Women get so many emails, they give up.

[salparadise]

On line dating is very flawed, and unhealthy for both genders.

 

That's what I keep hearing, but I need to balance that with my need for sex, affection, companionship, etc. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

[Auspecial]

That's what I keep hearing, but I need to balance that with my need for sex, affection, companionship, etc. It's like shooting fish in a barrel.

 

Nothing wrong with a bit of good old-fashioned hope. Until you get sick of it. 8-o

[compulsivedancer]

I do think the choice thing becomes an issue. I've only tried Tinder, so this might not be applicable to other dating sites, but I took my time. I looked at profiles before swiping right on them so that no obvious "no"s would contact me. I took my time to look at each response. I responded to the guys that messaged "hi," "how are you doing?" or "what did you do this weekend?"

 

Once I got a few responses, I stopped swiping. I wanted to evaluate these guys first before moving on. I didn't want to get overwhelmed. I figured I'd rule them out before I swiped on more guys.

 

Eight matches in two days. By the time the sixth person messaged me, I was talking earnestly with three guys and having trouble keeping them all straight. I didn't respond to him because I already had two dates lined up and was in the process of eliminating the third.

 

I think if I'd just kept swiping while talking to these guys, I would have soon had 15 responses, then 23, then 32, etc. I wouldn't be able to keep up with them. I'd start eliminating 7s that I probably would have found interesting in real life. I'd probably stop talking to the "hi"s. I'd start "nexting" guys for stupid reasons.

 

None of the things in the last paragraph are actions of someone who is serious about finding a good guy to date. These are actions of a woman who is jaded and likes playing the game. Those "hi"s are the adorably awkward guys, the 7s, the nice guys, the normal guys. The guys without game, the guys that aren't douches, the guys that you take home to mom (not all of them, clearly, but this is where you find a lot of them).

 

Ladies, take your time a little. Vet your guys like you would in real life if you met them while sober.

 

Just a thought.

[toscaroscura]

I do think the choice thing becomes an issue. I've only tried Tinder, so this might not be applicable to other dating sites, but I took my time. I looked at profiles before swiping right on them so that no obvious "no"s would contact me. I took my time to look at each response. I responded to the guys that messaged "hi," "how are you doing?" or "what did you do this weekend?"

 

Once I got a few responses, I stopped swiping. I wanted to evaluate these guys first before moving on. I didn't want to get overwhelmed. I figured I'd rule them out before I swiped on more guys.

 

Eight matches in two days. By the time the sixth person messaged me, I was talking earnestly with three guys and having trouble keeping them all straight. I didn't respond to him because I already had two dates lined up and was in the process of eliminating the third.

 

I think if I'd just kept swiping while talking to these guys, I would have soon had 15 responses, then 23, then 32, etc. I wouldn't be able to keep up with them. I'd start eliminating 7s that I probably would have found interesting in real life. I'd probably stop talking to the "hi"s. I'd start "nexting" guys for stupid reasons.

 

None of the things in the last paragraph are actions of someone who is serious about finding a good guy to date. These are actions of a woman who is jaded and likes playing the game. Those "hi"s are the adorably awkward guys, the 7s, the nice guys, the normal guys. The guys without game, the guys that aren't douches, the guys that you take home to mom (not all of them, clearly, but this is where you find a lot of them).

 

Ladies, take your time a little. Vet your guys like you would in real life if you met them while sober.

 

Just a thought.

 

I agree with all of this. This is very much like I use Tinder too.

 

Like I have said before, I wish guys wouldn't take "rejection" (ie., not responding to a message) so seriously or personally. I have not responded myself, but like compulsivedancer, I was probably taking my time getting to know the men I had already cultivated proto-relationships with. I tend to talk to about 3-4 men to see if I can get an in-person date.

 

I too tend to get men confused with the multiple text convos I have going, and it makes me feel bad and overwhelmed.

 

And it's not like the guys I am talking to are "better" than any of the guys whose messages I'm not answering. They were just first!

 

If I can't move any of the current text convos to real life, I next them and sort through new first messages. But again, I'll pick 3-4 I like the best and go from there.

 

I tend to get overwhelmed easily and I am introverted. I also tend to take breaks, and while I try to disable my profiles during this time, I am sure I have not answered messages. It's not personal and it doesn't mean I "reject" you or don't like you!

 

So I suppose in regards to the OP, I DO get overwhelmed, but I don't really "give up". More like, I go in fits and starts.

 

Edit: Oh yeah, I signed up for match but I only have the free version where I can't respond to messages. I wonder how many guys there think I am some stuck-up aging average girl with an over-inflated sense of entitlement waiting for my perfect prince with a six-pack, because I haven't responded?

Edited June 21, 2015 by toscaroscura

[LookAtThisPOst]

Actually, they only time I've gotten a response from women is if they were brand spanking new to the site and if I had been one of the FIRST ones to contact them right after they put their profile up.

 

Veteran lady online daters....forget about it...unresponsive.