Should I wait for her to make up her mind or forget about her and move on?

[Mid20'ies]

Hello everybody!

 

I will try to make this as short and precise as possible.

 

This girl and I worked together for a year or so, we had a great connection and we started talking more outside of work during the fall of last year. She had a boyfriend through many years, but told me sometime in October that she was sick and tired of their relationship and him. She broke up with him in early 2015 and as time moved on we started talking even more. Around Mid-february we first kissed and things quickly became a lot more serious. She told me that she had never fallen in love with somebody that quickly, that I was "fantastic" and so on. On the other hand we had a lot of arguments about insignificant things. She would become very angry and very upset over little things.

She was very clingy, and I had the feeling that she was much more dependent on me than I was on her. She was always the one to initiate contact and call me. She had also told her parents about me and as a result of that they invited me to come over and meet them. All of this made me quite confused and most of all a little scared because first of all, I had never been in a relationship before and second of all, things were moving very fast in my eyes. She told me that I should just let her know, if I thought that things were moving too fast between the two of us. I told her that I thought so, and even though she offered me the opportunity to tell her that, she became mad at me for thinking so. Around Mid-april we had a huge fight while we were drunk, as I met with her and our colleagues during a night out and she was mad because I hadn't kissed her in front of all of our colleagues. That night she was very drunk and I was almost sober, so she blew things up and made a big deal out of it. As a result she told me the next day, that she had put her feelings aside and that she was breaking up, asking me if we could be friends. After a few days, I finally realized what I had lost and how much I actually cared for her. She told me that durings those months together she had felt under-prioritized and that she had always been the one to take the initiative to meet up and such. I was chocked to hear that she felt that way, as I felt that I had supported fully her during her final (and tough) semester in college and that I had always been there for her when she needed me.

She moved on very quickly, telling me after the breakup that she had been seeing another guy for two weeks. I was crushed and cut contact with her. As we were working together (we are not anymore), the NC only lasted until we were working together again where our great chemestry made us talk again. We talked for a few weeks and I thought that she was coming back as she was complimenting me, telling me that I looked great, inviting me to events (even with some of her family) and texting me several times a day. One night when we were both drunk, I confronted her and she told me that she wasnt seeing this other guy anymore but didn't know about us. She told me that she wanted time to focus on herself and that she enjoyed only having herself to take care of. I became tired of the fact that she couldn't make up her mind and wrote her a sincere, handwritten letter, telling her how I felt about her, about the mistakes that I felt I had made, and that I was willing to wait for her and that I was willing to invest everything in the two of us if she wanted to give us a second chance. Basically what I was feeling and no accusations in any way or form.

After having read the letter she told me that she still did not have any feeling for me. When I told her how I felt she had given me mixed signals, she agreed and told me that she was able to see it from my point of view. I told her that as things were now, I could not accept a friendship, but told her to contact me someday, if she ever changed her mind. She has my letter, and at any time she can go back and read that to know exactly how I feel. I then entered no contact again around two weeks ago, and she has texted me three times during those weeks with breadcrumbs. To me she seems very confused.

 

Do you think she will ever change her mind and give me a second chance or am I better set moving on? Thanks for any advice in advance!

Edited June 15, 2015 by Mid20'ies

[dumbass2]

She doesn't sound like she is ready for a relationship. She went from her ex to you to someone else pretty quick. You need to move on and just accept as a "good time". People can throw out "I love you's" pretty quick and most of the time it is not that. Sounds like she gets into it fast and then gets bored quickly and moves on. Not worth your time at all from what you have said. Never tell someone who dumped you that they can come back anytime and give any indication that you are still for them. It makes you look weak and gives them all the power.

[kasop]

Oh man i can relate to your story. Your ex sounds like my ex. I know you probably thought u had the best intentions by following your heart after b/u but you are probably now realizing the damage it did especially this being your first relationship. Im geussing she broke up with you. Diginity and respect is everything after a b/u. Its over.. the fact you still talked to her.. probably begged at one point or two (like i did), the note, all that just lowered your value to her. Woman hate stuff like this. Ive done it in almost every time ive been dumped and its had the same result everytime. Learning from this experience is really all you can do now. Stay nc for yourself. Fight any urge to contact her because at this point it will only make things worst.

[AJH1982]

It sounds like my last relatioship! She`s a black hole, everythink that you do will never be enought. Go NO CONTACT right now and dissapear, she will text you and try to contact you with breadcrumbs! Leave her alone it´s not easy but it is the only thing you can do right now to get better! Bad experience for a first relatioship.