Age Gap Relationships

[SSM3]

Hi

 

I would like to hear from members who are involved or have any experience with age gap relationships.

 

I am in one and in two minds to take things forward with this girl. I really like her and she is in to me too. She knows that I don't want a fling and am looking for something serious, which she is fine with. She is fine with the gap too and we get on very well together.

 

There is an 18 year age gap between us and she is in her early 20's. We have been spending alot of time together and it's great. What I am bothered about is in 1 or 2 years down the line by this time I am property hooked on her and she has a change of heart. She says she wants to take it to the next step and move in with me, which is great.

 

Has anyone got any experience of being in an age gap relationship as I would like to hear.

 

Thanks

[salparadise]

You take a chance that things won't last forever in any relationship. I think the age gap is likely to become less and less central as time passes, and the actual quality of the relationship will be key to longitivtiy. If she is mature for her age, is resolute in her values with respect to the age difference and has some previous relationship experience, I'd say go for it with the realization that there are no guarantees, regardless. However, if she doesn't know herself very well yet, has a short attention span and is mesmerized by shiny new things... well, something to think about.

Edited June 15, 2015 by salparadise

[autumnnight]

My Uncle is 19 years older than my aunt. They have been married over 30 years and are very happy.

 

I say do what is right for you.

[SSM3]

Thanks for the replies.

 

This gives me some encouragement. She is quite mature for her age yes which helps. If she was immature then it would not work. She has had some relationship experience but less than five serious bf's

[central]

Any relationship has risks of a break up for many reasons. Age can influence that, but there are still many successful age gap relationships.

 

I've known a few. One where she was 30 years younger. That lasted 10 years, and then he died unexpectedly after a surgery. She still prefers older men.

 

I think the biggest challenges will be in a couple of decades, when the older person may lose health and vitality and become a burden on a younger spouse. It isn't necessarily cause to end the relationship, but it certainly happens even with similar age couples - when one becomes ill, the other bails as they don't want to deal with it and still have their own life to live.

[d0nnivain]

There was a joke of sorts years ago:

 

Why do young hotties date middle aged rock stars? Because they are old, seem wise, are famous & have money.

 

Why do aging rock stars date young hotties? Because they can.

 

Enjoy what you have now. If it comes to the point where you are talking marriage etc. talk about the hard stuff, kids & what it could be like when you are 70 & she's 50 & has to take care of you.

[jen1447]

I'll just throw out a caution, not trying to wreck your good time ....

 

Let's say she's 22 and you're 40. Things are good sexually right now I assume. At age 40, she'll quite possibly be at a sexual peak. (Many women go that route generally - libido starts going way way up in the thirties and into the forties.) When she's 40 you'll be 58. Will you still be able to bring it like she needs at that age?

 

It may sound superficial but sexual satisfaction is a huge component for happiness in a lot of women, and thus a reason for a lot of beakups if it's not happening.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

Follow your heart & go for it. Relationships don't come with warranties, so you can't expect them to last unless you get married. I was in one with an over 20 year age gap. My best advice is to treat her as your equal & never pull the age card on her or act like her father. If she asks for advice, give it to her, but in the proper way & never use the I told you so BS. She's young & going to make plenty of mistakes, that's a natural part of growing up. Never do the generational superiority BS thing. Each Gen has their bad & good parts. Make an effort to learn about her generation's culture, music, etc. Not all of it's bad. Dubstep & EDM is a good example. Don't suddenly try to change yourself to be more like her peers. Don't be that guy in his 40s with gauges & a Fatal shirt, unless that was you before you met her. Don't be controlling, let her have space & time with her friends. Don't act creepy or weird around her friends. Be prepared for drama, that seems to be part of that age group. A big thing is to set fair & realistic boundaries if you become exclusive & don't make excuses for her age if she starts breaking them. Age is no excuse for playing games in a relationship.

[Emilia]

It's true that there are no guarantees but age gap relationships don't tend to survive as well as others. Anything 10+ is higher risk IMO and I've had my share of them.

[SSM3]

I'll just throw out a caution, not trying to wreck your good time ....

 

Let's say she's 22 and you're 40. Things are good sexually right now I assume. At age 40, she'll quite possibly be at a sexual peak. (Many women go that route generally - libido starts going way way up in the thirties and into the forties.) When she's 40 you'll be 58. Will you still be able to bring it like she needs at that age?

 

It may sound superficial but sexual satisfaction is a huge component for happiness in a lot of women, and thus a reason for a lot of beakups if it's not happening.

 

It's good at the moment yes but would I still be able to keep her happy in 18 years, who knows! Would she be able to keep me happy then? Who knows too.

[carhill]

OP, here's some reading:

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/general/general-relationship-discussion/288549-consolidated-discussion-older-younger-woman-man-age-gap-dating

[central]

It's good at the moment yes but would I still be able to keep her happy in 18 years, who knows! Would she be able to keep me happy then? Who knows too.

 

Exactly - who can predict their health and libido 20 years from now? You can only try to stay healthy, and hope for the best (and take advantage of pharmaceutical aids if necessary).

 

My FWB is 27 years younger, and I can wear her out routinely - I'm about 60. YMMV.

[SSM3]

Follow your heart & go for it. Relationships don't come with warranties, so you can't expect them to last unless you get married. I was in one with an over 20 year age gap. My best advice is to treat her as your equal & never pull the age card on her or act like her father. If she asks for advice, give it to her, but in the proper way & never use the I told you so BS. She's young & going to make plenty of mistakes, that's a natural part of growing up. Never do the generational superiority BS thing. Each Gen has their bad & good parts. Make an effort to learn about her generation's culture, music, etc. Not all of it's bad. Dubstep & EDM is a good example. Don't suddenly try to change yourself to be more like her peers. Don't be that guy in his 40s with gauges & a Fatal shirt, unless that was you before you met her. Don't be controlling, let her have space & time with her friends. Don't act creepy or weird around her friends. Be prepared for drama, that seems to be part of that age group. A big thing is to set fair & realistic boundaries if you become exclusive & don't make excuses for her age if she starts breaking them. Age is no excuse for playing games in a relationship.

 

Thanks for the advice, this is all pretty new to me as my past relationships have been around my age and it's new to her too.

 

I'm quite young at heart and in actual fact we have similar taste in music so there is no problem there. With regards to my dress sense, that won't change! I will always be myself and not try and be someone who I am not.

 

I agree it's important not to be controlling too and give her time to go out with her friends, although she says she would prefer to be with me. She doesn't really seem the partying type, unlike myself when I was her age.

 

We are definitely equal and I always take on board what she says.

 

We both want the same thing in life and she is not put off by the prospect of settling down.

[SSM3]

Exactly - who can predict their health and libido 20 years from now? You can only try to stay healthy, and hope for the best (and take advantage of pharmaceutical aids if necessary).

 

My FWB is 27 years younger, and I can wear her out routinely - I'm about 60. YMMV.

 

Well done

[elaine567]

It may or may not work out for you.

But GIGS could be the killer I guess, and the fact she is not a party animal may go against you actually, she may realise that she missed out and want to right that.

Is she educated or non educated?

Educated girls tend to want to settle down and want babies in their early thirties, after their career is on track and by then you will be 50.

[jen1447]

Exactly - who can predict their health and libido 20 years from now? You can only try to stay healthy, and hope for the best (and take advantage of pharmaceutical aids if necessary).

 

My FWB is 27 years younger, and I can wear her out routinely - I'm about 60. YMMV.

 

There are trends and tendencies that can be significant to OP's situation tho, those being that the greater likelihood is she'll have a greater sexual appetite and that may cause sexual incompatibility. The only reason I mention it is that imo it's a serious enough potential concern to justify considering it now.

[SSM3]

It may or may not work out for you.

But GIGS could be the killer I guess, and the fact she is not a party animal may go against you actually, she may realise that she missed out and want to right that.

Is she educated or non educated?

Educated girls tend to want to settle down and want babies in their early thirties, after their career is on track and by then you will be 50.

 

We actually spoke about this a few weeks back and she said that she has had her wild party days at Uni and it's out of her system. She can go out with her friends when-ever she likes.

 

We have also casually spoken about having a family (not together but what we both want in life generally) and this is something she wants in a couple of years.

[SSM3]

There are trends and tendencies that can be significant to OP's situation tho, those being that the greater likelihood is she'll have a greater sexual appetite and that may cause sexual incompatibility. The only reason I mention it is that imo it's a serious enough potential concern to justify considering it now.

 

This is something I think about each week! Others say, just roll with it.

[candie13]

you have the most to lose here. What do you want. Can you live with her for the next 5 years and accept that there is a chance that when you're about to reach 50 you might have to start all over again, with the dating game ? How about 55 ? how about 60 ?

 

do you want a RS, family and kids ? Do you want them now or later?

 

I'm mid 30, a woman... personally, I would not take that risk - but it's different for men, compared to women.

 

IF you just want people here to approve of your choice, I think the vast majority will. I'm making you conscious of the high risks you're about to take.

[elaine567]

We actually spoke about this a few weeks back and she said that she has had her wild party days at Uni and it's out of her system. She can go out with her friends when-ever she likes.

 

We have also casually spoken about having a family (not together but what we both want in life generally) and this is something she wants in a couple of years.

 

Just be careful, do not put too many eggs in that basket.

 

http://www.loveshack.org/forums/romantic/dating/533140-girlfriend-pof-while-thinking-about-future-relationship

Particularly #10

[jen1447]

This is something I think about each week! Others say, just roll with it.

 

If you can reconcile that personally, that's great. But like candie I just want you to be aware of the risks. Unfortunately I've seen a couple relationships with the ages like yours start out 'blissfully happy' but then 10 years down the line the (younger) woman got different ideas.

[Robert Z]

I'll just throw out a caution, not trying to wreck your good time ....

 

Let's say she's 22 and you're 40. Things are good sexually right now I assume. At age 40, she'll quite possibly be at a sexual peak. (Many women go that route generally - libido starts going way way up in the thirties and into the forties.) When she's 40 you'll be 58. Will you still be able to bring it like she needs at that age?

 

 

Yes, if he takes care of himself he can be just as active at 58 as at 40. My sex life is far better at 55 than at 40. Hitting the elliptical like there is no tomorrow was key to getting it back.

 

I've had a great sex life with a women in her early twenties. And the last year was the best of all! Best sex I've ever had. The neighbors would probably support that claim.

Edited June 15, 2015 by Robert Z

[Timshel]

My late husband and I had a 7 year age gap. Not too much, especially since he was older, so not very unusual. As far as health considerations go though, he died of brain cancer at what is considered a very young age, 51. The truth is that health issues can come up at any age. No one knows, whomever they are with, what is around the bend.

I would say if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Make logical and reasonable considerations and as your level of commitment increases, have 'frank' discussions as any couple should of possible scenarios and how they could impact your relationship.

Honestly, everyone should do that, sh*t/life happens. Age gap or not.

[123321]

In a couple months my GF will have a bday, and will no longer be quite half my age. It's working so far, but I don't view anything as permanent. Enjoy the moments as they come, be prudent, plan for a future, but don't be too specific in your plans.

 

Always remember, no one on their death bed draws their last breath and says "I sure wish I'd worked more"

[jen1447]

Yes, if he takes care of himself he can be just as active at 58 as at 40. My sex life is far better at 55 than at 40. Hitting the elliptical like there is no tomorrow was key to getting it back.

 

I've had a great sex life with a women in her early twenties. And the last year was the best of all! Best sex I've ever had. The neighbors would probably support that claim.

But according to my hypothetical, he'll have to be capable of satisfying a greater need for her at that age. She won't stay stagnant. And having a great sex life with a woman in her early twenties (no matter your age) is different than a woman in her 30s and 40s.

 

I'm glad it's working for you tho.