yxalitis Posted June 14, 2015 Share Posted June 14, 2015 I know this now, just three weeks after I moved out. Those of you interested in some very long reads can look up my older posts, but to summarise: My ex’s nature is to be very affectionate, loving, passionate, available…and then to require space, lots of space. It has taken me until now to understand her nature, because frankly, our ability to communicate sucked. But since break up I think we both have come to realise what some of the underlying problems are. After one week, she replied to an email I sent, that ended: Me: “But I still love you...and I think you do too.” Her: “Tell me this after 6 months…. If you never try to F*ck or get any girl within this 6 months, and you still miss me or love me then we can start going out again. But don’t lie to me, if you have touch any girl in between, please walk away from us and don’t tell me how much you love or miss me.” Which is a pretty controlling and emotional response for someone who is happy to move on. She has also shown signs of regret, not overtly, she is far too proud to say this directly, but for example just last week she sends me a link to an astrology website for her sign, with the comment: “Interesting read this is what happened to us” Aquarius Sign - Aquarius Astrology Information - Zodiac-Signs-Astrology.com The pertinent quote from the web page: “She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run.” So I think there is a chance of reconciliation, now I have to be strong. We basically have sucked at this whole NC thing, neither of us has managed to go true NC for very long, I’ve done the best, 3 days before she rang, texted, and emailed me all in the space of an hour. But, now I’m sure, so the NC starts, the self-confidence is boosted, I’ll be the happy, content partner now. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 After one week, she replied to an email I sent, that ended: Me: “But I still love you...and I think you do too.” Her: “Tell me this after 6 months…. If you never try to F*ck or get any girl within this 6 months, and you still miss me or love me then we can start going out again. But don’t lie to me, if you have touch any girl in between, please walk away from us and don’t tell me how much you love or miss me.” Which is a pretty controlling and emotional response for someone who is happy to move on. I have a slightly different interpretation. I think this conversations shows her to be narcissistic, controlling and manipulative. You have to prove you love her by staying celibate and wait for her for no other reason than to satisfy her ego. It is emotional blackmail and reprehensible unless you enjoy being dominated that way. last week she sends me a link to an astrology website for her sign, with the comment: “Interesting read this is what happened to us” Aquarius Sign - Aquarius Astrology Information - Zodiac-Signs-Astrology.com The pertinent quote from the web page: “She will always seem to be detached, she fears losing her identity in a relationship so do not be surprised if even in a long term relationship she seems more like a fiend then a romantic partner. Do not press her emotionally or tie her down with demands and obligations because this will cause her to run.” That's nice blame all the issues on something written on an astrology website. Sorry but that is just a cop out. This went way beyond fear of losing her identity. She was so emotionally detached from you she avoided sharing your bed and didn't care how that made you feel. She hasn't addressed anything about the lack of intimacy at all. Nothing has changed. I'm sorry to rain on your parade. You love her, I get that. You probably won't listen to anything I have to say but I just had to say something because I think you deserve so much better than this. You could be with a woman who loves and respects you and doesn't act like they are doing you a favour being with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
loveiswar101 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Wowsers, controlling is an understatement. Look at it black and white, you are not together, no strings, no attachments, no promises. Her asking you to wait and basically be faithful and then for her to make a decisions is pathetic. 1 month feelings change, 3 months you can be a diiferent person, 6 months you coould of totally moved on and be with someone else. Vice versa. DO NOT wait for her, look after you. Id be telling her something along the lines of... Hey, for the best interest of both of us and that we are not in a relationship anymore that we really need to respect each other and give each other space. I won't contact you, but when your ready to catch up and talk you know where im at. Best Wishes. Not great at writing that sort of stuff but something alot those lines. You go NC and work on you, look after you, do not text (I know it hard, trust me) or anything. Be strong ! Don't let her sway you, be a man stand tall and let her do the work. Otherwise she will walk all over you and your emotions. Don't touch, contact any girl. PHEW ! Would be interested to know age here. She seems very young. Good luck.. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Do NOT wait for her. That is crazy that she told you to do that. You should go no contact and heal and if 6 months down the road you might want to revisit things then do it. But you are not together so do not feel obligated to do what she wants. It also sounds like she may be keeping you as a back up in case things for her don't work out. Link to post Share on other sites
m.snow Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 how'd she now if your dating someone else? how'd you know if she is dating someone else? Link to post Share on other sites
Fleur de cactus Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Aquarius does not have anything to do with this type is personality. She thinks she is so impotAnt that you have to wait for her forever ! She sounds narcissitic. You should ask her if she never had any relationship during those six months. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 Thanks everyone, Yes, the 6 months line was written in anger, since ten she's talked äbout a month or two" And, no of course I'm not being celibate for the time it takes her to come around...if at all. I already have a new girl, and she's pretty awesome...but no love yet. If feeling develop between myself and this new woman, then I won't be available for the ex...simple as that. Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I have a slightly different interpretation. I think this conversations shows her to be narcissistic, controlling and manipulative. You have to prove you love her by staying celibate and wait for her for no other reason than to satisfy her ego. It is emotional blackmail and reprehensible unless you enjoy being dominated that way. That's nice blame all the issues on something written on an astrology website. Sorry but that is just a cop out. This went way beyond fear of losing her identity. She was so emotionally detached from you she avoided sharing your bed and didn't care how that made you feel. She hasn't addressed anything about the lack of intimacy at all. Nothing has changed. I'm sorry to rain on your parade. You love her, I get that. You probably won't listen to anything I have to say but I just had to say something because I think you deserve so much better than this. You could be with a woman who loves and respects you and doesn't act like they are doing you a favour being with them. Sage advice...thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
Author yxalitis Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 And my response to her 6-month demands... "Sorry, 6 months is not reasonable, so we are just friends." Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thanks everyone, I already have a new girl, and she's pretty awesome...but no love yet. If feeling develop between myself and this new woman, then I won't be available for the ex...simple as that. I'm confused? If you have a new girl that you're developing a relationship, why post here that you want your ex back? The things you've said about her and that expectation that she sent you demonstrates that she doesn't respect you. She thinks she has you wrapped around her finger. Do yourself a huge favor. Focus on this new girl and recognize that this last one needs to be in the rear view mirror for good. Link to post Share on other sites
La.Primavera Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thanks everyone, Yes, the 6 months line was written in anger, since ten she's talked äbout a month or two" And, no of course I'm not being celibate for the time it takes her to come around...if at all. I already have a new girl, and she's pretty awesome...but no love yet. If feeling develop between myself and this new woman, then I won't be available for the ex...simple as that. I'm so glad to hear that! You are putting yourself first which is a really good thing. She may not be the one but time will tell. At least you are keeping your options open to being with someone other than your ex. There are other women out there besides your ex that have so much more to offer you. I wish you all the best. Link to post Share on other sites
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