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My wedding and divorce were in the same month. ExMm's birthday is the same day as my wedding anniversary. I used to think it meant something, now it means something entirely different. Hard to be neutral and indifferent on certain dates. Trying to put a positive perspective on it to not ruin my own soul with the pain of it all. Trying to be gracious and dignified and wish him consciousness or not think of it all.

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Something which worked well for me in life was losing self-determined importance assigned to dates. Heck I barely remember my birthday anymore and that's probably because of all the paperwork out there which requires it entered.

 

While certainly not funny in the moment, I have to laugh at all the flowers and birthday cards sent during the MW years. All the important dates burned into memory. Heck, anymore, I can hardly remember the names, much less the dates. My first real laugh came earlier this year when one of those flower sites sent me a birthday 'reminder' for a MW I hadn't seen in years. Then I got one for my exW... Heh...

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My BF really struggled (and still does to some extent) with the date of the inception (not the end, ironically) of his last disaster relationship. He said it would loom over him on the calendar as it approached, and that it actually ushered in a 'season' of extremely unpleasant and unavoidable memories where he bscly had to retrace his footsteps from that time as various anniversary dates came and went. (It was one of those whirlwind things that began and ended within maybe 3 months, with 9 months of fallout for him after, haha. People tend to dismiss short duration things like this but in a strange way, if the emotions are very intense, it can almost be worse - 'soulmates' after 2 weeks, nightly 6 hour phone conversations that leave no identity stones unturned, rapid and utter laying bare of the usual protections in the interest in going all in and taking that risk, etc. Then boom. Pretty horrifying.)

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Something which worked well for me in life was losing self-determined importance assigned to dates...

 

I suppose its only important if I let it be. Hard not to though. Humans, society, we are drawn to mark time and milestones in life, good and bad.

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Once I realized importance of dates was merely socialized by parents and assigned importance by society and in reality was a daily choice as to participate or not, I opted out. No animals or humans are harmed by the choice so it is energy-neutral.

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