Ex giving off mixed signals...

[br0kenh3art]

My ex ended our five year relationship over three months ago, telling me that she'd fallen out of love. It was a bit of shock because although we had problems like any other couple, we were very close. We had been arguing for sometime, both sides saying hurtful things etc, but nothing I would consider worth breaking-up over. We tried talking a few times afterward, but things got heated so we just dropped it, but not before she told me never to talk to her again and we'd never be together again. It had been NC up until four days ago when I tried to talk to her, because I didn't want there to be any anger between us. She gave me a hatred-fueled response, accusing me of a lot of things (abuse and other women, mostly), again saying that we'd never be together, and never to contact her. She appears absolutely convinced the relationship we had was unhealthy and she's done all she can to remove me from her life. I responded because I felt there was a lot of misunderstanding between us, but I feel my efforts were in vain. I'm not stupid...it's clear the relationship is over and done with.

 

Despite her behavior towards me, I found out through mutual friends over the last week or two that she still cared a great deal for me and that she missed me and what we had, that she did want to speak to me again. She's also made it clear she wishes to remain single for awhile. They seem to think I was a good partner, despite what she's been saying. She also got very, very angry over the fact I'd been talking to an ex (no intention behind it, she's just a good friend), saying that whatever chance we had of getting back together had gone (which goes against what she said before). Oddly enough, she somehow found out that I knew about this whereby her attitude did a complete 180° and she started going on about how her life was better without me etc. It wasn't long after this that I began the last communication between us.

 

I'm moving on gradually and I do feel a sense of closure now that I got a deeper understanding of why she broke up with me (and the opportunity to stand my ground on the matter), but I just have this glimmer of hope that maybe she'll come around eventually and we could start afresh. I'm just trying to make sense of her behavior. I've spoken to a fair amount of people about this and many seem to think if I just go completely NC, give her space, she may find her way back to me eventually because her emotions appear to be all over the place, though I'm not convinced of this myself.

 

Just wondering on what your thoughts are?

[aloneinaz]

After reading what your wrote, I'd wonder why you would even consider re-starting a relationship that failed so badly the first time? She told you she "fell out of love".. The nastiness also confirms the un-healthy and possibly toxic nature of that relationship as well. I don't know what ages you both are but she sound young and very immature.

 

 

Personally, I think you'd be better off focusing your brain power on finding someone new. I'd never even consider talking to an ex nor think about a reconciliation with a girl who said she didn't love me anymore.

[Lois_Griffin]

You mention accusations of 'abuse' and 'other women,' but you don't mention whether these accusations had any merit or not. They obviously came from somewhere and were certainly enough to make her angry as hell and to leave you.

 

Either there's something more you haven't mentioned, or she's a lunatic.

 

Which is it?

[br0kenh3art]

The nastiness also confirms the un-healthy and possibly toxic nature of that relationship as well. I don't know what ages you both are but she sound young and very immature.

 

We're both in our twenties.

 

Personally, I think you'd be better off focusing your brain power on finding someone new. I'd never even consider talking to an ex nor think about a reconciliation with a girl who said she didn't love me anymore.

 

Mostly because I don't think that's the reason.

 

You mention accusations of 'abuse' and 'other women,' but you don't mention whether these accusations had any merit or not.

 

Either there's something more you haven't mentioned, or she's a lunatic.

 

Sorry, you're right, I should have mentioned. No, they have no merit. The business with other women I have absolutely no clue about, as the only other woman I speak to is my ex...and we don't speak all that often. I think if anything she said that out of spite.

 

The abuse I'm not all too clear on. She basically rattled off a list of things I'd said or done in the past, most of which we'd cleared up long before. We're mostly talking about insults thrown out of frustration. I don't really know. All I do know is that people she's spoken to have turned to me and told me that I wasn't abusive at all.