Millie325 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 So my ex and I broke up about 8 months ago - his choice. We were each others first loves and had been together 3.5 years but his feelings changed, although he didnt know why. I was heartbroken and we stopped talking after which was my choice. recently we began messaging again and have agreed to meet up but I am not sure whether I should go. I feel much better about the break up but still think of him often. I am not expecting reconciliation but would be open to it. I am worried seeing him will hurt me but at the same time I really would like to. Link to post Share on other sites
AJH1982 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Who arranged the meeting? If it was him you should ask about hes intentions! If you are going to meet him and still have the hope that he will talk about reconciliation and he doesn`t you will get hurt. It`s your call. Wish you well. Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I wouldn't do it. Relationship break up for a reason. If he's initiating this meet up and contact than it may be he's just lonely, misses companionship, his horny or other reasons. He knows you still have feelings for him and you could be seen as a quick fix to his problems until something better comes along. Clearly, it's your call but.. if you've spent any time on this site, you'll see how MOST situations like this result in only further pain and suffering. Link to post Share on other sites
Frogwife Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Clearly, it's your call but.. if you've spent any time on this site, you'll see how MOST situations like this result in only further pain and suffering. Most situation on this site result in further pain and suffering because people who come to post here are suffering from pain and heartache... so we only hear those stories. The happy outcomes aren't usually posted on internet forums. If we take the "things are broken for a reason" black-and-white view of things (meaning there's never a chance for second chances in anything in life) then that is a pretty narrow way to live a life, in my opinion. If it were me, I would rather go (with no expectation other than a cup of coffee) than not go and always wonder what would have happened. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's your relationship & your life. What is the purpose of the meeting? If it's some starting point for a "friendship", don't go. If it's a reunion to reminisce about old times, don't go. If it's to talk about a full blown reconciliation and you want him back and all of the issues that drove you apart have been fixed go if you want to. However, if he is the one who broke up & especially if he wanted to go see what else life has to over, be very careful about letting him back because you are his second choice because nothing better came along. If you don't know why you are meeting, figure that out before you decide to go. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) Most situation on this site result in further pain and suffering because people who come to post here are suffering from pain and heartache... so we only hear those stories. The happy outcomes aren't usually posted on internet forums. If we take the "things are broken for a reason" black-and-white view of things (meaning there's never a chance for second chances in anything in life) then that is a pretty narrow way to live a life, in my opinion. If it were me, I would rather go (with no expectation other than a cup of coffee) than not go and always wonder what would have happened. I agree to the above. If you really want to be a bad arse, you can make him work for it, to make sure you're not just the easy choice as he's got no other interesting options. However, be very clear in your head: meeting him is starting from scratch. If you expect to pick things up from where you've left them, you're deluding yourself. Be extremely clear on what you want, your wishes and your dealbreakers. If he tries to sweet talk you and get you into bed, you have your answer. Whatever it is, however it goes, it's just ONE date. Make him work for it and for you, if you want this to go on - the RS to pick up. If he's uninterested to put in any effort into seeing you/ the RS, as the poster above said it, at least you know and there are no ifs and perhaps up in the air. Cheers Edited June 15, 2015 by candie13 Link to post Share on other sites
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I agree with the other users. If he is trying to arrange the meeting YOU have the right to ask what his intentions are. Anything less than I want to get back together I wouldn't go because you are still not completely ready to see him in a platonic manner it seems like. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie325 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 When we were messaging, I said in passing we should catch up sometime (without thinking clearly) which he latched on to and was really enthusiastic about and therefore i ended up agreeing to it properly and now i am unsure. I don't think either of us know what our intentions are until we see each other. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Don't go. If by catching up he means telling you all about his new relationship or other wonderful things that have happened to him since your split you will end up way worse off then you are now. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie325 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 he definitely wouldn't flaunt his dating life to me, I know that for sure. Link to post Share on other sites
candie13 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 If you need time, take it. It is serious business. You should see him only when and if you are ready. By meeting him without being convinced about it, you are exposing yourself to unnecessary heartache. We already have others hurting us, why do this to ourselves? Postpone. Say smth like "hey, three major projects landed on my lap, so my time schedule is crazy. Let's cancel our meet up, I'll drop you a line when I'm a bit more free." Easy. Your life, your boundaries! Step up to it, girl ! Link to post Share on other sites
Author Millie325 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 yeah i might give myself more time but part of me just feels like its something i need to do. I feel like i need to see him to see how I cope with it and how i feel. But maybe I would be causing myself unnecessary pain. Link to post Share on other sites
aboucher21 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 yeah i might give myself more time but part of me just feels like its something i need to do. I feel like i need to see him to see how I cope with it and how i feel. But maybe I would be causing myself unnecessary pain. I am in a similar situation. I am NC and wondering if soon we should meet up just to see how I feel about everything and see my progress but we run the risk of taking a step back and hurting once again. Link to post Share on other sites
BC1980 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 These meetups are usually pointless from what I've seen. And not just on LS but in real life. If his intention is to reconcile, he'll make that clear at some point. I guess the question is: what are your intentions? It's usually better to just leave these things in the past. Link to post Share on other sites
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