toddler sleep: whacked sleep schedule for 2-YO

[jakrbbt]

Has anyone's toddler survived a back-and-forth schedule due to parent's swing shift or other factors?

 

I'm wondering whether to try to find a solution to ex's parenting days/schedule, or just leave it alone.

 

My ex and I co-parent a 2-yr-old. Both grandmothers can help some, but not a lot.

 

These days, our toddler stays up late and sleeps in, 11-12 hrs overnight, then usually a 1.5-hr nap (or no nap).

 

On my parenting days, I work from home. My toddler can wake whenever.

 

On ex's parenting days, I "have to" (really, "should") leave for work at 7:30 in the morning.

 

My ex's work hours vary widely. Sometimes he works at 7:00 a.m. Sometimes, instead, he starts work in the mid-afternoon and works until 11:00 p.m. He's been mostly able to have his mother watch our son on his parenting-days if he works. But she won't go to ex's house and wait for baby to wake-- instead, ex (or I) must drive our son to her house.

 

Toddler is for whatever reason sensitive about sleep, and won't go to sleep anywhere but my or ex's houses. Except he'll sometimes nap at one of his grandma's (not at the other's). My guess is that would change if he were really sleep deprived.

 

Ex is more than willing for me to step in and find any solution I want to, on the days ex works early, so as to avoid our son waking at 6a.m. Again, these days -- and this seems to be a summer thing for him-- our son won't fall asleep before 10 and often 11:30. I don't want him getting up at 6:00, especially if, on other days, he'd have to "wait" until 11:30 p.m. for his dad to get off work and get him at Grandma's. (Overnights at Grandma's is not an option, I'm told.)

 

I have an hour commute. What I could do is have my son instead overnight, drive him to Grandma's before work, and either I'd be late to work on those days or son would only get about 45 minutes' more sleep.

 

And/or I could have him overnight on days ex works late, then drive him across town to ex's early if I work next day or ask ex to come early (or ask ex to sleep in my spare room, which only works while we're both not-dating).

 

Or, I could just not worry about it, and could let my toddler have a widely-varying sleep schedule. Perhaps he'd adjust?

 

I have heard though, that basically predictable schedules are very important to toddlers. I'm also wanting to make sure he gets the health and developmental benefits of basically good sleep.

 

The third option is to only do a little bit of stepping-in. For instance, once or twice per month I could transport toddler to grandma's in the morning. Or else, I could only take him when ex works late, and then we could keep toddler on an early-sleep and early-wake schedule.

 

Suggestions? Leave it? Partial stepping-in so tot only has weird schedule a few times per month? Or keep stepping in to make sure schedule is regular?

Edited June 16, 2015 by jakrbbt

[amaysngrace]

Children need routine which means that rather than adjusting his sleep due to parents' work schedules the parents need to adjust their work schedules to accommodate their child's sleeping patterns.

 

That's what parenting is all about.

[jakrbbt]

Children need routine which means that rather than adjusting his sleep due to parents' work schedules the parents need to adjust their work schedules to accommodate their child's sleeping patterns.

 

That's what parenting is all about.

 

I understand the principle, but my question is what to do given the situation I'm in.

 

I only have my child half the week unless I take him more. And even on my non-parenting days, I work. I can't tell my ex to change jobs, though that would seem the solution.

 

Leaving his dad to deal with his own schedule problems will lead to lack of structure, but healthy distance between parents. And, I'll keep up my own work better.

 

Stepping in will really interfere with my work schedule (ex won't hire someone to watch child/drive him to grandma's, so it's on me if not ex). But child will sleep more regular schedules.

 

When I research online, all I get are "This is the ideal." I know what the ideal is, (schedule/stability). But I am dealing with a reality where the ideal isn't on the table. I have to balance between my own career, following the court order, and son's schedule. (And I'd add that I've been enabling ex, who doesn't really take care of his end of things in the past).

 

For instance, if I quit my job and took my son ful-time, he'd have stability in his schedule, but not for long because then his mom would be unemployed (and I'm teh one with the career). That's not what anyone's suggesting but it's the extreme, for illustration.

 

So I am trying to figure out where to balance.

[amaysngrace]

I don't know what I'd do if I were you to be honest. I'd probably ask your ex to figure it out since it's on his time that things get all screwy.

 

Can you guys work it out where you each have him for a solid week rather than breaking the weeks up so it's not the same adjustment week after week for your son?