free_radicals Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Hello all, My father's birthday is coming up this weekend, and normally I'd buy him a gift and spend time with him and my mom (I don't live with them). However, he has anger management issues and ended up breaking my mom's phone that she just bought over trust issues. Mom did nothing wrong. He always targets her phone when he's upset, broken about 4 last year. This makes me mad. He doesn't know that I know of this latest instance yet, but the issue is bound to come out very soon. I'm thinking of calling him this week and telling him how upset I am, that he shouldn't be treating mom that way, that he needs to fix this problem etc. Or is it best to bring up the issue after his birthday and pretend everything is OK and get him a gift, but brings up the issue a few days later? This needs to be resolved and can't keep going on. Thanks in advance. I'm their 32 year old son btw. Link to post Share on other sites
SoleMate Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's hard to know where to start. For your mother's sake, I hope both you and she can set some boundaries, while still showing love. Completely shunning your parents isn't right, yet I don't see any easy path to communicate your desire for some family connection while making it clear to your father that all the phone breaking is not OK. Have you considered counseling to help you get some tips and techniques for very tough situations like this? Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 He's not going to change until he wants to change. He's not going to want to change because his child got mad at him. This will be a life changing discussion one way or the other so to bring it up on his birthday promises to make it even more volatile. I wouldn't. I'd pick a neutral non birthday / holiday to have a family meeting. How does your mother feel about all of this? Link to post Share on other sites
Author free_radicals Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 He's not going to change until he wants to change. He's not going to want to change because his child got mad at him. Actually it might be a good first step because he doesn't want me knowing all the bad stuff he does. He always tells my mom not to tell me, but she does anyway. He tends to listen to me when I want him to stop doing something but not my mom. This will be a life changing discussion one way or the other so to bring it up on his birthday promises to make it even more volatile. I wouldn't. I'd pick a neutral non birthday / holiday to have a family meeting. How does your mother feel about all of this? Well, mom wants him to stop obviously, but if dad finds out that she told me, he goes "why did you tell him?". She's OK with me intervening because dad tends to change when I tell him to. Example, he stopped drinking by going to AA because I told him to go. Link to post Share on other sites
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