After being suspicious of some possible lying, I checked her texts...

[kendahke]

Ok so yeah, I know the hype and the protocol most people have, and that's to never snoop through your partners phone because it shows you don't trust them... But what if you're in the rebuilding trust stage after she wasn't faithful..?

 

Well that's what I did tonight.. I have had this hunch that there is probably something in her phone she doesn't want me to see because she takes her phone with her EVERYWHERE she goes in the house... Well I found it... And there might be a lot more... I had about a 3-4 minute window to see for myself (I know her passcode by watching her enter it before) and I decided to take one quick scroll down her texts... Less than 2 months ago, she was texting a guy I've never heard her speak of before but I've seen him like a bunch of her pictures on Facebook .. And around the same time he was doing that, she had a text convo with him.. One of her texts said "I just want you to **** me" and she also said "oh so you won't send me a picture because I won't send you one?"

 

She then started to walk down the steps so I closed her texts and the app, and shut her screen off and placed it back where it was.. She never found out I was on it... Right now, she is asleep... I want to see the rest of the texts.. And also see if there was anyone else she was "sexting" (at least) behind my back...

 

Is this fair of me to want to do? For my own sake? I want to know if this relationship is worth still working on,. It sucks because we have been doing amazing the last few months (or so I thought, I guess)...

 

Should I try and sneak a peek while she is sleeping?

 

No. You've snooped her phone enough. In fact, you didn't need to snoop her phone because you've been knowing this whole time the kind of person you are dealing with, but you're expecting her to wake up one morning and flip into someone she's not and be someone she's not. If being faithful was part of her character, she'd have been faithful from the jump. You wouldn't be obsessed with trying to get next to her phone for 5 minutes.

 

Your trust has already been shattered. Nothing's putting that back together with her. No amount of snooping is going to spin the earth backwards to the moment before she broke your trust. The only thing further snooping is doing is to hurt you and break you down--not her--and why would you do that to yourself? Do you not love yourself more than to put yourself through that?

 

If you can't trust her why are you with her? What is the point of being with someone with whom you have to look for opportunities to swipe her phone so you can break into it and read her messages? You already know she's shady--of course she's got messages to different dudes on there--that's what people like her do.

 

So, now you know that she wants some other dude to eff her and what? you want to keep her? You going to cry or yell or... ...what? Do you honestly think she's really of the mind to change who she is to keep you happy? If she was of that mind, the first incident would never have happened. She ain't the one, s0n.

[SoulStorm]

Hello matty. I'm sorry about your situation but I really don't agree with you checking her texts. I also have had suspicions that my bf had checked my phone before and I was really surprised and disappointed. Its about personal privacy. If I were you, I would probably talk to your gf face to face.

 

If he did talk to her face to face, without proof, she would probably lie

[Keenly]

20 bucks.says if you confronting her, she will flip it back on you that it's somehow your fault that she acts inappropriately.

 

 

Don't confront her. Just tell her it's not working.out.and leave.

[Friskyone4u]

Matty

 

You are not in a court of law. You already saw what she wrote and he wrote. Guarding her phone is one of the major red flags that wojuld indicate her doing something she should not be. So stop feeling guilty about anything.

 

She does not seem to be guilty about anything. Now you can either just sit thefre and let her continue until you get another peak at her phone.

 

If she is sending and receiving sexual messages like that she has probably already done it. She is going to deny everything anyway when you confront her.

 

I would do one of two things

(1) confront her asap. Tell her you know what she is doing and ask her to leave the home

(2) put a VAR in her car and you will get more proof shortly. You can be sure she is talking to him when she is alone in car.

 

If you do nothing it ain't going to end well for you at all.

[ascendotum]

Well I'm just suggesting that looking through anyone's phone without permission is wrong. I do agree that the sexting is wrong and that she shouldn't do that when in a committed relationship.

 

I totally agree with this as well, as long as there is no decent cause to be suspicious. Just being paranoid or being overly insecure simply based on past gfs/bfs cheating on you is not good enough reason to me to go snooping.

 

However once they have proven themselves to not be so trustworthy as regards their behavior or the incidents of shady behavior start to mount up, then I think it is reasonable to snoop to help confirm your suspicions. If they are innocent of infidelity then it look sreally bad if you get sprung, but if it provides more evidence then to me it justifies the snooping. A lot of people with no intention of cheating would be furious (I def would) if they found their bf/gf had installed spyware on their phone/PC or a gps tracker on their car.

[Chi townD]

Well I'm just suggesting that looking through anyone's phone without permission is wrong. I do agree that the sexting is wrong and that she shouldn't do that when in a committed relationship.

 

I get what firefly is saying and I would have probably said in in the same colorful manner.

 

 

Is it a violation of privacy and a violation of trust? Sure. But, that trust was already violated by her, wouldn't you say?

 

 

He has every right to know what's going on in his own relationship! His gut was telling him something was off and he found out the truth for himself! Now, you can say that if he had a gut feeling that something was off, then he should have talked to her face to face. Problem is though, if she's deceitful enough to cheat, then she's deceitful enough to lie. The only thing that would have accomplished is letting her know that he's on to her and she needs to do a better job hiding it.

 

 

When your in a committed relationship, there should be NO secrets between two people. And when you're married there's definitely no secrets. All he did was find out the truth for himself and he shouldn't feel bad about it because it directly impacts him and his life!

 

 

Now, he knows he truth for himself and he can now make an INFORMED decision on how he wants to handle this.

[Heer]

 

Is it a violation of privacy and a violation of trust? Sure. But, that trust was already violated by her, wouldn't you say?

 

 

Hi Chi,

I understand your point, but I'm not exactly convinced that going through someone else's phone without their permission is acceptable. Even if the gf in this thread violated the trust, it still doesn't mean that violation of privacy is a defense for going through someone's phone.

[Keke1]

Hi Chi,

I understand your point, but I'm not exactly convinced that going through someone else's phone without their permission is acceptable. Even if the gf in this thread violated the trust, it still doesn't mean that violation of privacy is a defense for going through someone's phone.

 

If people weren't sneaky in the 1st place there would be no need for this. It seems like you're making her actions small just because of the phone. A ton of things have come out because someone looked through a phone. No one wants to be made a fool of.

 

I do wish whether you find something or not that the person looking would just leave. You already don't trust them like you should if you are going through phones. Why put yourself through that?

[BlueIris]

20 bucks.says if you confronting her, she will flip it back on you that it's somehow your fault that she acts inappropriately.

 

 

Don't confront her. Just tell her it's not working.out.and leave.

 

Yep.

 

The snoop debate is irrelevant now. You know the truth and that bell can’t be un-rung.

 

Why even care if she would be offended that you looked at her texts now that you know she's been lying to you and using you? Looking at her texts is minor compared to what she's been doing and frankly her secrecy prior was squirrelly too.

 

Break up with her as Keenly described, without raising this issue of cheating or sex-texts or whatever it is.

Edited June 16, 2015 by BlueIris

[umirano]

It's always funny when liars and players whine about how their privacy isn't respected. Sucks when the chief tool for a two faced lifestyle is taken away, doesn't it?

[Keenly]

I don't believe in the " those who have nothing to hide hide nothing " defense.

 

 

But if you've already caught some one borderline cheating, not respecting relationship boundaries, and then they get defensive with their phone, it's awfully suspicious. If it looks like a duck...

[Keenly]

Hi Chi,

I understand your point, but I'm not exactly convinced that going through someone else's phone without their permission is acceptable. Even if the gf in this thread violated the trust, it still doesn't mean that violation of privacy is a defense for going through someone's phone.

 

I can understand your premise, but out of curiosity, how is he ever supposed to trust her again if he can't look through her phone? She's proven that she can't be trusted.

[jay1983]

OP you should've straightened out your insecurities and never should've looked through her phone.

 

Nah I'm fu*kin with you. Lol

[jay1983]

Yep.

 

The snoop debate is irrelevant now. You know the truth and that bell can’t be un-rung.

 

Why even care if she would be offended that you looked at her texts now that you know she's been lying to you and using you? Looking at her texts is minor compared to what she's been doing and frankly her secrecy prior was squirrelly too.

 

Break up with her as Keenly described, without raising this issue of cheating or sex-texts or whatever it is.

 

IDK if he does confront her, and she does exactly what keenly said, it'll make for a nice update for this thread. Lol

Edited June 16, 2015 by jay1983

[minime13]

Hi Chi,

I understand your point, but I'm not exactly convinced that going through someone else's phone without their permission is acceptable. Even if the gf in this thread violated the trust, it still doesn't mean that violation of privacy is a defense for going through someone's phone.

 

The thought of doing this is a feeling, and the feeling is typically right. Violation of privacy is moot at this point.

[TunaCat]

I do not condone snooping at all. I think it's a massive violation of someone's privacy.

 

If I thought I was being cheated on, I'd leave the relationship immediately.

 

I don't believe in snooping, my gut is nearly always right and even if I asked the cheater about it, they would probably lie to me.

[Heer]

It's always funny when liars and players whine about how their privacy isn't respected. Sucks when the chief tool for a two faced lifestyle is taken away, doesn't it?

 

But it doesn't make the person snooping any better than the person that cheated. And no, "possibility of cheating" is not a defense for "snooping".

[Keenly]

But it doesn't make the person snooping any better than the person that cheated. And no, "possibility of cheating" is not a defense for "snooping".

 

So if some one suspects they are being cheated on, is 70 percent sure, what is their recourse?

 

Turn a blind eye?

[davidromero43]

I do not condone snooping at all. I think it's a massive violation of someone's privacy.

 

If I thought I was being cheated on, I'd leave the relationship immediately.

 

I don't believe in snooping, my gut is nearly always right and even if I asked the cheater about it, they would probably lie to me.

 

 

No verification? Just thinking about it and you're gone?

[Keke1]

No verification? Just thinking about it and you're gone?

 

It was strange when I read it.

[h0000]

So if some one suspects they are being cheated on, is 70 percent sure, what is their recourse?

 

Turn a blind eye?

 

Save your time on snooping, hire a private investigator to take pictures. lol then throw the pictures to their faces.

[umirano]

And no, "possibility of cheating" is not a defense for "snooping".

 

Shady behavior is. Gotta protect myself. Also, someone who's in a relationship with me shouldn't have anything so bad to hide from me that I can never know. I don't hide anything terminal either.

[smackie9]

Shady behavior should tell you to stop dating them, not snoop. They are shady for a reason duh.

[kendahke]

So if some one suspects they are being cheated on, is 70 percent sure, what is their recourse?

 

Turn a blind eye?

 

No. Leave.

[petertemplar]

Well I'm just suggesting that looking through anyone's phone without permission is wrong. I do agree that the sexting is wrong and that she shouldn't do that when in a committed relationship.

 

It's completely unethical but people here seem to encourage it.

 

1. "I suspect something unethical"

2. "Now I am in my rights to act unethically in order to confirm or deny my suspicions."

 

So when these amateur spies find nothing incriminating, do they then apologize to their partners and fess up to their snooping? Or do they just never mention that they were invading their partner's privacy?