Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 At the end of their lives I championed & protected my parents so I do fear that I will be taken advantage of when I'm elderly. I think about this too but I've come to the conclusion that I'll probably have to pay people to help me and if I haven't any funds then I'll wind up in a state run home or something. I hope I don't get abused but it is what it is. Maybe I should take up some dangerous sport and start smoking now?? Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I love children and would love to have children... but I am still unable to find anybody, so I guess I am meant to be childless as my clock is ticking away... glad to know so many people don't want children...it makes me feel better...I am not alone after all Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 Yea, I know where probably my feelings about kids came from - as I grew up in a dysfunctional home and from a young age saw children as a source of misery and being trapped financially and emotionally in a bad situation. So, I'm going on 40 and who knows, if I meet "Mr. Right" and we have at least 3 years of marriage, I "might" consider having a kid or two, but probably will adopt. Eh, but I don't see that happening - cuz like I told my brother - I gotta have a husband first and no prospects for that right now My dad made me feel as if me and my brother were a credit card debt he didn't have to pay off so I get the financial trapped fear. But I also don't really enjoy being around kids so I think it's more than that in my case. If you did want to have kids one of my best friends is 43 and she is pregnant. She had every single test you could take and the baby is healthy. So if you do want kids there is still time. Link to post Share on other sites
Haydn Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 Childless people can do so much to help kids, if you are a person that genuinely loves them. My parents had their own issues and I would've loved having an aunt or someone just to talk to. I think some kids, especially those with chaotic homes, benefit greatly from bonding with a relative or family friend (one who has their best interests at heart). They need someone to be normal with, and are more likely to confide in them. Kids are cool people to hang out with...funny, spontaneous, curious, honest. And Loyal to Chelsea can help enormously.... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 Ex and I decided not to have kids, mostly because she was afraid to pass her mental health issues dow. Since that's done, I now feel I'm too old for that stuff and enjoy my life without kids. I'm kind of a "no excuses" guy so it's accept me for who I am or kick rocks. They all accepted me. I know how your ex-wife feels, with my history of depression my fetus would probably hang itself in my womb. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I totally understand. I spent the first 30 years of my life not wanting kids. I mean REALLY not wanting them. I was almost militant about my dislike of children. They were never part of my vision for my future. OK, I changed my mind (now have three) but I would never find it hard to understand. My logical mind still thinks it's crazy to have children - why would anyone want them - noisy, demanding, expensive blah blah but once they are there something less logical takes over...I can't explain it better than that. But I dont find your POV odd in the slightest. Link to post Share on other sites
waterwoman Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 And Loyal to Chelsea can help enormously.... Nope, I think you'll find that's just child abuse :p <married to a dyed in the wool Hammer > 1 Link to post Share on other sites
No Limit Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 19 and don't want kids. Not now, not in the future. But when I say that irl I usually get shut down with the typical stuff like "Oh just wait until the right man crosses your path" or "That'll change when you're older". My mother also is often daydreaming about grandkids, so I decided to just let the topic rest and ignore it. Hopefully nobody will pick up on this tactic in a decade... What's far more annoying is the fact that no doctor will agree to 'tie your tubes' unless you are in your mid-thirties and have at least 2 kids. I even read about gynos becoming pissed off when women asked. Guess I'll have to travel to China to get that procedure done someday. On the other hand, perhaps I'll remain sexually abstinent completely and spare my body the hormon changes. Worked out well so far. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I love children and would love to have children... but I am still unable to find anybody, so I guess I am meant to be childless as my clock is ticking away... glad to know so many people don't want children...it makes me feel better...I am not alone after all You are not childless by choice then. If you are longing for kids, go have a kid. You don't need a partner for this (but IMHO it helps). 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Emilia Posted June 16, 2015 Share Posted June 16, 2015 I am childfree by choice and very honest about it. I get the occasional 'I don't know anyone who thinks this way' line from women sometimes but very rarely from men. I worked with a woman recently who didn't want them but her husband did. She said she only started liking them when they turned 5. The worst thing that would be. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 i'it's a horrible question to be asked though, and people just don't get that. how often do you hear the reverse asked of people: hey, what made you decide to have kids? I know what you mean. Next time someone with kids asks me "So how come you never had kids?" I'm going to say "I was afraid I'd end up like you." 4 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I'm still young to be considered "childless by choice", but I've never had an interest in having children. I like babies and kids, but I just don't want one of my own. I have no natural instinct or desire to be a mother. I don't make excuses about that either. Everyone who is close to me knows that I have no interest in being a mother. I like babies. It's when they start walking and touching crap that pisses me off. You know what's funny? I love dogs. Dogs can rip up my furniture and pee all over the carpet and I don't get mad. I'll always have a dog. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 19 and don't want kids. Not now, not in the future. But when I say that irl I usually get shut down with the typical stuff like "Oh just wait until the right man crosses your path" or "That'll change when you're older". My mother also is often daydreaming about grandkids, so I decided to just let the topic rest and ignore it. Hopefully nobody will pick up on this tactic in a decade... What's far more annoying is the fact that no doctor will agree to 'tie your tubes' unless you are in your mid-thirties and have at least 2 kids. I even read about gynos becoming pissed off when women asked. Guess I'll have to travel to China to get that procedure done someday. On the other hand, perhaps I'll remain sexually abstinent completely and spare my body the hormon changes. Worked out well so far. You are too young to make that choice now. You may never want kids or you might change your mind. In the meantime there are plenty of other birth control methods you can take. If by 30 you don't want kids you'll probably never will so get them tied at that point. I was told I would change my mind and I thought I would but never did. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 16, 2015 Author Share Posted June 16, 2015 I am childfree by choice and very honest about it. I get the occasional 'I don't know anyone who thinks this way' line from women sometimes but very rarely from men. I hate it when women say that to me!!! Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I know what you mean. Next time someone with kids asks me "So how come you never had kids?" I'm going to say "I was afraid I'd end up like you." Now, where's the "double like" button when I need it Other responses I recommend: -"Cuz I actually 'have' a life" -"Cuz I don't need a child to keep a man and/or have something to keep a marriage together" -"Cuz, I don't follow 'trends' - that includes popping out kids to keep up with the Joneses" -"Cuz my decisions in life aren't based on what society and/or my parents want. -"Cuz I enjoy sleeping in from time to time." -"Cuz I'm selfish, so sue me. Rather admit it than dump my kid off at daycare/public schools". If I think of more, I'll be back.... 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I like babies. It's when they start walking and touching crap that pisses me off. You know what's funny? I love dogs. Dogs can rip up my furniture and pee all over the carpet and I don't get mad. I'll always have a dog. Oh, gotta love the houses where each and every room (including the marital bedroom) is turned into Chuck E Cheese...I understand you can't waste energy/time cleaning up every mess your kids make, but come on, they can't have the run of the house either - same goes for pets. I have to disagree with you on the pets...I hate when they go through a "chewing" phase, vomit, have "accidents" and the furrrrr.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Now, where's the "double like" button when I need it Other responses I recommend: -"Cuz I actually 'have' a life" -"Cuz I don't need a child to keep a man and/or have something to keep a marriage together" -"Cuz, I don't follow 'trends' - that includes popping out kids to keep up with the Joneses" -"Cuz my decisions in life aren't based on what society and/or my parents want. -"Cuz I enjoy sleeping in from time to time." -"Cuz I'm selfish, so sue me. Rather admit it than dump my kid off at daycare/public schools". If I think of more, I'll be back.... Things to say when someone asks: "How come you don't have kids?" ~I did but I got hungry... ~Dunno? Y'know my pimp asked me that the other day. ~I do have kids. See they're standing right here. Everyone says they can't see them...I just don't understand??? ~ I thought about having kids but then I remembered how they fu*k up your body so I bought a bikini instead. ~ I figured there was enough. Why? Are we running out? 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Male Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm in my 40's and have no kids. I spent almost 10 yrs with my ex-wife who had 3 kids from a previous marriage. The baby factory was shut down before I met her, she didnt want anymore. Most single women in my area want absolutely nothing to do with me simply for the fact that I dont have kids.(Their words not mine). They assume I'm one of "those" guys that couldnt possibly know anything about how to interact or deal with a kid. I like kids, but I like my freedom much more. I never had that feeling growing up that I wanted kids. I do miss my ex's kids though. It was a lot of fun spending time with them. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
RedRobin Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 19 and don't want kids. Not now, not in the future. But when I say that irl I usually get shut down with the typical stuff like "Oh just wait until the right man crosses your path" or "That'll change when you're older". My mother also is often daydreaming about grandkids, so I decided to just let the topic rest and ignore it. Hopefully nobody will pick up on this tactic in a decade... What's far more annoying is the fact that no doctor will agree to 'tie your tubes' unless you are in your mid-thirties and have at least 2 kids. I even read about gynos becoming pissed off when women asked. Guess I'll have to travel to China to get that procedure done someday. On the other hand, perhaps I'll remain sexually abstinent completely and spare my body the hormon changes. Worked out well so far. I was 30 with no kids and I found one. She was from India, and I guess had seen her share of kids growing up in poverty, neglected... you name it. She made absolutely sure I didn't want them though... I sat through three separate appointments with her before she did the operation. She also made very sure that it could not be reversed and that there would be no chance of the tubes growing back together. Not only did she clip them, but she removed a chunk and cauterized both sides. Long story short... don't go to your standard American doctor. They are all full of crap about how women are going to change their mind, blah blah. Notice that men don't have to go through this garbage if they want the procedure. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm in my 40's and have no kids. I spent almost 10 yrs with my ex-wife who had 3 kids from a previous marriage. The baby factory was shut down before I met her, she didnt want anymore. Most single women in my area want absolutely nothing to do with me simply for the fact that I dont have kids.(Their words not mine). They assume I'm one of "those" guys that couldnt possibly know anything about how to interact or deal with a kid. I like kids, but I like my freedom much more. I never had that feeling growing up that I wanted kids. I do miss my ex's kids though. It was a lot of fun spending time with them. Same here...on OLD, when I read the profiles of guys who have kids, they want someone who "loves kids" and/or wanna have more with them...but seriously, I think they are looking more for a nanny/maid/substitute mom - not a gf/wife/lover. Also, cuz of my age - seems like most guys willing to date me either already have kids and/or want kids...oh well... Link to post Share on other sites
Gloria25 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Things to say when someone asks: "How come you don't have kids?" ~I did but I got hungry... ~Dunno? Y'know my pimp asked me that the other day. ~I do have kids. See they're standing right here. Everyone says they can't see them...I just don't understand??? ~ I thought about having kids but then I remembered how they fu*k up your body so I bought a bikini instead. ~ I figured there was enough. Why? Are we running out? Ooooh, got a good one for ya.... "Where's your kid?" Answer: "OMG, I think I forgot something in the backseat of ny car!!!! And, it's 100 degrres today!!!" Now, that is so sick...I've heard that in some states, on the interstate - where they announce accidents, amber alerts, etc - you know, those big billboards - they are also reminding "parents" not to leave their kid in a hot car. That is so fing sad that our society is to the point where they allegedly "forget" their child in a car - to the point the child is baked to death...and you need an Interstate billboard to remind you to not leave the kid in the car. I NEVER left my dogs in a car and "forgot" them...and, of the days I leave them in it to go into the store or something, the A/c is on, blasting, and I still run back to the car and feel bad/guilty... Link to post Share on other sites
loveflower Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You are not childless by choice then. If you are longing for kids, go have a kid. You don't need a partner for this (but IMHO it helps). I think people should only have children with someone they love. yup...I am an idealistic person...born this way...maybe the same reason I can't find someone I am really into either. It's not fair to the child. Link to post Share on other sites
frogs88 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Personally I'm a bit indifferent about it - the way it looks now I won't have any. By definition I think I should be okay with or without. My personal happiness shouldn't be dependent on having kids or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Tribble Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Now, where's the "double like" button when I need it Other responses I recommend: -"Cuz I actually 'have' a life" -"Cuz I don't need a child to keep a man and/or have something to keep a marriage together" -"Cuz, I don't follow 'trends' - that includes popping out kids to keep up with the Joneses" -"Cuz my decisions in life aren't based on what society and/or my parents want. -"Cuz I enjoy sleeping in from time to time." -"Cuz I'm selfish, so sue me. Rather admit it than dump my kid off at daycare/public schools". If I think of more, I'll be back.... I'm undecided about kids (I keep changing my mind) but I've gone through phases of telling people I don't want them and they told me I'd change my mind. Sure, it's condescending and annoying, but is there any reason to drop down to their level? Some of these answers are just mean. So you don't want kids? Fine. Just respect their choice just as you want them to respect yours, even if they don't. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Brigit Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 I'm undecided about kids (I keep changing my mind) but I've gone through phases of telling people I don't want them and they told me I'd change my mind. Sure, it's condescending and annoying, but is there any reason to drop down to their level? Some of these answers are just mean. So you don't want kids? Fine. Just respect their choice just as you want them to respect yours, even if they don't. She was just being funny. I doubt she actually verbalizes her frustrations. Link to post Share on other sites
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