Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 New to this forumn and please be patient with my long post. MM and myself were in an A for 12 years (both worked together but in different departments). He was in his 2nd marriage where the wife had two children and mm and a son from his first. I am in my only marriage with 2 adult children. As we know we are told how much we are love by our MM etc he did keep telling me that he would not leave his 2nd wife and he never wanted to take on other children as the children to wife 2 were a nightmare. I ended the A 7 years ago however over that time he kept contacting me and I would not respond. He did however leave the 2nd wife. He had a few girlfriends and then meet a woman on line who has a teenage daughter and he later married. He married her in January of this year. Last year he contacted me and told me about her that he loved her but that she was not me (not sure what that meant). He contacted me in March of this year(3 months after getting married) wanting to meet up again. I foolishly meet him for a coffee now he wants a full blown A again. He lives 4 hours away from me now and he is currently on a holiday with wife no 3. He also again has told me he is happy in his new life and that he won't leave wife 3. I might add I never ever asked him to leave any of his wifes. How do I stop this once and for all? What is he playing at? Advice needed. Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 This guy is never going to be happy! And he should not be married at all. What do you see in him? I mean why does he keep getting married and cheats on everyone. If I were you I think I would move on. I'm sorry. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 What I can't understand is why won't he leave me alone. I was not good enough in the first place yet he keeps contacting me Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Kibbles and bits, kibbles and bits... He's gotta get him some kibbles and bits. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Wife 3 is 10 years younger than him. He should be getting enough kibbles and bits. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 yeah, but he's married to her. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 Just tell me I'm stupid Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What I can't understand is why won't he leave me alone. who cares. block him, block his number, email address, do not answer his calls or messages and move on with your life. he isn't coming back because he loves you -- you can be sure about that. what he is doing to you & how he is treating you isn't love. he probably just enjoys the thrill of f&cking someone on the side. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Grapesofwrath Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 You have been married this entire time, yes? It's possible that he wants the thing he cannot have. You remain married. Have you ever suggested you would leave your H for him? If not, that may be the draw. Did he cheat on his first wife, too? Whatever it is, he is and has been showing you who he is. Believe him. He is not cut out for monogamy. If that is what you seek in a partner, he is not the guy to give it to you. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
MuddyFootprints Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Are you looking to fill the position of wife #4? Or is it the mistress role that strikes your fancy? Stupid is as stupid does. Are you stupid? Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Just tell me I'm stupid oh, stop with the pity party. you've been having an off and on A with this man for 12 years OBVIOUSLY wanting more and waiting for him. i'm not waiting Jesus for 12 years, let alone a man. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Josmatjes Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 He is using you for kicks. I mean if it doesn't really bother you and your not looking for commitment than there is no problem. But ask yourself this, what are you truly getting out of this? Other than a possible std? Do you love him? Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 You have been married this entire time, yes? It's possible that he wants the thing he cannot have. You remain married. Have you ever suggested you would leave your H for him? If not, that may be the draw. Did he cheat on his first wife, too? Whatever it is, he is and has been showing you who he is. Believe him. He is not cut out for monogamy. If that is what you seek in a partner, he is not the guy to give it to you. I have never suggested that I would leave my husband. Yes he cheated on wife 1 2 and wants to on 3. I'm so glad I posted as this is something I can't talk to about with anyone I know. You think I would know better. Link to post Share on other sites
IfWishesWereHorses Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 He's a serial cheater. You are safe and someone he knows which is easier than romancing someone new. Which he's probably doing anyway. Don't try to understand the mind of someone who is messed up. This is about him, not you. Just get away. Put your foot down! Threaten to call wife 3 if he doesn't stop contacting you. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 who cares. block him, block his number, email address, do not answer his calls or messages and move on with your life. he isn't coming back because he loves you -- you can be sure about that. what he is doing to you & how he is treating you isn't love. he probably just enjoys the thrill of f&cking someone on the side. Very very true. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Neverlearn Posted June 17, 2015 Author Share Posted June 17, 2015 oh, stop with the pity party. you've been having an off and on A with this man for 12 years OBVIOUSLY wanting more and waiting for him. i'm not waiting Jesus for 12 years, let alone a man. It's not pity party. I finished it 7 years ago he keeps contacting me. Link to post Share on other sites
Popsicle Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Serial cheaters love doing it with other married people because it's safe. Safe, as in, there is no risk of anyone asking the other to leave or making waves. That is the idea. This is why you'll see many 'married seeking married' dating ads. It is deliberate. He thinks you'll never want to leave your H, as you have confirmed to us, so you're good for an A his eyes. For serial cheaters, an AP who never pressures them to leave and happily continues in an A indefinitely, is a dream come true. He thinks you are this by virtue of being married. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
minimariah Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 It's not pity party. I finished it 7 years ago he keeps contacting me. & you keep answering so no, you're not finished. block him and when he contacts you next time, block him again. he keeps contacting you because you're allowing it. if you don't want someone to get to you -- you will make sure that they don't. 6 Link to post Share on other sites
Poppy47 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 After 12 years, you are still asking why he is contacting you?? My Dear it is not rocket science. It is because you are available to supply what he needs... the thrill of cheating and maybe the sex as well. Obviously, marriage doesn't provide enough of anything for him. If you don't repsond, he will quickly find somebody who will. He is lousy relationship material unless you are looking for something totally warped. Poppy. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Noideanow Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 he doesnt have a chance when youre married, offcourse he finds somebodyelse, if you love him you should wake up and get a divorce before all your life is is one big regret:o maybe im wrong but it looks like that for me:cool: Link to post Share on other sites
StrungOut1975 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 I would kill to be where you are now... 7 years out.. Hell, I'd kill to be a month out. You met up with him because you are and will always be chemically addicted to whatever it is he's slinging. Just like an alcoholic, you can never have a drink again or it will set you right back. You broke free. I am so proud of you. But please be cognizant of the fact that our addiction to these men is like any other illness/disease. Relapse is imminent by any form of contact whatsoever. I am going through this now and have come to the conclusion that I'd rather lose my job and material things than continue to lose my soul. Good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
the_artist_1970 Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 What I can't understand is why won't he leave me alone. I was not good enough in the first place yet he keeps contacting me He won't leave you alone because you don't demand that he leaves you alone. He knows that eventually you will crack and end up being his mistress again as you have proven in the past. You weren't good enough for what? A cheating man who has cheated on all of his wives? He is not capable of being faithful to anyone. Please don't be flattered that he keeps contacting you. I will bet the farm that he has several women he keeps in contact to draw them back into his bed. You are not special in his eyes, you are just easy with him. And telling you that his W wasn't "you" is a joke. Of course she isn't you, she got tired of the cheater, kicked him to the curb and doesn't allow him to pull her back into his harem of women. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Lois_Griffin Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 New to this forumn and please be patient with my long post. MM and myself were in an A for 12 years (both worked together but in different departments). He was in his 2nd marriage where the wife had two children and mm and a son from his first. I am in my only marriage with 2 adult children. As we know we are told how much we are love by our MM etc he did keep telling me that he would not leave his 2nd wife and he never wanted to take on other children as the children to wife 2 were a nightmare. I ended the A 7 years ago however over that time he kept contacting me and I would not respond. He did however leave the 2nd wife. He had a few girlfriends and then meet a woman on line who has a teenage daughter and he later married. He married her in January of this year. Last year he contacted me and told me about her that he loved her but that she was not me (not sure what that meant). He contacted me in March of this year(3 months after getting married) wanting to meet up again. I foolishly meet him for a coffee now he wants a full blown A again. He lives 4 hours away from me now and he is currently on a holiday with wife no 3. He also again has told me he is happy in his new life and that he won't leave wife 3. I might add I never ever asked him to leave any of his wifes. How do I stop this once and for all? What is he playing at? Advice needed. Well what a prince. He has YET to be faithful to any woman he's ever married. Why you'd even consider wasting your time and breath on someone like this is just beyond me. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
LovelyBrown Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 New to this forumn and please be patient with my long post. MM and myself were in an A for 12 years (both worked together but in different departments). He was in his 2nd marriage where the wife had two children and mm and a son from his first. I am in my only marriage with 2 adult children. As we know we are told how much we are love by our MM etc he did keep telling me that he would not leave his 2nd wife and he never wanted to take on other children as the children to wife 2 were a nightmare. I ended the A 7 years ago however over that time he kept contacting me and I would not respond. He did however leave the 2nd wife. He had a few girlfriends and then meet a woman on line who has a teenage daughter and he later married. He married her in January of this year. Last year he contacted me and told me about her that he loved her but that she was not me (not sure what that meant). He contacted me in March of this year(3 months after getting married) wanting to meet up again. I foolishly meet him for a coffee now he wants a full blown A again. He lives 4 hours away from me now and he is currently on a holiday with wife no 3. He also again has told me he is happy in his new life and that he won't leave wife 3. I might add I never ever asked him to leave any of his wifes. How do I stop this once and for all? What is he playing at? Advice needed. Oh God! What is wrong with men like this?! This is appalling! How can YOU even for a second still communicate with this poor excuse for a man? Why does he keep getting married?! Doesn't that get expensive? ugh! 1 Link to post Share on other sites
JustJoe Posted June 17, 2015 Share Posted June 17, 2015 Why are you blaming the OM? You are the one who is allowing this to happen. Do you have no self-control at all? You need to pull up your big-girl panties, and stop playing the victim. Do you not understand the concept of NC? Tell him ONCE, that you will not accept any further contact with him...and if he does....take action. Be an adult. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts