mysterywoman Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I can't believe I actually sent my ex MM an email last night saying that I was starting to feel like I was forgetting what is was like to be with him and that wasn't a good thing. I wrote I didn't want to be with some other man and blur his memory. How stupid am I now? I even asked him a question about something mundane we had in our first texts that I didn't understand. Of course he didn't write back. What did I really expect?? God this is hard. Miss him so much sometimes. Mostly his daily presence in our texts. Why the setback. Oh I know, I saw him on another online site. Ugh! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 How long did this affair last and how long has it been over? If I'm remembering another thread of yours correctly it lasted about two months and has been over for a year. This obsession is not healthy, and you really need help. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 How long did this affair last and how long has it been over? If I'm remembering another thread of yours correctly it lasted about two months and has been over for a year. This obsession is not healthy, and you really need help.[/quote It lasted almost a year. Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 How long did this affair last and how long has it been over? If I'm remembering another thread of yours correctly it lasted about two months and has been over for a year. This obsession is not healthy, and you really need help.[/quote It lasted almost a year. And how long has it been over? Link to post Share on other sites
MissBee Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 Don't beat yourself up too much. Most of us have broken NC, usually though doing so is a set back then you learn that breaking it doesn't do much good and it helps you to resist doing so again in the future. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 13, 2015 Author Share Posted June 13, 2015 And how long has it been over? Last time we spoke was end of April. Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted June 13, 2015 Share Posted June 13, 2015 I had contact with my xMM for about a month after going NC for almost 4 months. I thought something had changed. It didn't. Oh, except he is now going to marriage counseling. He contacts one months before he is to start to apologize...and to see if the love is still there. I feel like an idiot..but hey, we all have had a set back or two My A was 2 years and he went MIA on me in Jan. We will all get through this. it sucks and it hurts!! Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 I had contact with my xMM for about a month after going NC for almost 4 months. I thought something had changed. It didn't. Oh, except he is now going to marriage counseling. He contacts one months before he is to start to apologize...and to see if the love is still there. I feel like an idiot..but hey, we all have had a set back or two My A was 2 years and he went MIA on me in Jan. We will all get through this. it sucks and it hurts!! Well I told him that stuff about missing him so now he basically knows, no reason for him to wonder anymore. He has responded in the past but he actually told me he was 'fishing'. What does that mean??? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I can't believe I actually sent my ex MM an email last night saying that I was starting to feel like I was forgetting what is was like to be with him and that wasn't a good thing. I wrote I didn't want to be with some other man and blur his memory. How stupid am I now? I even asked him a question about something mundane we had in our first texts that I didn't understand. Of course he didn't write back. What did I really expect?? God this is hard. Miss him so much sometimes. Mostly his daily presence in our texts. Why the setback. Oh I know, I saw him on another online site. Ugh! If you ever have the urge to email or text him again, log in and post what you'd like to say to him here. At least this way you'll get out what you feel and others will prevent/talk you out of reaching out to him. Don't beat yourself up! Tomorrow is a new day. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 He has responded in the past but he actually told me he was 'fishing'. What does that mean??? He was fishing to see if you were still available to him, same thing my jackleg xMM did when he contacted me to "apologize". He did it to see if I had moved on is my opinion, now he knows I haven't and i'm back to square one. Don't beat yourself up, easier said than done I know. Trust me Link to post Share on other sites
Little Pleiades Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I can empathise as I'm in a similar position with my ex-MM. It's very difficult when you genuinely love someone to sever ties, and as you said, you spoke to him every day and he was a big part of your life, so it's natural to miss him. Please try to not beat yourself up about this - he didn't reply, but at least you got your feelings across. You're a lot like me, as I hate playing games, but unfortunately self-preservation has to kick in at some point, and it is ultimately for your benefit to not contact him. I know, it's so hard and painful when you just want to tell someone that you love them and how important they are, but try to put yourself first. I've been tempted to email my ex-MM several times of late, but each time I get that urge I type the email and save it to drafts - I do not send! It's so hard, but after a while it also feels empowering, and it allows you to keep some of your dignity. Believe me, I understand. Forgive yourself for the lapse, and take each day at a time. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Last time we spoke was end of April. Is this when you called his work number and his family was around? When he texted you to say "Grow up" and leave him alone? This affair has been over a long time. You are now borderline stalking him. It is time to get into therapy, block him by every means necessary and move on before things really go south for you. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Is this when you called his work number and his family was around? When he texted you to say "Grow up" and leave him alone? This affair has been over a long time. You are now borderline stalking him. It is time to get into therapy, block him by every means necessary and move on before things really go south for you. Thank you! I knew I couldn't have been the only one who remembered that other thread. I think that thread said her d day was maybe June 2013 or something? And before that the affair only lasted a few months. So for two years, yes OP you have been borderline stalking this man while he has made it clear he does not want anything to do with you. Do not contact him anymore because this could seriously end with a restraining order. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Thank you! I knew I couldn't have been the only one who remembered that other thread. I think that thread said her d day was maybe June 2013 or something? And before that the affair only lasted a few months. So for two years, yes OP you have been borderline stalking this man while he has made it clear he does not want anything to do with you. Do not contact him anymore because this could seriously end with a restraining order. We were together again in October of that year and in friendly contact on and off since then. Don't even threaten me with telling me he could put a restraining order on me. You don't know the whole circumstances. Here we are judging again. I bet you look down on everyone unfortunate enough to be in an affair. Am I right??? Thought so. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 Thank you! I knew I couldn't have been the only one who remembered that other thread. I think that thread said her d day was maybe June 2013 or something? And before that the affair only lasted a few months. So for two years, yes OP you have been borderline stalking this man while he has made it clear he does not want anything to do with you. Do not contact him anymore because this could seriously end with a restraining order. I haven't contacted him anymore. A restraining order from an email?????He is scared of my husband. He told me so. Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Don't feel bad! I have been struggling so much not to contact my jackass XMM! It's a daily struggle, I just found out that he's coming in on a day that I'm not around (my boss is looking out for me and schedules him when I'm not in the office) still I should be glad, but no I feel sad. I still miss him and hearing from him daily. It's a good thing I won't be around because I was actually considering breaking NC and talking to him, I so desperately just want to know how he's doing... What an idiot am I?! Anyways, chin up and block his email! Link to post Share on other sites
Jessie1231 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 We were together again in October of that year and in friendly contact on and off since then. Don't even threaten me with telling me he could put a restraining order on me. You don't know the whole circumstances. Here we are judging again. I bet you look down on everyone unfortunate enough to be in an affair. Am I right??? Thought so. No, it isn't about your affair at all. It's about the fact that you've said this has been over for well over a year and you're still obsessing about this guy. It isn't normal or healthy at all. And I can't threaten you with a restraining order but seeing that he's already told you that you're stalking him, a restraining order doesn't seem like such a far fetched idea. It's time to accept the fact that he doesn't want anything to do with you. Your husband finding out was a wake up call for him and he realized the sex was too much trouble to risk losing his marriage. For his sake and his wife's sake and for your sanity, leave him alone. Sorry if the truth hurts, but sometimes sugar coating it just doesn't get it through to a person. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
RoseVille Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Last time we spoke was end of April. That's when you last spoke, but the A has been over for over a year. And he called you a stalker. Why oh why would you reach out to him again? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
sagamore Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Mysterywoman, I mean this with all compassion: if I were you I would look into getting some real life support. I think you've said that your husband is disabled and you don't have intimacy in your marriage? That is a hard situation and I can see how that could put stress on a person. Your coping mechanism - continuing to contact this man - is unhealthy; a therapist could help you find better ways to ease the pain. My best to you. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Mysterywoman, I mean this with all compassion: if I were you I would look into getting some real life support. I think you've said that your husband is disabled and you don't have intimacy in your marriage? That is a hard situation and I can see how that could put stress on a person. Your coping mechanism - continuing to contact this man - is unhealthy; a therapist could help you find better ways to ease the pain. My best to you. Oh wow, I am sure that is so hard for you Mysterywoman. I pray that you will get help. So many ppl are afraid to talk to a therapist but I for one know that counseling helped save my life at one point in my life. Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) Mysterywoman, I mean this with all compassion: if I were you I would look into getting some real life support. I think you've said that your husband is disabled and you don't have intimacy in your marriage? That is a hard situation and I can see how that could put stress on a person. Your coping mechanism - continuing to contact this man - is unhealthy; a therapist could help you find better ways to ease the pain. My best to you. Thanks. Really really difficult situation. I feel my ex MM gave me comfort when I was talking to him and in the affair. I have never had a man I was so comfortable with sharing things, feelings, our taste in food, wine, music life values sex were so similar. I prefer him to my husband in many ways but now I have neither one for support. Really sad. Edited June 15, 2015 by mysterywoman Link to post Share on other sites
lookingforclosure Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 My was the same way Mysterywoman I have been NC for 4 days now since he has started MC. It's been really hard, but it's something I HAVE to do. Being in his life only enables him to stay in he so called "loveless" marriage. So now he gets to deal with it full time without me in the wings I still am in love with him, and I miss him....but i'm really trying Link to post Share on other sites
Author mysterywoman Posted June 20, 2015 Author Share Posted June 20, 2015 My was the same way Mysterywoman I have been NC for 4 days now since he has started MC. It's been really hard, but it's something I HAVE to do. Being in his life only enables him to stay in he so called "loveless" marriage. So now he gets to deal with it full time without me in the wings I still am in love with him, and I miss him....but i'm really trying It's really tough. I miss him everyday still, especially when I'm not busy.Trying to keep myself moving forward by going to the gym, trying new things, and being active and present with my daughter and my life. I hope it gets easier soon. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 20, 2015 Share Posted June 20, 2015 As said above, when you have the urge to contact him, post here instead. It will help to have a place to vent. These affairs are uniquely difficult and painful. You fell off the horse....now get back on and stay on! :-) Link to post Share on other sites
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