Wife preferred ex versus husband

[lessthanherex]

So my marriage has reached a point where I have a few choices; step out and be satisfied with someone else, suck it up and masturbate to porn (she hates), or separate/divorce.

I have a high sex drive (very), and my wife always comments that I regard sex too high. I cannot say we have a sexless marriage, but I would almost rather it be sexless for arguments sake. If I do not initiate sex, she would initiate maybe once a month...maybe. If I do initiate sex, it happens about once per week. The frustration is that rarely is it satisfying to both of us. She complains that it lasts too long, wants me to cum simultaneously, or just doesn't feel ______. 95% of the time she simply lays there, or if I do convince her to get in another position, she has some complaint. She answers her texts/messages during, and checks the time.

Now before you assume I simply suck in bed, I received physcial and verbal satisfaction feedback from previous partners, she cums quickly, has multiple orgasms, and both vaginal and clitoral climax. She claims this was not the case in previous relationships. Still, or frequency and her interest are at an extreme low.

Long story short, I have knowledge that her previous boyfriend was satisfied by her sexually on a regular basis. They had sex nearly every time they spent time together, and she also certifies that she was more physically attracted to him than to me. In fact, she became sexually active at 14 with a senior boy, and lost her virginity at 15. They had sex more frequently than I have with my wife in the past 5-10 years. I know she gave both of them blowjobs, yet I get one once a month. She claims this is highly arousing for her to give oral, yet it only happens once a month!! I reciprocate.

I am not the specimen I was in high school, but I am also in similar shape than before our marriage when we had sex more often.

I cannot help but be extremely jealous of her previous lovers and pissed off at her at the same time. How can she prefer mediocre sex with her high school/college boyfriends versus the "great" sex with her husband??

It goes well beyond sex too. I would be more content if there was physical contact. She sleeps with her back turned to me most of the time, never greats me with affection, and rarely touches me, let alone in a sexual manner.

I cannot help but look at her senior prom photo and realize.....that is the happiest smile I have seen on my wife's face.....and we're married!!

Starting to regret my decision to marry. The only positive right now is my kids. I have seen divorce and dealt with split families and family law. I WILL NOT allow my kids to endure that hell. I feel that I am with my wife for our kids.

I love her, but I feel like her love for me is systematic. It's more of a husband role, similar to when girls are kids playing house, or like a brother. I am the father of her children, and sometimes her best friend, but never her passionate lover. Not her desire or target of affection. I feel like her physical and sexual desires were in the past, and she no longer needs a man to fulfill that need. I still need a woman to fulfill that need.

Whenever I attempt to talk about us, or sex, or intimacy, or anything related, she shuts me down or gets mad. Every time she nags or scolds me for something, I feel like responding, ".....<insert ex-boyfriends name> always did that for you?....." or "......<___> never did that?"

It is not that I am stuck on her past relationships, rather I don't get a present because of her past relationships.

Last week, I asked her to dinner after work. I took her out, conversed, walked holding her hand, and when we went to bed I kissed her passionately, and held her while running my hands through her hair and across her arms. We fell asleep together. That morning, the first words from her mouth were that I probably wasn't happy because we didn't have sex. I went 9 days without forcing or attempting anything but non-sexual contact (a difficult feat for me). After nine days, we watched a movie and for the first time in two months she placed her hand on my stomach and thigh. This unusual contact aroused me, so I proceeded to kiss and touch her. Again, we fell asleep without sex, but in the morning it was "on." After about 10 minutes she verbalized she was "almost there" and asked me to "cum with her." That is far too much pressure, and I was not in a position that aroused me to that point. Not to mention every time she makes this request, I think her boyfriends must have ejaculated early or been able to have simultaneous orgasm. I was unable to, but as we continued she stopped moving or even seeming to enjoy me. This makes it more difficult to climax. I eventually stopped, sensing she was feeling more pain than pleasure, and asked if she was done. Her comment was , "I don't know why you can't cum when I do." Hmmmm I am stumped. I never received this request when we had great sex before marriage, she enjoyed longer sessions then and more often. I have also never received this request from other women, and my experiences were women that were excited and absolutely blown away that I could continue having sex beyond 15 minutes, or even an hour or two. I am getting the feeling my wife wants simultaneous orgasms to end the session quicker, and move on. Almost like she only enjoys sex with an orgasm, but cannot stand the actual event with me.

I find myself more and more looking at other women. When I first met my wife, the thought never entered my mind. When we were having more frequent/better sex, I looked at women with the attitude "I'm married not dead." However, it was noticing beauty rather than wanting to be with another woman. As the past 5-10 years has evolved into less and less sex, and less and less exciting, I find myself actually wanting to have sex with other women, lowering my standards to hot women and not absolutely stunning, then women who have even one "hot" attribute, younger women, imagining other women when I masturbate or even when I am with my wife (to rid my thoughts of her disinterest or her exes), and now I am even considering being with another woman. If anyone remotely arousing approached me now, I would break. I have even started seeking online relationships, but have not acted yet.

I realize women are wired differently, but my wife didn't seem to think that way at age 14, 15, or 21. It makes me think, fine! You want to deny me sex in our marriage, then I will go find a 21-25 year old that wants sex like you did at that age. What a lucky young woman too. I have so much stored up energy and desire for that, she would receive the best effort any man could give. There is nothing I wouldn't do or be incapable of doing to her.

[Keenly]

The answer is quite simple. She doesn't care about your sexual desires, and she also attempts to invalidate your feelings about how often you'd like to be intimate.

 

 

 

 

She is showing you that because it's not important to you, it's not important to her.

 

 

But I have to ask first, she wasn't always this way right? Has it just kind of drifted into the once a month lay there like a corpse just to "make him happy" kind of deal?

 

 

It really, really hurts when the person you love shows no interest whatsoever mid sex.

[LoveMachine67]

So my marriage has reached a point where I have a few choices; step out and be satisfied with someone else,

 

I find myself actually wanting to have sex with other women, lowering my standards to hot women and not absolutely stunning, then women who have even one "hot" attribute, younger women, imagining other women when I masturbate or even when I am with my wife (to rid my thoughts of her disinterest or her exes), and now I am even considering being with another woman. If anyone remotely arousing approached me now, I would break. I have even started seeking online relationships, but have not acted yet.

I realize women are wired differently, but my wife didn't seem to think that way at age 14, 15, or 21. It makes me think, fine! You want to deny me sex in our marriage, then I will go find a 21-25 year old that wants sex like you did at that age. What a lucky young woman too. I have so much stored up energy and desire for that, she would receive the best effort any man could give. There is nothing I wouldn't do or be incapable of doing to her.

 

Any chance of telling you W just how desperate and serious this has become for you? If you are spending this much time obsessing on sexual thoughts of other women, then it's just a matter of time before you stray.

 

You can always give your wife a chance to improve, but it sounds like she's just not on the same level as you sexually. It is possible that she does not find you attractive sexually. If that is the case, then you two need to let each other go before infidelity creeps into your marriage. Her desires may be just as great as yours, but maybe just not with you. If sex is that important to you, then you will not be happy staying in this marriage.

[lessthanherex]

The answer is quite simple. She doesn't care about your sexual desires, and she also attempts to invalidate your feelings about how often you'd like to be intimate.

 

 

 

 

She is showing you that because it's not important to you, it's not important to her.

 

 

But I have to ask first, she wasn't always this way right? Has it just kind of drifted into the once a month lay there like a corpse just to "make him happy" kind of deal?

 

 

It really, really hurts when the person you love shows no interest whatsoever mid sex.

 

Well said..."invalidate" that is exactly the approach. When there was verbal communication on the subject, my concerns were never met with answers, discussion on my concern, or solutions. It was always a retort on how she felt, or reversal of roles thrown back.

 

You are correct on it not always being this way. She was very intimate, close, touched me, cuddled, and sexual prior to marriage. That diminished almost immediately. I will admit sex improved as we experienced each other, but after a couple years it diminished in both quality and frequency.

 

The "making me happy" has transitioned to "making him shut up"

[Keenly]

Your story is the golden posterchild of why men can be so afraid of marriage. Women taunt us by saying we have a fear of commitment, when a lot of the times the fear is not of commitment, but abandonment.

Your wife seems to have physically abandoned you, and emotionally as well by refusing to acknowledge the pain of feeling like you mean nothing to your own wife.

 

 

I'm sorry you are in this situation, but if she won't put your needs as equal to her own, then she is selfish, and will never improve.

[lessthanherex]

Any chance of telling you W just how desperate and serious this has become for you? If you are spending this much time obsessing on sexual thoughts of other women, then it's just a matter of time before you stray.

 

You can always give your wife a chance to improve, but it sounds like she's just not on the same level as you sexually. It is possible that she does not find you attractive sexually. If that is the case, then you two need to let each other go before infidelity creeps into your marriage. Her desires may be just as great as yours, but maybe just not with you. If sex is that important to you, then you will not be happy staying in this marriage.

 

Oh, the discussion has been had.....a few times. I have expressed how important the physical aspect is to me, and how tempted I am. She gets upset, asks if we are done. Fearing losing my kids and the financial aspect, I suggest counseling or separation. A mutual agreement. You don't want me, then let's agree to not be intimate, and understand we are in this for the kids. She freaks out, and says I am her "everything" and we have even gone from full blown argument to having sex right after. Then she reverts immediately back to being a bitch about the subject and turns it into me not being attracted to her, wanting someone else, etc.

She either completely misses the point, or my suspicion is she understands completely and is manipulating the situation.

I have attempted to extract, "what is it that makes you want to be married to me?" I get no compliments, no physical contact. My wife simply says that I am off base thinking sex is always the answer (not true because I think its the result of being physically attracted). She uses examples of friends that rarely have sex.....I remind her that one of those friends she cited is recently divorced.

I am quite convinced that she has no sexual attraction to me. That is exactly my problem. Again, I feel rage knowing that she was so attracted to other men, and her excuse with me is "I'm just not that way." She claims she has never been sexual or touchy-feely, or needed to have sex. REALLY???? Because she was active at age 14, and lost her virginity at 15, and had mad-frequent sex with one boyfriend from age 17-20, and even during our time dating she was very touchy-feely and had sex relatively early on (4th date), and it was frequent for a year or two.

I feel more and more like her "everything" was the guy that broke up with her before meeting me. I feel like rebound-guy/settle for 2nd/3rd before I end up alone-guy.

Her actions certainly do not back up her words.

She also lied one night at a class reunion about her ex she lost her innocence with. I overheard someone say how huge he was (penis). Her first reaction was that she didn't remember. Huh!! Sure. Then, she said she wasn't sure. After suspecting that she was hiding the fact, and pissed that she was denying it as opposed to concern about size (I do quite well at 7" and fairly thick), I decided to validate the issue via sneaking a survey into her email She bit. She completed a survey (posed as being for a study via SurveyMonkey). Of many things, she stated her first was 8" and that she was most attracted to her high school/college boyfriend (right before me). She flat out lied. The two facts support her increased sexual desire with previous exes, versus her less-than satisfactory response to seeing me naked or desiring sexual relations. I am convinced, I could be the best lover in North America, but she is not interested because she was more attracted to #1 or #2. More likely, I am convinced she is also lying about my ability in bed compared to #1 or #2.

My image of marriage has never been unrealistic. However, I did always suspect that I should be friends, if not best friends with my wife, and also madly passionate and sexually active. I feel like sex is an expression of how we share intimacy, and intimacy (sex/touching/kissing) is an expression of our love for someone.

[lessthanherex]

Your story is the golden posterchild of why men can be so afraid of marriage. Women taunt us by saying we have a fear of commitment, when a lot of the times the fear is not of commitment, but abandonment.

Your wife seems to have physically abandoned you, and emotionally as well by refusing to acknowledge the pain of feeling like you mean nothing to your own wife.

 

 

I'm sorry you are in this situation, but if she won't put your needs as equal to her own, then she is selfish, and will never improve.

 

You are so right. My struggle is that she has truly been my emotional solid ground in the past. I am losing sight of a future with her. She has always had this great ability to make me feel like I am depressed or a sexual oddity.

 

We cannot discuss it anymore, but when those "past relationship" issues arose, she downplayed my feelings about her exes to my relationships. She spent 4 years each with two guys, consecutively, and then me. She has never been without a boyfriend. Never without the potential for sex since age 14. I lost my virginity days before my eighteenth birthday, and had a few more partners yet less episodes total than she did with one boyfriend. She nearly married her second boyfriend and talked engagement (there was a ring) with her first. My longest relationship was a year and a half.

The big difference: I had opportunities to get back together with my ex (child's mother) and never blinked an eye to turn away and run. I sincerely think my wife would be married to her ex if he had simply popped the question or if I was not in the picture.

[GoBlue]

First and foremost I want to say that I am sorry for your situation and I understand completely. I am a 50 y/o man who is divorced now but I did deal with some of the issues you describe. To put it bluntly, women do not understand how important sex is to a man, especially the link it has to their self-worth, intimacy, and feelings of validation. Sexual intimacy makes us feel wanted and validates the relationship - especially when she initiates and puts her heart into it. To be equally blunt, however, men truly don't understand what women want and what they need in order to feel equally validated in the relationship as well. I can certainly guarantee you that the size question (your body part) is more of an issue in your head than it is in hers.

 

I can tell you from first-hand experience the folly of turning to porn or relationships outside your marriage. What your children really need more than anything else is a mother and a father who love one another and are committed to meeting each other's needs. Although you cannot make your wife choose to respond, there are steps that can be taken to help prod her down the road of true marital satisfaction. There is a book I highly recommend titled Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson. It is a practical book and would be a great place to start. Another book that is very helpful is titled His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harvey Jr. Have you considered setting up a counseling appointment for yourself? Make sure it's a family friendly counselor and talk to him/her about what you are feeling. They can provide some help on how to move forward.

 

There is also an organization called The National Institute of Marriage which does intensive counseling. They have a website as well as a toll-free number. Their success rate for couples who attend their program is phenomenal; 85% are still married and doing better two years later. I also know where you can get a free counseling session by phone with a licensed counselor who wants to see your marriage saved. For more information feel free to send me a private message and I will get back to you.

 

I want you to know that I do hear your heart. I believe that you want to save your marriage and I believe that you love your wife. I can also hear the deep frustration. Please, contact a counselor, Pastor, or trusted mentor before making a bad situation even worse. My thoughts and prayers are with you.

[Mr. Lucky]

She claims this is highly arousing for her to give oral, yet it only happens once a month!!

 

This seems...normal. And I'd guess your pressure for more and different is behind her pull back.

 

Just part of why mismatched sex drives are such a tough challenge.

 

One partner says "we hardly ever have sex, it's only once a week".

 

The other partner says "we always have sex, it's at least once a week".

 

Which one is right ???

 

Mr. Lucky

[lessthanherex]

I can certainly guarantee you that the size question (your body part) is more of an issue in your head than it is in hers.

 

 

While I agree with most of your comments. I might contest here. Initially, this knowledge did not bother me. I was always confident about my size. In fact, I can't say that I really thought about it. I was first made aware when a woman I was dating when I was 18 was rubbing me until I was erect through my pants during a make-out session. The next weekend she had told a mutual friend that I was "very well hung." I received several similar comments with other women, including a very shocked college coed when I initially penetrated. Her expression really excited me, as she was not expecting such "fulfillment." If anything, I felt that I was above average and very satisfactory.

The issue with my wife and her first was not his size versus mine. It was her avoidance of the issue and denial which I later found out to be contrary, and then she admitted that he "might be about the same or maybe longer."

I wasn't the one who had the "issue" in my head, rather it was my wife.

[lessthanherex]

There is a book I highly recommend titled Love Must Be Tough: New Hope for Marriages in Crisis by Dr. James Dobson. It is a practical book and would be a great place to start. Another book that is very helpful is titled His Needs, Her Needs: Building an Affair-Proof Marriage by Willard F. Harvey Jr. Have you considered setting up a counseling appointment for yourself? Make sure it's a family friendly counselor and talk to him/her about what you are feeling. They can provide some help on how to move forward.

 

 

Thank YOU!! I ordered both books. I recommended counseling, but there are so many negatives and variables. First, my wife retracted when I mentioned it before because she thought I was done, and it upset her. I cannot get her to commit easily. Also, I tried affordable counseling through a work program, and after starting the second session, realized that they have absolutely no clue. Counselors are like attorneys, doctors, and any profession. There are lousy ones and a few good ones. I don't have time or money to sift through them all to find a good one.

I'll try the books and look into the National Institute.

Thanks again

[No Limit]

Now first of all - quit comparing to previous lovers. Relationships are a whole different planet than marriage.

 

Now there's little doubt that your wife isn't attracted to you - and mind you, not because of something you've done or anything. She simply isn't. At worst her saying "yes" when you proposed was motivated by the thought that you were a good provider, so she "settled" for you.

 

She doesn't like you masturbating to porn? What the hell? This is the only thing that irritates me - why do married women expect that their position in the relationship empowers them to deny a man's most basic needs?

[Keenly]

 

She doesn't like you masturbating to porn? What the hell? This is the only thing that irritates me - why do married women expect that their position in the relationship empowers them to deny a man's most basic needs?

 

Somewhere along the way, I'm not quite sure where because I don't think this is something they teach in sex-ed, many woman can start equating sex with devotion, or something like that. If the husband goes to ANYTHING else other than her, than it some how makes her a lesser woman or person.

 

 

I think that is ridiculous, but once a woman has that in her mind, it can be near impossible to get it out.

[LoveMachine67]

Oh, the discussion has been had.....a few times. I have expressed how important the physical aspect is to me, and how tempted I am. She gets upset, asks if we are done. Fearing losing my kids and the financial aspect, I suggest counseling or separation. A mutual agreement. You don't want me, then let's agree to not be intimate, and understand we are in this for the kids. She freaks out, and says I am her "everything" and we have even gone from full blown argument to having sex right after. Then she reverts immediately back to being a bitch about the subject and turns it into me not being attracted to her, wanting someone else, etc.

She either completely misses the point, or my suspicion is she understands completely and is manipulating the situation.

 

It seems that she is afraid to loose the security of your marriage, but does not want to work to help resolve the sexual issues that could end the marriage.

 

Is it possible that she really does have a low sex drive? Could it even be possible that she may be getting hers elsewhere? For the short term, counseling may be a option worth exploring. But I can hear the resentment that you have built up over time, and it may be too much to overcome.

[Mr. Lucky]

The issue with my wife and her first was not his size versus mine. It was her avoidance of the issue and denial which I later found out to be contrary, and then she admitted that he "might be about the same or maybe longer."

I wasn't the one who had the "issue" in my head, rather it was my wife.

 

I'd gently offer that this discussion is symptomatic of your situation. I've been married for nearly 30 years and have never asked my wife size-wise how I compared to previous partners. What would I do with the answer? Why would the metric be important?

 

My impression is that you're focused on the wrong things. And that has something to do with why you're getting the wrong results...

 

Mr. Lucky

[sandylee1]

Sometimes you have sex more when you're younger because you don't have stuff like home and kids etc to deal with. There wasn't a reason to be so tired in pre marital times.

 

I had an ex years ago and we often had it 3 - 4 times a day, but we only saw each other at the weekends. I'm sure my if my H knew that, he'd have some questions because I certainly don't want it that much now. It's nothing to do with size or attraction at all .

 

Maybe her sex drive is just lower than yours, but you need to reach a point where you're both happier .

 

Don't think about the Exes though or you'll go crazy.

[elaine567]

YOU are obsessed with her ex/exes.

I am getting pretty fed up of hearing about it, just reading this thread, I cannot imagine what it must be like for your poor wife.

 

Telling her you are tempted elsewhere is going to be a passion killer too.

Women like to think they are "the one" not just a masturbatory aid. Suggesting you are going to go elsewhere will prey on her mind and make her lose her emotional connection with you. Less emotional connection = less sex.

[BetrayedH]

Counselors are like attorneys, doctors, and any profession. There are lousy ones and a few good ones. I don't have time or money to sift through them all to find a good one.

 

You don't have the time or money to find a good counselor? Then look forward to spending that time and money finding a good divorce attorney.

 

Your wife needs an ultimatum. It's an unsavory word, but necessary.

 

"I can no longer handle a dispassionate marriage. I'd prefer that we resolve this but I'm prepared to divorce if we cannot. I've taken the time to find a good sex therapist for us. Should I make an appointment with them or with my family law attorney?"

 

Give the therapist 3 appointments to make a connection with you. If there isn't one after 3 appointments, move on to another therapist.

 

This is your last ditch effort.

[Lois_Griffin]

I can't say that I'd be feeling too frisky if I were married to an angry little troll whose constantly throwing a tantrum because he wants sex all the time and continually degrades me for what I did sexually when I was 14 friggen years old.

 

I'd be SO gone by now.

[davidromero43]

Did I miss it? How old are you and your wife?

[lessthanherex]

I'd gently offer that this discussion is symptomatic of your situation. I've been married for nearly 30 years and have never asked my wife size-wise how I compared to previous partners. What would I do with the answer? Why would the metric be important?

 

My impression is that you're focused on the wrong things. And that has something to do with why you're getting the wrong results...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I never asked the question. The information was given to me via a high school reunion when a former classmate of her ex made the statement. I simply reacted, and my wife backpedaled which caused me to encourage her to say it was ok to admit. She would not, and later changed her story. Not something I wanted to know. Believe me. I am not even insecure about the issue itself, it is simply another factor in the "why did she enjoy sex, and does not now."

[lessthanherex]

Sometimes you have sex more when you're younger because you don't have stuff like home and kids etc to deal with. There wasn't a reason to be so tired in pre marital times.

 

I had an ex years ago and we often had it 3 - 4 times a day, but we only saw each other at the weekends. I'm sure my if my H knew that, he'd have some questions because I certainly don't want it that much now. It's nothing to do with size or attraction at all .

 

Maybe her sex drive is just lower than yours, but you need to reach a point where you're both happier .

 

Don't think about the Exes though or you'll go crazy.

 

That first part sounds like one of her excuses. Really? At her sexual peak, my wife was going to college, working full-time, and babysitting. She lived 150 miles from her boyfriend. They made it work through all of the "stuff." I also have a hard time believing it is more difficult to have sex with the man that sleeps next to you 365 days/year, yet she managed to find a time and a place at 14 years old when the action was less acceptable and attainable. That is exactly my frustration. I love my wife and am attracted enough to enjoy her daily/weekly. And you said it all "certainly don't want it that much now."

Well, I do. And that is the dilemma. If she is going to deny that important aspect, it will affect my marriage, and I will eventually find someone who will want it that much.

You are right on about one thing. we need to reach a point where we are happier.

[lessthanherex]

YOU are obsessed with her ex/exes.

I am getting pretty fed up of hearing about it, just reading this thread, I cannot imagine what it must be like for your poor wife.

 

Telling her you are tempted elsewhere is going to be a passion killer too.

Women like to think they are "the one" not just a masturbatory aid. Suggesting you are going to go elsewhere will prey on her mind and make her lose her emotional connection with you. Less emotional connection = less sex.

 

First, the ex- factor would not come into play if not for years of this downtime. I did not always have these thoughts. They came with years of denial from sex and disinterest from her having sex, or even during sex.

Secondly, the temptations were not something I brought up. During our discussions I tried to avoid the issue and focus on us. I never threatened to go to someone else. The suggestion came from her during discussion that I would be tempted to cheat. I simply confirmed I had not cheated, and also admitted that not having sex would be a temptation.

The exes are not an obsession, rather a source of reference. She denies wanting to have sex often, yet there is indication she has wanted sex more. Other than age, there is only one factor that would drive her to not want sex with me. Her preference of them over me. If age/sex drive is the issue than it should be addressed. However, she makes claims that she wants sex more now than she ever did. What she is unaware of is that I know the frequency that she had sex in the past (even with me) So I guess I am obsessing over myself?

[lessthanherex]

You don't have the time or money to find a good counselor? Then look forward to spending that time and money finding a good divorce attorney.

 

Your wife needs an ultimatum. It's an unsavory word, but necessary.

 

"I can no longer handle a dispassionate marriage. I'd prefer that we resolve this but I'm prepared to divorce if we cannot. I've taken the time to find a good sex therapist for us. Should I make an appointment with them or with my family law attorney?"

 

Give the therapist 3 appointments to make a connection with you. If there isn't one after 3 appointments, move on to another therapist.

 

This is your last ditch effort.

 

In theory, you have a great approach. Yes, my job takes a great deal of my time and my kids take most of the rest.

The problem with divorce......I don't see my kids. Oh sure, custody can be had, but it is unlikely, 85% chance that she gets primary, I only get a portion of their time, I have to deal with family issues, I spend 40% of my salary on support/alimony plus the up front on attorney(s), my kids are damaged as a result, and there are mutual friends that will have future strained relationships. Not a choice.

Therapist. Are there any good ones? Yes, the time is limited. The money, well I just hate wasting $ for nothing.

I guess I am looking for an option that doesn't include divorce or hearing some "expert" force their opinions on me when I KNOW what I want. I want a marriage with love, friendship, intimacy, and sex. That simple. If mine cannot be fixed, I can find the sex elsewhere. I am starting to lean that way, and understand why guys cheat.

[lessthanherex]

I can't say that I'd be feeling too frisky if I were married to an angry little troll whose constantly throwing a tantrum because he wants sex all the time and continually degrades me for what I did sexually when I was 14 friggen years old.

 

I'd be SO gone by now.

 

And I would gladly say, good riddance.

 

The problem is that you have the luxury of perspective. You are missing the point here. Sexual issues came way before the "tantrum" and "degrading"

 

That is the problem. I have been the tolerant one for years, and I am finally getting fed up. She wasn't frisky before all of the "tantrum" issues. I have nothing to lose in that regard. I won't hold back as I have exhausted every attempt I know. Wouldn't be on here if I had a better idea.