Author nucking_futs Posted June 18, 2015 Author Share Posted June 18, 2015 It's getting better.... she basically does not trust me with OW.... not so much that I am out cheating or looking to cheat..... I think in time it will be better , because of the EA we addressing the issues that caused it... I think wife likes the fact that she knows where I am at and OW are at .... it keeps her sane... if we were to separate and she dumped OW then the unknown would be worse for her. I think this way she can see what is going on . Who knows.... I doubt she is getting a financial plan together... I think she feels fixing it is better than destroying it and breaking up the family and kids. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted June 22, 2015 Author Share Posted June 22, 2015 Better yet... not as good as could be.... we were getting better and now I sense the same ol rut coming along. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 Wife again watches OW cat.... returns key and stay an hour and half... why this bothers me I don't know.... but I can tell it's makes me say **** it... I'm done. Link to post Share on other sites
MM1234 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 Wife again watches OW cat.... returns key and stay an hour and half... why this bothers me I don't know.... but I can tell it's makes me say **** it... I'm done. It sounds like your wife is a glutton for punishment. Her "friend" is not a friend to the marriage (let alone friend to her), so she really should go. I think you are right that your wife is still her friend as a way to really know that you guys aren't communicating (which is stupid, if you ask me). And you know why her maintaining a friendship with your EA partner bothers you? Because you know damn well this lady is not a real friend to your wife & definitely not a friend of the marriage. It's really hard to do a full R when the AP is still around. Your wife isn't helping the situation. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted July 2, 2015 Author Share Posted July 2, 2015 therapist agrees , OW has to go.... wife wont do it. but I'm getting to the point where I will and that's what OW wants.. I tried..... Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted July 2, 2015 Share Posted July 2, 2015 therapist agrees , OW has to go.... wife wont do it. but I'm getting to the point where I will and that's what OW wants.. I tried..... Keeping the OW around is madness . If deep down you really want to reconcile , give your wife an ultimatum. It's the OW or you. If her aim is successful reconciliation and she's not following the advice of the therapist , then it's pointless. If she chooses OW , you can make alternative living arrangements before you file. She might take you seriously then. She can't expect it to work out if she won't cut her loose. If it's not working for the both of you......then it's not working at all. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted July 8, 2015 Author Share Posted July 8, 2015 well last sunday the OW goes out with her friend and gets drunk..... they end up getting in a fight and OW is too drunk to drive.... she calls wife to see if she will come and get her. Wife takes her home and OW decides she wants to end it... adn takes some pills. Wife then comes back home and tells me she should not have gone to get her I said you think? I said did she have marks on her from her drunk cat fight and wife says yes.... I said well what happens when she does take enough pills to end it and you are there? And the DA finds out that OW and had an EA? and you are the wife in her apartment and she is dead with fight makes on her. and the guy at the bar says I saw them leave together? Sounds like a freaking 20/20 episode. I swear I cannot make this stuff up Link to post Share on other sites
Babs22 Posted July 8, 2015 Share Posted July 8, 2015 Your OW does sound crazy and she needs help. Way more help than your wife can give. I think she was hoping your W would divorce you when she exposed you. When that did not happen, she continued to try to make your W leave you. Usually the BS wants the WS to go NC with the OW. In your case your wife wouldn't go NC with the OW. So odd. Hopefully she is starting to see how messed up her BF/OW is. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted July 9, 2015 Author Share Posted July 9, 2015 its crazy...... I really think t's going to take something terrible for this to end... I do remember my first session with therapist and he told me if it takes you two months to end it with OW it will take your wife 2 years. They have been friends too long and are co-dependant. I really do not have the same feelings for the OW that I had during the EA.... Now I just want her gone... I had no idea she was this crazy... I don't get their friendship... they do not do much with each other at all... text all day long and maybe when OW is gone out of town, wife will feed cat.... I told wife if it happens again I am immediately calling the police 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 5, 2015 Author Share Posted August 5, 2015 (edited) Its been a while.... still going to MC... basically she will not break the relationship with OW.... my step daughter had a baby and OW bought baby clothes.... Sex has been fine and I have had NC with OW , I really do not care about OW at this point... she annoys me. However , I am becoming bored again, and wife is busy with daughters baby....and her her new 32K a year job......hey I get it... I have had five kids.... I have been on the back burner for 22 years....I made the money.... and still do...... and after EA I was getting attention.... now its slipping back to the way it was before.... I will stay because I do not want to hurt my kids that are still at home... but once they are gone....I'm gone... I really don't care anymore... I tried to reconcile, I went to therapy... I bared my soul... ... she never broke it off with OW... she takes me for granted.... at least I will have 3 years to consult an attorney and get my game plan down... one thing ... she asked me to wear my wedding ring... its too big and falls off my finger.... I thought about getting it resized , but then the thought past. Edited August 6, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
sandylee1 Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 Its been a while.... still going to MC... basically she will not break the relationship with OW.... my step daughter had a baby and OW bought baby clothes.... Sex has been fine and I have had NC with OW , I really do not care about OW at this point... she annoys me. However , I am becoming bored again, and wife is busy with daughters baby....and her her new 32K a year job......hey I get it... I have had five kids.... I have been on the back burner for 22 years....I made the money.... and still do...... and after EA I was getting attention.... now its slipping back to the way it was before.... I will stay because I do not want to hurt my kids that are still at home... but once they are gone....I'm gone... I really don't care anymore... I tried to reconcile, I went to therapy... I bared my soul... ... she never broke it off with OW... she takes me for granted.... at least I will have 3 years to consult an attorney and get my game plan down... one thing ... she asked me to wear my wedding ring... its too big and falls off my finger.... I thought about getting it resized , but then the thought past. Have you expressed how you feel to your wife? Tried to organise trips away? Tried to spice things up? Attend MC? Communication is key. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) strips away were fine... planned a trip to the beach... cancelling that.... will say I have to work..... I'm not whining to her like a beta dog.....spice things up yes done that as well I'll just move on. she wants is the meal ticket... I really do not need the headache.... I really do not know why I am posting this now.... its a sign of weakest to me.... almost like by posting I show that I care.... I need to condition myself to not love...to be able to do without it.... I'm embarrassed now... my weakness is showing... the only reason i am not long gone are the kids... i I read all these freaking stories on this board... it's madding.... how people make believe Edited August 6, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
mrs rubble Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 strips away were fine... planned a trip to the beach... cancelling that.... will say I have to work..... I'm not whining to her like a beta dog.....spice things up yes done that as well I'll just move on. she wants is the meal ticket... I really do not need the headache.... I really do not know why I am posting this now.... its a sign of weakest to me.... almost like by posting I show that I care.... I need to condition myself to not love...to be able to do without it.... I'm embarrassed now... my weakness is showing... the only reason i am not long gone are the kids... i I read all these freaking stories on this board... it's madding.... how people make believe How old are the kid's? Are they aware of your unhappiness? Because if they are, you're teaching them that one must put up with unhappy situations. It'd be better to leave. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 6, 2015 Author Share Posted August 6, 2015 (edited) HS age I can mess up their lives plans etc....i should have never gotten married....it does not suit me I did my part I raised the kids... I think most people are weak and desire love to make them feel a false sense of security Edited August 6, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
qubist Posted August 6, 2015 Share Posted August 6, 2015 you sound very depressed my friend. do not think that running away will help you. I don't think you are in a position to make any decision at the moment. and I'm not sure your MC therapist is aware of your depression. you night want to consider personal counseling instead of MC Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 7, 2015 Author Share Posted August 7, 2015 (edited) might be depressed a little.... I want to not feel the need to be loved. I see the need of wanting to be loved a weakness I feel the institution of marriage to be a fraud. I did have a EA with wifes friend.... not proud of that.... Edited August 7, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
vrj Posted August 9, 2015 Share Posted August 9, 2015 why it 3 did some one make it 3rd party Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 10, 2015 Author Share Posted August 10, 2015 (edited) not sure I understand the question. OW and Wife will remain somewhat friends.... I have moved on from this... though I am still not happy with marriage and I really do not know why... compared to some on this board.... I have it pretty good. Edited August 10, 2015 by nucking_futs Link to post Share on other sites
MJJean Posted August 10, 2015 Share Posted August 10, 2015 not sure I understand the question. OW and Wife will remain somewhat friends.... I have moved on from this... though I am still not happy with marriage and I really do not know why... compared to some on this board.... I have it pretty good. You've said you want to leave, but will be staying for a few more years for the sake of the kids. They are HS aged? They're old enough to understand a divorce. And you leaving the home won't change their life plans. You can still act as a proper father and shepherd them along through the rest of HS, college/trade school, etc. But maybe, just maybe, you're staying for reasons other than the kids. Maybe you realize you do have it pretty good and that you do love your wife. If that's the case, keep working on the marriage and yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 11, 2015 Author Share Posted August 11, 2015 its complicated... I do love her and have a good time with her.... I did want to have sex with her friend and still do... but I realize that this is not going to happen.. how she can remain friends with OW is strange. I would love some spice in marriage, a threesome, foursome etc... but I doubt she would be willing... and to ask after the how she handled the EA , I don't think is a good idea... Oh well ... she does not need sex daily, I do... I had sex with baby sitter when I was 7-8 and wife and MC feel that's why I have intimacy issues and do not want to bond other then with sex. Who knows, all this is exhausting. Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted August 11, 2015 Share Posted August 11, 2015 You clearly have serious problems. I glad you're in therapy! Have you thought that it's the OW who has confessed & given her all the truth so far? I know after EA I'm obsessed with filling in all the missing pieces & knowing/understanding every detail for my own sanity. Your wife is getting information from this 'friendship'. It also sounds like your wife is drawn to 'injured birds'. Both her husband & her best friend are very damaged people. Her friend is completely messed-up. She has the fear that this woman she has known for a VERY long time could take her own life!! This sounds a LOT more complicated than your often flip attitude is revealing. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted August 12, 2015 Author Share Posted August 12, 2015 its crazy I know.... I told wife that OW wedged herself between us.... wife says shes' between me and OW .... OW was raped at 14 I was abused at 7 ... so I did enjoy talking to OW... I do like her... it's crazy... I really don't want to have sex with OW anymore... for some reason I am not attracted to her any longer... I am and always have been attracted to wife... I find it odd that wife talks to OW about me and me about OW as if nothing ever happened ... but I noticed they try very hard for me and OW to not be in the same place at the same time... Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted September 22, 2015 Author Share Posted September 22, 2015 I'm back nucking_futs is in the house....... my bitch wife still talks to OW..... I don't like it but I am at the point that I dont give a ****... any ideas on how to piss off the wife and the OW as well.... I want to f##k with them Link to post Share on other sites
ShatteredLady Posted September 22, 2015 Share Posted September 22, 2015 What ever happens in your life it's still the MOTHER of your children that you're talking about. The act of staying around until your kids are grown is far less important to their development as well adjusted people than they way you treat your wife, THEIR MOTHER. Link to post Share on other sites
Author nucking_futs Posted September 23, 2015 Author Share Posted September 23, 2015 What ever happens in your life it's still the MOTHER of your children that you're talking about. The act of staying around until your kids are grown is far less important to their development as well adjusted people than they way you treat your wife, THEIR MOTHER. Ok, the other day OW tells wife that I do not love wife, that the only reason I keep wife around is to have soemthing to shoot in.... who talks like that? then is still friends with OW... Like it or not my EA was just a piece in this messed up ****. Link to post Share on other sites
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