Hopelessromantic25 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 it's been a very long time since I've visited this site. It's helped so much in the past and I couldn't thank the community enough for their feed back. But once again I'm here and asking for some clarity. Thank you. Well if you've read my old previous threads you'll see that I was in a weird place romantically with a women whom I loved very much. The problem was she wasn't avaialble and we both continued a relationship behind closed doors for about 4 years. Of course I knew it was wrong and I didn't care. I loved her. Strangely I knew that she was never gonna leave her Boyfriend (of 10 years) and I was okay with that, I was okay with being second best to someone which was selfishly unselfish in my part as well hers. through the duration of our relationship we've ended it several times and always got back together. Our reasons were very cliche but honest to us, we just couldn't stay away from each other and we wanted what we wanted we didn't care because we were attached and we were in too deep. a few days ago we had an argument. Now her and I knew that we had these arguments because of the situation we were in. It's not ideal and it put a ton of stress in our lives and we both were aware of it. But this particular argument triggered it, triggered her and I to finally end this because we both knew that it had to end at some point. She was happy, supposedly, in her relationship and I understood that. So we calmed down and said our good byes in the best way we possibly could have. Now it's Tuesday and she got engaged over the weekend and I'm not sure how to feel about the whole thing really. I'm okay and I'm not, it was expected but it still hurts, and I'm only human. I wished her best and we both said our final I Love You's. it's over and I need to be sure of that, it's gonna take some time but I'll eventually move on and fall in love again. But this was something else and we just met at the wrong time. I guess what I'm asking is how would you deal with it? I keep trying to have a neutral attitude towards it but it's a damn roller coaster of emotions. I'm trying understand how the universe can have two people meet and have this insane connection and not end up together? I'm not really upset, I loved her and it was real to me and that's all that mattered, but now it's over, the chapter is over. It feels like a really weird drawn out romantic comedy and the finale of the final season was on this past weekend. Thank you for any feedback I really appreciate it. Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Thank you for any feedback I really appreciate it. it has nothing to do with the universe -- she chose him, not you. you might have this insane connection but it wasn't good enough for her to make it into something more... into an open relationship. be realistic here -- she had a BOYFRIEND. not even a husband, no kids. nothing. nada. nothing "real" that was stopping her from leaving except for her own cowardice and fear. and in the end... the love you had was real but it just wasn't enough. folks leave with a lot more baggage and she choose to MARRY this dude... allow yourself to be angry and upset with her. allow yourself to grieve and then move on. don't waste another set of years on someone who doesn't want to break up a regular relationship just to be with you. it's one thing when people are married with kids so they struggle with leaving but breaking up a simple relationship...? it's all clear but sometimes we don't want to see the painful truth. Link to post Share on other sites
jwi71 Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Uhm...nothing is over here. You'll be back at it in no time as I cant see either party ending it because the BF bought a ring. Or stands at the alter. Or has kids. She's made it perfectly clear you are the AP. You accept. Absolutely nothing will change because nothing has changed. I'd be dizzy on the merry-go-round but that's just me. Link to post Share on other sites
FusionCutter Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Buddy, it's time to get off. How does it feel to be the inferior leg in the triangle of happiness that selfishly makes her happy? What about your happiness? When it hurts, it's wrong and time to leave. Let this go in peace or you'll never feel right with yourself. Haven't you suffered long enough? And just to put it into perspective, she could leave at absolutely anytime to be with you. But she doesn't. If your friend came to you telling you your own story what would you tell them? That it's time to let go. Link to post Share on other sites
Darren Steez Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 it's been a very long time since I've visited this site. It's helped so much in the past and I couldn't thank the community enough for their feed back. But once again I'm here and asking for some clarity. Thank you. Well if you've read my old previous threads you'll see that I was in a weird place romantically with a women whom I loved very much. The problem was she wasn't avaialble and we both continued a relationship behind closed doors for about 4 years. Of course I knew it was wrong and I didn't care. I loved her. Strangely I knew that she was never gonna leave her Boyfriend (of 10 years) and I was okay with that, I was okay with being second best to someone which was selfishly unselfish in my part as well hers. through the duration of our relationship we've ended it several times and always got back together. Our reasons were very cliche but honest to us, we just couldn't stay away from each other and we wanted what we wanted we didn't care because we were attached and we were in too deep. a few days ago we had an argument. Now her and I knew that we had these arguments because of the situation we were in. It's not ideal and it put a ton of stress in our lives and we both were aware of it. But this particular argument triggered it, triggered her and I to finally end this because we both knew that it had to end at some point. She was happy, supposedly, in her relationship and I understood that. So we calmed down and said our good byes in the best way we possibly could have. Now it's Tuesday and she got engaged over the weekend and I'm not sure how to feel about the whole thing really. I'm okay and I'm not, it was expected but it still hurts, and I'm only human. I wished her best and we both said our final I Love You's. it's over and I need to be sure of that, it's gonna take some time but I'll eventually move on and fall in love again. But this was something else and we just met at the wrong time. I guess what I'm asking is how would you deal with it? I keep trying to have a neutral attitude towards it but it's a damn roller coaster of emotions. I'm trying understand how the universe can have two people meet and have this insane connection and not end up together? I'm not really upset, I loved her and it was real to me and that's all that mattered, but now it's over, the chapter is over. It feels like a really weird drawn out romantic comedy and the finale of the final season was on this past weekend. Thank you for any feedback I really appreciate it. Sorry to be harsh, but once you get off the rainbow coloured unicorn flying with delicate fairy wings, you'll see you were both scamming each other. As someone said, the relationship she was in was not marriage, if you were such star crossed lovers surely she would have left the guy to be with you? This deep all empowering love..not enough to leave her guy? Call a spade a spade. You were in it for the fun because you knew chips down you could never be together, hence the fights and the breakups. Except this might have been one fight too far and she called it...then again she's been cheating on this poor sod for so long, one imagines she might come back calling. Question is seeing the poor guy's about to commit his entire future to her, will you do the decent thing and stay away? Link to post Share on other sites
farrah5451 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Im sorry you are hurting. What will you do if she calls you? Will you continue seeing her? Take this time to look at how you felt during this affair. Did you feel second best? Always waiting for her to leave? Do you want to be in a relationship like this? Take this time for you... find out who you are. You will mourn for a while but it will get a liitle better each day. You'll come out of this stronger. The universe has someone out there for you, maybe you needed to learn from this experience . You are going to get thru this. Hugs Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 The only feedback I have is that you absolutely cannot be friends. You must go complete no contact with her if you truly want to move on. Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts