dragging myself down

[xpaperxcutx]

I really hate social media. I hate it with a passion especially since I know I'm simply hurting myself by spying on my ex's friend's social medias.

 

Backstory: My ex left me after 2.5 years together for another girl.

 

His friends all like her and they are all best friends with each other. And my ex is happy.

 

I know I shouldn't care, and given time, it has gotten a lot better. I don't cry anymore but it sucks that he's so happy with her that I know that they might get married one day. I've been become incredibly self-less since he dumped me, and I have nothing but love for him even now. I want him to be happy because he wasn't really happy with me. I pray for him, to be happy and to have a happy family with her. And even looking at her pictures, if I wasn't my ex's ex, I imagine his girl and I would've been great friends.

 

I don't know why, but I find myself crying now as I write this, because I'm happy for him, but I'm incredibly sad for myself.

[La.Primavera]

It is generous of you to still wish him happiness after the hurt he caused. However I suspect you are giving him and those around him way too much time and thought which is at the expense of your recovery from the breakup.

 

You are doing yourself a disservice looking at these things on social media. It can become an addiction looking at things that you know are only going to hurt you. That is why so many people have to go on a social media ban and stay no contact from their ex's so they can heal and move on.

 

You have your own life to get on with and wonderful experiences to look forward to. It is time to put yourself first and figure out what you can do to make things better for yourself.

 

It can be hard to move on but it will be worth it in the long run.

[Nascarfan]

Hey there, I had a similar situation happen to me. My ex left me for another guy after 2.5 years. I'm now on my 6 month of no contact. It hasn't been easy, but I know it's helped to clear my mind of a lot of the emotions I was feeling. It let me step back and figure things out without a million thoughts running through my head.

 

I really respect your selflessness, but I think you would a feel a lot better staying away from all forms of contact. Like I said, it's tough, but you will be rewarded from it. I've learned so much about myself these past few months, and while I still struggle, I continue to move forward. Something I couldn't do if I stayed in contact with my ex.

 

However, although I think it's a good idea to go no contact, I also think it's a good idea to process how you feel. I recommend thinking over these kinds of questions.

 

What I will miss most about him?

What I will miss most about the relationship?

What about the relationship I am thankful to leave behind/out of life?

 

What did he teach me about relationships? About myself? About life?

What did I learn through the relationship about myself? About life? About relationships in general?

 

What am I grateful for having learned?

In which ways am I thankful for having grown out of the relationship?

What am I proud of in myself?

What I am grateful for having now that I can look back?

What might I do differently next time?

 

What things or ways of being/living did I hold back on or not give myself time for while I was in the relationship that I want to make time for now

 

What signs or red flags signaled that the relationship might not have been exactly what I once thought it was?

In what ways has the break-up made room for or brought me on a path for the better?

 

You also might find it helpful to write a vent letter (that you won't send of course). Always remember, the sooner you get through this, the sooner you WILL find the RIGHT person for you.

[xpaperxcutx]

It is generous of you to still wish him happiness after the hurt he caused. However I suspect you are giving him and those around him way too much time and thought which is at the expense of your recovery from the breakup.

 

You are doing yourself a disservice looking at these things on social media. It can become an addiction looking at things that you know are only going to hurt you. That is why so many people have to go on a social media ban and stay no contact from their ex's so they can heal and move on.

 

You have your own life to get on with and wonderful experiences to look forward to. It is time to put yourself first and figure out what you can do to make things better for yourself.

 

It can be hard to move on but it will be worth it in the long run.

 

Yes I know. The breakup was 6 months ago, and it's been a month and a half since I last spoke to him. I haven't reached out to him. Towards the end, when I was asking him and even begging him to see me, he was so indifferent towards me. I had to cut him out of my life. He doesn't have social media, so it's not like I look for him.

[candie13]

forgiving is an essential part of healing. Essential. It seems you're doing alright at that department. However, forgetting is even more important.

 

I understand that he is / was an important person in your life. Of course I do. But there is a time, in all people's life, to just let go and move on. I don't know how long it has been after you two broke up, but you need to find the force to digest it and think about yourself. How about you? Were you happy ? Did he make you happy ?

 

Find those things that bring you peace and integrate them in your life, like a special routine.I also agree that spying on fb is the absolute worse idea ever. There is no such thing as a perfect relationship. there is no such thing as total and complete harmony. If their RS is indeed like that, they will break up at the first fight. Most RS - all RS - are hard. They bring out stuff you haven't dealt with, things that pain you...

 

Bottom line is: stop thinking about him. Get out of the mental loop. Do a small trip somewhere you love with people you love and who love you back. This will cut you off from reality and give you some perspective. I also agree that cutting all contact is good for you, because it's as if you are addicted. Stop it. Stop watching him. Stop thinking about him. Stop talking about him. Focus on yourself exclusively. you'll be alright, I'm sure.

[HeartbrokenNewbie]

U have to stop checking social media..

 

I broke up 2 years ago nearly & up until 1 week ago I was checking religiously (and wondering why I didn't seem to be progressing in healing!) I have stopped completely & in just 1 week I feel so much better I am kicking myself as to why I kept putting myself through it. I really believe had I have stopped looking ages ago I would have healed sooner..

 

 

It really has to be 100% no contact & that includes checking up! You can do this & u will feel better for it x

[xpaperxcutx]

Thanks everybody. I am trying. Sometime the urge to check social media is just too strong. Usually, I last about 1-2 weeks but then I would log onto his friend's webpages and started snooping. It doesn't help that I remember all the urls of his friends.

 

 

Also, I cried myself to sleep last night. I don't know why, but sometimes I start thinking about him and his new gf together and it gets extremely hard for me. I start thinking about how happy they are with each other and how that should've been me.

[symphonyofwolves]

I am going through the same thing right now. It is tough and it hurts like hell, but just know you are not alone. I know what it's like crying and thinking about them together and not being able to fight the urges to creep on his web pages, but i agree with the others, the less you look at it and try to keep busy and do things that make you happy, the less he will pop into your mind. It's mainly going to take lots of time and complete n/c which means completely cutting off looking at his social media. I'm even thinking about getting rid of my phone because deleting the apps doesn't work for me because I always end up re-downloading them again :/ I have a problem and it sucks. I can't read like I used to, watch movies/shows, listen to music, everything I used to love and enjoy reminds me of him and it sucks. I have found writing and photography and looking at the sky, clouds, and stars, sunsets help a lot. Nature is beautiful and if you are spiritual in any way, maybe look into getting more in tune with that side of your soul. It's been helping me. Sorry this is so lengthy and I hope it gets better soon. It will, it has to, you can only go up from here =)

 

xx

[aloneinaz]

 

Also, I cried myself to sleep last night. I don't know why, but sometimes I start thinking about him and his new gf together and it gets extremely hard for me. I start thinking about how happy they are with each other and how that should've been me.

 

You're only continuing to put so much thought and energy into this failed relationship due to not having met someone new who really rocks your world. You're also going to pour salt in the wound you won't let heal by searching for information about you ex through social media.

 

 

You're simply NOT wanting to put full closure on this past relationship by your actions. You need to accept it's over. He's moved on. If you want to get better and happy again, avoid anything to do with him, including social media stalking of his friends or GF.

 

 

Expend that energy is continuing to date to meet your next great love. Many people are too prideful to let an ex dominate their lives. The get mad at themselves and say ENOUGH! You need to do the same.

[tobrieornottobrie]

That's so hard. I'm sorry you're hurting. What are you doing to take care of yourself right now? Any new hobbies that you can pursue? Do you enjoy exercising? Are you spending any time with friends and family? Take care of yourself through this difficult time, I hope it gets better for you.

 

 

 

 

the brie's cheese knees