kturner16 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Hello all! If you haven't read my past posts, here's a quick recap: My ex boyfriend broke up for me for his ex girlfriend, we were in NC for 2 months and i promised myself that I wouldn't contact him first. So one night, he Facetimed me and just apologized and we eventually reconciled. I told him that we weren't getting back together until I was comfortable enough to do so. He agreed and we've been doing okay so far (it's been about 2-3 weeks since we reconciled). Of course, if things continue to go well, I will be seeing him in a week when he comes Home from school. I'm making this post because this will be the first time I see him that we were not in a relationship (since reconciliation), so any advice on what I should and shouldn't do? Any kissing? Seeing him everyday he's here? No sex, right? I just want him to know he needs to continue to earn my trust back and getting me back isn't just a cakewalk but I also don't want him to think I'm Uninterested and I believe that we both have to make an effort to make things work. What do you all think? Thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Stop playing games. Either date him & make this a real reconciliation or tell him although you accepted his apology you do not have a romantic future, you remain broken up & then move on with your life without him. This dithering middle ground serves no one. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 i disagree. take it slow. make him earn your love. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You can still take it slow but agree that you are actually in a relationship. This undefined middle ground is no man's land & playing games by making him chase you will not work. Yes he does need to earn your trust back but you still have to pick a direction, rather then be all over the place. We're together but not really is ridiculous, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Hello all! If you haven't read my past posts, here's a quick recap: My ex boyfriend broke up for me for his ex girlfriend, we were in NC for 2 months and i promised myself that I wouldn't contact him first. So one night, he Facetimed me and just apologized and we eventually reconciled. I told him that we weren't getting back together until I was comfortable enough to do so. He agreed and we've been doing okay so far (it's been about 2-3 weeks since we reconciled). Of course, if things continue to go well, I will be seeing him in a week when he comes Home from school. I'm making this post because this will be the first time I see him that we were not in a relationship (since reconciliation), so any advice on what I should and shouldn't do? Any kissing? Seeing him everyday he's here? No sex, right? I just want him to know he needs to continue to earn my trust back and getting me back isn't just a cakewalk but I also don't want him to think I'm Uninterested and I believe that we both have to make an effort to make things work. What do you all think? Thanks! So he cheated on you then dumped you - and you took this guy back? I honestly wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire, much less have sex with him. Jeez, the message you're sending this lying cheat is that he can disrespect you to the level that he DID and you'll still forgive him. Damn, girl. Where's your self respect? Link to post Share on other sites
HunterGl7 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 So he cheated on you then dumped you - and you took this guy back? I honestly wouldn't spit on him if he were on fire, much less have sex with him. Jeez, the message you're sending this lying cheat is that he can disrespect you to the level that he DID and you'll still forgive him. Damn, girl. Where's your self respect? I don't know why, but I can't help but chuckle from this brutally honest response. Sometimes a little perspective is all that's needed. When I went through my own breakup I was treated like trash that was dumped on the side of the road and forgotten about (she emotionally cheated and left for someone else), yet I still had so many conflicting feelings of wanting to work things out and get her back. Love and emotions are weird like that. It's easy to forget how poorly some of us have been treated and it's easy to be blinded by the rose-colored glasses. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 ha..dithering. and what good does it do to jump right back in without any consequences? without earning trust? that's a fool's game; one played by amateurs. people DEVELOP a relationship over time, unless of course, you've got a juvenile mentality and 2 people + water = instant relationship. a real relationship doesn't start off full-fledged. after a break, a new relationship has to be established and trust needs to be rebuilt. this takes time and effort. oy. i have to laugh at the same people who claim that, after a period of no contact, the 'dumpee' should only respond to the 'dumper' (ha) if he/she comes on full-force with the 'i want reconciliation' line. a reconciliation, like any other (successful)relationship takes time and effort and starts slowly. Too many people these days are fast-food internet conditioned to think everything happens right now, right away. propbably what got you in to trouble in the first place. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm not saying that they should jump in with both feet like nothing happened. I am only saying that the OP needs to make a decision / have a goal. Does she want to end this now (which given his past behavior seems like the better plan) or does she want to work on a reconciliation? The OP asked what she should do when she sees him & they are not in a relationship. She wants to know if kissing is allowed. If they are dating, kissing is great. If they are not, kissing would send mixed messages & not show there are consequences to cheating. All I'm saying her her hand wringing & saying I don't know what I want or how to act isn't going to serve a purpose. She has to figure out what she wants before anything can happen. Link to post Share on other sites
thekarmacist Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 i agree, don. she needs to be sure what she wants, and if a reconciliation is what she wants, she can and should take it slow. giving up the whole piece right away teaches this fool nothing, and sets her up for more heartache. this guy needs some consequences, and he needs to have to earn her respect and trust. this isn't dithering. Link to post Share on other sites
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