Loveless86 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I still think about her all the time only now she's like this demi god and i feel like id kiss her feet to get her back, im scared of walking the streets in case i see her and my heart sinks and it ruins me. How do i stop someone who eefed me over for another guy from having such a hold over me? i should be angry and pissed off with her for what she's done and i am sometimes but i also love her. Does anyone have a mantra or a train of thought to get these people off their pedestals and stop them from having a hold on their lives. Im 9 weeks post break up, i miss her so much but i also never want to see her if she doesn't feel the same about me anymore. Which im certain she doesn't. I had bread crumbs 2 weeks ago, i was short with her, nothing since 1 Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 only the passing of time will ease your burden 2 Link to post Share on other sites
StalwartMind Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Depending on your own preferences, values and expectations of others, consider teaching yourself how to never overrate someone else or for that matter anything. Imagine your own set of standards and what you require of a partner/friend. If a person consistently or no longer live up to what you believe is required to maintain a good connection, then you should reconsider that relationship. It's not difficult to passively evaluate others like this, actions always speak the loudest. If you feel disappointment or are unhappy, then something is wrong. This person clearly disappointed you and for whatever reason misused your trust. It is critical that the results are in alignment with your expectations. This may sound basic, and it actually is, but truthfully most people for whatever reason prefer to complicate matters for themselves. Despite that you can learn to control this better granted that it requires effort, and in no way for this to sound offensive to anyone, many choose to sulk instead of taking action to do the "right" thing. I understand everyone have various difficulties, but nothing changes unless we are willing to start somewhere. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Ariess10 Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's all about time and nc.. I'm coming up on 3 moths break up and 3 months nc.. I was with her for 3 years and I'm just starting to take her off the pedestal .. It was hard but I now feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I don't go places where I think she might be or I don't drive on her side of town.. She wants me out of her life then she's got it .. That's the way you gotta look at it, this girl left you for another dude so be it , let him deal with her .. Just avoid anywhere she might be .. Gotta be a ghost only way to move on and heal 3 Link to post Share on other sites
aloneinaz Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 It's all about time and nc.. I'm coming up on 3 moths break up and 3 months nc.. I was with her for 3 years and I'm just starting to take her off the pedestal .. It was hard but I now feel like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel.. I don't go places where I think she might be or I don't drive on her side of town.. She wants me out of her life then she's got it .. That's the way you gotta look at it, this girl left you for another dude so be it , let him deal with her .. Just avoid anywhere she might be .. Gotta be a ghost only way to move on and heal This ^^ You gotta get mad. This person said to piss off and get out of my life, I don't want you around anymore. Why long for someone who doesn't want you. YES, she has a right to end the relationship but there's where your strong self esteem and confidence in yourself kicks in and says "her loss". It's still going to hurt. I've been there. But, having pride in yourself and recognizing that we are all not going to be a perfect fit for everyone helps us move on. Rejection sucks but everyone can take it WAY to personally. Stay NC. Don't reply to anything further from her. She is your past and you need to ACCEPT that fact. NC allows time to pass and you to heal and feel better. When you're able, start dating and find someone who will be a good fit for you. We all have gone down with the ship. We also swam back to the surface and to daylight. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Satu Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 (edited) For some reason when you were with her you chose to have her as the exact centre of your universe. You were in orbit around her. Then she was gone, and you had nothing and nobody to orbit. Now you have to place the centre of your universe inside yourself. Once you have done that, the empty place inside you will no longer be empty, and you will begin to enjoy life again. Edited June 15, 2015 by Satu 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted June 15, 2015 Author Share Posted June 15, 2015 As always thanks for the much appreciated wise words and thoughts, this site has helped me a lot over these difficult times, its comforting to know im not alone. So thank you. I do my best to avoid her part of town but its inevitable that i will see her soon i just need to be strong, have a high opinion of myself and think "There goes the girl who missed out cos im f8$king ace!" There are a couple of billion more left in the sea, just hope i can remain confident when i see her again. I'll give it a couple of weeks till im fully settled at my new job then i shall get dating again, then her memory will fade. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
FistOfTheNorthStar Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I kind of understand what you mean. My first week of NC was a disaster because she was on the pedestal for me. She was understanding, picked herself up from being homeless, compassionate, loved animals and nature, all around caring person. I just never really looked at the negatives for her. She was extremely sexual, she spoke of all of her past partners, how she loved being taken control of, how she could have just gone to a rich older man to pay for her things and raised her child on her own, I was not a big fan of her work because it bothered me but it was how she made money. Her family was just all over the place when it comes to dysfunction, but they all accepted me. I got along with everyone and her child put me on a pedestal as well. I do enjoy getting attention and she did it so perfectly and gracefully. I thought I will never find anyone like her and well... It's true. I won't find someone who has all of her negative aspects but I will find someone who will give me that love and even better. Life goes on my friend, and this is just another stepping stone. You will find someone better as fate would have it. -F Link to post Share on other sites
Thistooshallpass21 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 Everyone remember you are all money. They left you it's their loss, I'm just starting to realize that a month into the break up. We will all get through this one day at a time and find the someone who won't leave us when the going gets tough. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
OldSoul86 Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) I still think about her all the time only now she's like this demi god and i feel like id kiss her feet to get her back, im scared of walking the streets in case i see her and my heart sinks and it ruins me. How do i stop someone who eefed me over for another guy from having such a hold over me? i should be angry and pissed off with her for what she's done and i am sometimes but i also love her. Does anyone have a mantra or a train of thought to get these people off their pedestals and stop them from having a hold on their lives. Im 9 weeks post break up, i miss her so much but i also never want to see her if she doesn't feel the same about me anymore. Which im certain she doesn't. I had bread crumbs 2 weeks ago, i was short with her, nothing since You want to know how to get her off of the pedestal? You need to sit down with a pen and a piece of paper (do it old school) and write a list down of things you did not like about your ex. Focus on the negative things (as counterproductive as it sounds) - focus on the fights, focus on the negativity she brought into your life, and focus on how bad she made you feel when it was all said and done. Then, when those feelings rush over you again (and they will) you take out that list and read it. You need to change your thinking, reprogram the way you view her, and this is one way to achieve it. By doing this repeatedly you'll be able to hopefully see that she is not a demigod, but a fallible person. Knocking the ex off of a pedestal is important, she is no better than you - we're all human beings living our lives the best way we know how. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, we're allowed to make mistakes and learn from them - the error we often make is to ruminate in them and struggle to move past them. Edited June 18, 2015 by OldSoul86 Clarity 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Loveless86 Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 Thanks oldsoul, thats good advice. She has plenty of faults too, its strange though post break up how you only think of the good things and would go so far as to accept their faults to have them back. Shes just a person there are loads of them out there. Link to post Share on other sites
maybenot Posted June 19, 2015 Share Posted June 19, 2015 I am a year post my break up and had exactly the same issue for a long time. It has only been in last few weeks that I actually have taken him off the pedestal, so it just does take time. But have faith, you will and soon you will stop caring about what your ex is doing. I was obsessed for months afterwards, wondering if he was enjoying life without me, if he was thinking about me, and always concluding that he was having a blast and his life was amazing and he never gave me a second thought. Of course this was not the case, and thinking like that just made me feel even worse. But I can honestly say now, that I am glad I am not in his life. I met someone else recently - its very early days and I am not sure it will go anywhere but it has helped my put everything in perspective and realise that my life is pretty good and I can have a blast and I don't need my ex there to do it... Stay strong, you will get there Link to post Share on other sites
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