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Childless By Choice


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or maybe they have sat across the desk from a 28 year old woman who had it done and have to 'consult' them on the bleak odds of reversing it.

 

you made a choice, great. why should a doctor automatically 'just carry it out'. BTW there are many doctors that refuse to do back or knee operations until an obese patient 'lost weight'.

 

the assumption is "i will never change". and yet there is staggering evidence IN YOUR OWN LIFE you do. fine maybe on this one topic you will not. but, as the doctors have no doubt mentioned (and is being ignored here) there are numerous safe and reversible and cheaper options to stop a pregnancy.

 

Those other options come with their own risks that are not insignificant. They have no right to dictate the options to a healthy adult woman of sound mind.

 

They are not qualified to make decisions on who is of sound mind... Your 'obese patient' example doesn't fly.

 

They are basing their opinions based on BS gender stereotypes and nothing more. I don't observe doctors being so reluctant to give men vasectomies. No, it's only for women because they think we all are going to be overcome by our 'urges' and eventually succumb to motherhood. Sure, lots do, but accidentally and reluctantly. Hence the need for abortions, foster parenting, etc.

 

I am very offended at anyone's suggestion that any OB/GYN naturally knows any woman's mind. If they want to reject doing sterilization because they have personal religious objections to it, than so be it. No one requires doctors do abortions... But refusing because they think they will change their mind? Utter BS.

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I intend to be child-free by choice.

 

Admittedly, the idea of passing on my genes is appealing. But sacrificing 18 years of my life for it is too much - and it's unethical to pass my genes on without wanting to make that sacrifice.

 

 

They are basing their opinions based on BS gender stereotypes and nothing more. I don't observe doctors being so reluctant to give men vasectomies.

 

What? Most doctors here won't give an 18-yo man a vasectomy, either. Permanent sterilization also carries a higher risk of complications (medical complications, not 'change your mind' ones) for women than for men due to the different methods needed, so it makes sense to take that into account.

 

There are many aspects in which society treats women with sexism when it comes to having children, but this isn't one of them.

Edited by Elswyth
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There are many aspects in which society treats women with sexism when it comes to having children, but this isn't one of them.

 

18? How about 25? We aren't talking about individuals fresh out of puberty. Heck, they don't allow 18 yr olds to legally drink here in the US either. Even then, they could still dictate a psych eval. Funny.. There are lots of doctors willing to give 18 yr old women breast implants despite the consequences.

 

We may be talking about different cultures here too. Lots of religious conservatives in the US and people who stick to traditional gender roles even if they aren't particularly religious.

 

Among the child free men I know who have talked about or gotten a vasectomy, none have experienced the resistance I did when trying to find a doctor. To this day, I occasionally get a look of shock from an OB GYN when I tell them I had my tubes tied voluntarily... Had one say with a look of reproach "I would never agree to tying your tubes". I never went back to her again, and told other women I knew not to patronize her either.

 

I didn't say anything at the time, but I wish I said... "Yea, but you'd be in favor of pumping my body full of hormones... Risking an abortion, bringing an unwanted child into the world, or being celibate for half my life, you hypocritical bytch."

Edited by RedRobin
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sweetjasmine
I don't observe doctors being so reluctant to give men vasectomies.

 

Again, that's because vasectomies don't require general anesthesia and are not major abdominal surgery. And vasectomies are much more easily reversible. The risks of other forms of birth control are real, but they're still much lower than the risk of major abdominal surgery.

 

As for making women come back each year, it's to make sure that everything is working properly/is still appropriate (wouldn't you want to know that your IUD's placement is still good or that you might be better off switching pills because of a new medication you have to take for an unrelated condition?) and to make sure women get very important preventative care. Even though I recognize the importance of getting an annual check up and even though I've had a scare with an abnormal Pap smear, I still have a hard time being diligent about going in every year on schedule and am actually grateful that having to get a new prescription for my birth control forces me to see the doctor.

 

Yes, there's some sexism in the attitudes that OB/GYNs have towards women who want sterilization, but let's not act like this is the only concern and like doctors are all evil, money-grubbing monsters who are trying to keep you sick because BWAHAHAHAHAHA.

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or maybe they have sat across the desk from a 28 year old woman who had it done and have to 'consult' them on the bleak odds of reversing it.

 

you made a choice, great. why should a doctor automatically 'just carry it out'. BTW there are many doctors that refuse to do back or knee operations until an obese patient 'lost weight'.

 

the assumption is "i will never change". and yet there is staggering evidence IN YOUR OWN LIFE you do. fine maybe on this one topic you will not. but, as the doctors have no doubt mentioned (and is being ignored here) there are numerous safe and reversible and cheaper options to stop a pregnancy.

 

Doesn't matter. It's a harmless procedure not dependent on the person's weight and it's none of their business. No one should have that kind of power over someone else's body. Having kids you can't take care of is more harmful than having to adopt instead of birth if you change your mind. It's better to make the mistake of not having a kid than making the mistake of having one you don't want and can't take care of that will keep you from pursuing your goals.

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About the vasectomy thing:

 

Where I live the law states that no man under 25 years old can get a vasectomy.

 

HOWEVER...most doctors around here won't do it to anyone who is under 25 years old AND with AT LEAST 2 children.

 

IMO this is pure neanderthal talk...

Edited by kenji_t
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sweetjasmine
Doesn't matter. It's a harmless procedure not dependent on the person's weight and it's none of their business.

 

Weight is always relevant when a patient is undergoing general anesthesia. The risks are considerably higher for those who are obese and morbidly obese. While weight would be more relevant for an orthopedic procedure where the intervention might completely fail if the patient doesn't lose weight, it's also still relevant with things like tubal ligations because of the added risks and complications.

 

And no medical procedure is entirely harmless. Every procedure has risks, and the more complicated the procedure, the more risks there are. There's no way that going into someone's abdomen is "harmless," even with the most skilled hands using the most advanced laparoscopic technology.

 

No one should have that kind of power over someone else's body.

 

Yes, but at the same time, you can't force a surgeon to perform an elective procedure, which is what sterilization usually is. A surgeon or OB/GYN has the right to refuse treatment in some circumstances, especially if in their professional opinion, they believe the risks outweigh the benefits. Why should a patient be allowed the power to force a doctor to do an elective surgery?

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GorillaTheater
Yes, but did it hurt as much as the child support for kids you might have otherwise been supporting. I think if a person asks for a tubal or vasectomy, they should get one, especially in their 20s when they're likely to make "mistakes." They can always adopt.

 

Child support hell, you should see my grocery bill.

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18? How about 25? We aren't talking about individuals fresh out of puberty. Heck, they don't allow 18 yr olds to legally drink here in the US either. Even then, they could still dictate a psych eval. Funny.. There are lots of doctors willing to give 18 yr old women breast implants despite the consequences.

 

I'm actually not a fan of the cosmetic surgery/breast implant culture either, but that's a different kettle of fish.

 

We may be talking about different cultures here too. Lots of religious conservatives in the US and people who stick to traditional gender roles even if they aren't particularly religious.

 

This could be true. Like sweetjasmine says, though, the sterilization procedures for a woman are much more invasive and risky than the procedures for a man. For this reason, when a couple wants to take the step of permanent sterilization, medical professionals usually recommend that the man get the vasectomy rather than the woman get her tubes tied.

 

So while it's possible that sexism may play a part where you are, there actually are legitimate reasons why a doctor might not want to carry out the procedure. I don't know about you, but I don't want a doctor to just do whatever a patient asks him to without considering the risks to their health and life.

 

I didn't say anything at the time, but I wish I said... "Yea, but you'd be in favor of pumping my body full of hormones... Risking an abortion, bringing an unwanted child into the world, or being celibate for half my life, you hypocritical bytch."

 

If you are against BC (and frankly it isn't 'pumping your body full of hormones' - your body already has those hormones, AND it's a lot less risky than abdominal surgery!) then there are copper IUDs, condoms, the calendar method, and pull out. The latter two methods aren't great by themselves, but they can all be used together if you want.

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It's a harmless procedure not dependent on the person's weight and it's none of their business.

 

first please READ my post. the weight was in reference ONLY to back and knee operations: under the theory the pain is the result of added weight. MIL was just told by a doc to lose 40 lbs before he would consider a SECOND back operation (prior one was years ago).

 

second the fact you state "it's a harmless procedure" shows you are not aware of the actual procedure.

 

third very doc has a standard. even plastic surgeons at some point will say no. and others ---- how else to explain a doc getting a 60 year old pregnant. if you look long enough you will find what you are looking for. but to DEMAND that any doc should just "do it" is sophomoric (back to point 2).

 

fourth it IS THEIR BUSINESS. or at least their malpractice insurers business.

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My wife and I don't have kids and probably never will. We talked about it before we got married and decided we could adopt a dog and a cat, and that those would be our 'kids.'

 

I admit to Facebook voyeurism and sometimes feeling just a touch of hollowness, knowing that children have brought so much obvious joy into the lives of my friends and family. If my wife got pregnant, we'd carry the child to term without hesitation and be proud parents, but that's not what we're looking for. I think we both like children and would be good parents, but we enjoy the life that we have for ourselves. I sometimes wonder if I'll feel that way when I'm 60 and start seeing my friends' children graduate from college and having my friends become grandparents.

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