lessthanherex Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 I always looked at girls differently than most guys my age. When I was in high school, I felt that girls should be treated respectfully and that my involvement would be based on my intent or feelings for that person. In other words, no casual sex. I needed to have deep feelings for a girl, respect her feelings, and only then would I pursue the possibility of sex. This would be extremely scrutinized if that girl was a virgin. That was not a shared sentiment among 14-18 year old boys. I heard stories and any guy dating was met with the same question, "did you bang her?" And then many would share the details which to me seemed extremely crude and insensitive. I waited until I had a girlfriend my senior year. It was after graduation that summer that I finally felt the "need" and we had a lengthy discussion, and fulfilled our "needs." I thought I loved this girl, and she was really into me. I was 17 (going on 18), and she was 16. In hindsight, one of my biggest mistakes was breaking up with her. Primarily based on her potential move to California to finish high school (we were in Iowa), and the fact that I was going to be a college freshman, she would be in high school. The college guy/high school girl thing did not seem appropriate to me. Fast-forward; my wife was an eighth grader on summer break, going to be a freshman when she spotted her first boyfriend. He was going to be a senior. He finally received the parental "ok" to date her for homecoming. She was 14, and he was 17. That same year, this senior pursued my eventual wife into a sexual episode that became a potential pregnancy scare (no penetration). She spoke with her Mom and got on birth control. The result was her losing her virginity at 15 with an 18 year old going off to college. She spent the bulk of her high school years with this guy until she spotted her next pursuit. Seeing him prompted her to break up with her first boyfriend, and date #2. She was a senior. He was a college freshman. The relationship became sexual within a couple months, and continued for 4 years. Did my wife's earlier experience with older boys effect her views of sex? How did it shape our physical relationship? She is clearly not as physical with me as she once was, and we struggle to maintain frequency. It really pisses me off to know #1 took her virginity. What a puke. In my mind, a senior is quite different from a freshman as far as maturity and sexual awareness. He was such a loser that he couldn't pursue a girl closer to his age. More importantly, why does an 8th grade/freshman girl feel the need to have sex with a senior? How can my wife question my sexual desires and my higher value of us having sex as a married couple while she minimizes sex, even though she spread her legs as a freshman? She makes me feel bad about wanting sex often, yet she allowed a senior boy to get her naked as a 14 year old, and continued to have intercourse in high school. Why was her past OK, and not her present marriage?? And I know she has expressed to both me and others (even anonymously) that she never regretted it, and would lose her virginity to the same guy in the same circumstances again. The hell!!??? My daughter is now 15. I realize, sadly, that she is smarter and more focused than my wife was. The problem is I am losing respect for my wife the more I gain perspective on the issue. I will NEVER allow my daughter to date a senior, and certainly won't allow significant unsupervised time together with older boys. My daughter and I have a better relationship, and it makes me disrespect her parents as well. Thinking back, they allowed and were knowledgeable she was having sex in high school. Yet, when we met, my wife was afraid to reveal to her parents that I was staying at her apartment. She lied to them, but she was honest about her ex spewing his jizz on/in her at 14 years old. I'm confused. Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted June 15, 2015 Share Posted June 15, 2015 Young women have sexual needs the same as young men do. So, that takes care of the why your wife was having sex in high school. Young men tend to be less skilled and more hurried when having sex. It takes time and practice to learn how to arouse a female and bring her to orgasm. So, women do tend to prefer having sex with older male partners. Older partners tend to know how to woo a woman and how to please her sexually. As to why your wife seems to be not so interested in sex now, there could be many reasons. Maybe she is experiencing hormonal changes due to perimenopause or menopause. (You said your daughter is 15, so I assume your wife to be in her late 30's or older.) Maybe she simply doesn't feel sexy due to body changes brought on by age and childbearing. Maybe she's depressed or on medication that inhibits libido. Maybe she's developed a kink or fetish and is too shy to tell you. Have you asked her why? Link to post Share on other sites
berniev Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Did you ask her the question? What was her response? Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 So let me get this straight... You have been married long enough to have a teenage daughter. And you have chosen to fixate on something your wife did when she was 14... Dude, you need to grow up. This is YOUR problem, not here. 12 Link to post Share on other sites
understand50 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 So let me get this straight... You have been married long enough to have a teenage daughter. And you have chosen to fixate on something your wife did when she was 14... Dude, you need to grow up. This is YOUR problem, not here. Yes, I would agree with Autumnight. What ever your currant issues with your wife in bed, is not because she was sexually active in High School. I think you need to understand, that she just may not want that much sex at her age, or things have changed. OR, she is not attracted to you and you both should go into MC. Losing respect for your wife, is a huge red flag for an up coming divorce. I would focus on that issue, and work to strengthen your relationship, before it gets out of control. In general, and I have daughters, and as parents, both your wife and you need to keep a eye on what you kids are doing. We did not allow dating until they were 16, boys as well and we had to know what they were doing and with whom. The fact that my wife and I were both sexually active in HS did not change our rules, nor did we feel that we were Hypocrites, we were doing we we felt was best for our children. 2881 2 Link to post Share on other sites
jen1447 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Does your wife really think back whimsically on her 14 year old sex life like that? That seems odd. I can't even remember most of the sex I had as a minor and don't really care to. I have a feeling you may be piling a bit on her there due to your own worries today. She shouldn't be giving you the sexual cold shoulder, but you seem like you may have some issues of your own that you're not elaborating on that may be contributing to that situation. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 He was such a loser that he couldn't pursue a girl closer to his age. More importantly, why does an 8th grade/freshman girl feel the need to have sex with a senior? How can my wife question my sexual desires and my higher value of us having sex as a married couple while she minimizes sex, even though she spread her legs as a freshman? She makes me feel bad about wanting sex often, yet she allowed a senior boy to get her naked as a 14 year old, and continued to have intercourse in high school. Why was her past OK, and not her present marriage?? You're so deluded. How in the HELL you can compare the behavior of a 14 or 18 year old teenage girl to that of a woman in her late 30's or early 40's is just beyond me. Does your wife spend her day going from class to class when the bell rings, hanging out with her girlfriends at lunch in the cafeteria, gossiping in the girl's room between classes, giggling about boys, and attending pep rallies after school? No? Then don't compare her life THEN to her life NOW. And your unacceptable degradation of her, 'she spread her legs as a freshman' shows exactly what an ugly, jealous, imbalanced person you really are. It's quite clear you're angry that she's not hanging from chandeliers and constantly doing your sexual bidding, so now she's suddenly some teenage slut who 'spread her legs at 14.' You need therapy, and LOTS of it. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I am REEEEALLLLYYYY trying to see how you can extropolate her thinking and actions at 14 years old having ANYTHING to do with her as a middle age woman. You are really trying to find something to be upset over. You are seriously judging her as a teenager. Seriously!?! Seek help. Please. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Young men tend to be less skilled and more hurried when having sex. It takes time and practice to learn how to arouse a female and bring her to orgasm. So, women do tend to prefer having sex with older male partners. Older partners tend to know how to woo a woman and how to please her sexually. LOL. I kind of doubt there's much of a difference in the 'skills' between a 16 or 17 year old boy and an 18 year old boy. Maybe the 18 year old can last 5 seconds more and actually takes the time to take his shoes and pants off, but that's about it. 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Got it Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 LOL. I kind of doubt there's much of a difference in the 'skills' between a 16 or 17 year old boy and an 18 year old boy. Maybe the 18 year old can last 5 seconds more and actually takes the time to take his shoes and pants off, but that's about it. Best line ever!!! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Lucky Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 She lied to them, but she was honest about her ex spewing his jizz on/in her at 14 years old. I'm confused. There's enough contempt, anger and resentment in that line alone to kept you and a therapist busy for a long time. You're in a bad place; were it me I'd move heaven and earth to change things... Mr. Lucky 5 Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 There's enough contempt, anger and resentment in that line alone to kept you and a therapist busy for a long time. You're in a bad place; were it me I'd move heaven and earth to change things... Mr. Lucky Thing is, the OP's manufactured outrage gives him the idea that he has some sort of moral high ground. If I were his wife, I'd be moving heaven and earth to get away. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 There's enough contempt, anger and resentment in that line alone to kept you and a therapist busy for a long time. You're in a bad place; were it me I'd move heaven and earth to change things... Mr. Lucky I'm going to have to agree. This guy is every psychiatrist's wet dream. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Young women have sexual needs the same as young men do. So, that takes care of the why your wife was having sex in high school. Young men tend to be less skilled and more hurried when having sex. It takes time and practice to learn how to arouse a female and bring her to orgasm. So, women do tend to prefer having sex with older male partners. Older partners tend to know how to woo a woman and how to please her sexually. Ummm, that's the problem. If women have the same needs, than why wasn't I having sex in high school? If women prefer sex with an older partner, why are my wife and I the same age? So, you are confirming what I believe. She was pleased sexually with these older boyfriends, whereas I am not as attractive to her because I am not "older." Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 As to why your wife seems to be not so interested in sex now, there could be many reasons. Have you asked her why? Sure.....like that she enjoyed sex at a younger age, and she is no longer interested. Yet, there are plenty of same-aged women out there that are plenty active. She doesn't take meds.......and yes, I have asked. She claims she has never been very sexually active. I know differently from her "anonymous" accounts. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 So let me get this straight... You have been married long enough to have a teenage daughter. And you have chosen to fixate on something your wife did when she was 14... Dude, you need to grow up. This is YOUR problem, not here. How absolutely wrong you are. I am focused on what she is doing NOW. And I compare that to her actions from age 14-21. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 It's quite clear you're angry that she's not hanging from chandeliers and constantly doing your sexual bidding, so now she's suddenly some teenage slut who 'spread her legs at 14.' You need therapy, and LOTS of it. You are so correct. That is where I am lost. Why don't I get to enjoy the pleasures of our marriage? Why were the guys that didn't commit the ones who received her "sexual bidding?" I am not comparing her TEEN years to now. I am simply wondering how early sex shapes women. I feel that she is just done with sex. She did that then, and has no interest now. How was I to know that the woman I married would not be attracted to me after we married, and I would spend the next 10, 15, 20 years trying to figure out why things changed. So what I am hearing here is; It's a fact of life that a percentage of women "slut" through high school and won't have interest in sex in their married years. Thus I missed my opportunity, and should have banged girls in high school or not married so I could continue to enjoy sex. and......if I want to be sexually active, I need to divorce or have some fun on the side Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 I am REEEEALLLLYYYY trying to see how you can extropolate her thinking and actions at 14 years old having ANYTHING to do with her as a middle age woman. You are really trying to find something to be upset over. You are seriously judging her as a teenager. Seriously!?! Seek help. Please. Amazing that the majority of women respond like you.........outraged Majority of men "like" the post. I feel this is a male/female issue. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Thing is, the OP's manufactured outrage gives him the idea that he has some sort of moral high ground. If I were his wife, I'd be moving heaven and earth to get away. So I'm the bad guy? Because I post anonymously on a forum to get out my anger and misunderstanding? I am not on moral high ground. I suppose, I have a distaste for teenage sex. I think most experts would agree that it is risky behavior, and my wife was a few swimmers away from being a pregnant 14 year old. Pretty sure society tends to look poorly on that demographic. Me. All I have done is posted some words. My thoughts are factual, I simply posted with graphic description. I have been faithful to my wife, and never been more than appropriate with her during discussions. If I am guilty for telling her she looks great in an outfit that I really don't care for, then so be it. I think every man and woman has told a white lie or two. The serious question I ask you....... Is it acceptable for a 14 or 15 year old girl to have sex with an 18 year old? Some state laws even prohibit this act. And I am just wonderign how it affects someone later in life to compare to my situation. Do you have a daughter? If you do, would you tell her it is OK to have sex at 14? If you don't, you have no credibility to answer such a question. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm going to have to agree. This guy is every psychiatrist's wet dream. Says the woman trolling on a forum, and commenting about the subject Seriously, I'm looking for responses and opinions on the subject matter. I'm not looking for opinions about who I am as a person. I am capable of making my own decisions. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 How absolutely wrong you are. I am focused on what she is doing NOW. And I compare that to her actions from age 14-21. She was a teenager than. There IS no comparison. You are looking for something to be outraged about. I advise counseling....for YOU. Link to post Share on other sites
autumnnight Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 So I'm the bad guy? Because I post anonymously on a forum to get out my anger and misunderstanding? I am not on moral high ground. I suppose, I have a distaste for teenage sex. I think most experts would agree that it is risky behavior, and my wife was a few swimmers away from being a pregnant 14 year old. Pretty sure society tends to look poorly on that demographic. Me. All I have done is posted some words. My thoughts are factual, I simply posted with graphic description. I have been faithful to my wife, and never been more than appropriate with her during discussions. If I am guilty for telling her she looks great in an outfit that I really don't care for, then so be it. I think every man and woman has told a white lie or two. The serious question I ask you....... Is it acceptable for a 14 or 15 year old girl to have sex with an 18 year old? Some state laws even prohibit this act. And I am just wonderign how it affects someone later in life to compare to my situation. Do you have a daughter? If you do, would you tell her it is OK to have sex at 14? If you don't, you have no credibility to answer such a question. If it was that abhorrent, you should not have married her. You don't get to decide nearly 2 decades later that she should change her past. Either accept the wife you married or set her free. You are in the wrong here. Period. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 18, 2015 Share Posted June 18, 2015 So, what a minute... the ex that you refer to in your handle is a 14 year old? Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 She was a teenager than. There IS no comparison. You are looking for something to be outraged about. I advise counseling....for YOU. She was a teenager this week? My problem is NOW, not when she was 14. Link to post Share on other sites
Author lessthanherex Posted June 19, 2015 Author Share Posted June 19, 2015 If it was that abhorrent, you should not have married her. You don't get to decide nearly 2 decades later that she should change her past. Either accept the wife you married or set her free. You are in the wrong here. Period. There is no right or wrong........the post is about "Age of Innocence" and how it affects someone. It is factual, and urging opinion about the future. You are not making sense here Link to post Share on other sites
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