Committed relationship without marriage????

[sandylee1]

It always seems to be men that say they don't need a piece of paper blah blah blah .......Nobody needs a piece of paper to say they love you , but IMO it's a sign of how serious and committed you are to someone.

 

He's just saying, he doesn't want to get married, but if it's important for the woman he loves, he'll do it .

 

He's happy and comfy and he's probably thinking in the event of divorce, he keeps what's his. Men really think about the money .

What I sense is that you're not ready to leave

[candie13]

There comes a point when everyone, man and woman, must look around and examine what is happening in the world and then think about how it relates to you and your life.

 

I look around and see horrible marriages, divorce, men getting raped in the separations...

 

When I see these things, it makes me not want to marry a woman. Not because I think SHE personally is out to get me, but because this is the way the world works now. I have to be cognizant of that and I need to do everything I can to protect myself, my heart, and my assets from this garbage. There a lot of men that believe this way too. We want to love, we don't want to be held hostage with that love. We want it to be mutual and organic.

 

 

I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm afraid that no other person on the face of the planet can love me as much as I am capable of loving them. Waking up one day to a wife who isn't interested anymore, goes out and cheats, or just wants a divorce is scarier to me than being alone forever, so I'll choose the latter.

 

It's called "abandonment fear". You can get over it with a bit of theraphy. Fällung inlove is about allowing yourself to be fully vulnerable in front of your partner and them being vulnerable to you. It a very deep and Special Connection and indeed, Most People prefer to stay in their comfort zone and be scared. It's alright. Love isn't for everyone. Mariage isn't for everyone.

 

We all decide just how happy we allow ourselves to be, based on what we believe we deserve. Read "the Gifts of Imperfection" by Brene Brown. Watch her Ted Talk about vulnerability. It may help you.

[candie13]

No living together for me unless we're married.

 

If I am a single lady, I don't see why I wouldn't live like a single lady . My house, my time, my space, no efforts overinvested anywhere, chill

[Arieswoman]

Central,

 

Marriage is a lousy deal for men these days, quite honestly.

 

Why on earth would you think that ?

[Mr. Lucky]

He states that his commitment to me is unquestionable and he does not need a paper signed by the US Government to prove it.

 

skweezd, how did his marriage end? What was the gap between his divorce and the start of your relationship?

 

Also, are there significant differences in your pre-relationship financial status? In the expectations of estates and heirs?

 

Regardless of how correct one might see his position as being, you have to consider that it might be well earned and hard learned...

 

Mr. Lucky

[twoneighty]

Central,

 

Why on earth would you think that ?

 

What are the pros for the person with all of the assets and is the bread winner? Honestly?

 

OP, have you considered the route where you ask him to have a ceremony with friends and family, a priest (if that's your bag), and simply skip registering your marriage with the state? Why does the state have to think that you're married for it to be real? If the issue is that you want people to see you two as husband and wife and that you want to demonstrate your love to friends and family then a ceremony should be enough. There is no reason anyone needs to know that you're not legally "married". He could include you in his will and give you all rights as far as life-support options etc. all with a lawyer for relatively cheap.

 

This is exactly what I will be doing with my girlfriend. She lives with me in my house and I pay all of the bills. We have been together for 5 years as well and it's time we get married as I love her to death and cannot imagine my life without her, but I don't see the need to make it legal. I know I love her and I will stay with her for the rest of my life assuming she doesn't do anything to make me lose respect for her (ie cheat). If I did marry her she could cheat on me tomorrow and I couldn't leave because I'd lose everything. All the while she could leave at any point during the marriage and walk away with at least half of my assets and a chunk of my paycheck each month. I trust her implicitly but people change, she could meet some douchebag that she feels she has a better emotional connection with ten years from now when she discovers new things about herself and a plethora of new hobbies and decide to leave me for him, who knows.

 

Another point to make is that a legal marriage COSTS money, and no I'm not talking about the cost of a reception which is outrageously expensive on its own. Many people are under the impression that you get a tax break if you're married. This is NOT the case if you are both making money you actually lose thousands of dollars in tax breaks for being single. For instance, if two individuals make 100k a year each and then get married, they will be paying upwards of 10k extra a year in taxes, this is a fact it's called "the marriage tax". This could be put in a mutual fund for retirement or to save for your kids college tuition. It's SMART, I'm sure he loves you to death but he is a smart guy and I wouldn't let your emotions throw away something because he is being practical and you're being irrational. Honestly no offense by that, I can sympathize as my girlfriend is going what you're going through, but it IS irrational. She understands why this is a smart decision mostly for me at first but also for both of us because once she graduates she will be making more money than me, in which case we will save on taxes and she can save for herself if she so desires.

 

One last point, a pre-emptive rebuttal for those who say that it's the financial reasons that help keep people together and teach them to take the marriage seriously and work on it in the first place. To those people I have to say that I've seen multiple marriages that are completely superficial for these exact reasons. I REFUSE to be in a loveless marriage for either financial reasons or for my children's sake. I've witnessed friends who grew up with married parents who did not love each other. They were far worse off than those whose parents split and then found true love later on in life. If you need the consequences of divorce for motivation to stay together, communicate, and work on your problems, then you should NOT be together.

 

TL;DR OP, are you worried that he doesn't truly love you? A ceremony with friends and family without filing for marriage with the state should put your mind at ease. I know I couldn't have a ceremony demonstrating my love in front of friends and family if it weren't true. Then again, people get legit married all the time that aren't in love so even a typical marriage may not put your mind at ease. What's your real motivation for needing to get him to marry you?

[lucy_in_disguise]

It's ironic how its always men who claim that marriage is a "bad deal" for them, when numerous studies have shown that marrage benefits men more than women. Married men are richer, happier, and have more sex than their single counterparts, across all socioeconomic brackets. On the other hand, married women tend to fare worse than their single counterparts in those categories. Studies show younger age at marriage has a big positive impact on financial success for men, while the opposite is true for women.

 

Divorce is a "bad" deal for whoever makes more money - which is logical, since in many cases, the spouse earning less made sacrifices for the others' career.

 

If you want to avoid paying during divorce , dont let your husband/ wife stay at home.

[candie13]

"Bad deal" is an excuse men always use to justify their commitment phobic tendencies. What if the woman has a beautiful careeer and potential to outearn her partner? Just how rich are these men to be this devastatingly concerned about their goods? Can one spell pre-nupt?

 

I am not believing this at all. Financial and Administrative motives are Never about finances and admistration. Just like extra marrital affairs are never just about sex.

 

just my 2 cents

[BlueIris]

Yeah, I have to admit that throw-away excuse some of them use about it being 'just a piece of paper' is so lame. If it's such a "NOTHING," then why such an aversion to it?

 

I've always been of the opinion that if I'm not good enough to marry, then I'm certainly not good enough to wash your dirty underwear, cook your meals, scrub your toilets, clean your house, birth your children or contribute to the household expenses.

 

Luckily, I've never been with someone like this.

 

It hasn't been luck, Lois. It's: "Wisely, I have never been with someone like this."

[skweezd]

There comes a point when everyone, man and woman, must look around and examine what is happening in the world and then think about how it relates to you and your life.

 

I look around and see horrible marriages, divorce, men getting raped in the separations...

 

When I see these things, it makes me not want to marry a woman. Not because I think SHE personally is out to get me, but because this is the way the world works now. I have to be cognizant of that and I need to do everything I can to protect myself, my heart, and my assets from this garbage. There a lot of men that believe this way too. We want to love, we don't want to be held hostage with that love. We want it to be mutual and organic.

 

 

I'm not afraid of commitment. I'm afraid that no other person on the face of the planet can love me as much as I am capable of loving them. Waking up one day to a wife who isn't interested anymore, goes out and cheats, or just wants a divorce is scarier to me than being alone forever, so I'll choose the latter.

 

I do completely understand a man's point of view which is why I do not push this subject too much at all. I have no doubt he loves me. And we both have been married previously and both were able to separate from our marriages with what we walked in with. There was no ugliness, no greed, just a divorce agreement, and we were both in our 20's when we went through that. We are very fortunate in that way.

 

I do somewhat blame social media as I am seeing many of my friends going through their second weddings with the much more mature, loving relationships they have now. And something I didn't mention in my post is that I have a history of a ruptured brain aneurysm (no physical disabilities) and so I do want that security of someone to make the legal medical decisions on my behalf and take care of any issues that would require us to legally bound in marriage in order to do so.

 

But looking at the emotional end, I do feel that the ring and the ceremony and that level of commitment does make a woman feel very "oh he truly does love me to have me forever". Blame it on Hollywood or Walt Disney, but as a woman, we love to be loved and treasured.

 

By the way, I would wash his dirty underwear and cook his dinner under any circumstance.... because I love him.

[Keenly]

"Bad deal" is an excuse men always use to justify their commitment phobic tendencies. What if the woman has a beautiful careeer and potential to outearn her partner? Just how rich are these men to be this devastatingly concerned about their goods? Can one spell pre-nupt?

 

I am not believing this at all. Financial and Administrative motives are Never about finances and admistration. Just like extra marrital affairs are never just about sex.

 

just my 2 cents

 

It's so easy to just go.to " oh, well he must be a commitmentphobe " rather than to stop and be empathetic about it.

 

 

But the man's opinion doesn't matter, does it

[candie13]

It's so easy to just go.to " oh, well he must be a commitmentphobe " rather than to stop and be empathetic about it.

 

 

But the man's opinion doesn't matter, does it

 

I understand, Keenly, and I am empathetic. I've been empathetic with a guy for 6 years. I understood he wasn't quite sure and I've been extra empathetic another year, to give him the time to figure it out. I called it quits when I've turned 30.

 

thing is... this is something he had to work on, by himself. And this process takes time and efforts. It is work. In all honesty, if I saw that my guy started to work on himself, reading, talking, questioning himself or just being very honest and talking to me, I think I would have sticked around. My ex was just... petrified. And it was not fair on him - or on me - to continue to see each other. I was feeling rejected, he was scared to talk, we were both tiptoeing around it.

 

You are right, having the courage to face it, to talk about it, to try to understand if and how it can be fixed... those are the right moves, instead of screaming "dealbreaker" and leaving the RS.

 

As a woman who is 35, I simply don't have the time to do the convincing part anymore. I wish I did meet a man who would be worth the effort, though, I give you that. I think marriage is a really sensitive topic, a very "hot" topic, as it reaches people to their core, there where they are vulnerable at their most. It's really difficult to analyze it in a cold, intellectual manner.

 

I mean... I still have no idea how to approach it - when dating. No plan, no idea, no nothing... it's hard.

[d0nnivain]

skweedz

 

I was in such a relationship for 12 years & it made me crazy in the end. I was so resentful & hurt. Every day that he didn't propose another little piece of my heart died. I felt worthless & unloved even though I knew my BF loved me & cared about me. He did all sorts of wonderful things but he was committed to remaining a bachelor. Eventually I broke up with him because I was becoming so despondent. 6 years later I met & married DH.

 

You need to make the decision that will make you happiest & most fulfilled.

[candie13]

just had dinner with a work colleague who confessed that she wants marriage and children and her bf wants none of that. Dated him for 3 years. I've asked her... why she's not doing anything. She said she doesn't just want to leave him "like that". She's 32... I can't lie to myself. I'd die, to be in her place.

 

d0nnivain, from the moment I've realized I wanted to marry my ex (year 6) until the moment I've left him (year 7), my heart was broken into pieces. Every day. When I've heard the same story from my most recent ex, I freaked out. Gave myself the evening to not make a scene or over react. Thought about it and left him the very next morning. I refuse to be put in that position ever again. It's a horrible horrible place to be in. Plenty of men who see life the same way I do.

 

your story gives me hope. I've been single for 5 years, after my big ex of 7 years. Maybe this year will be my lucky year.

[Mr. Lucky]

Maybe this year will be my lucky year.

 

My experience has been those kinds of things find you when you're least looking for them. Hope that turns out to be the case for you ...

 

Mr. Lucky

[candie13]

My experience has been those kinds of things find you when you're least looking for them. Hope that turns out to be the case for you ...

 

Mr. Lucky

 

I'm not desperate for it. God, I have no idea if i'm even ready for it. I think I have gotten peace, I'm happy with myself, something I haven't really experienced in some time. I still have some work to do to be fully satisfied with my life, so I have my hands full.

 

But I'd be lying if I said I'm not watching .

[Lois_Griffin]

Are you saying, if you are married, you would be willingly do these things without asking for help and be happy about it?

 

It would not be "my toilet" or "my house" if you live here too. My children? That's 50% yours too. If you don't live here, you wouldn't need to contribute to the household expenses.

 

What has the world come to?

I AM married and I do ALL of it with no help, whatsoever. Plus, I work a full time job on top of it.

 

That's why I laugh my ass off when I see this bullcrap about marriage being a 'bad deal for men.' It ain't such a great deal for most women - we usually work twice as hard and still have to cater to a man's fragile ego on top of it because god forbid he start feeling 'neglected' while we're busting our asses around the house as he lays on the couch watching the SciFi channel.

 

I stand by what I said. I'd never knock myself out day after day after day like that for some schmuck who thinks he's entitled to all the benefits of marriage but won't make the actual commitment. I wouldn't waste my time.

 

To some women marriage is important, such as it is to the OP. To others, it's not. A bunch of guys whining about what a bad deal it is for men (yeah, right) aren't going to change her mind.

[Lois_Griffin]

Because we don't need a piece of paper saying we love eachother to feel that way. If you love some one, you love them. There is no reason for a man to get married, but I certainly understand why women push so hard for it. They get the better end of the deal.

 

If the marriage is failing, all she has to do is back out and no matter what it is, she will be awarded it in court.

 

 

No thanks. If you need a legal.binding agreement just to believe in my love then we are not right for eachother. That Is how I feel.

Spoken by someone whose never BEEN married and has no actual life experience to back it up.

 

You do realize that more women graduate college then men, right? And that many women are now top earners - not just men, anymore. I know a few married couples where the woman actually earns as much or more than her husband.

 

This nonsense about men ALWAYS 'losing in court' is just that - NONSENSE.

 

When a family decides to have one spouse stay home to raise the kids, it's a mutual decision. Mutual. It's more traditional for women to stay home, but we're seeing men doing it quite a bit now, too. The one staying home is choosing to sacrifice whatever upward movement they may have had in their career, knowing when they re-enter the job market years in the future, it's going to be like starting all over.

 

The one who didn't chose to stay home gets to enjoy the forward movement of their career as the years progress and their earning capacity increases while the stay-at-home becomes less and less marketable.

 

A woman whose stayed home - by MUTUAL decision - for 10 or 12 years is basically worthless in the job market. Most prospective employers see her as a soccer mom venturing out of the kitchen for the first time in a decade. Yeah, crazily enough, most businesses aren't real hot to trot about hiring someone like that.

 

This nonsense about marriage being a bad deal for a guy while it's some freakin' dream come true for women is ludicrous. For a lot of women, a divorce moves them right to the bottom, financially. Their earning potential is down the drain now and most have to start from scratch while their partner has moved up the chain considerably in the last 10-12 years.

 

This is a sad fact of life. I'm so tired of this bullsh*t war cry of how men somehow take a beating in divorce while women end up rolling in cash. What a joke.

[elaine567]

skweedz

 

I was in such a relationship for 12 years & it made me crazy in the end. I was so resentful & hurt. Every day that he didn't propose another little piece of my heart died. I felt worthless & unloved even though I knew my BF loved me & cared about me. He did all sorts of wonderful things but he was committed to remaining a bachelor. Eventually I broke up with him because I was becoming so despondent. 6 years later I met & married DH.

 

Sad, but I guess you are not alone.

 

If a woman wants to get married, she should stand by her convictions and if marriage is not going to be forthcoming in a decent time frame, then she needs to leave as soon as she finds out. Simple as.

Men who get pressurised into marriage are no big deal anyway, so unless he is completely up for getting married and he is making firm plans, then walk away.

It is not worth all the resentment, anger, frustration, heart-ache, exasperation, sadness and "putting up with it" that will ensue.

Staying with a person who is not on the same page, will eat away at your soul.

How many women stay and hope and pray and then finally give up, to find he then marries someone else within a short period of time.

Candie13 had it completely right, she walked away as soon as she found out her relationship was not leading to marriage.

I would advise the OP to do the same and not waste her time waiting and waiting and waiting... till she is broken and bitter & he goes off to find someone else less resentful.

[sandylee1]

OP

 

You just need to decide if you'll be content like this forever . If he doesn't want marriage and you really do, then you'll become resentful further down the line. That sometimes makes individuals detach, then it goes downhill.

 

At a certain stage in life, I gave it about 6 months or less, to see if a guy was looking for a relationship leading to marriage. If not, I ended it quick sharp.

 

Your case is a little different as you've been married before. I'm not so sure I'd have such a need to marry a second time if anything happened .

 

If financials are the issue you could get a prenup. So he knows you're not looking to fleece him in the event of a divorce .

[Woggle]

I am not anti-marriage because I did it twice even with it being awful the first time around. I am in a very happy marriage but it bugs me when men aren't even heard when we voice our concerns. Instead of calling us commitment phobes or immature why not try and understand why many of us feel the way we do. Many men from very different walks of life and backgrounds come to the same conclusion so there has to be some reason for it. Try showing some empathy for where these views come from.

[twoneighty]

Spoken by someone whose never BEEN married and has no actual life experience to back it up.

 

You do realize that more women graduate college then men, right? And that many women are now top earners - not just men, anymore. I know a few married couples where the woman actually earns as much or more than her husband.

 

This nonsense about men ALWAYS 'losing in court' is just that - NONSENSE.

 

When a family decides to have one spouse stay home to raise the kids, it's a mutual decision. Mutual. It's more traditional for women to stay home, but we're seeing men doing it quite a bit now, too. The one staying home is choosing to sacrifice whatever upward movement they may have had in their career, knowing when they re-enter the job market years in the future, it's going to be like starting all over.

 

The one who didn't chose to stay home gets to enjoy the forward movement of their career as the years progress and their earning capacity increases while the stay-at-home becomes less and less marketable.

 

A woman whose stayed home - by MUTUAL decision - for 10 or 12 years is basically worthless in the job market. Most prospective employers see her as a soccer mom venturing out of the kitchen for the first time in a decade. Yeah, crazily enough, most businesses aren't real hot to trot about hiring someone like that.

 

This nonsense about marriage being a bad deal for a guy while it's some freakin' dream come true for women is ludicrous. For a lot of women, a divorce moves them right to the bottom, financially. Their earning potential is down the drain now and most have to start from scratch while their partner has moved up the chain considerably in the last 10-12 years.

 

This is a sad fact of life. I'm so tired of this bullsh*t war cry of how men somehow take a beating in divorce while women end up rolling in cash. What a joke.

 

Please read my post at the top of page 3 if you have a chance, it was neglected and I feel addresses a lot of points.

 

Okay I can see you are very resentful over deciding to settle and marry a man that doesn't help around the house. In my situation (I'm the male, girlfriend lives with me in the home I own) I do the laundry and the dishes and clean more than my girlfriend at the moment as she is studying for her admissions test for college (a very challenging test required for the most competitive schools to get a medical degree). I also work full time, pay all of the bills, and do all of the handy-man work. When she wasn't studying and I was working 90 hour weeks she did all of the house work. It's really not a big deal, house-work is incredibly easy and... no offense, I'd much rather do some dishes or scrub a toilet than what I deal with at work. We've talked about it and I told her she doesn't have to sacrifice anything if she wants, I'll be a stay at home dad that's fine with me. Sounds like a dream come true. I'd be "throwing away" my high-level education but honestly I could use the time at home to study new subjects, read, work on hobbies, and projects, and maybe even go back to school to get a new B.S. or two since I won't have any stress.

 

If I had just graduated high school or even college, could find a woman who is well-educated and has an amazing career ahead of her, makes an incredible salary, and already owns her own home, fall in love with her and her me in 6 months to a year, get married and magically own half of all that is hers including her salary in the unlikely event that we should divorce, stay at home doing her laundry/dishes/cooking dinner. I would be in heaven. No stress, no worries, just some chores and my hobbies and reading oh man. Once we have kids I get to stay at home and play with kids! Wow. How incredibly awesome, even a valid excuse to watch cartoons and play with legos. I'd spend time teaching them how to build circuits when they were older and teach them physics and mathematics. What a wonderful, wonderful stress free life. I have to say I certainly would feel like I was getting the better end of the deal and I would even probably feel guilty about the circumstances.

[Redhead14]

Hello Loveshackers,

 

I am in a 5 year relationship with a wonderful man. We are both in our late 40's and both have adult children. We are two months away from the youngest heading off to college and us becoming empty nesters. There hasn't been a weekend that has gone by that we aren't busy sailing or hiking or roadtripping or hosting a picnic. He treats me like a princess. Life is good.

 

Here's what's upsetting me lately.... I started off this relationship not really caring if I was ever married again, and I was quite vocal about staying independent. That changed over time and after living together for two years, I am feeling a huge void because we are not engaged. He states that his commitment to me is unquestionable and he does not need a paper signed by the US Government to prove it. I wish I wasn't feeling so strongly about having the ring and a simple ceremony and having his hand in marriage but I am. How can I get over this feeling of inadequacy due to a lack of a ring and proposal? And is it really worth leaving just because this one small piece of the puzzle is missing?

 

Signed

Frustrated forever "girlfriend"

 

I understand and feeling do change sometimes over time. In the type of relationship you have, there are no real milestones or goals to reach and so it becomes stagnated in a way.

 

You two entered into an "arrangement" apparently early on in the relationship that is supposed to carry all the responsibility and "perks" of a committed relationship including living together. However, with this type of "arrangement", you both really should be living on your own. And, I'm not saying you should move out either. You're living together and likely "acting" like a wife but not receiving all the "benefits" of that role.

 

I think you should open a light, casual, non-pressuring conversation with him. Say something like "I love and respect the relationship we have and wouldn't change a thing. I agree that we do not need a piece of legal paper to solidify our commitment to one another. I would like it though if we had at least an outward sign of that between us as a source of pride that we have this terrific relationship." Hopefully, it will turn the lightbulb on in his head and know what to do i.e. get you a nice ring or at least ask or offer some ideas. If he's kinda caught off guard, don't push it. Give it a little time to see if he "comes around".

[OldRover]

I understand and feeling do change sometimes over time. In the type of relationship you have, there are no real milestones or goals to reach and so it becomes stagnated in a way.

 

You two entered into an "arrangement" apparently early on in the relationship that is supposed to carry all the responsibility and "perks" of a committed relationship including living together. However, with this type of "arrangement", you both really should be living on your own. And, I'm not saying you should move out either. You're living together and likely "acting" like a wife but not receiving all the "benefits" of that role.

 

I think you should open a light, casual, non-pressuring conversation with him. Say something like "I love and respect the relationship we have and wouldn't change a thing. I agree that we do not need a piece of legal paper to solidify our commitment to one another. I would like it though if we had at least an outward sign of that between us as a source of pride that we have this terrific relationship." Hopefully, it will turn the lightbulb on in his head and know what to do i.e. get you a nice ring or at least ask or offer some ideas. If he's kinda caught off guard, don't push it. Give it a little time to see if he "comes around".

 

Redhead,

 

You make some excellent points, and that's not a bad way that skweezd could approach her desires.

 

skweezd:

I think you are placing WAY too much importance on marriage. If it was that important, it should have seriously been in your discussion long time ago.

 

Sounds like you have a PERFECT relationship. Why ruin it of some governmental piece of paper.

 

You can have ALL the benefits of marriage, and the advantages of being single without the legalities.

 

A good suggestion, if you wish to "proclaim" you love for each other to family and friends, is to have your own private ceremony without the legal paperwork, and you can make it special just ike you want.

 

You can protect yourselves financially, medically and other ways just like marriage does, without government and lawyers getting involved. Plus, there can be huge financial benefits for remaining single (see post above).

 

You can make all the commitments you want and live forever.... but have it come from the heart (not the government).

 

The comment of "If I'm good enough to live with, then I'm good enough to marry" is very weak and undermined. I can be interpreted to say..."If I'm married to you, then I can screw you in the divorce".

 

If you REALLY LOVE this guy and he REALLY LOVES you.... you can make it work without the government's paperwork. Love comes from the heart.

 

You can also (in some states), become a significant other... there are legal advantages to this when it comes to things like spouse benefits at work that require it, so there are options.

 

Also, all of this requires the agreement of BOTH of you... Discuss it and make it work. Don't throw away a loving relationship just because of a government piece of paper that means nothing from the heart.

 

Best to you.

[skweezd]

It always seems to be men that say they don't need a piece of paper blah blah blah .......Nobody needs a piece of paper to say they love you , but IMO it's a sign of how serious and committed you are to someone.

 

He's just saying, he doesn't want to get married, but if it's important for the woman he loves, he'll do it .

 

He's happy and comfy and he's probably thinking in the event of divorce, he keeps what's his. Men really think about the money .

What I sense is that you're not ready to leave

 

Yes SandyLee, you are correct... I am not ready to leave. I am completely in love with this man and am committed to him. A piece of me is hurt because we are not in the process of making a commitment to marry after five years of being together. I'm just trying to figure out if that one thing is something I would eventually leave for because I do not have it and he is aware that it make work out that way. And I also do not want to feel less wanted by him because of this either, yet at times it's hard not to even though he absolutely does nothing to make me feel unloved. This is very difficult, and processing it over and over is not making it any easier on me.