heart. She was nice and everything but she told him she had herpes and he couldn't deal with it and apparently she was crying. He felt really bad for telling her no.

....

 

The date went on, afterwards he held my hand and walked me to my car. He kissed me with a lot of tenderness it was a nice moment, I said no matter what he decides he's a terrific guy and I had a great time.

 

To me it seems a very bizarre story to bring up in early dating phase. Maybe I'm a huge prude but I wouldn't want to sit across the table on a date and listen about some other woman's herpes. Doesn't it seem odd to you?

 

I've been reading your dating stories and high five for keeping a positive attitude but sometimes I wonder if you should weed those prospects better before even going on a date. Maybe it would yield better results? Because now we hear countless stories of different prospects than turn out to be weird in one or another way. While an interesting read, it must be exhausting to go through all this.

[katiegrl]

Number 1) This guy sounds like a real prince. Not only does he insinuate you invite him over to your place, but he also wants you to come pick him up?

 

Number 2) Same thing with this guy. Pretty bold for him to flat out say you should invite him to your place and cook him dinner.

 

Gaeta, it's not you that is out of touch with how today's dating is supposed to work. It's that you keep meeting lame ass guys just looking to hook up. Now I'll be the first to admit that I flirt, act playful, and drop innuendos. It's just who I am. I want a woman with a great sexual sense of humor and playful nature. Plus, I am assertive with affection and have been known to greet certain women with a kiss at the start of a date. But I also show that I am a gentleman with my actions by planning public dates and not pushing for sex right away. The right guy will be able to cause massive attraction and sexual tension, while still showing he wants you for more than just sex. You just keep picking lame ducks.

 

Yes, it is true, all these guys want sex, which Gaeta being beautiful, is understandable. But why is it that sex is the *only* thing they want? Why do they never appear to want a relationship with her (which is really what she is wanting even if she has sex quickly-let's be honest) or even another date (or if she has sex with them - FWB?) with her in some cases.

 

THAT is the $59,000 question... and Gaeta is as baffled by that as everyone else.

 

It's just so strange. Maybe I have been lucky, but I never dated a man where the *only" thing he wanted was sex. Sex, yes! But not "only" sex.

 

On second thought, maybe that IS all some of them wanted, but since I didn't feel attracted to them on the first date (for various reasons)..or saw red flags, I never went out with them again...so never had a chance to find out.

 

Of the guys I did go out with again and became sexual with, literally all of them wanted a relationship with me.

 

I realize that is not the norm, and I have been lucky in that regard, but still, it is so strange that Gaeta cannot find one... out of the 100+ guys she has dated.

 

I think it is time to look deeper here....than just gee, I guess all the guys she chooses are jerks who *only* want sex. That is missing the mark IMO.

 

And to Gaeta, I realize initially these guys pick you, but if you ultimately decide to get involved, you are essentially choosing them...

Edited June 15, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
References to previous threads and commentary thereon redacted.

[RedRobin]

This was not a strategy to win him over. After he suggested I invite him over for dinner he pretty much confirmed he just wanted sex so he automatically fell off of my list of serious prospect. He is no more an option for me in terms of long term. I had casual sex because I wanted to. What he thinks of it afterward has no value to me.

 

That's the part a lot of guys don't get. I'm not into casual sex for practical reasons, not moral. If I were into it, I'd be the same way as you. And for the brief period in my life when I was more into casual sex, that's exactly how I treated it too.

 

Guys who approach me on the sex angle early on automatically get ruled out as anything serious. Doesn't matter how hard they pursue afterwards. He's done in my book. At least emotionally for me. He's just made himself a walking dildo and unfortunately... Just as disposable. *shrug*

[Gaeta]

I mean, what happened to jewelry guy?

Jewelry guy just wants something physical. We had a talk and he said I am very desirable and intelligent but he doesn't see me as someone for a relationship. He still calls and text and asking when he can see me again. I said to forget about it I am not looking for a physical relationship only. Then he said to give him a chance for something more. Mixed signals enough?

 

And even prospect 2 from yesterday? Why isn't he wanting to see you again? He sent you kisses today, but what happened after that? Has he asked you out again? I mean he apparently had a fab time yesterday! What's up with that???

I guess that's all he wanted. He sent a text and kiss, I asked what he was up to, he talked about having a report to prepare, I said I was free later if he wanted to do something and I never heard back from him.

 

I dunno, you appear to have so much going for ya, including extreme beauty according to what you have shared with us....I just don't get it.

I don't have extreme beauty. I am just a woman looking younger, pretty face and sexy body shape. I am not everyone's cup of tea but for men that like a woman to look like a woman, I am it.

 

In any event, it is obvious OLD just isn't working for ya. Do you have dating services in your city? Like where real people (dating recruiters) meet you in person and arrange dates for you with appropriate candidates...based on the qualities you are looking for?

 

Worth a shot....

I am not payine $2,000 to meet ONE person.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Gaeta

[Gaeta]

A lot of people have told me what they think my problem is and I refuse to accept it. My family, friends, and colleagues think my problem is I only date foreigners and the day I start dating french men again I will find right away.

 

The thing is I have lost all desire and interest for my own culture and it's not something I can force back, it's not there anymore, it's gone.

[jen1447]

I find it funny that the only person who seems to be generally satisfied with Gaeta's dating life is Gaeta.

[Weezy1973]

I find it funny that the only person who seems to be generally satisfied with Gaeta's dating life is Gaeta.

 

If she's actually happy with it, that's great. I get the sense from a lot of her posts that she's incredibly frustrated. And sometimes angry. And she seems to pour a lot into the very early stages of dating, and then gets rejected (or does the rejecting) which has to take an emotional toll.

 

It's not like the guys she's choosing to date are just the normal "he was a good guy but there just wasn't a connection" which seems to be the norm. The men she's choosing to date are either players (39 year old Adonis) or complete nightmares.

 

And keep in mind, that she's actually looking for a relationship. I agree with the folks that say there's something wrong with her picker.

[katiegrl]

I find it funny that the only person who seems to be generally satisfied with Gaeta's dating life is Gaeta.

 

Really? That is not the impression I get at all...to me she sounds terribly frustrsted by it all.

 

But if that's the case, and she is satisfied... then awesome!

[Redhead14]

I find it funny that the only person who seems to be generally satisfied with Gaeta's dating life is Gaeta.

 

Well, in the end, that's the only thing that counts In this case, I don't think it's true though. And being satisfied is one thing, feeling confident, secure and fulfilled is another. If someone is just "content" with things, they don't make a real effort to have it be better.

 

Sometimes it seems that she's seeking opinions from people until she gets the ones that support whatever scenario she's in. That's akin go going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want . . . not the correct one.

[Gaeta]

Sometimes it seems that she's seeking opinions from people until she gets the ones that support whatever scenario she's in. That's akin go going to 10 doctors until you get the diagnosis you want . . . not the correct one.

 

How did I do that in this thread?

[Gaeta]

I find it funny that the only person who seems to be generally satisfied with Gaeta's dating life is Gaeta.

 

I may come across that way because I don't let it get to me. I don't hang on to any of these men, I don't feel resentment when they leave after sex, I don't search for answers when they bail after a few dates, I have a strong character and I'm not easy to break down obviously but I am getting tired of the same pattern repeating over and over.

 

I am told to change what I do and I did. I made men wait, I dated one man at a time instead of multi dating, I tried being spontaneous then tried being reserved. I always get the same results.

[Redhead14]

How did I do that in this thread?

 

Not just in this thread. But, my point is that you've been getting advice with a general consensus that you should adopt an approach and stick to it. You're kinda all over the place.

 

In other words, you know it's not a great sign when a man comes in really hot and you will tell someone else that that's not a good prospect and at least tell them to be careful, yet, you'll accept a date with one like that and have first date sex. I'm not saying it's wrong to do that, it's just the being inconsistent that most people are telling you is maybe a problem, that's all.

 

Right now, you may have gotten lucky and that's great. Just manage your emotions and expectations. Enjoy it and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, then maybe consider being a little more "standardized" to see if it attracts the kind of guy you want and that they date you that way.

[Gaeta]

Not just in this thread. But, my point is that you've been getting advice with a general consensus that you should adopt an approach and stick to it. You're kinda all over the place.

 

In other words, you know it's not a great sign when a man comes in really hot and you will tell someone else that that's not a good prospect and at least tell them to be careful, yet, you'll accept a date with one like that and have first date sex. I'm not saying it's wrong to do that, it's just the being inconsistent that most people are telling you is maybe a problem, that's all.

 

Right now, you may have gotten lucky and that's great. Just manage your emotions and expectations. Enjoy it and see where it goes. If it doesn't work out, then maybe consider being a little more "standardized" to see if it attracts the kind of guy you want and that they date you that way.

 

See my above post about changing my ways.

 

But you are contradicting yourself as well. If I stick to an approach then people say change your approach !! only stupid people do the same thing over and over and expect different results right? How many times I was told that.

[jen1447]

I may come across that way because I don't let it get to me. I don't hang on to any of these men, I don't feel resentment when they leave after sex, I don't search for answers when they bail after a few dates, I have a strong character and I'm not easy to break down obviously but I am getting tired of the same pattern repeating over and over.

 

I am told to change what I do and I did. I made men wait, I dated one man at a time instead of multi dating, I tried being spontaneous then tried being reserved. I always get the same results.

 

Ok then I stand corrected.

 

So you're saying you're not happy with the dating lifestyle you're leading hon?

[Gaeta]

Ok then I stand corrected.

 

So you're saying you're not happy with the dating lifestyle you're leading hon?

 

I am happy I get a lot of attention, I am happy I get to go on lots of dates but I am anxious to meet someone serious. I've had enough fun, I've been actively searching for 3,5 years, met tons of men, got my female ego all flattered, got great sex with gorgeous younger men, I have fully enjoyed my single life, now I want man to myself.

[jen1447]

I am happy I get a lot of attention, I am happy I get to go on lots of dates but I am anxious to meet someone serious. I've had enough fun, I've been actively searching for 3,5 years, met tons of men, got my female ego all flattered, got great sex with gorgeous younger men, I have fully enjoyed my single life, now I want man to myself.

 

Ok, so it sounds like you're happy with the routine, just not satisfied with the results. Is that accurate?