Is he FLIRTING or just being downright NICE?

[SweetKitten]

Hello, everyone. First post, but hopefully not the last!

 

This is not my first run in with married men. Luckily, I've been smart enough to give these men the cold shoulder. Well, it's only been two and both were incredibly horny and just...gross. Both also happened to be long distance, so I've never had to experience it up close and personal. But this time it's far more different.

 

I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

 

I work in retail. Nothing special, but it pays the bills while I'm in school. Recently, a bunch of new employees were brought on and I've become quite close to a few of them already. On in particular stood out though.

 

There aren't too many attractive males that I work with. Most are my age, but still not any sort of mutual attraction between any of us. So, when this new guy showed up, I already knew I'd be working in the same area as him, so when we're scheduled on the same days, it's inevitable that we see each other, even if it's just in passing.

 

He's tall, blue eyes, and he had a sort of quiet intensity about him that to me just seemed like military. The first night I actually spoke to him, I found out he actually was in the military and in the same branch as my father, so of course, attractive guy, interesting, I'm already kind of crushing.

 

Anyway, just like any other crush, I didn't think much of it, but I did notice that he and another new female coworker had the same last name. His wife.

 

So, crushing on someone quietly, and making no effort to flirt because they're off limits is harmless enough.

 

But as the weeks have passed, there have been small signs that I'm not quite sure how to read.

 

First, he always jokes with me. That's normal because I joke with everyone there. So, that's no biggie.

Eyes contact is always present whenever he's around or even in my general area. I can almost always count on us catching each other's eye each time we see one another, whether he's passing by or five aisles over.

He covers my breaks, normally. And one time in particular, I was handing over my keys. He normally just grabs them, but he grabbed my hand as he was grabbing the keys..could have been a mistake of course.

He always comes to help me when he's finished his tasks, even if he already has another task assigned. Even if there are other people to help, he helps me first.

When we have our afternoon employee huddle, he always looks at me.

 

 

So, all of this may just be me being silly and looking for the least little sign, but to me, it does seem like his attention towards me is much, much higher than towards other female coworkers.

 

My questions to you guys are:

 

Is this him showing his interest without overstepping any boundaries?

 

Is there anything I can do to sort of "bait" him? Not in order to cause any infidelity, but just to find out for sure if he is or isn't.

[Phoe]

but just to find out for sure if he is or isn't.

 

Unfortunately, it does not matter whether he is or isn't.

 

He is married! And that's that.

 

I'd stay away from him, personally.

[HansonGirl]

Hello, everyone. First post, but hopefully not the last!

 

This is not my first run in with married men. Luckily, I've been smart enough to give these men the cold shoulder. Well, it's only been two and both were incredibly horny and just...gross. Both also happened to be long distance, so I've never had to experience it up close and personal. But this time it's far more different.

 

I'll try to keep this short and sweet.

 

I work in retail. Nothing special, but it pays the bills while I'm in school. Recently, a bunch of new employees were brought on and I've become quite close to a few of them already. On in particular stood out though.

 

There aren't too many attractive males that I work with. Most are my age, but still not any sort of mutual attraction between any of us. So, when this new guy showed up, I already knew I'd be working in the same area as him, so when we're scheduled on the same days, it's inevitable that we see each other, even if it's just in passing.

 

He's tall, blue eyes, and he had a sort of quiet intensity about him that to me just seemed like military. The first night I actually spoke to him, I found out he actually was in the military and in the same branch as my father, so of course, attractive guy, interesting, I'm already kind of crushing.

 

Anyway, just like any other crush, I didn't think much of it, but I did notice that he and another new female coworker had the same last name. His wife.

 

So, crushing on someone quietly, and making no effort to flirt because they're off limits is harmless enough.

 

But as the weeks have passed, there have been small signs that I'm not quite sure how to read.

 

First, he always jokes with me. That's normal because I joke with everyone there. So, that's no biggie.

Eyes contact is always present whenever he's around or even in my general area. I can almost always count on us catching each other's eye each time we see one another, whether he's passing by or five aisles over.

He covers my breaks, normally. And one time in particular, I was handing over my keys. He normally just grabs them, but he grabbed my hand as he was grabbing the keys..could have been a mistake of course.

He always comes to help me when he's finished his tasks, even if he already has another task assigned. Even if there are other people to help, he helps me first.

When we have our afternoon employee huddle, he always looks at me.

 

 

So, all of this may just be me being silly and looking for the least little sign, but to me, it does seem like his attention towards me is much, much higher than towards other female coworkers.

 

My questions to you guys are:

 

Is this him showing his interest without overstepping any boundaries?

 

Is there anything I can do to sort of "bait" him? Not in order to cause any infidelity, but just to find out for sure if he is or isn't.

 

Honestly, I think because YOU are crushing on him / attracted, you are LOOKING for signs of his attraction. I do this as well. But honestly, all of the things you describe would be explained by him just being a cordial and friendly coworker who is comfortable around you. I have a married coworker too, who if i had a thing for him I would probably interpret a lot of what he does as a sign of interest. But in reality because I'm not interested in him like that, I can see things clearly, and see that he's not interested in me in that way. And even if he did find me attractive (because just because a man is married doesn't mean he stops recognizing someone is attractive) it wouldn't even matter because it's not like he's going to do anything about it. but when you're attracted to someone, there's maybe a little bit of a favorable demeanor towards them

 

so in short, 1) you are reading into his behaviors, and 2) at most he finds you attractive and there's sort of a natural favorableness towards you, but don't count on anything more than that!

 

Oh and my advice is to just forget about "baiting" him - can you please explain WHY you want to do that? why waste your time? It's completely useless unless you want to stroke your ego OR have an affair with him. Focus on other things, like finding a single, available guy, and just feel grateful you work with a nice guy!

Edited June 14, 2015 by HansonGirl

[mandymor]

Hello, everyone. First post, but hopefully not the last!

 

I found out he actually was in the military and in the same branch as my father, so of course, attractive guy, interesting, I'm already kind of crushing.

 

First, he always jokes with me. That's normal because I joke with everyone there. So, that's no biggie.

Eyes contact is always present whenever he's around or even in my general area. I can almost always count on us catching each other's eye each time we see one another, whether he's passing by or five aisles over.

He covers my breaks, normally. And one time in particular, I was handing over my keys. He normally just grabs them, but he grabbed my hand as he was grabbing the keys..could have been a mistake of course.

He always comes to help me when he's finished his tasks, even if he already has another task assigned. Even if there are other people to help, he helps me first.

When we have our afternoon employee huddle, he always looks at me.

 

My questions to you guys are:

 

Is this him showing his interest without overstepping any boundaries?

 

Is there anything I can do to sort of "bait" him? Not in order to cause any infidelity, but just to find out for sure if he is or isn't.

 

 

This all sounds like normal behavior on his part. Most guys I used to come across that were in the military were very nice. They always make eye contact, and they will always help out with things. You've pretty much explained all of this to yourself already, it just sounds like you might want there to be something more. If I were you I would not get involved with him or try to bait him, it can only lead to trouble.

[fireflywy]

Chances are, he could be a player based on how you described him. However, you need to do two things:

 

1. Get over the uniform crush. Learn to separate people from what they do from who they are.

 

2. He's married. Avoid him.

[TaraMaiden2]

Your entire post immediately became pointless and redundant after the words, 'His wife'.

[Lois_Griffin]

Good lord.

 

His wife works WITH you and your biggest concern is if he 'likes' you?

 

You sound like a 16 year old girl with a crush.

 

How about a little respect for his wife, yourself, and the company for which you work?

[Satu]

Other peoples partners are other peoples partners.

 

If you want one, get one of your own.

[SweetKitten]

I'm not dumb, nor young. I understand and I haven't made any move towards him.

 

But in response to the replies that mention my post being irrelevant after mentioning his wife...why do you think I posted in the CHEATING, FLIRTING AND JEALOUSY forum?

 

Of course if I posted elsewhere, I could understand the hostility. But, 1) I haven't made any moves towards him, and 2) this forum is for discussion...not putting others down for opening up.

 

I asked for advice. Not to be told how idiotic I seem. Goodness, haha.

 

Anyway, thanks to those who offered genuinely HELPFUL advice.

[TaraMaiden2]

All the 'genuinely helpful' advice was unanimous in that you should steer clear because this has got trouble written all over it.

 

And we ALL said that.

[carhill]

My questions to you guys are:

 

Is this him showing his interest without overstepping any boundaries?

The behaviors you shared in your post are indicative of a man finding a lady sexually attractive. Men find lots of ladies sexually attractive. Yep, including married men.

 

Is there anything I can do to sort of "bait" him? Not in order to cause any infidelity, but just to find out for sure if he is or isn't.

Since you're a young lady and have experience with married men, you should easily be able to enact behaviors to 'bait' him. Most women I've known in life do this instinctively without even thinking about it. I call it 'feminine wiles'.

 

Of course, he's married and you're apparently not interested in an affair but no harm in either of you demonstrating 'not being dead' and seeing where the boundary lies. People do this all the time. I've recounted a litany of MW's who have with myself over the decades on these forums. It's nothing new. Simply set your boundary and go with the flow. Personally, I'd stop at anything beyond normal work-related physical contact and at discussing personal relationships, like his wife and family or guys you're dating or similar. Keep things in the present and off of personal subjects. Whether he is flirting or just being nice will become apparent in time. Either is fine, since you have a boundary set. IMO, this is a good experience to have with boundary setting. All part of growing up.

[elaine567]

Since you're a young lady... All part of growing up.

 

She isn't young.

 

I'm not dumb, nor young.

[carhill]

If she's talking about the man reminding her of her father, she's young, relationship wise.

 

OP, have you been married? Substantial LTR's, like for years?

 

Also, 'it pays the bills while I'm in school', indicative of college. While one can go to college at any age, it's generally while young, hence my response

[jen1447]

It sounds like he's interested with the eye contact, yeah. I take it you're hot (based on the pic), so ....big surprise? Not really.

 

If you want to find out for sure, just flash him your tits and see what he does. (j/k - I do tend to think that's a bad road to go down. What do you really hope to learn from that? I mean like in terms of "ok now I know this, so I'll do that." There's nowhere to go if you're gonna respect the marital boundaries.)

[HansonGirl]

I'm not dumb, nor young. I understand and I haven't made any move towards him.

 

But in response to the replies that mention my post being irrelevant after mentioning his wife...why do you think I posted in the CHEATING, FLIRTING AND JEALOUSY forum?

 

Of course if I posted elsewhere, I could understand the hostility. But, 1) I haven't made any moves towards him, and 2) this forum is for discussion...not putting others down for opening up.

 

I asked for advice. Not to be told how idiotic I seem. Goodness, haha.

 

Anyway, thanks to those who offered genuinely HELPFUL advice.

 

But my question is WHY ? Do you just want to know for your ego? Or are you actually trying to start an affair with him? If it's the latter you have come to the wrong place because we are not going to advise you on how to do that.

[smackie9]

omg just because he's married doesn't mean he's dead. He's a man, he is going to be attracted to other women throughout his life. Guys married or not, will look, think about the boobs, ass, even think about banging other chicks, even use you for their masturbation theater....this is totally normal. When men find a girl attractive, it's normal for them to want to help them out more than they would for an unattractive girl. Pretty people in general are treated better.

 

Since you are crushing, you are seeing a lot of things that are really not there. Your emotions are getting the best of you. He maybe looking, but he probably will never step over the line.

[Winterina]

It sounds like he's interested with the eye contact, yeah. I take it you're hot (based on the pic), so ....big surprise? Not really.

 

If you want to find out for sure, just flash him your tits and see what he does. (j/k - I do tend to think that's a bad road to go down. What do you really hope to learn from that? I mean like in terms of "ok now I know this, so I'll do that." There's nowhere to go if you're gonna respect the marital boundaries.)

 

I don't know Jen. If she were a hot woman (more to hotness than what that pic shows, as main part is missing, I mean she could have a moustache for all we know), she would be used to men looking at her and doing things for her.

 

 

To the OP - don't become a home-wrecking b***, do the decent thing and put some distance between yourself and a married man rather than posing for him. Even if he looks at you and is nice to you, it might not be in the way that you would obviously like it to be, even if he finds you attractive he might not be a cheating ahole, and even if he is he might never leave his wife but will use you to f you and dump you. What exactly do you want from him?

 

 

Find your own guy and have more self-respect than what your pic indicates (not exactly "love me for my mind" attitude, eh?). Point out your physical attributes in a non-aggressive way, maybe spend some time on your person rather than on your make up. Guys will notice a pretty girl even if she wore a garbage bag and had no make up. I am taking from experience.

[RoseVille]

Having read your other thread that was just closed and this one, I have some observations that, when taken together, lead a lay shrink like myself to think that your self-worth is all tied up in sexual validation from men - your sexy handle, your sexualized avatar, wanting almost obsessively for a man who's committed to another woman to come on to you so you can steal him...

 

There are deep issues here that go well beyond some flirtation between a single and a married. I think you need to take a big step back and take your focus off him completely, and start looking at yourself and why you're thinking and behaving the way you are.

[h0000]

if you call that flirting then every guy is flirting with me