HansonGirl Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 i don't know about you guys, but more than once in my life, when i realized that someone else who i kinda had a thing for, when it became clear that maybe he felt the same way, i got scared. Something about the idea of him feeling the same way changed things. It became more real. Why would I almost PREFER to fantasize and have unrequited love over having the feeling reciprocated? why is that so scary? I never realize i'm afraid until the moment it happens. before that it's all fantasizing and wishing he would like me. But when he does, I come up with all these excuses for why maybe the timing is bad, maybe it's not a good idea, and I run away. I realize it's self-destructive to sabotage the situation, but I am sure I am not alone in the fear. (I just need to face that fear). So if anybody else has also felt scared, do you know WHY we get scared? or even when it's farther along in the relationship: like the moment you realize you LOVE your girlfriend or boyfriend. It's sparks feelings of fear.. WHY?! Link to post Share on other sites
johndoe2 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Fear of what particular feature of 'falling in love?' Fear that reality will not live up to expectations? Like that once you get what you feel you want you'll fund that it doesn't satisfy you, so you instead choose to throw it away and keep looking for it? Or do you feel that there's now some sort of pressure on you once the love is requited? I wouldn't say I share this particular fear; rather, I tend to get worried (or, I guess, I got worried the one time I was seeing a woman long enough for things to begin to get 'serious) that, since in all likelihood the relationship was going to end sooner or later (as the bast majority do), I felt that the more serious it got, the deeper we got, the more painful (for her at least) it would be when things had to end; and I did not relish the idea of having to end it then, so I was always thinking 'maybe I should just scrap things now before it gets too serious and the almost inevitable break up that much worse.' I'm guessing you're young? In your 20s? I think yours is more common in younger people. Me, I've always been an old soul, and a late bloomer at that, so I feel anxious in the opposite way; every day that goes by that I don't make progress toward finding someone or something, with anyone almost, (any woman at least; I'm only so open-minded, lol) is another day wasted, another day closer to the lonely grave; like I'm always on the clock. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
lino Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I've never had such a fear. Only fear I have is telling someone I love them and them not reciprocating it. To have them reciprocate it is what we all live for no? Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Falling in love is a feeling I can't wait to have again. Best motivation source I ever had, even though I never acted on that feeling. I do understand you tough - letting someone get close to you is empowering the other person and can end in quite a lot of hurt. Link to post Share on other sites
salparadise Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Yea, I had a bit of that years ago. It was a defensive mechanism... a way of masking fear and insecurity. Fear of the unknown, fear of intimacy, fear of rejection, fear of success, fear of failure, fear of not being able to deliver on the image I was trying to project. The bottom line is that you have to be willing to risk a broken heart and learn to see yourself as worthy of being loved to open the door. It doesn't mean you have to eliminate insecurities... but you do have to find the courage to recognize fear and go for it anyway. Tearing down these walls is a long-term endeavor for many people, even after they are in a relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
endlessabyss Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Nope, love is the best feeling; I welcome it. Hopefully I'll be able to experience it again. Link to post Share on other sites
sportygirl89 Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I think it is more than falling in love. I think it is more with the person walking out over and over again. I'm trying to put myself out there more after my final for this hell summer class is over. See where things go . Link to post Share on other sites
Zoyalover Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 Yes. My fear lies in the fact that in order to receive the love I want, I have to allow myself to open and vulnerable to someone. I am also afraid that once in love again things will either fail, or I will yet again be or feel rejected by him. I think it's what salparadise said. "Fear of the unknown, fear of rejection, fear of...etc." 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts