Cambria Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 It's been 5 months. I still have ups and downs. I have better control of my emotions but it still hurts a lot. I have no desire to date new people and I understand that it will be a while before I am ready for that. A few men have taken an interest in me and tried to ask me out. I politely let them know I am not interested. The attention makes me feel sick. The one person in this world I want, no longer wants me. He abandoned me for that homewrecking whore. I hate that I still miss him so much and that I still love him. Some days I feel like I'm moving forward and other days I take two steps back. My head knows it's over and that there's no going back, but my heart still longs for him. I want him to hurt like I do, and I want her to hurt even worse. They don't deserve happiness. I really hope there is such thing as karma. I hate the thought of living in a world where people can do terrible things and get away with it. I deserve better than this. I am a good person. I always try to do the right thing. And now I feel like I'm broken. I'll never be able to trust anyone ever again. He ruined that part of me...the part that was always able to give the benefit of a doubt. He destroyed that part of me that was willing to trust and rely on others. Now I know I can only trust in God and myself. I don't know if I'll ever be able to love another. Having a rough night/morning. Thank you for reading. Comments are welcome. Link to post Share on other sites
stupidkittten Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I know it's cliche but it does get better. I had a similar situation a few years back. My whole world was shattered. My ex had completely isolated me from everyone of my friends and I was in a new town and he had effectively turned everyone against me. It took me a year to start dating again but a whole another year to really develop real feelings for someone else. (don't worry though, I wasn't devastated for the whole 2 years). I found that just keeping busy and reconnecting with my old friends, having new experiences slowly helped. I had bad days and good days too. I still have trust issues that cause anxiety in my current relationship but I honestly don't care about my ex. In my experience karma is real. A few months after we broke up, he got his new girlfriend pregnant and a year after that, we ran into each other and he confessed that he always regretted dumping me and that he didn't even love her. He dumped her after we were friends for a week and tried to get back together with me. It didn't happen. His whole life had went downhill after we broke up. The trick is to try to not focus on it. I used to set a certain time of day (say 8pm-9m) where I could think about him for a bit. If during the day I had a thought, I'd write it down and then tell myself that I could ponder about it later. It seemed silly at first and I couldn't really control it but over time, it became easier and easier. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Cambria Posted June 14, 2015 Author Share Posted June 14, 2015 Thanks stupidkittten. I've had to rekindle old friendships and make new ones as well. My life now is completely different from the life I had with him. In a good way though. In the beginning every second of every day was spent thinking about him and what he did. Now I'm able to push those thoughts aside most of the time and focus on my life. I try to set aside a few minutes each day to get it out of my system. It's so hard though. It gives me heart to hear of your success. I look forward to a time when I don't think of him and I don't love him anymore. And I your case it definitely seems as though karma is real. I hope my ex and that disgusting excuse for a woman he is with both get what they deserve. Thank you for your insight. Link to post Share on other sites
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