No physical attention from husband

[Annie81]

Hi Everyone, This is my very first post, so hello!

 

I have been married to my husband for just over 3 years but we have been together for about 7 now. I truly love him and would never want to hurt him however he is driving me mad!

 

We don't have sex and now we don't even seem to kiss passionately any more and I am pulling my hair out! I really, really do not want to beg anymore for physical attention but at the same time I do not want to give up, if I give up it's like admitting that I don't want kisses or sex anymore and that is so not the case at all!

 

The reason we don't have sex (my husbands reason) is that he suffers from a bad back and is on medication (he has been since just after our marriage) Having sex causes him pain and discomfort and obviously sex hurts him more. However he refuses to discuss this side of the back problem with his doctor and seems to think that we can just carry on like this. We are in our early 30's and I really do not want to be in a sexless marriage.

 

I have tried to be kind and to initiate things in a caring and gentle way and I have begged too but yet nothing!

 

I wouldn't mind so much if there was light at the end of the tunnel and he was willing to speak to his doctor, say that it is impacting our relationship etc but he won't.

 

I've always had a higher sex drive than him and I can not help but feel that he is using his back as an excuse and it makes me really resentful and I don't like it. We've had sex once this year and twice maybe three times last year.

 

He doesn't even given me any other physical attention instead, I do literally have to take care of myself. Which is fine once in awhile but this is not what I signed up for.

 

We hug, we cuddle, we tell each other that we love each other and we kiss but we don't kiss passionately anymore and I think that's what is starting to tip me over the edge! I mean it would not kill him just once in awhile to stick his tongue down my throat, would it?

 

It's not like I'm going to leap on him fro sex, I've even explained to him that I honestly just want him to kiss me and that it does not have to lead to anything but he just won't, there always seems to be something. I ask at the wrong time, I ask when he's cooking or just before bed, honestly it's like the end of the world if I try to initiate anything at bed time. If I try before hand it's always the wrong time.

 

I love him I do but I do not want to spend the rest of our lives like this but I just don't know what else to do or try. I cry a lot, mainly in the shower, it's great because your on your own! but it's not right and I know this.

 

I feel so selfish and so angry with myself but at the same time a little voice says hang on a damn minute it's really not too much to ask to get some attention from your husband is it?

 

I'm rambling and wittering and if anyone out there has any suggestions I would be super grateful, if not thank you for letting me ramble.

[d0nnivain]

Then you talk to his doctor. Without the proper HIPAA disclosures the doctor may not be able to talk to you but the doctor can still listen.

[Mr. Lucky]

We hug, we cuddle, we tell each other that we love each other and we kiss but we don't kiss passionately anymore and I think that's what is starting to tip me over the edge! I mean it would not kill him just once in awhile to stick his tongue down my throat, would it?

 

It's not like I'm going to leap on him fro sex, I've even explained to him that I honestly just want him to kiss me and that it does not have to lead to anything but he just won't, there always seems to be something.

 

Annie81, have you asked him if he masturbates? Doing so side-by-side with some kissing would be a baby step in the right direction. There's obviously lots of other fun things outside intercourse you can do to each other - have you asked him directly? Few men normally turn down oral sex, might be an icebreaker.

 

I'm tempted to say this is no time to beat around the bush :o:o!!!

 

Mr. Lucky

[Mr Carson]

Hi Everyone, This is my very first post, so hello!

 

I have been married to my husband for just over 3 years but we have been together for about 7 now. I truly love him and would never want to hurt him however he is driving me mad!

 

We don't have sex and now we don't even seem to kiss passionately any more and I am pulling my hair out! I really, really do not want to beg anymore for physical attention but at the same time I do not want to give up, if I give up it's like admitting that I don't want kisses or sex anymore and that is so not the case at all!

 

The reason we don't have sex (my husbands reason) is that he suffers from a bad back and is on medication (he has been since just after our marriage) Having sex causes him pain and discomfort and obviously sex hurts him more. However he refuses to discuss this side of the back problem with his doctor and seems to think that we can just carry on like this. We are in our early 30's and I really do not want to be in a sexless marriage.

 

I have tried to be kind and to initiate things in a caring and gentle way and I have begged too but yet nothing!

 

I wouldn't mind so much if there was light at the end of the tunnel and he was willing to speak to his doctor, say that it is impacting our relationship etc but he won't.

 

I've always had a higher sex drive than him and I can not help but feel that he is using his back as an excuse and it makes me really resentful and I don't like it. We've had sex once this year and twice maybe three times last year.

 

He doesn't even given me any other physical attention instead, I do literally have to take care of myself. Which is fine once in awhile but this is not what I signed up for.

 

We hug, we cuddle, we tell each other that we love each other and we kiss but we don't kiss passionately anymore and I think that's what is starting to tip me over the edge! I mean it would not kill him just once in awhile to stick his tongue down my throat, would it?

 

It's not like I'm going to leap on him fro sex, I've even explained to him that I honestly just want him to kiss me and that it does not have to lead to anything but he just won't, there always seems to be something. I ask at the wrong time, I ask when he's cooking or just before bed, honestly it's like the end of the world if I try to initiate anything at bed time. If I try before hand it's always the wrong time.

 

I love him I do but I do not want to spend the rest of our lives like this but I just don't know what else to do or try. I cry a lot, mainly in the shower, it's great because your on your own! but it's not right and I know this.

 

I feel so selfish and so angry with myself but at the same time a little voice says hang on a damn minute it's really not too much to ask to get some attention from your husband is it?

 

I'm rambling and wittering and if anyone out there has any suggestions I would be super grateful, if not thank you for letting me ramble.

 

 

You need to give yourself a break, your NOT being selfish it's a need most people have. Your husband is the one being selfish and you really need to get MC. I had two herniated discs in my back and could barely tie my shoes in the morning but it didn't stop me from having sex. Sex is the best pain killer I've ever used, but highly addictive

[Davey L]

Bad back sounds like an excuse not a reason, it's like the classic headache excuse. I've never heard of a man decline sex because of a bit of pain, hell I once broke a rib having sex but it didn't stop me carrying on to the finish after a minute's rest.

 

I suggest that there's more to it than that and that you are not being selfish, it's selfish of him to not give you sex and selfish to hide behind an excuse like that instead of addressing whatever the problem is

[Mr Carson]

Bad back sounds like an excuse not a reason, it's like the classic headache excuse. I've never heard of a man decline sex because of a bit of pain, hell I once broke a rib having sex but it didn't stop me carrying on to the finish after a minute's rest.

 

I suggest that there's more to it than that and that you are not being selfish, it's selfish of him to not give you sex and selfish to hide behind an excuse like that instead of addressing whatever the problem is

 

haha I don't want to know...well? :laugh:

[redtail]

I love him I do but I do not want to spend the rest of our lives like this...

You are NOT selfish, get that out of your mind. But it will not fix itself, and even though you must be the one to pursue the solution, your husband also must participate in that solution (MC) in order for it to work. Otherwise it will be this way for the rest of your lives or divorce.

 

I'm so sorry, I understand your frustration, your needs are valid, real and necessary for a healthy relationship.

 

Best of luck to you!

 

hell I once broke a rib having sex but it didn't stop me carrying on to the finish after a minute's rest.

Dude! That must have been one awesome session!

[Davey L]

haha I don't want to know...well? :laugh:

 

Haha actually it was kind of silly, fell out of the bed and hit chest on something with no chance to use hands to break fall. It was quite painful, had to continue with cowgirl to avoid putting strain on it. But the point is you can do sex pretty much no matter what if you want to and I'm sure people have done it with more than just a silly recently-broken rib. I saw on TV once a monstrously obese man who couldn't get out of bed, couldn't do anything for himself, he claimed you could always find a way to manage to have sex. So I think a bit of back pain is a poor excuse for not satisfying his wife's needs.